Writing on the Wall

Gray was cold. It sounded ridiculous: he was an ice mage. Not just an ice mage, but a demon slayer at that. He was supposed to be immune to ice and the coldness. And yet, he found himself shivering in his apartment during the midst of the summer season in Magnolia.

The fight against Alvarez was over. He got closer with Juvia and they managed to defeat Acnologia and Zeref. He was supposed to be happy. Fairy Tail won. But at what cost? He felt that he sounded stupid asking the question. But he couldn't forget what happened. His fight against Invel. How he hurt Juvia. How she had died for him. How he fought to kill Natsu. How he was about to sacrifice everything…

You should have died.

Shut up.

You should have died, the voice insisted. What gives you the right?

They did. The people who loved me and it's selfish of me to think otherwise.

It's also selfish of you to watch other people die for your sake.

Gray only sighed. He's been here before. He spent his lifetime running away from the voice, but it always found its way back to him. His life always found a way back into it. Ur's death. Ultear's sacrifice. Silver. Juvia… He could never escape.

He felt the room temperature drop uncontrollably and saw how his water bottle near the stand freeze. He was losing control over his power. His breath condensed into a wispy mist. Although he noticed that he wasn't wearing a shirt, Gray regretted his decision to check.

He shouldn't have looked down.

He saw his body with the black markings, slowly infecting his body. "Damn," he muttered at the sight. He thought he had in under control when he was with Porlyusica. Or at least, that's what he thought. At the moment, he watched as the blackness take over, engulfing his entire arm, his neck and head neck.

How ironic. Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster. As a demon slayer, it should have been foretold that his own demons would also come out. Just as he become the mage to kill demons, his own demons become the source to kill him.

You failed your duty.

"Shut up," he groaned out loud. "Shut up."

You failed to kill the demon. You broke your oath against your father.

"Shut up. Natsu isn't a demon. E.N.D is now dead and everything is over now."

You failed your father.

No, I didn't.

You failed your friend. You tried to kill him.

I… I…

You let your emotions blind you.

Gray had no response as he felt the markings grow tighter and tighter around him. He could still remember clearly on what happened. The poor decisions that he made. He didn't want to , but he saw the consequence of his decision as he saw the dead bodies of his friends.

You failed.

Gray tried his best to tell himself that he didn't. That he was fine. But he couldn't convince himself. He became one with the darkness in his heart as he felt the markings overwhelm him. It was funny, for no one ever told him how damaging fear could be.

He sure couldn't go to the guild, not at the pathetic state that he was. So he called it a day before he even started it. He stayed inside, doing what ever he could control his magic and darkness. Flashes of his nightmares came to life in his head because of his magic. He just wished the day would end already.

Gray somehow survived until the end of the day and he was left an improbable task: going to sleep. He laid in bed, shifting back and forth. Now that it was dark, it somehow made everything worse. He felt himself pleading. He was scared to go to sleep, fearing that his nightmares would be worse. So instead, he just sat there on top of his bed, hugging his legs. He found himself in catch-22: too scared to go to bed, too scared to stay awake.

"Please, stop this," he begged. He wasn't sure who it was too. His mind, his magic, or maybe everything in the world that was out to get him. "I'm not significant enough to cause this much pain. I'm not worth the trouble. Please, let me go."

He felt pathetic as he whimpered out before his eyes fell because of the fatigue.

"I'm sorry."

Gray woke up. He woke up with a sense of grogginess. He checked his clock to see that it was 6:30 in the morning. Trying his best to forget what happened, he put on the clothe that he'd probably lose during the day and headed toward the guild. He was reluctant to go, but he couldn't skip out on the guild forever.

He was an early riser, so he would usually go in the morning to greet Mira, who would prepare for the day at the guild.

"Good morning, Gray!" Mira said as she saw him enter in the guild. It was 7 in the morning, and not much people were there.

Gray offered a small smile back. "Good morning."

"We missed you," she said. "A lot of people were wondering where you went because you didn't go on a job."

"Sorry," Gray apologized. He would forget that the day before actually happened in real life. He would sometimes forget that his 'episodes' would still force him to participate in the realm of the reality. "I just something come up that I had to take care of."

"Oh, okay. I hope it went well," Mira said with some concern on her face.

Gray just smiled back in return. After all, 'well' was a subjective term to use. As time trickled by, Gray found himself a bit nervous as he saw more people came in. He was hoping that he wouldn't have to continue to lie to people on his absence the day before.

"I'M HERE!"

Gray sighed as he heard the fire dragon slayer come in.

"Yo, Ice Princess. Where did you go these days? You missed out on getting beat to a pulp!"

Lucy sighed as she also approached Gray. "What he means," she interjected. "Is that he was bored and worried about you."

Natsu scowled. "That's not what I meant."

Gray humourlessly noted, "Missed my company, ash for brain?"

"Shut up!"

"It was definitely not the same without you, Gray-san," Wendy said with a smile as she joined the group.

"The peace wasn't bad, but it wasn't quite the same without your reckless brawls," Charle miffed.

"I don't actually believe it. You want me to fight with this flaming idiot?"

"Hey! Are you asking to get beat up?"

"You better not," a voice interrupted. The figure approached with a stern gaze and Gray felt himself swallow his spit out of nervousness.

"Hey, Erza."

"Is there a reason why you weren't here yesterday? I didn't think you've gone on a job."

Gray sighed. Right into it, eh? "Nothing happened, I just had an errand to do."

"Really? Well if that's the case then-"

"Fight me, Ice Princess. I've been itching for a fight since yesterday!"

Lucy sighed. "Is that all you think?"

"Absolutely not! You're going to wreck the guild hall again."

"Come on, Erza! It's been pretty boring without the ice princess."

"No thanks, ash-for-brains," Gray sighed as he got up and walked to the job board.

"Hell yeah! That's what I- wait, what?"

"Did I hear the right? Gray isn't looking for a fight with Natsu?" Lucy asked with disbelief.

"Hey, what the hell do you mean by that?" Natsu yelled as he walked to catch up to Gray.

"You heard me," he grumbled. "I'm not feeling like beating you to a pulp."

"Oy," Natsu said with a frown, ignoring the remark he made. "What's wrong? You seem out of it today."

"That's kind of rude to say, Natsu," Happy chided as he flew next to Natsu. "But he's right." He turned to face Gray. "You okay? You're not your usual self."

"And what's my usual self?"

"Well," Happy thought for a bit. "You usually pick fights with Natsu. You make really sarcastic remarks to everyone. You like to tease people and have a good laugh."

Gray just shrugged. He scanned the board to find a job of his liking, trying his best to ignore the stares from Natsu and Happy. "Look," he said. "I'm just not feeling it with today, alright? Maybe I'll fight with you later." He picked one request about fight a demon terrorizing the countryside. The pay was nice and it was pretty far away. Perfect. Maybe using his demon magic would help. Maybe it was because it was dormant that it was causing him so much trouble Besides, he could use some time off from everything.

"And when would that be?" Natsu growled. "After you distance yourself from us for a while with jobs and 'errands' that you conveniently have?"

"What are you trying to say Natsu?"

"I'm saying that you always do this. You skip out on the guild and just distance yourself off to the rest of us."

"He's right," Lucy said with a concerned frown on her face. "You can't just shut us off when something is bothering you. We're your friends, you know?"

Gray just sighed. This wasn't what he wanted. People worried for him. It was a good thing Juvia was away on a long mission with Gajeel, otherwise she would freak. And she's the last person that he wants to deal with at the moment. "Just…" Gray struggled to say, trying his best to think of something. "Don't worry about it, okay? I'll be fine. Just let me go on this job and everything will be okay."

"So that you can mope on your own?"

"Natsu!" Lucy scolded. "You don't have to be too harsh on him."

Natsu stepped toward Gray, he felt himself shrink. Unable to meet his sharp gaze, Gray found himself took a step back.

"Look," Erza interjected, sensing some tension between the group. "We're worried, Gray. And shutting yourself out won't do you any good."

"I'm fine," Gray said, gritting his teeth. "I was just feeling a little sick this past week, so that's why I was out."

"If you're still feeling sick, I can use my magic," Wendy offered.

"It's okay, Wendy," Gray said with a soft smile. "No need to waste your magic on me." Besides, Gray doubted it was the kind of sickness that can be physically healed.

"Don't worry, Wendy," Natsu reassured her. "Gray's a stubborn-ass who refuses any kind of help from anyone."

Gray was about to retort back but stopped himself when he felt a sharp pain from his arm. He winced.

"Hey," Natsu said with concern in his voice. "You alright, ice princess?"

No. It should be under control. But it was too late. Gray started to panic, feeling the darkness surged in his heart. He felt the marking on his arm grow. He was glad he was wearing his arm-bands, one that was similar to the Grand Magic Games.

"Gray!"

He immediately sprang up, trying to dash out of the guild.

"Where are you going?" Erza asked, trying to stop him. "We're still not done with-"

"I have to go," Gray insisted, much to everyone's surprise. He immediately dashed out, despite the protest.

"Hey, wait up!" Natsu said as he tried to follow.

Gray ignored him as he ran out. He didn't know where he was going to go, but it didn't matter. All he cared about was to not stay in the guild. Not at his state. As he ran, he felt his magic lower his body temperature. His breath was turning into a mist.

You can't escape.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

No matter what you do, you can't escape, the voice insisted. I am you. And you are me.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

Before long, Gray found himself nearby the forest next to Magnolia. He was alone. Something he both relished and hated. To be alone, was to suffer alone. And Gray wasn't sure how to feel about that.

"Catch you," Natsu said with a huff behind him. Gray was initially surprised but found his emotion to be replaced with anger.

"Why the hell did you follow me?" he demanded.

"Because," Natsu said. "You seemed like you needed company."

"I said," Gray gritted his teeth, trying to control both his anger and magic. He was failing, as the dark aura of magic swirled around him. "LEAVE ME ALONE." He shouldn't have done that. His outburst led his magic to grow further.

"Gray," Natsu said, a bit startled. "What's going on? I thought you had your magic under control."

"I don't, Natsu. I have nothing in control. Just leave alone. I don't want to hurt you."

"But you're hurting," he said. "And when you're hurting, we all are. Whether you like it or not."

"Please," Gray said. Natsu was the last person he wanted to deal with, especially with the magic and what has happened. His eye that was overwhelmed with the darkness shine purple. His head was hurting again. He was starting to lose control. A snowstorm was swirling around them and he felt his shadows grab him.

He forgot how to breathe. He forgot how to think. At that moment, everything was irrelevant besides the darkness consuming him. He sunk to the floor, shivering.

Natsu only sighed as he closely approached Gray, despite his protest. And he kneeled and opened his hand. A circle of fire safely encompassed them.

"I remember Igneel teaching me the origin of fire magic," Natsu started to explain. "Heat…Warmth… Well, that's my magic. And sure, I use it for destructive purpose. I like the sheer force that it brings. But…"

"But?"

"As destructive as it was, the value of fire came when humans can use it for different reasons than to burns things. It provided both the light against the dark and the warmth against the cold. At its core, my magic was the magic of compassion."

Gray's shivering started to slow down. He felt his magic weaken, calming down in response to the fire that Natsu provided.

"I don't want to pressure you in telling us what's wrong. But just know, we're here. Like my flame, I'm here to remind you of the warmth of what it's like to have friends and family."

They stood like that for a while, neither bothered to move. "It's so dark," Gray muttered, breaking the silence.

"Hm?"

"It's so dark," Gray muttered. "It's so dark, I can't see anything."

"I'm sorry."

"My magic," Gray continued. "Is connected. It's alive and it feeds off of me. But I also feed off of it. I can't live without it and it can't live without me. We're connected."

"Yeah, but you know who else is connected? Us. Too much of me, and I burn everything. Too much of you and everything freezes off. We depend on each other. It's not a weakness to have dependence."

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to feel so-"

"I'm sorry that I tried to kill you when I had my magic. I'm sorry that I let my emotions get the worst of me. And…I'm sorry for using 'it' again."

Natsu sighed. "You know, sooner or later, we're going to have a long talk with your tendency to use it. But for now," he got up and offered his rival a hand. "Let's go back home, okay?"

Gray looked up to see him grinning. He let the smile make him smile back.

"Yeah, I could do that."

Some of the stories presented here will take different angles and views, and I'm going to seewhat kind of narrative styles are cool. I hope you guys can enjoy this series! And please feel free to comment about this.