A/N: There aren't a lot of stories that feature Tsukuyo with Gintoki. Which is a shame! She is unbelievably gorgeous, cool, and one of my favorite female characters in the Gintama!verse (other than Kagura and Ikumatsu, hahaha). Actually, I like her as a ninja a lot better than the majority of the characters in Naruto.
This is a serious twoshot for Gintama. Rated M for mature content. Takes place after the Jiraia arc.
I'll Hold You in The Dark
"You have a pretty face... and a clean soul."
~Gintoki
Tsukuyo, for all intents and purposes a bishoujo - a beautiful woman despite the heavy scarring on her face. Some people, probably sober, would take one look at her magnificent beauty and wonder how she had ended up like that.
They wouldn't suspect that she had taken a kunai and sliced her pretty face as proof that she had given up on womanhood.
This wasn't exactly correct by all means; she still wore a kimono day to day and pinned her hair up like the usual courtesan, but she knew she'd given up on love the day she vowed to protect Hinowa, the sun of Yoshiwara. Silly dreams of saving her chastity for the one she'd marry were thrown away, ripped into shreds as she trained under her master, Jiraia.
Then there was Sakata Gintoki.
He wasn't like a lot of men who stumbled around the red light district; not the kind of man who lose their track of true happiness and in the process corrupt themselves by seeking pleasure in women and drink. He approached contentment quietly and absorbed it gently. He wasn't ambitious or sought out to do anything of true importance.
It still didn't explain how he was able to topple Hosen and kill her master, who Tsukuyo still feared even in death.
That night had been the best night and the worst night of her life. She still couldn't explain it as she got up this morning, dragged her body in front of her mirror and combed her hair.
How many years has it been since I've enjoyed having a night to myself without worrying? she wondered as she pinned her hair up and slipped into her black kimono. I can't possibly be so old that I can't remember such a carefree night.
The truth was, she'd spent the majority of her life protecting the women of Yoshiwara. She often convinced the women who made up Hyakka that it was better to protect the ones you loved instead of engaging in prostitution, and it was mostly an astute statement made by those who made their living by selling their bodies. There were some drawbacks, true, but nothing beat the satisfaction of honest hard work at the end of the twelve-hour shift, where night turned to day.
Breakfast was an unusual affair. She had rose later than usual and had company for breakfast.
"Ara, Tsukuyo, you're awake," Hinowa said kindly as she ladled miso soup into a bowl for her. "I kept breakfast warm for you."
Guilt punctuated Tsukuyo's calm demeanor. "I'm sorry, Hinowa-san. I didn't mean to keep you up for so long."
"Don't worry about it!" Hinowa replied cheerfully. "I know you worked hard last night. So I'm giving you a day off."
Tsukuyo looked stricken. "No - that's not what I meant - "
"Hyakka can get by without you leading in charge for a day, can't it?" The former courtesan beseeched her fellow bodyguard with eyes that could stop the heart of any man. "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, or so they say."
Tsukuyo could not stop herself from smiling. "You have a knack of rhyming, Hinowa-san."
"That wasn't my idea, that permed-hair man stopped by to say goodbye and told me to tell you that. I wanted him to stay for a while..." She cast an eye in the sky with longing. "He was the best thing that ever happened to Yoshiwara."
I wanted him to stay, too, Tsukuyo added in her mind but did not say it out loud. After all, shinobi did not usually express their emotions, and while she often observed this was a rather unhealthy way to live it did not complicate matters out of her control.
They finished breakfast together, speaking of less important things and Tsukuyo, always a woman of action, headed out to the streets.
Hinowa warned her, "I'll know if you've been working, Tsukki-chan, make no mistake about that! I told everyone in the Hyakka faction that if anyone caught you working undercover, we won't let you smoke that pipe of yours anymore! I can't force you to stop working if you really want to, but I don't want you to get injured at this rate."
Tsukuyo glanced a bit guiltily at her pipe. It had been one of her vices to smoke in the evening, but it was mostly harmless. If she died from afflictions of the lung, so be it.
"All right, Hinowa-san, I won't work today, I promise."
So that was it, and she walked around the red light district aimlessly as she wondered what the point was of "taking the day off". She lived to work, she thought to herself, irritated. She didn't have many friends and didn't care much for wasting time, nor was she interested in casual sex or drinking (as she had a notoriously low tolerance for alcohol).
Maybe, she thought somberly, Yoshiwara wasn't exactly the right place for her when she had nothing to do.
A shadow flitted over the sidewalk, and she blinked in the hot sunshine as she spotted Gintoki himself in front of a pachinko parlor.
I wonder why he stand out from the others, she wondered as she blew smoke out of her ceramic pipe. It was slender yet it had been crafted lovingly by her father - the only possession that she took as a momento of her parents.
"Oi. If you're wondering where you can exchange pachinko balls for money, it's behind the counter of that shop."
"What does it matter," Gintoki grumbled. "I don't have enough money for the rent, much less betting it on pachinko - "
Then his eyes met hers and it seemed like her heart stopped a few seconds - " - Tsukuyo."
God, he was good looking.
"Then why are you here? I thought you usually spent time on the surface."
"I had to escape from my old landlady. She was pestering me, calling me Idiot Gin-san and all these names... Ah, so troublesome." He scowled. "How are things in Yoshiwara?"
"It's good. Hinowa-san has been taking good care of Seita-kun."
"Dull as ever, aren't you?"
"Sorry."
"If you were a JUMP heroine you'd be the snarky type."
"Glad to know it."
She didn't know he still read JUMP magazine. Well, that was the kind of person he was. He could be lazy as hell and good for nothing, but when it came down to it...
He was breathtaking.
The conversation was over. She moved aside to make room for him on the sidewalk when he said suddenly, "You're hiding something from me."
Tsukuyo blew smoke at him. "Who knows..." she said, and smiled, beautiful as the full moon and rarer than the lunar eclipse.
She didn't miss him staring at her back.
xxxxx
There used to be rumors in Yoshiwara about chivalry - some guy would buy a prostitute, but instead of using that hour to have sex with her, he'd buy her lunch and a room to sleep in.
Tsukuyo had never really put much thought into it, but she thought it was awfully romantic when she was fourteen. If there was one thing she could not stand, it was women who were treated like sex objects without any respect whatsoever. It was why she relished every kunai that made its way into that awful man's flesh - the scream of pain and anger was music to her ears.
Sometimes, she thought distastefully, men could be twisted into vile creatures when lead by their desires.
"Ne, Tsukky-chan," Hinowa said a few evenings later, when Tsukuyo found herself in a thoughtful mood. "What are you thinking about?"
"Mm... Just the path that I've chosen, that's all."
"Such deep thoughts for my younger sister. Are you thinking about someone special?"
Tsukuyo stared at Hinowa point-blank.
At this, Hinowa sighed. "Truly, I would think that the final goal for every woman who lives in this town is to love, and be loved in return."
"And what about you, Hinowa-san?"
"I don't need someone like that... I've got Seita. But you're not the kind of woman who would care for a child, Tsukky."
The kunoichi knocked some ash out of her pipe and held it close to her mouth. "What do you mean?"
"Maybe you should find someone you can truly care for. A man."
Tsukuyo blew smoke that curled up to the night sky. "As far as I'm concerned, Yoshiwara is a town made up of women. The only men here are customers. Caring for one so intimately would be a nuisance."
Hinowa's lips formed a smile that was gentle in nature. "I suppose you're right. You're so strong and pretty, it would have to take a man of strong caliber to win you over."
And her eyes held a secret twinkle as she called for someone to prove Tsukuyo wrong.
xxxxx
Someone had requested Tsukuyo to serve sake.
"Tell him that I'm too busy."
"He's not a customer who can be ignored, Boss. These are Hinowa's requests."
"The last time she did that to me I destroyed half a room," the kunoichi grumbled.
And lo and behold, Gintoki stood there, hand stuck nonchalantly in his yukata as she opened the door. His permed hair seem brighter and shinier than before. Or maybe she was seeing things.
"C'mon. Let's blow this joint."
"While I'm working?" she said incredulously. "Why don't you go look up the definition of fair in the dictionary, Gintoki?"
"Woman, you should know by now that Hinowa is paying me to take you out."
"So you're not sincere."
"Oi, gimme a break, none of us are going to accomplish anything by standing here."
She sighed.
"Okay. Let's go."
xxxxx
He was a masochist, Tsukuyo thought as she clinked shot glasses with him, and she proceeded to tell him that.
The samurai grinned cheekily. "This isn't alcohol. Hinowa told me that this bar specializes in cocktails without the alcohol."
Tsukuyo swallowed the concoction, and a pleasant buzz ran through her body. "If that's not alcohol, then what is it?"
He shrugged. "Saa ne."
It was then that she noticed several things about him. First, his hair was really curly. Second, his eyes were a dark shade of red-brown that seemed to hold mysterious depths.
And finally, his gaze was only reserved for her.
xxxxx
The two of them had moved on to other crowded places after sharing a few drinks, including things that Tsukuyo pointed out that you absolutely had to try once you entered the Yoshiwara district, like the tea shop girls, or the dancers that had a doll-like quality to them. Neither did they miss the geisha that offered their services of companionship through the screen doors.
"You know, Gintoki, you overturned generations of imprisonment," Tsukuyo noted as she sipped the fragrant tea in a luxurious shop (her expense, since of course he naturally ran out of money at this point). "Kamui-sama has bestowed upon us salutary neglect. How did you do it?"
"He wants to fight me," he replied somberly. "When that time comes, I wouldn't expect to end out alive."
The former samurai peered into his cup and noticed his reflection.
And that was pretty much it - she didn't have an explanation for it, because she threw down a few paper bills, and grabbed his arm.
She pulled him into an alley where the moon illuminated their eyes.
"Tsukuyo... ?"
She couldn't stand for him being so goddamned lonely.
The Courtesan of Death pressed her body against the White Demon, and kissed him.
It was a hard, quick kiss. Nothing romantic about it, but it wasn't meant to be; she didn't expect her feelings to be reciprocated.
"He'll kill you... over my dead body," she vowed quietly. "I'll swear to it."
xxxxx
"I was - what?" Hinowa asked as Tsukuyo confronted her in the kitchen. "One second."
She set a pot of steamed gyoza on the table, and then said with satisfaction, "There. What did you say, Tsukky-chan?"
"Gintoki paid me a visit the other day."
Tsukuyo was closely watching her friend's expression. Hinowa gracefully lifted a curious eyebrow and asked, "What did he want to talk about?"
"Nothing really... He invited me out for drinks. Nothing special."
But Hinowa seemed absolutely delighted. "Drinks! What kind of man would invite a woman out for drinks if he didn't like her at all?"
"It doesn't matter. You forget the whole experience after drinking too much," Tsukuyo said, smoking her pipe.
"No, you end up having morning sex - "
" - That's definitely not what happened," Tsukuyo deadpanned, already frustrated this early in the morning.
"But something happened, right?"
"Nothing happened. I only wanted to know if you were responsible for him visiting me. Do you need me to take another break or what?"
Hinowa was very quiet. "I didn't call him, Tsukuyo."
"Okay."
xxxxx
"I don't have casual lovers," he told her straight upfront.
"But you don't have relationships," she assumed.
He nodded. "Unless it's with strawberry milk or the weather girl."
"So where does that put me?"
"A concubine."
She threw a shoe at him. "That sounds WORSE than saying you have casual lovers!"
He pushed her on the futon. "So what's it to you?"
Right. What did it matter to her? She was a liberated woman who could sleep with anybody.
The balcony was open, and her eyes followed to the moon - a full moon, a beautiful moon. A breeze fluttered in and she shivered involuntary.
Gintoki made to close the door, but she grabbed his arm. "No, don't do that..."
"But you're cold..."
She started undressing, and did not reply. She seemed unconscious of her own naked body, and when she was done, she started to undress him, too. He didn't protest.
"My, you're being awfully quiet," she teased him as his yukata was thrown on the floor in a neat pile next to the futon.
"Maybe it's because I got my head smashed into the floor after I accidentally groped your breasts," he replied good-naturedly. "I can't get too cautious now."
"That was in front of people. I don't mind now," she said, in the middle of unzipping his black shirt.
His physicality was beautiful. Her fingers traced a scar that was in the shape of a perfect circle on his well-defined chest. "Who did that to you... ?"
"Hosen."
She leaned to kiss him as her way of saying sorry, then was surprised as he pressed down on her with more force than she thought possible.
She smelled like soap. He surmised this as he started exploring her body as he took possession of her, playing with her tongue and stroking her. There was a sense of caution between them as they made love, yet there was also tenderness as he kissed her shoulder gently after they had both reached climax.
The last thing he saw before drifting into an easy sleep was that scar of hers and the moonlight that cast a mysterious light into her bright blue eyes.
xxxxx
Somehow the two of them had gotten into an easy pattern of seeing each other and then after a few conversations they would sleep with each other.
Sometimes they didn't rest after having sex. Sometimes Gintoki would talk for a little while about his life - about Kagura, the cheeky little girl who had an insatiable appetite, or Shinpachi, who still hadn't managed to get a girlfriend after turning seventeen. She looked forward to those visits because those bits and pieces gave more color to her world.
He found out she was scrupulously clean and liked to shower after she was done on the night patrol. Gintoki found that she smelled very much like the Kabuki district. The perfume of the caberet girls, the fresh perspiration, and her own distinct smell mixed together to form her essence.
And then there were times where she would sleep on his shoulder, hand on his chest, her blond hair spilling in directions as if it was a liquid pool of sunshine -
- and he'd stay still for a minute or two, just enjoying her steady rhythm of her breathing.
It seemed to be an unwritten rule that the first one who got up would leave. Many times she had woken up, and there seemed to be no trace that the Shiroyasha had been there last night.
He was hard to figure out. Sometimes he got mad whenever she accidentally stepped on his collection of JUMP - and then she would get mad too, because she didn't even know why there was a collection of JUMP in her room in the first place.
Slowly but surely, he was edging into her life.
And it felt... strange. Was this what you called a relationship? She liked the sex and kissing and foreplay well enough - but was that really the only thing that defined them? Physical gratification?
"Ne, Gintoki," she asked on a lazy Sunday afternoon while smoking her pipe.
"What?" He was re-reading the week's edition of Shonen Jump, because that was how it was on a Sunday afternoon. They would take a bath, then have sex, and then maybe talk for awhile before he left to do whatever he did in the Yorozuya.
"What are we doing?"
"Well, you're smoking and I'm reading Jump," he deadpanned. "Isn't that what we're doing?"
"No, that's not what I meant. What are we doing?"
Now he looked at her curiously. "I'm not going to marry you if that's what you're asking."
She chuckled. "No, I didn't mean that," she replied lightly. "I just... need to know what you think about us."
He rolled his eyes and went back to reading his magazine.
Tsukuyo was disappointed.
Were all men like this once a woman gave up her body? She felt as if she had been cheated.
"I'll see you later," she said. After all, she still had a job to do.
She wished later that he had said something back. But she realized that he wasn't the sort of person to do so.
xxxxx
A few months had gone by effortlessly as she got more and more used to his company. As soon as it had started, it broke down for some unfathomable reason.
"Have you ever been to the surface?" he asked her as she rested next to him.
"No... this town is good enough for me," she said absentmindedly. "Why?"
"I think... I might have to stop seeing you."
She was hurt, and the immediate pain stole her ability to breathe.
"It's not because I don't..." He tried again and picked his words carefully. "I don't think I can do this anymore."
"Gintoki, what's going on?"
He was torn between duty and the only woman who had loved him for what he was.
"Nothing's wrong."
"Something is going on if you can't tell me what it is," she said angrily. "You can't just have sex with me and then end things like that. At least not without me sticking you with a lot of kunai before you leave Yoshiwara."
He looked out of the window into the perfect sunrise without a single cloud to mar its beauty. It was very quiet, and little activity took place in Yoshiwara at this time of day.
"... Gintoki?" she tentatively asked him.
He didn't answer her for a long time, seemingly interested in a songbird that had set foot on the branch of the tree that grew under the rooftop.
"Hey. Between me and Hinowa, who would you choose?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"Just answer the question."
"Well... I would choose to have you both," she said firmly.
His eyes were curiously distant. "If that's your answer, than I'll have to leave."
"Gintoki!"
He got dressed and slid the door open. She ran after him in tears. "If you're leaving me, don't you dare think about stepping one foot into Yoshiwara! Don't ever come back!"
"Didn't I tell you?" he only replied insolently. "I don't do relationships."
Tsukuyo slammed the door, and when she made sure he was gone, only then did she crumple into a ball, letting no one hear her sobs.
xxxxx
xxx
x
A/N: So here concludes Part One. Please drop off a review; it would mean a lot to me.
