Hi guys, this fic is from River's point of view and follows what I believe to be her timeline from her regeneration in Let's Kill Hitler. THERE WILL BE LOTS OF SPOILERS! Please review guys; also if it is requested enough, when the time comes for it, I will do a chapter on the Doctor and River's trip to Derillium. Each chapter of this will be the equivalent of half an episode. Enjoy the story!
Oxygen rushed to my brain as I gulped in my first breaths of this regeneration. I shivered contentedly, beginning to notice how different things were in this body from the last one. My airways were smaller, so it took longer to catch my breath. My clothes now felt tighter in all the right places. I could tell from the weight on my head that there was plenty of hair. Everything seemed brighter, more vivid, and I was filled with excitement-so much to see and do, so much trouble to cause...but first I needed to examine this whole setup. I could have laughed at the expressions on the faces of my parents and the Doctor. He was another thing I had to deal with, but that didn't mean I couldn't have a little fun first!
"Right, let's see then!" I ran my hands down along my sides eagerly and felt a full, curvy hourglass figure. "Ooooh, it's all going on down there, isn't it?!" I then moved on to the hair. Thick, soft and strong, the ringlets were seemingly never ending in my fingers, and I ruffled them joyfully. "The hair" I gasped, running over to the mirror. "Oh, the hair! It just doesn't stop, does it?" My face was perfect; my eyes were blue green, my cheekbones high, my features very pretty and with just the right amount of attitude. My hair was fantastic, and the body, as I had felt before, wasn't too bad at all! "Look at that. Everything changes! Oh, but I love it! I love it!" Feeling confident in my new form, I turned towards the others. "I'm all sort of...mature!" I lifted my foot onto the chair and stared the Doctor straight in the eyes, re-enacting a scene from the Graduate while I sneakily picked the fallen gun from the chair behind me. "Hello, Benjamin!" He covered his face with his hand, looking utterly embarrassed and confused, and turned to Amy. "Who's Benjamin?" I heard him whisper, but both of my parents looked too shocked to do anything more than stare at me blankly. This was great fun.
I tried clicking my teeth together, finding that they fitted together perfectly. "The teeth." I looked in the mirror again, gnashing them. "The teeth! The teeth! Oh, look at them!" I ran over to the Doctor and planted myself dangerously between his legs, face to face. He looked ridiculously uncomfortable. "Watch out, that bow tie!" I giggled. I turned to Amy and Rory, practically sitting on the Doctor's lap. "Excuse me you lot, I need to weigh myself." I was halfway out the door when a confused voice said "That's River Song." I poked my head round the door. "Who's River Song?" The Doctor answered me weakly, "Spoilers." "Spoilers?" I insisted. "What spoilers? Hang on-just something I have to check!" I headed off towards the bathroom...wherever it was.
I came back after examining my body properly in a full length mirror down the hall to find the Doctor, Amy and Rory still looking rather dazed. "Oh, that's magnificent!" I cried, "I'm going to wear LOTS of jumpers!"
I did realise, however, that there was something else I had to do.
Leaning against the doorframe, I turned my attention once more to the Doctor, the biggest war criminal in the universe, and said "Well now, enough of all that. Down to business!" I whipped my gun out of my pocket and trained it on the Doctor, who didn't even flinch.
"Oh, hello," he said, "I thought we were getting married."
"I told you," I responded, "I'm not a wedding person!"
"Doctor, what's she doing?" Rory asked nervously.
"What she's been programmed to."
"Yeah, where'd she get the gun?"
"Hello, Benjamin," the Doctor replied. So he'd seen me pick the gun from the chair, then-he was good.
"You noticed" I said, and fired the gun repeatedly. Amy and Rory backed away sharply, but the gun was empty.
"Of course I noticed." How had he done that?! "As soon as I knew you were coming, I tidied up a bit."
"I know you did." I whirled the gun away from me; I knew what he'd done.
" I know you know," he said, just as I raised the second gun quickly.
Except it wasn't a gun, it was a banana. He looked so smug I could have thrown it at him. I was supposed to kill him!
"Goodness, is killing you going to take all day?" I asked, a waiver of impatience in my voice.
"Why, you busy?" he retorted, snatching the fruit from me.
"Oh, I'm not complaining," I said, and whirled around quickly, snatching a letter opener from the table behind me and throwing it at him with trained perfection.
Except I didn't, because he whipped out that damned screwdriver and sonicked it out of my hand too fast for me to throw it.
"If you were in a hurry, you could have killed me in the cornfield," the Doctor pointed out.
"We'd only just met," I said, half kidding in a defensive voice. Truthfully, he WAS hot and I wanted to mess with him before killing him. Anyway, it would've been a bad place to do it with Amy and Rory there. I'd had my fun now though-at least in terms of messing with the Doctor.
"I'm a psychopath," I continued, crossing to the fruit bowl while his back was turned and reaching for the gun. "I'm not rude." I fired again, only to find that this one, too, was empty. My parents screamed and ducked again, but the Doctor simply held up the chamber from the gun. He pretended to blow smoke off it.
Amy interjected, looking desperate. "You are not a psychopath!" She walked up to the Doctor, Rory hot on her heels. "Why would she be a psychopath?"
God, this was frustrating sometimes. "Oh, mummy, mummy, pay attention! I was trained and conditioned for one purpose; I was born to kill the Doctor." This was the one thing in my life that I was certain of. It was as much a part of me, I thought, as the Timelord DNA that coursed through me.
"Demon's Run," the Doctor said. "Remember?" The Doctor and I walked towards each other until our noses were practically touching. "This is what they were building. My bespoke psychopath." He was pretty brave for someone about to die, I admired that. He had nice eyes, too. Breath-taking eyes in fact, deep and hazel. And his lips were among the softest I had ever seen. Such a pity that this pretty face would be devoid of life so soon.
"I'm all yours, sweetie" I said, and pecked his lovely lips with a kiss of the Judas tree, a lipstick specially engineered for me to wear. This would poison him, starting to work as soon as he ingested any at all. A lick of the lips would do it.
"Only River Song gets to call me that." There was a sorrowful edge to his voice.
"Who's River Song?"
"An old friend of mine." His half-smile was sad too.
"Stupid name," I claimed, trying to insult him, punish him a little more for the lives he had taken. From what I could gather, this River Song was a little more than an "old friend".
Turning to the large window, I gasped at the sight outside. "Look at that!" I hopped up onto the window sill. "Berlin on the eve of war! A whole world about to tear itself apart." God the thought thrilled me. So much to do, so little time. "Now, that's my kinda town! Mum, dad, don't follow me. Yes, that is a warning." The last thing I wanted to disturb me was my parents hanging around.
"No warning for me, then?" asked the Doctor.
"No need, my love," I teased. "The deed is done...and so are you."
He began to approach me, and right on cue he doubled over in pain. My parents grabbed him, trying to figure out what was wrong.
"What have you done?" The Doctor asked, panicked. "River!"
This was pathetic. Twice in the past few minutes he had said that River's name, and now he was calling to her when she wasn't even here!
"Oh River, River, River-more than a friend, I think!" I sneered, as he tried to stand up properly.
"What have you done?" he cried, stumbling and tripping over his own feet. The poison had hit him hard.
"It was never going to be a gun for you, Doctor." I was almost sympathetic. "The man of peace-who understands every kind of warfare except perhaps the cruellest." I saw in his eyes that he had realised what I meant, and he wiped his lips with his hand, looking at it in devastation.
"Kiss, kiss," I said, blowing him one before stepping out the window.
I landed neatly on the ground in front of a row of German soldiers, who promptly stood to attention and pointed their guns at me.
"Hello, boys," I said, smiling cheekily. They looked at each other, frowning-my regenerating seemed to have made me better at confusing people.
"What are you doing here?" the commanding officer asked, surprisingly calmly. I had the perfect line.
"Well, I was on my way to this gay gypsy bar mitzvah for the disabled when I suddenly thought "Gosh, the third Reich's a bit rubbish-I think I'll kill the Fuhrer."" I tilted my head to the side in invitation. "Who's with me?"
That got them going. There was anger and disgust in the officers' eyes, and the commander gave the order-"Shoot her."
So they did. All of them. It hurt quite a bit too, and I doubled over both in pain and in preparation for what was coming. I looked up at them smugly, to see that the anger in their eyes had changed to fear at the fact that I was still standing. "Tip for you all," I advised, "never shoot a girl while she's regenerating!" I threw my head back, and the regenerative energy literally knocked them all off their feet. I laughed as I took their guns. "Now that hit the spot!" Climbing onto the motorbike, I threw a few words over my shoulder. "Thanks, boys-call me!" I heard Amy behind me.
"What are you doing?!" she asked, trying to get out of Rory's grip.
"New body, new town" I replied, "I'm going shopping!"
I drove off without a care in the world, the feeling of accomplishment at having gotten rid of the Doctor bubbling up from my belly. I was free.
