She took one final look at her old home. It was an average size wooden house with a slanting green roof surrounded by a forest in what was known as the wilderness outside of Soul Society proper. She had lived there her entire life and most of it was happy. Days were spent with her family in almost seclusion, the only time she would see other people was when they went with father to go to the market in Rougonkin to sell firewood. It did not matter, because they had each other. Father built this house with his own hands, and together with mother they filled it with comfort and love. She and her sisters would play in these woods; dreaming of their future husbands, what they would be like, and what they would look like. Her sisters all imagined their future husbands as nobles living in grand manors. She too thought of the idea, of living as a noble's wife, away from this rural and isolated existence. That did seem to be the ideal. They were never rich, but they were never wanting for anything either, although that might have been because of their simplistic lifestyle. But the romantic side of her, which was explored to its fullest by playing this imaginary game with her sisters, was always wanting for more than just a rich husband and a noble existence. While her sisters dreamed of being princesses, she had a hazier image of her future husband, and also of what her future would look like. She always had a taste for adventure; it was close to her heart. To leave and go on journeys, to see new things, and people, that was her wish for the future. When she closed her eyes and imagined her future husband he was always a figure robed in the black shinigami attire, and for some reason she could never see his face. She could only watch him from behind as he walked into a white void, only to dissipate entirely. If she were ever to marry, he would have to be a shinigami that she was very much aware of. It was what her heart desired. The excitement of the life of a shinigami filled her dreams, taking her on new adventures, and it fulfilled her innermost desires of belonging in this world of death with that of the brave notions of duty and justice which the shinigami lived up to.
Even though that life seemed so far gone, lost to her forever, it was not that long ago when it all happened. The unbearable loneliness crept upon her softly at first as a diluted poison until very recently when the pain of loss was too much for the frailty of her body and spirit to endure. At one point even she too wanted to die. That particular feeling, wanting death rather than the pain of loss, is a requiem of sorts. It is for those who have departed this world so suddenly, when all you can do is mourn them.
They were not human, they could not remember anything of their former lives as humans, but as souls they learned the sometimes-harsh reality of living in a world of death. Death was all around. It turned the weaker and tortured into Hollows. The pain of life in death was what all souls had to live with. It set them apart from being human. She knew this, she understood this as all souls did, and yet she did not want it. She had lost everything, her entire world, because her entire world revolved around her family. Although, it never got to the point of becoming unbearable, that was until he came into her world.
Masayoshi. That was his name. He entered her life as quickly as he left it. He was what she always thought she wanted. Her future husband now had a face, but after his death she could not bear to think of things like that anymore. It had only two days since the death of her family. She would go every morning, bringing incense, to pray at their graves. On the second day, she got the same feeling of uneasiness, like a sickness rotting in her gut, as when they were first attacked by that Hollow. Then when she thought she would meet the same sad fate, he showed up, her savior dressed in black shinigami robes. He had brought her hope, and she loved him. She thought, at the time, that he had always been a thought in her mind, or rather a dream in her heart. He was that man she would imagine in the make-believe game she would play with her sisters. She felt he was brought to her, and she wanted to follow him to the ends of the earth.
She never felt like she wanted death until the time after his death. Death was her life and now with everyone she knew and cared about in her life departed, she lived every day in complete loneliness. It was not because she desired death, but that death was just a solution for her incurable loneliness.
It was only at her bitter end, when she decided that she did not want this life in death anymore, when she received a letter. It was a letter that would change her life. She thought so at the time at least. She felt she was being given a second chance to live in this world of death. So, she sold all her kimonos, except the one her father bought her specially, all the others were hand downs from her older sister. It was her favorite purple kimono. She wore it with a flower hairpin that was her mother's treasured possession, given to her by her own mother on her wedding day. With the money from the sold kimonos she was able to buy a ticket to Soul Society.
She locked the door to her childhood home, vowing to herself never to return with the same heavy heart, and set out into the woods towards the old path to the river where she would catch the ferry to Soul Society. She left with only the kimono she was wearing, a packed meal of rice cakes, and the letter. It was nearly sun down as she came to the river. She waved to the ferryman; he was just about done and ready to leave. He did not get many passengers at this remote stop. He saw her and pulled the barge back onto the shore.
She sat down on the bench for passengers and took the letter out from her pocket. Reading it filled her heart with such wanting and maybe even anticipation of what would come. She needed a little motivation, as this was her first journey away from home, especially one all alone.
It read:
Mayu,
Come to Soul Society if you need a job. I got you one already though. Servants are treated well, and if you are here that means I can visit you everyday ^_^ You will like it. It's the biggest and best manor here. No good snacks, but you can change that just make more of those rice cakes we ate that one day. I want some more.
Your friend,
Yachiru
