I'm Nothing: Chapter 1: My Mask

Over time our actions can weigh us down and make us tire of our reality. Day to day we wear masks to hide the traits we wish to hide and appease those around us, the ones we love.

This rang true for one girl from Royal Woods Michigan. She'd worn a mask for countless years, a mask to bring others up and give herself something she'd be known for. This girl was Leni Loud and her mask was becoming far to heavy of burden.

Leni Loud had turned eighteen recently, her parents, siblings and friends had gone all out for her. She smiled, she laughed and as per usual, had caused her fair share of confusion and mild irritation with her antics. Not that is ruined the day of course everybody loved Leni, that Leni...

Those who witnessed the event would have said it was a wonderful day. Everyone but one person in particular. When the festivities had ceased and everyone retired to bed one person couldn't sleep.

Leni Loud sat awake in herbed, this had become a common habit since Lori left for college. She really did miss Lori but on nights like these she could finally...take off the mask.

A small steady stream of tears slowly streamed down her pale cheeks, small sobs periodically escaped her lips as she gently rocked herself in an effort to calm herself once again.

It was all getting to much, everyone had gone to such lengths to make the day so perfect. It wasn't for her though, it was for the her they wanted.

She was thankful that Lori didn't make it today, she had acted disappointed but today she needed her alone time.

There were two Leni's you see: The ditzy valley girl who captured everyone's hearts and the real her, unremarkable, forgettable and a waste of space. Well that's what Leni thought, in truth she was smarter than the her everlasting persona, not a genius but not slow either, had a range of abondoned interests and struggled to be confident.

The thing that ate her up inside though was that all her siblings had talents goals and dreams...she had nothing.

It was hard to remember but it was around eight years of age when she decided to become the new Leni Loud. When the insecurities consumed her non-stop.

It was easy at first, she saw what was missing and decided on the loveable idiot. It was a role she saw in movies, cartoons and books. It took some time to perfect the act but now it was all anyone could think of when they thought of her. Now though things were getting hard, so long, so tiring and so much pain.

"Be strong Leni" she sobbed to herself. "Be strong for just a little longer...".

She rested her head on her pillow turning to a framed photograph of her family. "Goodnight everyone *sob* I love you". Leni chocked out.

Before she let herself drift into a restless sleep Leni had one thing left to do. "Happy birthday to you, happy to you, happy birthday dear Leni *sob* happy birthday to...you".

If no one else would say it to the real her, she may as well do it herself.

The Next Day: 7AM

Leni's eyes fluttered open to the sound of the cheery tune of her alarm clock. Time for work again already huh. She heaved herself out of bed with some difficulty. Still tired? Another dreamless night...great.

It's getting to much, everything's sore... Leni's inner thoughts meekly cried out.

She couldn't pay attention to them now however, she had somewhere to be. While Leni could have gone to college, her chosen life role wouldn't allow this. So she tanked her tests and now here she was, still living in the Loud House, working as a barista in the royal woods mall to help out around the house.

It wasn't so bad, she simply brought drinks to tables, pretended to read some drinks and names wrong and the illusion was upheld without getting her fired. The only crack in her performance was she drove now, though she had Linky to help her with that one.

She dressed quickly opting for a white shirt, long sleeve like most of her tops now they had to be after all and and some black jeans. Her interest in fashion was genuine but lately like a lot of her interests her enjoyment for such things wilted.

It's not like you were that good at them anyway...

Nobody was up yet, good. She could make herself some breakfast without having to burn anything or end up leaving the kitchen a disaster area.

Then you and the kitchen would have something in common...

She quickly prepared something basic, some toast and a strawberry and banana smoothie. At least she still liked making them, the sweetness helped her out a little. She scarfed the food down briskly eager to finish before her siblings began to awake for school.

After cleaning up she opened the front door to the cold December morning. It was freezing out and yet she didn't feel a thing, only letting out a deep sigh that Lucy could only dream of mustering. She walked slowly towards Vanzilla, something she now had full rein over now that Lori was gone.

Luna could drive but she had her own car, she'd managed to rack up enough money doing some shows around town. Luan was trying to pass her test and had been failing after being unable to resist cracking a joke and sending herself into hysterics behind the wheel. Leni chuckled, they really were amazing those two...

They all are, except you of course...

The drive was short and calming, Leni stole glances at the December mist which settled on everything creating a translucent blanket.

Her radio played some current popular pop song but she didn't really pay attention, maybe one day she'd be able to hear Luna over the airwaves.

When she arrived she went through the day to day motions. Lock the car, walk to the coffee shop, put on her apron, say hi to all the other staff and wait for orders. Just another day... or was it?

The customers soon began to arrive and with them came orders she needed to bring. A few mistakes here and there as usual.

" Like here's your laddy, smiles!" She cheerfully called out.

"Erm it's Miles and I ordered a latte". A young man said, visible confusion plastered on his face.

"Oh right latte, sorry I totes read that wrong" Leni chuckled.

Yep same old routine day in day out...

"Leni? Oh my god is that you!" A cheerful yet gentle voice spoke from behind her.

Leni whipped around quickly only to see a good friend from a long time ago, Dana Miller. Leni has met Dana when her and her siblings thought Bobby was cheating on Lori with her. When that had all been cleared up her and Dana started to hang out and quickly became best friends.

"Like Dana, is that you?" Leni asked gasped out.

"Of course it is Leni! I've missed you so much." Dana chuckled. "I finished my year abroad and now I'm back studying in royal woods". Dana said while giving Leni a small hug.

Leni smiled, a genuine smile. She'd not been able to do one for years now, it felt so strange. She had always had a soft spot for Dana she just didn't know exactly why though.

"Hey Leni when do you clock off, we have to hang out again, I've missed you so much". Dana said breaking into a gentle smile.

"Well I'm only doing a like a half shift today, I think it's about two Pmes!" Leni beamed.

"You mean two right? That's fine I'm here all day. Dana chuckled once again. "See you at two Leni, I can't wait to see you again". Dana waved goodbye taking her drink to go.

So Dana was back? Leni really wanted to see her again. She always loved being around Dana, she made her feel happy...

Even if it's only for a little bit...

Oh yeah, don't forget your place Leni, after all, you are nothing after all.

Time seemed to fly by and she couldn't lie but she was getting excited. It had been so long since she'd seen Dana.

Soon two PM rolled around and Leni finished her shift, she changed out of apron and headed out of the store saying her goodbyes.

Her heart almost skipped a beat when she saw Dana waiting for her by the fountain. She really wait for me?

Not the real you...

The dark thoughts could wait, just for now. Leni was going to have some fun with her friend.