Dear Santa,
I have been a good boy.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Andy's Christmas party. It was Bri who spiked the punch with too much beer. I can't help it if I drank 32 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like chocolate.
I thought it was funny when I put Claire'sbra on my head and danced the funky chicken on the table while singing " Donkashein"'. I didn't mean to break Andy's microwave and don't know why Andy would sue me for public intoxication.
I don't remember calling Andrew's wife a sexy chick---even though she looked like one with orange eye shadow and red lipstick!
And when I threw up on Starr's husband's stomach, it was only because I ate too much of that pecan roll.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my motorcycle through my neighbor's door. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a bloody idiot and have me arrested for DUI!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all bouncy and jittery. And I'm really not to blame for any of this tragicstuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely andrespectfully yours,
John Bender (Really a nice boy!)
P.S. It's only 99 bucks!
