Remember me
Have you ever been madly in love? If you are, I would like to congratulate the both of you. Love is something that no one can touch or even form in to small delicate words. Love just happens, whether you want it or not. It's beautiful. The strong connection between two persons that no one can break. But in some cases it can be broken and the love disappears.
Are you one of those people that believe that nothing will get in our path and that you will always be together? It's a beautiful thing to believe in but sometimes things doesn't turn out as expected. That determination to be together forever could be strong but what if something else is stronger? Something that you can't fix, something that you can't stop.
I was one of those people that believed that we where unbreakable. That nothing could stop us but I was wrong.
What would you do if someone told you that you won't remember the love of your life next time you wake up? Or that they don't know when it will happen? When the doctors told me, all I could do was to remain silent. The unthinkable had just happened. I and my love were going to face a hard quest but we wouldn't win this time.
Think of it. All the time, allthe memories, allthe moments that you two had together would vanish as if they never existed. How were you supposed to tell this to your life long comrade? That you won't remember a thing about him or your relationship?
"Zero, I love you." Kaname said with sadness in his voice.
"What's the matter? You don't sound like yourself. Is something wrong?"
"The doctor gave me a diagnosis today and he said that...that-."Tears ran down on his cheeks uncontrollably. Zero stared in fear of what the doctor had told his lover.
"It's okay. You can tell me." He encouraged Kaname.
"After that my head got hit you know that I've got some memory losses?" He began.
"Yes." Zero answered seriously.
"The doctor said that it will get worse." He played nervously with his fingers on the cover on the bed."They don't know when but someday I won't be able to remember that I met you."Kaname looked down on his trembling hands and felt that Zero didn't get what he was talking about.
"I won't remember anything about anyone that I met before. If I'm lucky I will just lose some parts of my memory but they said that the chance was almost 1%"
I know that there is a part of me that long for something or someone. I just don't know what or who. I didn't lose all my memories according to the people around me, only some of them disappeared. The doctors told me that they were surprised that it went like it did. It feels strange to know that some things are gone forever. Like why I feel so lonely when I stare at the other side of the bed. It is as if a big black hole has taken someone else's place.
There is a man that I have gotten to know recently. Zero is his name. I met him by a coincidence at the store. As he saw me for the first time he looked surprised at first, it all changed to a big smile, which I will never forget. When we see each other I can feel that it's something special. I can sense it when he looks at me. His eyes are happy but sad at the same time. I don't really know why, but they are. He makes the uneasiness go away but there is still something that makes me feel restless.
The other day he told me that we had met before. Now I understand why it felt as if I had seen him before. Then as I said that I was sorry for not remembering him, his usually happy and sad eyes almost shed tears. I asked if something was wrong but he only shook his head. He said that he was going to move to another country, the USA. Something in me screamed as it reached my ears. I still don't know why, then he invited me for dinner at a restaurant 'cause he had someone that he wanted to introduce me to.
I went to that dinner. When I came to the restaurant, Zero wasn't alone, next to him sat a boy around my age. Something told me that they where more than friends.
Betrayal.
Betrayal was what I felt as I saw that boy cling onto him. He introduced the boy as Phil. I sat down and ate with them. I saw how Zero took quick glances at me as if I was supposed to not feel okay. Just before I where going to leave he said that he wanted to tell me something.
"Phil and I are getting married."
Words that I had anticipated but feared the most had come straight from his mouth. Marriage. I smiled and whished them both a happy marriage and that they would feel comfortable in the USA. I left that restaurant with a smile on my lips but with a strange feeling inside of me, as if I had lost something precious. I couldn't remember.
Today, I am still wondering what Zero was to me. I heard that his lover died in an accident last year and that Zero disappeared without a trace.
If we are supposed to meet again, we will. Under what circumstances I don't know, but I'm sure if it's meant to be, we will.
I hope it's soon though. I have something to tell him, 'cause it wasn't until now that I realised. That he is the one that my heart and my restless mind always have been looking for.
Zero, I love you. Something tells me that I always have. So please, come home.
