CALLIOPE.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: ANY CHARACTER I LOVE, I DESTROY ENTIRELY. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.


One day in Homestuck world, Calliope woke up inside a trash can. "UGH. FUCK." she screeched as she crawled out. "FUCKING TITS GOD DAMN IT."

John Egbert heard the commotion and flew over concerned for his skull creature friend. "Golly gee, are you okay, Calliope?!"

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE, BITCH!" Screamed Calliope, "SHUT IT AND DIE."

John was angry. "Geeze, what crawled up your ass and died?" He asked.

"YOUR FUCKING FACE, YOU BLUE SHIT." Calliope shouted as she threw the trash can at him. "EAT YOUR OWN SHIT AND DIE."

John got scared and flew away.

Later, Calliope stumbled into Roxy's house. "HEY BITCH, GUESS WHO THE FUCK IT IS."

Roxy was surprised to find her beloved friend visiting her. "CALLIOPE!" She smiled, "It is wonderful to meet yo-" Calliope interrupted by slapping her.

"SHUT UP!" she screeched, "WHERE THE FUCK IS LORD ENGLISH?"

"Ouch Callie!" sobbed Roxy, "Why did you hurt me?"

"BECAUSE SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"Everybody is preparing to fight against Lord English in the backyard." spoke Roxy in between sobs, "Why are you looking for him? Doesn't he want to kill you? We're all fighting to save you, Calliope!"

"AND MY ASS IS FIGHTING TO YOU SHUTTING YOUR FACE!" yelled Calliope, "I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING TRASHCAN! BUT DID YOU ASK AS TO HOW I'M DOING? NO! IT WAS JUST 'HIII CALLIE' BULLSHIT! FUCK YOU."

"I was getting to that, you meanie!" frowned Roxy as she ran out the room, "I'm out of here!"

Meanwhile, Andrew Hussie, and all of the trolls and kids from the Alpha and Beta universes were prepared to fight Lord English. "You won't get away with this!" shouted one of the Beta Kids.

"HOW CAN YOU EXPECT TO BEAT ME, WHEN I HAVE ALREADY WON!" bellowed Lord English.

Suddenly Calliope stumbled out into the middle of the arena and pointed her wand at Lord English. "HAHAHAHA YOU ARE FAT!" she laughed as she threw her wand at him.

Everybody gasped.

Lord English started to cry and everything became awkwardly quiet.

"Wow, Calliope." said Andrew Hussie breaking the silence, "Looks like we know who the REAL bully is." Everybody shook their heads in agreement.

Calliope was infuriated. "WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK. AW MAN! COME ON, ASSHOLES! HE LIKE FUCKING BULLIED ME MY WHOLE LIFE, AND HE'S CRYING OVER ME CALLING HIM FAT?!"

"Geeze Calliope, you're not supposed to insult people's weights!" spoke John, "That's fatophobia!"

"BUT HE SENT SOMEONE TO KILL ME AND HE WAS GOING TO KILL YOU ALL!"

"Man, looks like we may need to dox you." spoke Kankri.

And so Calliope got doxed by all of Tumblr for being fatophobic, Lord English needed to seek counseling after being called fat, and everybody learned Andrew Hussie is actually a whore.

THE END.
Actually... no. You shall suffer through more.
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