Light from the central chandelier splashed across the face of the twelve men that sat upon the round table as they discussed their plans to reach for the Grail, all of them drinking some fine wines and consuming some delicious dairy products, originating from Sir Gawain's pedigree cow's udder. The valiant men had already distinguished the location of the holy artifact, but they only had to find out how to cross the gate into purgatory to grab the godly relic. Suddenly, as they all pondered the question, a glowing purple gateway opened in the center of the table, a large brown man emerging from it slowly, his belly completely bare, with large and overly elasticated earlobes.

"I am Buddha, follower of the path." he greeted them, slapping his belly like a drum, leaving a ripple effect that spread across his back, gradually making its way across his layered neck and onto his obviously waxed cranium. Sir Kay, having witnessed this, began to vomit everywhere in silence, with the dignity of a true knight. Buddha, still raising out of his portal, got stuck in the circular shape of the hole due to his immense junk, since his gargantuan member is one of Buddha's lesser well-kept secrets. Buddha closed his eyes. With closed eyes, he could focus. With his focus, he could retract his cumgun back into his socket. And as he did this, his eyes turned milky white, eye liquid spewing out of his eye holes. The sheer force that tried to push him out of the portal was suddenly released, shooting Buddha across the room and into the ceiling. Through the portal came a second man, however, and this one was quite skinny.

"Fuck, Buddha, you fat bastard. This is why you don't skip dong day." he said in a very thick african-american accent. He emerged from the portal, a long, ragged beard that looked like steel wool embracing his face, his body covered with a piss-stained toga. "Yo guys, it's me, the big J.C." he said with a laugh, a beer bottle in his hand. He began to walk across the table to one of the chairs, his hard wooden clogs clapping against the wooden table like a clap of thunder. He went down to take a seat in the only empty chair surrounding the table. However, as soon as he sat down there, everybody gasped.

"Judas! Judas! You will lead the quest to the holy Grail!" they all chanted, slapping their glasses against the table, spitting into the portal that was in the center of the table, to which it responded with many demon-like screams and screeches, making it clear that it came straight from the depths of Hell. Jesus then looked at King Arthur, "Oh right, the Grail. We have it. Also, don't spit in there, it's a portal into Satan's armpit. It's a pretty lit crib for cool dudes like Buddha and I, but nothing else would survive in there. It'd just evaporate if it isn't as fire as my mixtape. Then, as soon as Jesus mentioned his mixtape, the portal roared with extremely loud dubstep music, demon two-stepping being heard throughout the centuries to come, and then stopping due to Jesus' sheer will.

"Well, show it to us! Please, it is our will!" shouted Arthur, his face bursting into tears. Without hesitation, Jesus snapped his fingers, and Buddha began to moan, the top half of his body still stuck in the ceiling. Continuing to moan, his retracted dongo began to emerge from his crotch-hole, a golden glimmer shining through his forest of pubic hair, pouring a thin pink liquid as it pushed out like a birthing mother. Finally, a pinky-sized cup that glowed with a holy aura emerged from the crotch-hole of Buddha, tumbling down beneath his feet and into the portal.

"Fuck, no holy relic can withstand the heat of my mixtape," said Jesus, snapping his fingers repeatedly as he jumped and latched onto Buddha's feet, pulling him out from the ceiling and back into the gateway, closing it for eternity.