Tours Are More Than Just Shows

Tomo's POV

Damn! Touring is so fun, I have missed this so much, its been 4 months and now we are just starting a new European Tour.

6 of us share the bus, 4 guys & 2 girls, to be honest I think we will all be very grateful to have Ashlee and Danielle here because having female company just breaks it up from just all guys.

"Ashlee! For god's sake, your black hair is all over the floor and blocking the plug holes!" Jared moaned like an old granny.

"How do you know its mine Sherlock?? It could be Tim's or Dani's" She argued back.

"Ashlee, Tim has short hair and Danielle's hair is blond! Plus the strands would be the length of his fringe and this is the length of your hair."

"So now you're measuring the length of your hair? Damn Jay, you really are a weirdo."

Me, Shannon & Tim all smirked while trying to suppress a laugh, she really does tread on thin ice sometimes. You could tell Jared was trying hard not to lose it and stress out with her. She walked up to him and hugged him.

"Hah, what an easy target you are, I love you JJ."

She winked. That girl is gooood!

"Bitch! That's not fair." He pouted… we all knew that he won't stay mad with her, he never is in the first place.

She went and sat on Tim's knee and hugged him, oh yeah I forgot to mention that she flirts with everyone!

"Gutted Jared!" Tim laughed holding her. "You're gutted because you just got owned by a girl."

"Meh, oh well I'll get over it." He started walking to his bunk and she went after him. God knows what she is going to attempt, I walked after them pretending to go to the bathroom but found them backed into the bunks making out, so that's how she makes him feel better huh? I have to admit that a hint of jealousy washed over me… ok well a whole fucking river of it seemed to wash over me.

"JJ, you forgive me?" She asked batting her eyelids whilst holding onto his hips.

"Of course, I'd never stay mad at you baby." He brushed a piece of hair from her face and leant forward to kiss her.

I don't know how much longer I can stand watching them, I walked off into the lounge area, grabbed my jacket and stomped off the bus like a stroppy teenager, phft I sure feel like one. If this is what it's like now then how am I going to cope with the whole tour?

After being outside about 5 minutes and truly walking around in circles, I saw Danielle walking towards me.

"Tome, what's up?" She asked sounding really concerned, running her hands up and down my arms.

"Why Dani? Why does she fucking do it?"
"Do what? Who has done what?" She was so confused.

"Ash, she must enjoy fucking up my emotions. One minute she's all over me, next minutes she's making out with Jay in the bunks. Why?"

"Tomo, you know what she's like, she can't control herself."

"I'm just tired of it, I wish she wasn't so flirtatious and being Mrs - I'm - gonna - fuck - with - your - head - so - bad. I really like her Dani, I want the old Ashlee back." A stray tear fell and I crashed into her arms. We talked and then walked back on to the bus. Ash chose that moment to come and see me.

"Baby boy, what's wrong?" I tried pushing past her, but there was no chance of letting her go.

"Tomo!"

"WHAT?!" She was stunned, I have never raised my voice to her.

"Ashlee, I'm sorry."

"No Tomo.. Forget it!" She passed me and walked off the bus.

"Shit!" I turned round to find Dani standing there.

"What happened?"

"I shouted at her and I can tell she's pissed at me." I put my head down. "I'm such a fuck up."

"Tomo stop it now! Don't you dare say that about yourself. Ashlee doesn't fucking deserve you, she's a whore and we all know it."

"She may be a whore but I still love her to pieces, she's my best friend."

Ashlee's POV

What the hell? He never shouts at anyone, I don't know what I did. Whatever happens though I hope Tomo can forgive me because he's my best friend, I adore the guy. Plus he's a damn good kisser mmmm… so's Jared and Shannon.. And Tim. *Gasps* Shit, that could be why he's in a mood, I know he caught me and Jay in the bunks but what should he care, we aren't fucking dating or anything.

I strolled back to the bus and didn't see anyone, so I went to the back area and the door was slightly ajar.

"-we have fun sometimes but she takes it too far, she's been through all of us!"

"I know, she's at least tried to screw all us guys and with some *cough* all *cough* she succeeded."

"You're right, I've been best friends with her since we were kids, I just don't know what has gotten into her, she's acting like a downright slut."

"We all just want her back to the way she used to."

Urghh they don't know anything!

I pushed the door open and stormed in.

"YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT REASON I HAVE FOR THIS!" I started crying.

"If this is what you think of me then that's it, I'm gone…forever."

I went back to the bunks and cleared my stuff, if they knew the reason why I act like that, they wouldn't bitch about me.

I walked into the room they were sat in and grabbed my stuff from the table.

"I'm going, it was nice knowing you guys." I walked out and dumped the things in my bag. I heard whimpers coming from Tomo's bunk.

I walked over to him, whats the hell's wrong now?

"Tome?" I whispered, afraid to speak to him after this afternoon.

"Yeah?" he sniffed

"Look, I'm sorry for whatever I did to you."

"You just don't understand do you?"

"What?"

"You can't act like this, you can't flirt with every guy you see and get him into bed, its not fair."

"Not fair on who Tomislav? The guy, I'm madly in love with doesn't even fucking get it." I sighed, I just pushed myself into a huge trap and I'm scared of the route I'm going to have to take to get out of it.

"Anyway, it doesn't matter I'm leaving, you all hate me, my childhood friend called me a slut and my best friends just think I'm a pure whore!"

"You can't leave Ash, please? We were saying that because we just don't ever want to see you get hurt."

"You really are blind Tomo, haven't you noticed that all the flirting and shit I do only ever happens in front of you… its for your fucking benefit!"

"My benefit! So you want to fucking kill my heart then, it hurts when I see this shit happening."

"Yeah well it hurts that you don't notice me or even try to stop me doing these things, I've hurt my best friends because you were too blind to notice how in love with you I am, but anyway… have a nice life Tomo, good luck."

I stood up, grabbed my bag and made a quick escape before he could say anything more.

Tomo's POV

She's gone! How could I let her leave, I can't believe that this is all my fault!

"Did she go?" Jared asked quietly whilst biting his lip

"Yeah." I said regretfully.

"Shit. I wish she hadn't heard the conversation."

"Me too." I whispered, laying back on my bunk. "I miss her already."

Jay left alone with my thoughts.

I got my phone out of my pocket and spinning it between my fingers debating whether to text her or not. Its my problem and I need to sort this out, I'm not prepared to lose the love of my life.

'Baby, I'm so sorry for everything, I wish I could rewind time and take your hints and stop it all, then we could be together. I fucked it up and I can't handle losing you, I guess what I'm trying to say is my heart is shattering into tiny pieces now and I Love You so much, more than I could ever tell you. Please come back? I can't go this whole tour without you. Love you angel. Tomo xxx

I lay there for a while wondering if she would reply or if she really didn't want anything to do with us anymore. Just as I was falling asleep, my phone buzzed on my pillow.

Ashlee's POV

'I'm sorry too but maybe it will be better like this, we're best friends and we probably wouldn't work out anyway…' Hah who the hell am I kidding, we would be perfect '… and you won't lose me. I fucked it up, I should have told you straight out but I couldn't handle a straight out rejection, at least I thought that's what it would be. I didn't mean to break your heart, but at least we broke each others. I'm just scared Tomo, I've never loved someone this much and I don't want it all to go wrong. I don't think it would be right to come back straight away, we need some time to think, and you'll be fine without me there. I'll see how it goes and I may join at some point of the tour, but I think its best to be apart for a while. I love you too Tomo, more than life itself, take care baby. Your Ashlee xxx

We both needed a break, he may be mad or upset at first but he'll learn to understand. I'm too scared to see him after I confessed, it was short, quick and not the best way I should have told him. Why did I even let myself try to make him jealous? I was scared of rejection that's why…

Tomo's POV

So that's it, she really has gone. I admit that her text tore me to pieces, I feel like a piece of paper that has been torn to shreds and chucked in the trash can. I guess I do understand where she is coming from though, all I want is for her to be happy and never hate me, she means way too much. I meant what I said though, about not being able to do this tour without her, she gave me a reason to get up in the morning and now I feel like I have thrown that all away. I ended up sleeping until we got to the hotel and I still didn't want to move.

"Tomo, please get up?" I huffed, got up and pushed Jared out of the way. Once we were all checked in, I went to mine and Shannon's room, as Jared insisted that we shared rooms, to keep an eye one me? Yes probably. I got into the room and left the others to do what they were doing downstairs, I just felt low so I went into my bag to get my bottle of vodka out. I took a mouthful and I felt it ripping through my throat, that's the pain I needed, it's a release and make me forget - well until the morning at least. After drinking half of the bottle I passed out on the sofa.

Shannon's POV

I could tell that Ash leaving has hit Tomo hard, he loves her so much, and not just as a best friend, he told me a while back now how he felt about her and now that she's gone I think a part of him has too. He had been distant all day but I was sharing a room with him so I can hopefully talk to him about all of this. Once into our room, I found half a quarter full bottle of vodka and a passed out Tomo, I guess I was right about him being cut up. I climbed into my bed and hoped things would get better.

When I woke up the next morning I found Tomo the way I found him last night. Why did this happen right at the begging of the tour, actually no, why did this happen at all? I messaged Jay and then made my way to his and Tim's room. Jared opened the door immediately.

"How is he? Did he say anything?"

"I assume he's not good, he was passed out on the sofa when I got back last night, he drank a good half of that bottle of vodka."

"Shit!"

"I know, I knew he wouldn't take it well if she ever left but not this bad."

Tomo's POV

Owww! Fuck! I have such a blinding headache, I must have drank a fair bit last night.

Yesterday suddenly started coming back to me and I let go of all the tears that I was hopelessly trying to hold onto. I started trashing the hotel room up until Shannon came back in and pulled me back from wrecking the place further. I just collapsed on him and sobbed. "She left and its my fault!"

"No Tomo, no."

"It is, I was too fucking blind and now I don't know if she'll actually come back."

I handed him my phone and showed him the text message I received from her, I'm guessing that will give a better explanation than what I can give in my current state.
"Wow. So when did you tell her?"
"Yesterday. We had a screaming match and she told me, but I didn't have chance to reply before she stormed out, so I told her by text that 'I love her more than I could every say' .I just hope she does come back Shannon. I really do."
"Me too Tome, me too, I can't stand seeing you like this."
I left to lie on my bed as Shannon told me he was going to put his stuff back on the bus and I told him I would be down shortly.
I wonder if this was just how it was supposed to end. Maybe we never were meant to be together.
Lets just hope I'll have her back in my arms soon.