It was a beautiful day in the town of Bedrock. Birds singing, flowers blooming, on days like this, kids like you should be listening to vaporwave. The story begins with a guy named Igor, the warrior of peace, sat at his house, a pineapple under the sea, with Knuckles the Echidna, sat on the couch enjoying some steamed hams. They were watching The Nutshack on Myx. Bob Saget had just died and Igor was very distraught, almost brought to tears.
"Oh no," said Knuckles.
The credits had come on, so Igor got up to refill his corn chips. But instead a large bag of corn chips sat a fluffy white Pomeranian. Its wide eyes gazed at Igor.
"Oh no," said Knuckles.
"I'll go buy some more right now," Igor announced, "You watch that dog."
Neither of them had any idea how the dog had got in, or how it devoured an entire bag of corn chips, bag included. Knuckles opened the door.
"It's kinda chilly today." said Knuckles.
Igor headed in the direction of the supermarket within the closest proximity, in hopes of purchasing some corn chips. He walked by a pig named Whitewash.
"Oodgay ucklay, arriorway ofway eacepay, onway ouryay ourneyjay otay obtainway ethay orncay ipschay!" Whitewash oinked.
Meanwhile, the local postman had arrived on Quality Street. His footsteps were really loud and people were instantly annoyed by it. Grzegorz "Greg" Zybala was gleefully delivering mail when suddenly the white Pomeranian stood before him. Wanting to get past it, Greg tried reasoning with the dog.
"Nice doggy…" Greg cautiously tried to advance.
"W̡ͧ́͑̔̈̕͏̺̭̮̀o̴̸͖͔̗͇͆ͩͤ̎ͬ̀͌̄̋̽̑̊ͩͪ̓́͡͝o̱̻̭̟͉̒̆ͩͮ͛͌̽̋ͧͥͯ̊͡f̸ͬ͂̇̿ͪͬͬ͗̀͐̎̇҉̛̻̹̮̞ͅ" the dog said.
Then the dog leaped into the air and attacked the mailman viciously.
"This is not in my job description!" Greg squealed as the minuscule monster pinned him to the paving.
"Oh no," said Knuckles.
Igor had purchased the corn chips, as well as a free Fire Flower as part of a deal, and was leaving the store, when out of nowhere came Fred Flintstone.
"MY PEBBLES!" the caveman yelled.
Igor thought about using the fire flower. Upon using it, he donned a white costume.
"Hey I wonder what happens if-" he started, throwing a fireball and making Fred explode on the spot. A small fire burned on the ground where he had been standing. Igor gained 100 points.
Back at Quality Street, Greg crawled up to Igor's house and posted a letter into the mailbox. Turning around, he saw the white dog looking back at him.
"Oh no," said Greg.
As Igor arrived home, he could have sworn he heard screaming. He noticed an envelope in his mailbox, so he took it out and opened it. 'The Prince has been captured! Last seen in a tower listening to Little Red Corvette (get it? A Prince song?) held hostage by so-called 'Big D'.'
"Oh no," said Igor.
"Oh no," said Knuckles.
"Oh no," said Greg.
"Ohway onay," oinked Whitewash.
Suddenly, Kool-Aid Man burst through a nearby wall.
"Oh yeah!" he said. Igor, Knuckles, Greg and Whitewash glared at the over-sized juice jug.
Igor unfolded the letter. 'Only you, Igor, the warrior of peace can save him! Here is a map indicating where you shall travel.' The map led out of Bedrock, past the swamp, through the forest, across the ocean and up a tower.
"I must prepare for this grand adventure," announced Igor, gathering things he might need and attaching them to his belt. Knife, rope, food, water, grappling hook, Knuckles the Echidna, and soon he was ready to save the prince. But an old man stopped him in his tracks.
"It's dangerous to go alone. Take this!" the old man shoved Whitewash into Igor's arms. "Oh, and take these too." The man handed him six cards. The first had a hollow yellow circle, the second had a red plus, the third had three blue waves, the fourth had a black square, the fifth had a green square and the last one had a picture of Harambe. "I am certain that they will come in handy."
And so, the warrior of peace, a red Echidna, a mailman, and a pig set off to the swamp in hopes of saving the princess, uh I mean prince. A man limped towards Igor's house and knocked on the door.
"Housekeeping," he called. But nobody came. Instead he slipped a piece of paper with beautifully crafted handwriting into the mailbox.
At the swamp, the air was damp and foul-smelling. There were low plants and boggy marshes. Or perhaps marshy bogs. Igor wasn't liking the atmosphere.
"Perhaps we should stop," he said.
"Owthgray indsetmay, eoplepay!" oinked Whitewash.
"What do you mean, growth mindset?" asked Greg.
Before Whitewash could react, a dart shot into Greg's neck. A tranquilizer dart. Greg collapsed on the earth.
"What do we do about him?" asked Knuckles.
"I'll get a new one." replied Igor.
