A/N: This was inspired by an idea that Amonraphoenix and a reviewer for Breathe Into Me popped into my head. This takes place in the Breathe Into Me universe and takes place after that story's events.

Hope you all enjoy the story

Disclaimer: I own nothing.


Fear. Uncertainty. Pain.

Things I thought I would be used to by now since they've been a part of my life for the last six months. I can't believe it's only been six months since Travis and Ash were arrested for murder; or what they think was murder. According to popular belief, their victim had no family so that's why only the victim's friends testified against Travis and Ash in court. But, I know better. I'm not as stupid and brainless as people think I am. I know Leo and Donnie were at those trials while I was bedridden with Mikey looking after me.

I may not use it much, but my mind is just as sharp as anyone else's. And I've been using it a lot more in the months since Leo, Don and Mike cheated Death and pulled me back from the brink. And since then I haven't had a decent night's sleep or a moment's peace. When you keep seeing the Grim Reaper...the real Grim Reaper, coming at you with a scythe so sharp it can cut a fully grown tree down with one swipe, you tend to start believing that you're going insane. Added on top of the constant nightmares of being back in a torture chamber and you've got a good chance of being thrown into a padded room.

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad my brothers didn't give up on me, but a part of me wishes that they had. It's the small, scared part of me that wishes that they had just let me go. It would have been better than living with the constant pain. Can't they see I'm not the same brother they used to know? All the hope in the world can't undo what Travis did. I went into that torture chamber as the stubborn hot-head, but I came out a shattered wreck.

I know the others want me back to my old self. I can see it in their eyes; especially Mikey. They all want the hot-head back...to some extent. They don't want the uncontrolled rage and anger, but the strong spirited, stubborn mule of a turtle I used to be.

"Raph?" Mikey's voice sounded.

I opened my eyes and slowly turned my head to the left. Mikey stood uncertainly in the doorway.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Dinner's ready," Mikey replied. "And before you say you're not hungry, Leo told me to drag you down to the kitchen if you said that."

I gave him a questioning look. "And how does he expect you to do that?" I wanted to know.

Mikey sighed. "Raph, you have to eat. You're wasting away to nothing."

I looked up at the ceiling. "Might as well. I'm not much good for anything else."

Something hit against my head. I winced in pain and looked to see a wooden spoon lying on the bed next to my head.

How cliché, I thought.

"I will drag your butt down to supper if you don't move yourself," Mikey declared.

I held up my hands before pushing myself up. "Fine, fine," I said.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw something move and the flash of steel. Not wanting to scare Mikey, I stood up and pushed him out of the room, leading him down to the kitchen. Leo and Donnie were already sitting at the table when me and Mikey walked in.

"Lazarus has risen," Donnie commented when he saw me.

Leo gave me a smile. "Good to see you up, Raph," he said.

"Whatever," I grunted as I sat down next to Don.

Pain stabbed my right knee. That would never heal. I tried my best to hide the pain on my face, but I knew it was a lost cause when I saw the look of concern in Leo's eyes. I gave him my best "I'm fine and don't you dare say anything to Donnie" glare. Leo must have gotten the message because he looked away to see what Mikey was doing. I settled in my chair, my hand gently rubbing my busted knee. If I had any kind of fight left in me I would have hunted Hun down and beat the life out of him for the beating he gave me. Sadly, I left my fighting spirit back in Death's domain.

"Hope you brought your appetites, " Mikey said, breaking me out of my thoughts.

He placed bowls of steaming hot seafood chowder in front of us. The smell awakened my stomach and it began to growl in anticipation. Mikey must have heard it because he grinned before retrieving his own bowl and sitting down next to Leo. Even though it had been a couple of years since Master Splinter passed away and Leo took the position as head of the family, no one had the heart to sit in sensei's place at the head of the table.

"Once again, you've outdone yourself, Mikey," Leo praised after taking a bite of chowder.

Mikey beamed at the praise. "And this is just the first round," he said. "Wait until the main course."

I took a sip of chowder and once again I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Without turning my head, I moved my eyes to see what it was. But, whatever it was it was gone.

Chill, Raph. It's just your imagination.

My brothers and I ate in silence with only the clinking of spoons to break it. It was a nice, rare quiet moment in my brother's company. As the evening went on, I could feel myself relaxing a little bit at a time until I was laughing along side Leo and Donnie at Mikey's hilarious antics. It made me forget about the fear and uncertainty. I could no longer feel the pain that plagued my body.

For that one special moment I felt like myself again.


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