Author Note: This just came randomly to me, plus I haven't seen/read any fics from Yan's POV about his relationship with Fei Long. If anyone knows of any, please tell me in a review :) This takes place shortly before the Flower On The High Loft saga in Book 2.
Title: Complicated
Fandom: Finder Series
Pairing: One-sided Yan/Fei Long
Rating: PG-13
Complicated.
That one word perfectly described his relationship with Fei Long, Yan knew, as the Chinese man looked out the window to where his "brother" was standing in the courtyard outside, his long, ebony hair shining in the moonlight as it hung freely. With that glow about him, Fei Long looked nothing less than ethereal; he was sheer perfection that not even a carved marble statue could do justice to. It had been twenty years now since Fei Long had come to live with them as a son to Yan's father and a brother to Yan himself.
For Fei Long, those years could not possibly be as difficult to him as they were for Yan. It had been twenty years of confusion, of learning to be a big brother and to watch over a younger sibling, of teaching Fei Long how to talk and walk, as all older siblings did. However, it was also twenty years of learning to share his father with someone related by blood, of constant comparisons between them, with Father always going easier on Fei Long. Resentment built when Fei Long proved to be brilliant; everything and anything always seemed to come easily to him, whether it was book learning or the first time that Fei Long pulled the trigger. Yan had to work much harder and, even then, he still knew he fell short in his father's eyes. And finally, as they grew older, there were years of wanting Fei Long for himself, but knowing it could never happen.
Yan loved his "brother", but at the same time, he hated him. When his feelings of love and caring like a big brother should had changed into something far deeper and forbidden, Yan couldn't say, but it was there nonetheless. Fei Long, he knew, would never see him as anything but a brother. Their father, though ailing, would never allow there to be anything between them. And even if he were to die, Yan knew that Fei Long would never look at him the way he looked at Fei Long.
That was when their relationship became strained to the point where they only spoke when Yan had need of Fei Long's skills as an assassin or of their father. He never failed to remind Fei Long that he was adopted, unlike Yan, and might even be considered expendable. Though Yan would personally kill anyone who harmed Fei Long with his bare hands, he would never tell Fei Long that.
The only thing he could do was keep Fei Long by his side, despite everything. Being near him and not able to have him was certainly better than Fei Long not being there and with someone else- and Yan intended to make certain that his "little brother" remained with him, no matter what he had to do.
The End
