I sipped on my Pit Cola as I looked through the ads. I figured ever since my folks kicked me out of the house, I should try to get a job to keep myself fed. None of the jobs seemed to fit my skills or seemed like they would pay enough, except for one that called for a mummy caretaker at the Mystery Mountain tourist attraction.
'Looking for young, scrawny, and naive human who won't ask too many question to look after mummies. No experience necessary.'
Luckily, I already HAD experience with dead bodies working at my parents' mortuary, so I was more than qualified. I immediately started taking a road trip over to Mystery Mountain, with a few stops along the way with what little money I had. I didn't eat very much; I even had to steal an ear of corn from the Corn Maze tourist attraction along the way while no one was looking.
I was finally able to reach Mystery Mountain before my van broke down. I looked around at all the sites from the giant statues of Paul Bunyan and Babe the bull, to that talking mannequin of Fire Retardant Raccoon. I walked into the office where a middle-aged woman with bleach-blonde hair and an excessive tan was sitting at the desk.
"Umm, hi." I murmured, "My name's Robbie. I'm here because of the ad you put out asking for someone to look after your mummies."
"Oh well you've come to the right place." Said the old woman in a nasally Fran Drescher voice, " Just take a seat and I'll ask you a few questions."
I sat in front of her desk.
"Okay first question: are you afraid of heights?"
"Pfft. No. I've climbed so many high places that heights bore me."
"Second question: do large, dark caves scare you?
"Definitely not. I don't know why people are so afraid of them. I see the opening of one and I'm like, 'Eh'."
"And lastly: if you notice any of the mummies looking like the tourists that come here, will that raise any suspicion to you?"
"I don't care what the mummies look like as long as I get paid."
"Well congratulations Robbie, you've got the job!"
I did? Usually I don't do very well with job interviews, so this came as a shock to me, but I was grateful none the less.
"Thanks, Ma'am." I said, shaking her hand.
"Please, call me Darlene."
