Okay, I know I left my other story No Way at a cliffhanger, but I've got a bit of writers block there, so I figured that I'd write you guys an Infernal Devices one shot that I've had in my head for a while. It's a songfic to Mr. Brightside by the Killers. I don't know why but this song always makes me think of Will. I changed a few of the lyrics to make it relate better to our favorite duck hating hottie.
Coming out of my cage, and I'd been doing just fine.
I had never had any issues distancing myself before. It hurt like hell to push people away, but I had always been able to do it. Well at least until Tessa came around and tore my walls down like she did. She pulled me out of my cage in the blink of an eye, and the hardest thing I ever had to do was push her away and climb back in it.
Gotta, gotta be damned because I want it all.
I wanted to make her laugh. I wanted to sit and listen to her talk about books until my ears fell off. But all these things were things I couldn't want and wanting what I couldn't have lead to misery and madness. (This a quote right out of Clockwork Prince.)
It started out with a kiss how did it end up like this? It was only a kiss. It was only a kiss.
Every second of every day, I think about that kiss. The kiss in the attic with Tessa. The kiss that tasted like Holy Water and blood. The feel of Tessa's lips on mine, her hands in my hair, my hands in hers, how I want to kiss her again. But I can't think like that, it was only a kiss and it can't be anything more.
Now they're going to bed, and my stomach feels sick, and it's all in my head, but she's touching his chest now, he takes off her dress now, let me go.
I know she's going to find someone else. Why wouldn't she? I pushed her away. Every night, I have these nightmares where she's with someone else, and I wake up with cold sweat rolling down myself. I know I should be happy when she finds someone else, but the thought scares the hell out of me. I don't think I could handle seeing some other guy with my Tessa. My Tessa? I have got to stop thinking like that.
And I just can't look its killing me, and taking control.
Jem and Tessa are holding hands. JEM! I never in a million years though that Jem would be the guy that Tessa loved instead of me. Seeing them together is agonizing. Seeing Tessa with any guy would cause me pain, but Jem? I can't even try to explain a pain like this. A sorrow like this.
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea, swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis.
Tessa makes Jem happy, and I want to take her away from him. How could I ever take away Jem's happiness? I couldn't, but that doesn't stop my constant thinking about Tessa and I together. The jealousy is awful, but not nearly bad as the guilt that I constantly feel. Loving Tessa makes me a terrible friend to quite possibly the best friend I could have ever asked for. No matter how many times I try to deny my feeling for Tessa, for Jem's sake, I know it's not true. I can't even say the words out loud. I can't even think them. I don't loveā¦. See? I get stuck.
But its just the price I pay, destiny is calling me, open up my eager eyes, 'cause I'm Mr. Brightside.
Why am I sitting around here moping like this? Its all my fault I'm going through all this shit. I have to pay the price for releasing that demon. Its just my destiny to lead a lonely life now, so I may as while just get used to it. Put a false smile on.
