Disclaimer: I do not own Cather in the Rye
Wow, it's already been ten years, huh? I've come a long way since then, in some senses anyway. I guess after all that stuff happened in New York I kind of went a little…shall we say, nuts in the head. But that's water under the bridge by this point.
So now I'm twenty-seven and leading a bachelor's life in good ol' NYC. New York, New York, baby. As for my academic life, let's just say I scraped good enough grades to get into college and then some. I guess I did kind of pull myself up by the bootstraps. Besides, I thought that maybe it was time to take responsibility for my actions and get my goddamn head out of my ass.
I've got a steady job working as an assistant to some pansy lawyer named J.M. Davies. That's right, me, Holden Caulfield takin' orders from a law keeper. I hate it there, but it brings in the dough. Sometimes, though, I just get an overwhelming urge to sock that man square in his pretty little face. Not that I hold grudges or anything.
So you may be asking yourself why I'm telling you all of this. It's simple, really, I thought that maybe after my last book you'd like something to wash it all down with, an anecdote if you will. You may find some sort of enjoyment from it or maybe you can relate to it. Personally, I'm just saying things to get them out and you can take notice of it or not. I could care less.
The story I'm here to tell you took place about a year ago. I had this girlfriend, right? She was one foxy broad. Long blonde hair and a perfect body, I mean, this girl's legs were some of the sexiest pair I've ever seen in my entire life. And something about how they met her hips just made it even better. On top of that she had the perfect waist that accentuated her perfectly round breasts. I was lucky to have her and vise versa. That's where all of the trouble started.
I took her out to dinner one night to a small restaurant down the street from my apartment. We had a nice table in the corner, me in my casual dress and her in one of her more revealing garments. She liked those. We ate having small side conversations that were mostly unfulfilling. I guess we all have to trade one thing for another, looks for brains in her case. She was dumb as a brick, that one. She wanted so badly to please me, you could see it in the way the corners of her mouth tugged upward in response to my cynical jokes. You could tell she didn't get them, but she wanted it to look like she did.
Intellect was always number one on my list of attractive qualities, but sometimes if the body is hot enough then that overrides all other criteria for eligibility. As shallow as it may seem, can you honestly say you've never been attracted to someone because of their looks? If you said no then I'd think you were lying. After all, society likes to judge people by the way they look and society is created by the majority of the people that think that way. Phonies, that's what they are.
I guess I sort of pitied her as I watched her try to fit in with me. This is a girl who was probably raised around embarrassingly large stacks of money and was given whatever she wanted. She was probably a daddy's girl and was given the best education. The problem is, it doesn't matter how good the teacher is. If the kid don't got the brains then there ain't nothin' you can do but sit back at watch her smile her way through life. Her whole life was probably based on her looks. This is just speculation after all, surprisingly she doesn't like to talk about herself.
After about two hours of just sitting and having one-sided conversations, she began to do what she did best. I felt her high-heeled foot begin to rub up against my leg oh so gently. And then not so gently. She leaned forward and rested her chin on her intertwined fingers.
"Hey, Holden, what do you say we head over to my apartment? Hmm?" she asked in a low humming tone.
I sighed, "I don't know baby, I have work tomorrow." Don't get me wrong, the sex was great and all, but lately I just wasn't feeling that into it. It was strange, my sex drive just kind of dwindled the longer we were together. I looked into her eyes, I saw a sort of hunger behind that rich, blue color.
"Oh, come on. It'll be fun. Don't worry about work."
I did kind of want to, I guess, it had been a hard week.
"Please?" she pleaded. She feigned a sad face and batted her eyelashes.
I laughed slightly, "Fine."
She smiled broadly showing all of her brilliantly white teeth. I got the check a moment later and paid it. Soon we were out the door and on our way to my girlfriend's apartment which was spectacularly clean. She was a very clean person who liked everything around her clean as well. That's part of the reason why I can't comprehend her interest in me.
I am such a goddamn messy person. I know, hard to believe right? The first time she saw my apartment she just stood there flabbergasted by the sight and vowed then and there that she was going to change my ways. Two months passed and yet that litter box in the corner still wasn't scooped out and the trash can was still overflowing. Not mention the many articles of clothing strewn about the apartment.
I remember once when I stopped shaving. I wasn't really thinking about it, but the more the hair around the lower half of my face grew, the more repulsive I appeared to her. She wasn't willing to break up with me after I refused to shave, instead she threatened me by saying that if I didn't do it myself then she'd tie me up and shave me herself using the razor she used for her legs. Needless to say the next time I saw her my face was smooth as a baby's bottom. That's right, I'm whipped.
She unlocked the door to her apartment. As soon as I walked in I threw my jacket onto the couch just because I knew it would bug her. She ignored the gesture and proceeded to walk into her bedroom. She stopped and leaned against the door frame as she signaled with her index finger for me to come to her. I did. She kissed me softly on the lips and dragged me onto her bed. She hadn't bothered to turn on any lights.
The next morning I woke up in her apartment. For some reason I was beginning to resent her in a strange sort of way, I wasn't sure why. I looked over and saw her lying there next to me fast asleep. I got out of bed and put my pants on followed by my shirt and lastly my shoes. I looked over at her again.
I felt like the relationship was coming to an end. I guess I felt done with her, done with her little sexual games because that's all she ever did. I was attracted to her for her looks, but when you really get a good look at her personality you see that all she thought she was ever good for was sex. I did feel sorry for her because that was probably how she was treated for most of her life, a little obeying puppy dog. I couldn't hang around with a girl like that. I had just gotten over my own issues, I wasn't about to take on some else's. As callous as it sounds, I didn't really want to try and make her feel better about herself.
I knew that what we had going probably wouldn't last longer than another week, but I felt that I should leave her a note telling her that I left early and that I loved her. That's me, always leading people on unintentionally.
I left her apartment and went to my car to drive home. I had about an hour before I needed to be at work so that gave me enough time to take a shower, get dressed, get some breakfast and make my normal commute to the huge building in Manhattan.
The elevator took me up to the fortieth floor of our law office and I sat down at my cubical. I didn't have much to do until Davies told me to do something. That in itself made me more than irritated. That man had such an attitude that drove you nuts, it really did. Like I said before, it really made you want to sock him in the jaw.
"Hello, Caulfield. How are you this morning?" came a voice from behind me. I wasn't really expecting it so it made me jump a little. I turned around.
Well, speak of the devil, it was ol' J.M. Davies himself towering over me. This man had a superiority complex so strong it was almost tangible to those around him.
"Hello, sir," I responded. I didn't really feel like talking to him.
"What's that?" he asked, he leaned in and put a hand to his ear.
"It's a fine morning, sir, it really truly is," I said in the most candied voice I could muster. God, he was such a phony it almost made me want to vomit.
"It's good to hear. A happy assistant is a productive assistant so what about some coffee, hmm?"
What a jackass, I wanted to hit him. Oh, god did I want to hit him. Come on, just one shot to his lower jaw is all I'm asking, just enough to subside my need for the moment. He smiled heartily at me and slapped a hand on my shoulder.
"Please?" he asked.
I smiled fakely back at him, "Why, of course, sir. Right away, sir."
He returned the fake smile. He knew I disliked him, it wasn't ignorance. This man was no less than a goddamn jackass. I despised him, I hated him, every moment he lingered around me made me want to set him on fire and watch him burn to death painfully. I used up a lot of my energy for the day just holding back a curse word or middle finger in his direction. Oh, how I loathed him.
He continued to stand there making it quite clear that he wasn't going to move until I got him his morning coffee. Jackass. I went into the break room where someone was just finishing off the last of the goddamned coffee. As soon as he filled his cup he walked passed me and smiled as if we were close friends. Hell, I barely knew the guy for Chrissake. I began to make more.
I stood there for a while watching the clock until it was done and I could finally get on with my shitty day. Ten minutes passed and finally I had myself a nice cup of coffee. I hope the other employees appreciate the sacrifice I made of ten minutes to make it.
I was in no real hurry to get to Davies' office, I liked to make him wait. Even if I waited an hour I don't think he'd fire me, he liked torturing me too much and he knew he could because he knew I wouldn't quite. Jackass. How many times is that now? I finally had to stop stalling when I reached his office door. I knock, he told me to always knock before I entered. He told me to come in and I did holding the cup of coffee that I had taken the last ten minutes to make. For some reason I was so hung on that.
"Why thank you, Caulfield," he said.
"Is there anything else you need, sir?" I asked.
He looked up from his cup, "Oh, no thank you. This will be all for now."
I smiled and left the room. The rest of that day went pretty much the same way. He'd tell me to do something and I'd do it without hesitation. The best thing about work was the feeling I got when I was leaving.
I may be overreacting a bit, he really wasn't that bad of a guy. I just tend to blow things WAY out of proportion.
The day ended eventually and soon I was on my way home, relieved that it would be fifteen hours until I had to go back. When I got home from work I flopped onto the couch. I was so tired it was like someone hit me with a rhino tranquilizer. I closed my eyes welcoming the sweet silence of darkness when the phone rang. I fell off the couch.
"Shit," I muttered angrily and stumbled to my feet to grab the phone, "Yeah?" I asked. I'm not the most articulate person you ever knew.
"Hi, big brother," came the voice from the other end.
"I sighed, "It's not exactly the best time, Phoebes."
"Wait a second. I have something to tell you."
"What?"
She laughed loudly, "I got into college!"
I smiled, I was proud of her, "Ivy league, I hope."
"Naturally."
"Fantastic, I'll have to take you out to dinner to celebrate."
There was a pause from Phoebe's side of the line.
I waited.
"Well, that's the thing. Mom and dad are going to throw a graduation slash acceptance party next Saturday. D.B. is going to be there. I was kind of hopin' that…you know…you could come."
You see, I hadn't spoken to my parents for quite some time and D.B. and I had had somewhat of a falling out as well. It was him I was really worried about.
"I will," I said reluctantly.
She squealed, "Oh that you, Holden!"
I laughed a bit, "It's your party. Why wouldn't I go?"
She acknowledged the rhetorical question, "Well, gotta go. Get some sleep, okay?" she hung up.
For Phoebe, I kept telling myself, I'm doing this for my little sister.
I went back to the couch and conked out.
I woke up later that night with a stabbing pain in my stomach. I wandered into the kitchen and made myself a bowl of corn flakes and some toast. Toast was good for any meal and I loved eating it so damn much. It's my favorite food. Lightly toasted with a thin layer of peanut butter on top. Mmm.
Nothing else really happened that night except for another phone call from my girlfriend. She thanked me for the note and said she loved me too. I was starting to feel a tad guilty.
The next couple of days were one long blur. Wake up, go to work, go home, meet up with my girlfriend, go home again and sleep. Things have a way of just happening whether you're mentally present or not, ya know?
After those long days of nothing something big happened. Friday night I took my girl out to dinner. We where having small side conversations like usual. Me always sighing lazily and her sending out pheromones like a feral cat in heat. I had to do it, right there it had to end.
"I can't do this anymore, babe," I said. Her face sunk slightly.
"Do what?"
"This. You, me, us."
She looked like she was about to cry, "You're breaking up with me?"
I nodded, "Look, you're a wonderful girl and all, but-"
"There's another girl, isn't there?"
"What?"
"What's her name?"
"That's ridiculous, I'm not that kind of guy."
"Are you gay?"
"Wait—what?"
"I really know how to pick 'em. You're sly aren't you."
"No! I ain't no goddamn flit!" I was getting overly defensive about it.
she began to flat out cry, "Why, then?"
I paused, "I…I just don't like you the way I used to."
We just sat there in silence. She wiped her eyes and got up slowly, attempting to retain some of her dignity. Without a word she turned on her spiked heel and left. A few people around us had noticed the commotion, but I ignored their stares. I paid for the bill and left myself.
Honestly, if felt good to be single again. I swear, I'm still going to be alone by the time I'm eighty and somehow I feel strangely comfortable with that. Enough of my love life, though, I had to mentally prepare for the following day's events. D.B. was going to be there.
I suppose you're all wondering why I wished to avoid my brother. Well, the previous year on his birthday, I went over to his pad in Hollywood to surprise him. Yeah, he's still living there, still writing for those goddamn movies. He's creating quite a roar in the celeb community. So I went over to his penthouse and walked right in. I had a key. Let me tell you, I think I went blind for a week after I saw that horrific display. 'Ol D.B. was makin' it on the couch with some dude. I hauled ass out of that place before he could even get a robe on and I haven't seen him since. He tried calling me a few times, but I never picked up.
I'm no homophobe, but the fact the my brother, my flesh and blood was gay made me kind of sick. It was fine for other people, I mean, they're not effecting me with the way they live, but D.B. was.
I wanted to come to terms with it, but it was hard seeing as I refused to talk to him. The only way to truly fix the problem was to confront the cause of it, D.B. This party was going to force me to interact with him.
The one thing that really got me, though, was the fact that no one else in the family knew about D.B.'s abnormality. They all knew we had a somewhat frosty relationship, but they didn't know the reason and they're not the type to pry into other's lives. There are some places where you help out and other places that you don't, they recognized that is was something that they should defiantly not get involved in. Thank God. I still loved D.B. as a brother which is why I kept it to myself, I wasn't sure how they'd react.
On the day of the party I slept in until one o'clock in the afternoon. I didn't need to be there until five anyway. When I finally dragged myself out of bed I took a shower and ate a light lunch because I knew my mom would make a shit load of food. She was that type of person. My brain kept coming back to Phoebe. She had grown into a beautiful young woman with more brains and personality than anyone I'd ever met. It was as if she hadn't aged a day since she was little.
I remember her first serious boyfriend well. She wanted me to meet him so I went over to my parent's house for dinner when she brought him home. I could tell in an instant that this guy was not good enough for her and I voiced it. I sat across from the kid and I took every chance I could get to throw some sort of cynical, snide remark at him usually followed by a harsh kick in my shin from Phoebe. It was quite funny when after a particularly nasty comment Phoebe missed my foot and hit her boyfriend's instead. She was so pissed at me after that night that she wouldn't talk to me for a week. Then she broke up with him. I just goes to show that you should always trust a sibling's instincts.
Phoebe and I keep in touch a lot, I talk to her more than I talked to most of the people in my life. You may not have noticed this about me, but I don't really like people.
I basically just sat on the couch with the radio going as background noise. My cat was clawing at my leg because I hadn't fed her yet. I got up and pulled out the bag of cat food and poured some into her bowl. I like cats, I like them more than I like most people. Most animals fumble stupidly like dogs. Those mangy animals will do whatever you tell them. With cats, on the other hand, you don't get unconditional love that dogs give. The only reason people want them is to fill that nagging void in their soul in which you need someone depending on you, someone who will love you to the end. You have to earn a cat's respect and it isn't usual that a cat actually grows to love you. They have minds of their own. People say they're dumb because they don't do tricks and don't respond when you call to them, but that's because cats have attitude problems. They don't need you, they're smart so they're not gonna cater to your every whim like dogs do. That and cats don't smell bad.
Five o' clock crept up slowly and finally it was time to go. My parents still lived in the same apartment building that they did when I lived there and I knew how to get there well. I traveled up the elevator and approached the door, I could hear music coming from the other side. I knocked.
All I saw was a blur and suddenly I felt two arms clamp heavily around my waist. I nearly fell over, but I didn't. Phoebe looked up at me happily.
"Holden! Hey, mom, dad, Holden is here!"
She let go and I walked into the room. There were balloons everywhere and quite a few people had shown up including a large number of Phoebe's friends. I recognized some of our relatives that lived in the surrounding states, I waved as my parents approached.
"Why Holden, it's been so long," said my mother and she gave me a small hug which I returned, "Is that any way to treat the woman that conceived you, bore you, raised you and paid your way through college? You just leave and never contact her again?" she smiled, my mom had a wicked sense of humor.
I looked over in the corner and saw D.B. I took a deep breath. That man was sitting next to him, it was to be expected, D.B. was never the type to kiss and leave. Phoebe noticed to focus of my attention.
"Why don't you go talk to him?" she asked quietly. I looked down at her.
"Who's that next to him?"
Phoebe followed my line of sight, "Oh, that's Daniel. He's D.B.'s friend from Hollywood."
I laughed inwardly. You mean special friend. D.B. Looked up at me, our sights connected with one another for a few moments. I nodded to Phoebe and my parents and moved out onto the deck alone. I knew D.B. would follow me, he had wanted to sort this whole thing out so we could go back to being family…if possible. I heard him come up behind me.
"Long time, no see," I said sarcastically.
"Through no fault of my own," he returned sharply. I smiled, but said nothing. I couldn't let him get the upper hand, it just wasn't the way I worked, "Holden, we have to talk."
I turned to face him, "About good 'ol Daniel? Still with him, huh? Well, isn't that…special."
He glared at me, "Holden, for once you just shut the hell up? You always have to have the last word in everything and you always have to be a jerk about it," he paused, "What do you have against homosexuality?" he asked.
You know, I really wasn't sure. I was just kind of conditioned to think that way, "Look, it's just not…right. I mean…" I trailed off.
"What do you mean?" asked D.B. quietly, "Is that indecisiveness I hear? From Holden Caulfield no less?"
I looked blankly at him, "I guess I kind of thought that if you were gay then…I might've been gay too."
I felt my cheeks flush when he began to laugh, "It's not a genetic disease and it's not contagious. God, I don't get why anyone has an aversion to it."
"You haven't told mom and dad yet."
He shook his head, "It'll probably be a while before I do."
I stared at him oddly.
"It was somewhat of a shocker when you walked in, though. I thought I was going to have a heart attack."
"I thought I was going blind."
He laughed, I didn't.
"Stop being an ass," he said and slapped be playfully on the cheek. I flinched a bit.
"Flit," I said.
"Can we just go back to being brothers?" he asked pleadingly.
Before I could answer Daniel came out onto the deck, "Hey, D.B., I was wondering-" when he saw me his cheeks turned bright red, "Uh…I'm just gonna…" he walked back inside without finishing his sentence.
"Um…that's Daniel," said D.B. slowly, "I'm sure you're going to be the best of friends.
"I don't like it," I said.
His slight smile faded away, "I'm not asking you to, I'm asking you to not hate me for who I am."
I had to deal with it one time or another. D.B. really wanted us to be okay again, I mean, we were never really close, but at least it was something.
I sighed heavily, "Fine, but when I see you two together I don't want you being all smoochy. I had a nice lunch and I'd like it to stay inside my body if you don't mind."
He smiled, "For you, Holden, I think that can be arranged."
So that's it. That's my magnificent anecdote about homosexuality and really crappy bosses. I still haven't gotten that punch in, maybe when I quit. It wasn't much, but perhaps it gave you something to think about. I guess my whole point is, as you age things become more superfluous and it's useless to worry too much about other people.
I hope you liked it. Please read and review!
