Hello. My name is Edward Elric and I'd like to say that I am sick and tired of your damn yaoi.

I speak for all manga victims of yaoi. We suffer being whored out by a bunch of fan girls who think it is funny to pair up two guys and use it for amusement. I am terribly sorry you have no lives but I want to just sit down and watch my DEATH NOTE in peace.

I get sent dozens of pictures from Alphonse while he laughs. Once he saw ELRICEST he nearly cried. THAT IS MY DAMNED BROTHER YOU PERVS! I am paired up with Roy, Al, Alphonse Hedrick from the movie, Havoc, Soul (who is from a completely different show), Greed, Envy, I think Wrath, and a crap load of other manga characters. I am supposedly the most popular yaoi character because you sick bastards have paired me up with my own brother for gods sakes. I think I have also been with people from DEATH NOTE as well. I honestly wouldn't doubt it either.

I will say it but one time. I am not gay in any way and do not appreciate it since my girlfriend Winry looks at that crap. She thinks it's funny. I will come after anyone who makes yaoi of me with anyone else. Roy is the person I absolutely hate the most. There is no relationship between us and there never will be so why in the f***ing world would you pair me with, of all people, Roy?

I say this because I care, GET A DAMN LIFE YOU SICK LITTLE PERVOS! I WILL NEVER GET TOGETHER WITH ANY MAN FROM ANY SHOW NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WISH IT, GOD DAMN IT! I AM NOT, HAVEN'T, AND NEVER WILL BE IN LOVE WITH ANY MANGA CHARACTER EVER UNLESS IT IS WINRY!

Now, instead of writing and drawing yaoi of me or any other anime characters, I am flattered by the stories about how I fall in love with some random girl. I am glad that you all like me. Just don't send requests that you can lick my hand or send me hair or any other parts of your body; it is just plain sick. That is where a crush turns into a restraining order and you are sent to the damn loony-bin. It won't be fun.

I can't even go to the mall without hearing shit about how me and Roy are such a great couple, or how even though we're brothers that me and Al are great in bed. It is downright sick. The other day these girls attacked Mello and Matt from DEATH NOTE were asked about their relationship. I feel bad because even if Matt was gay he would totally be with L. You know it's true.

Since I know this will have no effect on you I have taken the liberty as to see what percentage of manga/anime fans are in love with yaoi. Unfortunately the number is rather large (87%). The rest is Yuri which I quite enjoy until Winry and Riza hit and threaten to kill me.

Thanks again for taking the time out of your yaoi obsessed fangazms to see the truth in life.

Author's Note: I loved to write this, only problem is I am one of the people Ed is yelling at. LONG LIVE ELRICEST! I hope you enjoyed this and that you will read other things of mine.