Note: I don't own any of the Final Fantasy characters…'cept Sephiroth…he's mine! Get away all you guy-crazy teenagers!

Narrator: So here we are, the cast of FF 7,8, and 9 trying to find out who has it tougher.

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Cloud: I win. End of story, Sephiroth just doesn't die.

Squall: Sephiroth doesn't die!? What about Seifer? How many times do you have to beat up that guy, like a trillion!?

Zidane: Well what about Kuja? He…uh…

Barrett: He's a wuss and never actually challenges you until the end of the game, he hides behind that retarded lookin' queen! Now Sephiroth, he's a !@#$ evil villian! All alone and he still destroys everything single handedly!

Zidane: Well…Kuja he…wait, that was Bahamut…

Squall: How about Ultimecia!? Taken over perfectly good people and…

Cloud: Exactly! Villains these days can't do anything for themselves, always have to make it look like someone else so they don't get beaten up! But FF7? Classic…just plain classic.

Zidane: And then there was Garland…he was kinda…but then I guess he went soft on ya…still…

Irvine: Hey…chill Cloudy…but how can some guy with a six foot sword be tough? Ya riddle 'em with bullets and their down…you guys just didn't have the right weapons…

Barrett: Right weapons!? Right weapons!? Ya think this things made'a scrap metal!? I had to lose me !@#$ hand to get this thing!

Irvine: You call that a gun? That piece of junk couldn't shoot two feet…now if you got a good AK-47 grafted, Sephy'd be holier than Swiss cheese!

Zidane: Kuja had magic…magic can be scary.

Cid: Guns don't mean !@#$! It's the power behind the weapon! I mean Cloud's not the beefiest guy in world, but it takes some muscle to haul that sword!

Cloud: Yeah! I mean, who else could do a pull up with one hand while carrying Tifa?

Squall: Tifa's a feather compared to Rinoa! I had to drag her down that train track for miles!

Rinoa: What are you getting' at Squall!?

Tifa: I may not weight 300 pounds but I got enough arm muscle to punch you to the moon Cloud Strife!

Cloud: I didn't mean that!

Squall: That's not what I…!

*Quistis snaps her whip and everyone silences*

Quistis: Stop this pointless rack right now! For everyone's time and age, we all did a great job, can we leave it at that!? And let Zidane talk!

*silence*

Irvine *whispers to Vivi*: Isn't she the hot?

Selphie: I heard that!

Zidane: Yow...he's right though Viv…catchem while they're free…

Vivi: …

*Quistis snaps whip at Zidane*

Zidane: Ouch! Ooo…a spicy one!

Garnet: Zidane!!!

Quistis: Okay, I take that back, do not let Zidane talk.

Garnet: My pleasure! *grabs some rope and duck tape*

Irvine: Hey…go easy on the guy; he's just stating the truth…

Selphie: Got any of the rope and tape left over?

Garnet: Here you are…

*Cloud chuckles under his breath*

Tifa: Don't even go there Cloud.

*Zidane and Irvine are tied up by Garnet and Selphie while everyone watches helplessly*

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Will Zidane and Irvine ever get untied? Whose game really has the worst bad guys? Will Vivi ever get a girlfriend? What are the villains input on this? Tell me what you think and I'll put up another chapter.