A/N: Both Plusle (u/1119984/Plusle) and I wrote this story together. I wrote Lloyd's POV and Plusle wrote Reimi's POV. We wrote this about a year ago and I just got around to putting it up here on FF. Haven't had the time to go through it properly so if you find errors, I would greatly appreciate you letting me know, but don't feel obliged.
Also, we refer to the Vocaloid song, 'Lie' by Circus-P. (Yeah, we're 'weebs')
Please enjoy!
As the door closed behind her, Reimi let go of a breath she didn't realized she'd been holding as she laid her eyes on the flat she shared with Raine after two years of being away.
Reimi had spent the past two years studying music in Paris and now that her studies were over she'd returned home and felt a pang in her chest as she noticed all the differences that had inevitably occurred while she'd been away.
Raine was Reimi's housemate and had picked her up from the airport less than an hour ago. They had decided to rent Reimi's room to another of their mutual friends, Presea, while she was away so that they wouldn't lose the place and while Reimi saw her room was now empty and ready for her to move back into, there was a lot of new knick-knacks and furniture she didn't recognize which made her feel isolatated and slightly lost.
She saw Raine turned to look at her and smiled brightly, slipping off her rucksack and taking a seat beside her friend who had perched on the sofa while Reimi was lost in her musings.
"Welcome home, Reimi," Raine smiled and Reimi gave a toothy grin.
Raine worked as a teacher at a local school and was slightly older than Reimi. They had met her through Raine's brother, Genis, who went to school with Reimi, and once they became acquaintances the two had hit it off right away. Raine suddenly gestured to their message machine.
"As you can see, you have quite a few messages to get through," The red light on the phone was blinking, the number read 7 new messages.
Reimi hadn't announced publicly on social media she was coming back today as she didn't want a big fuss, but she guessed Raine must have told some of her friends she was coming home. She leant across and started to go through the messages one-by-one. Her heart gave a lurch when it reached the end of the messages and she realised he hadn't left her one.
She struggled to not let her disappointment show, but Raine must have sensed something as she said "Once you're settled, we'll tell everyone you're back and get them together for a welcome home party,"
Reimi nodded. She was still struggling to push her feelings down. It should be easy; she had had enough practice at it now after all.
'Of course he wouldn't leave you one... He's made it clear how he feels about you... and it's been two years since then,' she told herself sternly.
Reimi's thoughts often went back to her ex-boyfriend, Lloyd. After they broke up they had messaged for a while online, but it had seemed hesitant on both sides and eventually contact had stopped. They stopped liking each other's posts, photos and would avoid commenting on things the other had commented on.
Their relationship had been so good, but as soon as Reimi found out she had been accepted at a place abroad, it had dissolved before her eyes. He had been supportive of her decision to study abroad and urged her to go for it despite her initial reservations, but his enthusiasm seemed to almost indicate that it didn't matter much to him that she would be away from him for two years. They had peacefully decided to break it off after unsuccessfully trying to make it work long-distance and the rest was history.
"Do you want a cup of tea, Reimi?" Raines voice brought her out of her self-destructive thoughts and she was glad for it. Down that way led madness. She nodded and started catching up with her friend, asking what she had been up to for the past couple years and equally filling her in on how her studies had gone.
"What? Reimi's back?" As the words left his lips, it felt like they took all his breath along with them. Lloyd hadn't said her name in months and felt all the emotions that had taken so long to surpress, reveal themselves, as if they'd been called out just from hearing her name.
His friend, Genis, looked panicked as he said, "Yeah...I thought you knew."
They were in their apartment and we're chatting away about this and that while Lloyd cooked (they alternate each night) when Genis had tentatively; knowing it was a delicate subject, full of landmines, asked how he was feeling about Reimi's return.
To keep it short, Reimi was Lloyd's college sweetheart and the love of his life, but there was a lot more history involved than that. However, Reimi was offered to study music abroad which she grabbed at, with Lloyd's full and zealous support, but was left heartbroken despite BOTH agreeing to terminate their relationship, not being able to cope with the distance (though, not from lack of trying).
"How would I know?" Lloyd asked incredulously, as his eyebrows furrowed.
Genis rose an eyebrow in return, "Don't you cyber-spy on her, with Facebook and YouTube?"
"It's not spying! I - I just- Anyway I stopped doing that months ago," Lloyd argued.
"Oh yeah, cause of that blon-"
"Genis!"
"Okay, okay, sorry. So, what are you going to do now?"
Lloyd turned to focus back on cooking and muttered a sombre, "Nothing. I'm not going to do anything."
Genis sighed to himself. He knew that this was hard for Lloyd, but it didn't stop Genis from wanting to slap some sense into him too. Genis was aware that Lloyd never stopped loving Reimi, but also knew that Reimi never stopped loving Lloyd, they were both just too stupid to realise it.
He couldn't do much about it right now though; not with Lloyd like this anyway. He'd have to give him some time to let Reimi's return sink in.
Reimi exhaustedly sighed and stepped back to admire her handiwork. She had spent the past few hours unpacking her bags and setting up her room the way she liked it again. There were a few new possessions she had picked up in France, but most hadn't really changed.
She then sat down on her bed and pulled her open laptop towards her. She had made a status on Facebook before she began unpacking finally announcing that she'd returned and saw it already had a few responses. She was unsurprised to find the longest came from her French friend, Harvey.
Reimi liked Harvey very much as they had similar music tastes and often worked together on assignments or even personal projects she posted to YouTube for fun with another boy called Meikai, but she had picked up a vibe on more than one occasion that Harvey liked her as more than a friend. She had tried to turn him down gently and avoid being alone with him or bringing up the fact that she would be returning to America for good soon, with no plans to return, but his eagerness towards her never dimmed. She found very little attraction to him or any of the boys she had met in France, not that they were ugly or unpleasant, they just weren't Lloyd. At least now Harvey was a whole ocean apart it would be easier to deal with him. She simply liked his long comment (full of non-subtle 'We will miss yous' and 'Let's keep in touch often' phrasings) but didn't reply and started scrolling through the list of people who had 'liked' her status. She felt her heart drop once again seeing nothing appear from the person she had hoped would see it the most.
Frustrated with herself, she closed her laptop and lay back on her bed. She had noticed that recently Lloyd didn't use Facebook much and wondered if it was because he was busy with things in real life. Though she tried, she still couldn't stop her guilty ritual of checking his page every so often to see his updates and photos, waiting for the unavoidable day he would appear in one with someone new - when she'd finally find it too painful to keep checking and hopefully move on. She reasoned with herself she just wanted to know how he was doing, to see if he was okay and happy... But deep down it was more selfish than that and she would sigh in relief whenever she saw that no such change had occurred.
Even when they had last had contact - when she had wished him Happy Birthday a few months prior, it had taken him some time to reply back with a simple 'Thanks!'. She swallowed painfully, before frowning and decisively getting up, leaving her room and going out to wander around town the rest of the day. Raine had kindly arranged a welcome home dinner with her friends Sheena, Presea and Colette in the evening but she desperately needed to kill some time before then and not be alone in the apartment with just her memories. It was easier to push them away in France but here they were everywhere and it was suffocating.
Lloyd found himself lying on his bed after a deafeningly silent dinner. He couldn't bring himself to talk about anything, not with the recent news about Reimi swarming his mind. Genis seemed to understand though, and simply took to watching TV as they ate.
Lloyd sighed to himself. He was still in shock; of course, he knew Reimi was coming back eventually, but it seemed so sudden and he didn't realise how unprepared and affected he'd be by it. Before he knew it, he was on his laptop, although not to go on Facebook or YouTube, instead he opened his old college work files and clicked on a folder named 'R'. The folder opened revealing tons of photos of Reimi (some with the two of them). Despite being in his college folder (he put it there for safe keeping, just in case someone else was on his laptop etc), the photos started from secondary school, where they first met.
He made the folder around a year after Reimi and he had started going out, wanting to keep all the memories of the person he loved the most in one place; although, now looking at it he wondered if it was creepy. He never even told Reimi about it. He quickly pushed the thought aside, deciding to judge his questionable character later.
He made a small smile as one photo came up. It was a terrible photo taken by an old phone camera that one of their mutual friends had shot of them sitting awkwardly next to each other. It was around the time they'd first met in secondary school and Lloyd was horribly self-conscious around Reimi, not having much (or any) experience with actually 'liking' someone, well at least, to that extent anyway. He was full on smitten with her, unfortunately, he wasn't very confident with the situation and had danced around his feelings for a painful four years (they met the second year of secondary school, so, year 8?). However, despite the bad memories back then, he was always grateful for that time, and for even getting to meet Reimi in the first place.
"You guys are idiots..." Sheena sighed as she watched Lloyd and Zelos take turns in jumping down the stairs.
It was their lunch break and the two boys had decided to compete for how many stairs they could jump down.
"Aw, come on, Sheena," Zelos laughed as he made his way back up the stairs for another go.
"Hey guys! Say 'hello' to Reimi!" Colette announced cheerfully as she appeared from down the hall with Presea and a new face.
Lloyd was mid jump as he saw who Colette was introducing and as his breath hitched, he failed to land properly, landing on his butt.
He was beyond mortified. Not only was the girl Colette had been introducing, the same girl he'd thought was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen, and had tried and failed to not stare at in his science class but, he had also managed to make a complete fool of himself on their first proper meeting. He really wanted to bury himself in a hole.
Zelos was laughing hysterically, Sheena sighed, and Colette rushed to help him up while Presea simply watched on.
Lloyd tried to sheepishly-laugh it off but felt incredibly disheartened, until Reimi said, "That was so cool, you jumped over all of them!"
Lloyd simply stared at her in awe, but as soon as she started to shrink away shyly, he quickly smiled and said "Haha, thanks, but...I kinda messed up with the landing."
Despite his nerves, Lloyd managed to be himself and happily welcomed Reimi to their little group of friends. Not that she didn't have her own already however.
And that was that; nothing extraordinary or especially romantic, but Lloyd wouldn't change it.
Lloyd sat up and moved the laptop onto his lap and felt a lump in his throat as he clicked on the Facebook icon on his browser. He ignored all his other notifications and just went straight to Reimi's page.
'Back home in the US! Missed you all greatly and will make plans to see you all very soon '
Lloyd's heart clenched as he read through all the 'Welcome back's and 'OMG's. He felt his jaw lock when he saw an avatar he had become bitterly familiar with. Harvey Meltokio, a blonde guy Reimi had met in Paris and was in a bunch of her Facebook photos. He had replied to Reimi with, "I miss you so much. Come back soon, okay? I'll be in touch."
Lloyd shut his laptop and decided to bury himself in work.
Reimi sat up from where she was laying on Lloyd's couch, gripping the letter in her hands very tightly as she read and re-read its contents.
It was a typical lazy Thursday afternoon and Reimi and Lloyd were now in their last year of college. Reimi was round Lloyd's as she normally was on alternating nights and Lloyd, seeing her suddenly bolt upright, rushed over from where he was doing his homework at the coffee table to sit beside Reimi.
"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.
She frowned at the letter then turned to face Lloyd. She seemed to falter with her words for a moment before she eventually let out "I-I got in.."
Lloyd looked at her quizzically to continue.
"I... didn't think anything would actually come of it... but a few months ago my music teacher sent off an application to this prestigious music school in France, along with my demo tape and I guess... I made it in,"
A pause for a second then "W-well of course you would! That's great news, ReimI!" He hugged her tight, and Reimi hugged slowly back, the news still sinking in. "You were so worried about your next step, and this is perfect for you," Lloyd continued, still holding her, "Well done."
Reimi nodded. "Y-yeah... This is amazing. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity..."
"Yeah," Lloyd agreed and Reimi squeezed tighter for a second before releasing him.
"I'm... I... I should quickly phone the college... let my music teacher know,"
She drew back, gave him a kiss on the cheek and then made her way to the phone.
Reimi often returned to this moment in her mind. She felt it was the start of the breaking point in their relationship. There was not much further discussion about the school or her options after this- being given such a rare and amazing opportunity, there was no way she couldn't go for it.
Both she and Lloyd seemed to almost ignore the subject until it was almost time for Reimi to fly out, and to Reimi it felt like Lloyd didn't care about her going away. He never complained about the distance or seemed upset that Reimi was leaving. He told her he would miss her and that he loved her but he didn't fight in any way to stop her going, which was of course good that he was supportive, but he was so supportive of her leaving that she felt horribly empty too.
She wondered if she had done something before that moment to make him begin to lose interest in her and so not to feel as bothered by her leaving, but it was futile to think of now... He had a new separate life from her, and hadn't been in contact with her upon her return, which a small part of her had hoped that he might, so... she should try to move on too...
She continued on her walk and finally reached town and was feeling much better by the time she returned home late afternoon. She was pleased to see not a lot had changed while she was gone and she even bumped into one of her old school friends, Tabatha and spent the afternoon happily catching up with her.
She went to her room to change and get ready for her welcome home dinner with her friends that night.
It'd been a week since Reimi had come back from France and despite his attempts to keep her from his mind; Lloyd found himself wandering around her Facebook and YouTube pages, a habit he had managed to break over a year ago.
It was three months after they had officially broken up (so 4 months since Reimi had left the US) but Lloyd continued to keep up with her life through her social media accounts. He was happy to see that even after what happened between them, Reimi continued to wear the necklace he'd made her for their 1st month anniversary. However, gradually she wore it less and less until she stopped wearing it completely, and at a similar time a boy with blonde hair started appearing in many of her photos.
It was the first time he'd actually cried over their breakup despite it being three months later. It was as if it had all become real and no matter how much he focused on his own life or buried himself in work, he couldn't stop it from affecting him.
The day he had given Reimi that necklace was a huge milestone for both of them. They were finally dating after years of struggles and heartache, and were happy as could be but they were still cautious and self-conscious of each other.
Lloyd had worked on the necklace every night for two weeks but the closer the day got the more nervous he got about actually giving it to her. He had always been good at crafting things and had taken Design Technology in secondary school as well as college, along with sociology but thought maybe the concept of the design was too cringe-y. However, when the time came, he couldn't stand the thought of her thinking he didn't get her anything or care about their anniversary so, he gave it to her and thought if he didn't make a big deal it'd be okay.
"Oh my god- Lloyd, this is beautiful," Reimi said in awe as she stared at the crystal pink heart encased with a larger metal cage heart, "It wasn't expensive was it? It looks like it cost the same as a grand piano."
"A-actually I made it," he said it quietly and worried of her reaction that he didn't buy a professionally made one.
"...what? You made this?"
Lloyd panicked at her tone, "uh, I'm sorry, I thought-"
"Can you put it on for me?" Reimi asked shyly.
"Y-yeah," Lloyd responded straight away although still a little confused.
Once he finished putting it on, he watched Reimi stare down at it as she held the pendant between her fingers, smiling wide.
She looked up at him just as happily and pulled him into a hug and said, "Thank you so much."
The whole day after that was perfect and the two became even happier if that were possible.
Reimi stood outside Lloyd and Genis' flat. Or at least what she knew had been their flat when she was previously in the US. She'd been debating all week whether to go and see Lloyd and this was the furthest she'd managed to get. Despite all her misgivings and admonitions, more than anything she wanted to see him one more time, even if he wasn't happy to see her.
As she stared up at the window to see if anyone was inside, her mind flashed back to what may have been one of the worst days of her life, giving her another reason to not approach the flat.
It was a month since Reimi had flown to France and started her studies. She was living in the dorms with the other international students and there was now a 6-hour time difference between her and the US so contact with Lloyd was very limited. It also didn't help that Reimi's college had a strict no social media except in the dorms rule.
She logged onto her laptop and saw Lloyd was already online waiting for her, and dialled him with FaceTime chat.
"Hey Lloyd," she smiled as his image flickered onto the screen. Lloyd waved back.
They chatted for a few minutes about normal things, catching up with each other's lives when Lloyd started talking about flying out for his new job.
"Wow! That's awesome!" Reimi said, clapping her hands together.
"Yeah... I mentioned it in my last message to you... You... Ah...You've been replying quite slowly... You still haven't replied to that one actually," Lloyd was looking away.
"Oh, I'm so sorry! I've been so busy I haven't even seen it,"
Reimi panicked as she saw Lloyd flinch a little at this and hurriedly added "Internet is very restricted here, I don't have much time to get on,"
"It... feels like nothings really changed for you... being apart..."
"What?" her expression turned concerned. "Lloyd..."
Suddenly someone touched a hand to Reimi's shoulder and she turned round to see Harvey behind her.
"Can you help me with something in a sec, Reimi? It's urgent,"
"Yeah, I'll be there in one minute just... just hold on, ok..." She waited for Harvey to leave the room and closed the door behind him (maybe it was ajar before).
She rushed back over to the laptop. Lloyd was now frowning heavily.
"Who was that?"
"No one, it's not important... What do you mean nothing's changed?"
"You seem fine without me."
"I've been busy... but I miss you every day. I wish I had the time to talk and reply to you more but I don't. Like I said... they're really strict here..."
"Yeah," he replied, but Reimi sensed dissatisfaction behind it. He paused for a moment, an impossibly long moment then said "I feel like... we're getting in each other's way more than anything"
"Long distance is hard... but-"
"Maybe we should break up,"
Reimi felt as if she'd been physically punched. She was completely winded and unable to answer or even express herself. Lloyd looked deadly serious.
"What..."
"We can still talk... be friends... just... this... is too hard,"
"I wish I could change things, I want to talk more! I just... can't..."
She couldn't remember much of the conversation after that, just that things had come to an end... She had taken a few hours to properly process the conversation and think about all that had been said but when she eventually went to sleep she had cried herself to sleep. The first of many nights. She didn't mean to hurt Lloyd but she really couldn't have changed the situation even if she wanted to...
Reimi was completely winded for a long time afterwards. But, she later reasoned to herself... it wasn't just her fault. They had both been responsible for the scattered contact the past month; Lloyd sometimes missed her calls, or took a while to reply to her messages, too... And she did miss him, so much, but when you were busy 24/7 you didn't always have the luxury of missing someone or thinking non-academic thoughts. Her course was very demanding, as expected of a prestigious school. And she had missed him in ways he couldn't see. She had his picture as her phone background... Over her walls, she doodled him in class and wrote songs about him (more on that later). But she could see how he would interpret otherwise.
Reimi glumly looked up at the flat again and started to walk away. She thought there was a possibility he had someone new now anyway... A few months after they had broken up Reimi had begun to see photos of Lloyd at his work crop up on her Facebook. There were a lot of him surrounded by a lot of women, some holding his shoulder, or touching him, not that noticeably but it got Reimi depressed.
She had eventually found the courage to bring it up with him, wanting to know if he was more than friends with any of them, to help her move on.
"So, which one's your new girlfriend?" she jokingly replied when Lloyd had once sent her one such picture of him at work.
He had simply replied with a "heh heh" and she had taken it to mean it was none of her business. And he was right... it really wasn't. Not anymore.
-Lloyd at that time-
Lloyd looked blankly at the words written under his most recent photo post on Facebook.
"So, which one's your new girlfriend?" –Reimi Keane
The photo was of himself and some of his colleagues that worked at his most recent charity event, and they had successfully raised their donation goal. They had taken the photo as a congratulatory gesture as well as to publicise the charity itself.
He and one other were the only two males in the photo of ten, so, Lloyd understood where the joke came from.
…But from Reimi…to say something like that as a joke. To put it simply: it really hurt. It was like a confirmation of everything he had already believed from their relationship. That Reimi didn't care. She never once cared about Lloyd being taken away by another, unlike Lloyd, who worried constantly.
Maybe she was just testing the waters, to see where they were now. If it was okay to joke like this. Well, it wasn't. Not to Lloyd anyway. The wound was still fresh to him.
He looked over the words again, and then at the faces of his colleagues. They were friends of his, but not friends like Colette, Zelos, Genis, Raine, Sheena, Presea, Regal, and once upon a time, Reimi. And, to be honest, Lloyd had completely forgotten the concept of having a romantic relationship since his and Reimi's break up. It was like…Reimi was it for him…
Lloyd chuckled sadly under his breath, before typing his response and closing his laptop.
-Back to Present-
Lloyd lightly swung the door closed behind him as he finally returned home to his apartment after a long day's work. Genis, upon hearing the door, quickly popped out of his room to greet Lloyd and to tell him his dinner was ready, it just needed to be warmed up, before going back to study.
Genis was actually 4-5 years younger than Lloyd (making him 15) and had recently started his final year of secondary school, so, had become quite busy. Some people had found their age difference a little odd, however, they both came from the same small, rural village that had a tiny population and was very close knit. Also, Genis was a very intelligent boy and was probably far more mature than Lloyd in some areas.
Though, Genis really respected and appreciated Lloyd a lot. Lloyd had always had a caring nature and was an idealist at heart; which led him to pursue a career in charity work. He took sociology and politics in college, and had successfully, after almost two years of hard work, got a job as a charity officer. It's a broad position so it's always chaotic at work and there's always something to do, but Lloyd truly enjoyed every second of it. He even got to go abroad every month to do work in other countries.
After Lloyd had some food he went to his room to change, sort out some work, and eventually, settle down and relax. Although, relaxing was always dangerous. His mind was free to wander and all the feelings he had tried to forget came running back. Reimi had been back for over two weeks already and neither himself, or her, had made contact.
Genis had been strangely persistent about Lloyd calling her since a few nights ago, but Lloyd had no confidence Reimi would actually want to see him.
He had long since questioned if he did the right thing to break up with Reimi two years ago. He knew he still loved her, but the insecurity and paranoia he felt back then, it scared him. He didn't want to hurt Reimi, and it didn't seem healthy how he had become. He felt wretched, and he didn't want that to drag Reimi down.
And yet, knowing that he spent a lot of his free time on thinking of ways to reach out to Reimi (he even had a couple of draft emails he had wrote out to send her), and here he was, clicking on one of Reimi's YouTube videos, most of which he had already seen, multiple times. He had avoided them since the break up as the songs, the songs that had made him so happy in the past, now only brought unbearable sorrow. And because of that he had missed the last 5 songs and couldn't stop himself but listen to them now. Reimi's return had broken down a lot of Lloyd's will.
At first she only uploaded covers, all Lloyd loved and had listen to on repeat when they were going out, before it became too difficult. But he noticed that she uploaded less in France, not that she uploaded that regularly, but it was significantly less. And now he was amazed to find 5 new videos she had put up between the time they broke up and near the end of her France trip.
He hesitantly pressed the play button on the earliest one he hadn't seen, 'lie'.
His heart clenched as he saw Reimi at her piano, albeit not in the greatest visual quality and she was quite far away too, but it didn't matter. Before she even touched a key, Lloyd knew the song wouldn't be a happy one, he knew her well and the way she moved told him everything. Well, not everything, but he could see she was sad and distant. The music started and Lloyd let himself be swept away, Reimi's music always was able to do that to him.
...
The song played.
Lloyd listened.
And when the song slowly finished, Lloyd was still staring at the screen of his laptop.
He stayed like that for a long time.
His eyes, which had been wide and bright with confused pain, slowly dimmed and lowered, settling to stare at his hands that sat limply on the keyboard in front of him.
The song had told the story of a painful relationship, where one wished she was truly happy with her partner and that she had to lie to herself and them to get through their fake relationship. A relationship where she felt trapped.
Lloyd finally moved. He pushed his laptop away and went to bed without changing his clothes.
He had suddenly felt so tired, and yet, that night he didn't sleep.
Reimi had been besotted with Lloyd as far back as she could remember. She had noticed him in her first science class of secondary school, but could never think of a reason to introduce herself, and so held back and watched him from afar.
In class, he was often the centre of attention, his voice carrying across the room and his infectious and good-natured laughter a frequent background noise when they were divided into groups to work on practical experiments. Because of this, Reimi thought, he was frequently called on by the teacher to try and solve difficult problems, which he struggled with, but Reimi always admired how hard he tried, despite his friends laughing when he gave an incorrect answer. He never seemed too embarrassed and took everything in his stride, which may be why he got along well with everyone. Reimi was much more introverted and kept her head down so she was sure if he had been asked, he wouldn't have even recognized her as his classmate.
After being properly introduced to him in Year 8 her affection blossomed into love. She had never told anyone she liked Lloyd and was happily surprised when a friend she had made in art class, Colette Brunel, brought Reimi along at lunch to meet her group and Lloyd was amongst them. As lunch ended, he had turned to her saying "Hey Reimi, Science is next, want to head there together?" and she was happily shocked that he did know her after all.
All through high school the group continued to hang out and Reimi was invited to places after school with them, or sometimes sat with them at lunch and even joined their meets on the weekends.
Finally, as the Year 11 exams fast approached, the group had begun having little study sessions after school round each other's houses. At first it had been all of them, but steadily the numbers seemed to drop until for the last few sessions it had just been Reimi and Lloyd. Reimi was both terrified and over-the-moon about this. She had grown comfortable being by herself with Lloyd awhile back, and had desperately tried to push down her feelings for him but when the two of them were alone (which wasn't often but happened sometimes) and all his attention was directed at her, she felt them rise back up and was sure they revealed themselves on her face.
On this occasion, Reimi and Lloyd were revising notes for Maths, a subject neither of them were very good at. Reimi was flicking through the pages of notes surrounding the solution to a difficult problem and Lloyd sighed, frustrated at his inability to understand it, leaning back onto the sofa they were sitting at side-by-side.
Quite by accident, Reimi drew her hand back to rest on the sofa behind her, and found Lloyd's open palm instead of the cushioned seats. She froze as a bolt of electricity ran through her whole body and maybe due to her surprise, was slow to move it away. But just as she was about to, readying an apology on the tip of her tongue, she felt something which made her heart freeze and tongue stick in her mouth; Lloyd's hand entwined a fraction with hers. She paused a second longer, absolutely terrified to turn her face and look at him and felt his grip tighten a little more. Hardly daring to breathe, she closed the final distance so their fingers were clasped tightly together. She could feel her palm begin to lace with sweat, but she didn't care. A feeling in her stomach fluttered and a dizzying flush sweep her face, but she held on, the silence becoming loud in her ears.
Eventually Lloyd spoke "I really like you, Reimi,"
It was a simple enough statement but it made Reimi's eyes tear up with joy. She bowed her head, still scared to meet his gaze and stuttered back. "I r-really like you too, Lloyd... A lot..."
She felt him nervously squeeze her hand and squeezed back. She then heard the sofa creak as he leant forward so he was in her eye line and Reimi nervously looked up. He was smiling, the widest, happiest smile she was sure she had ever seen. She smiled back and laughed a little, embarrassed and utterly red in the face. She had never even dreamt he could like her back.
The two of them had spent the rest of the day talking, revision forgotten, about their feelings for each other and how long they had been harbouring them. Reimi couldn't believe her ears at his confession he had liked her the whole time she had liked him. It had seemed too perfect, and she had probably now tortured herself far longer than she'd needed, but she wouldn't change a thing. Getting to know Lloyd, getting to be his friend first and fully appreciate this miracle that he liked her back, was something she would never change. She was the happiest person in the world.
It was only after Lloyd had gone home that night and she had phoned up Sheena to tell her the good news that she realised their friends had known their feelings all along and purposefully left them alone, hoping to set them up.
Reimi supposed they were now helping Lloyd with his new girlfriend and so had once again decided to keep her turbulent feelings a secret.
"Lloyd, can I talk to you?" Genis started tentatively.
It was a Saturday afternoon; Lloyd had been on his laptop answering emails for work in the living room, while Genis had been in his own room studying until a few minutes ago. He nervously hovered around Lloyd for a few minutes before speaking up, pulling Lloyd's attention away from his laptop.
"Yeah, of course," Lloyd replied encouragingly, placing the computer on the coffee table in front of him.
Genis nodded and took a seat next to Lloyd on the couch.
"It's about Reimi," Lloyd stiffened but let Genis continue, "She was here Wednesday night...outside our apartment."
"...What? Why?"
"I can't say for sure, but she stood there for a while looking up at our window before eventually leaving after some minutes. I think she wants to see you, " Genis explained, though still little cautious to Lloyd's reaction.
"But...why would she want to see me of all people?" Lloyd questioned, more to himself than to Genis, "And why didn't you tell me?"
"I'm sorry, I wanted to see if she'd come in herself but when she didn't, well...I didn't know how'd you react. I know it hurts you to talk about her," Genis averted his gaze and his tone became sorrowful.
Lloyd watched Genis for a moment before ruffling his hair, "Don't worry, Genis. I'm sorry if it's been hard to talk to me lately, actually, I know it has, but I'm trying to move on and get better. Please bear with me until then, haha."
"What? Move on? Didn't you hear what I just told you? Reimi came here!"
"She probably came for closure or maybe she felt guilty? I don't think she came here because she missed me, if that's what you're implying but I'm had you told me. Thanks Genis."
"What? Guilty? That doesn't make any sense!"
"It does... Genis have you been on Reimi's YouTube channel?"
"Yeah," curious to where Lloyd was going.
"Have you heard her original songs?"
"Yeah! So you should know how she feels!" Genis raised his voice in excitement.
"Yeah, she was just putting up with me because she couldn't break up with me,"
"...what? What songs are we talking about again?"
"I've only listened to one so far, 'Lie,'" Lloyd continued to talk about the song and what he thought about it as he gradually felt more and more melancholy while he mentally revisited the feelings he had been trying to forget.
"...Lloyd...You...are an... idiot. Just an idiot. Lloyd, I wish you had told me about this sooner, no wonder you've been so down lately. Lloyd that's not what the songs are about and you should have listened to the others as well! They're all about you and how much she loves and misses you," Genis rambled incredulously.
Lloyd still wasn't convinced but let his friend pull up Reimi's YouTube page on his laptop and go through and explain the songs meanings. He also mentioned how all their other friends had come to the same conclusion. That both Reimi and Lloyd still loved each other.
Reimi let out a silent inadvertent sigh into her cup of coffee as she stared vaguely out the window, now only half listening to the group's conversation which had shifted to a television show she had missed whilst in Paris.
It was a Saturday afternoon and she was meeting Sheena, Colette and Presea in town for coffee. She had had a stressful week with job hunting and her friends had decided to take her out to give her a day off and relax. Even though Reimi had graduated with Merit from one of the most prestigious music schools in Europe, she still was having trouble finding a job. Orchestras didn't often hire, she was tired of auditioning for bands with people less experienced than her and she didn't fancy being a teacher. It was extremely frustrating and didn't help her already fragile state of mind.
Music aside, Reimi didn't know what else she wanted to do professionally. Music was everything to her and she had always been able to vent her feelings through it. When the world was closing in on her she could always retreat into herself and soothe the pain with music. That was why she started her YouTube channel and music career in the first place, even though at the beginning all she was capable of was covers. Then she met Lloyd and started to understand why people made music in the first place. She possessed the talent but he had brought the heart to her work.
She started off with small, inconsequential pieces that felt cliché and unoriginal, but over time, and with practice, she started making songs she was really proud of. She didn't exactly publicize her channel and only posted the songs outside of Facebook so her acquaintances couldn't see them but it had been enough to get her where she wanted to go. She knew Lloyd knew about her account as a couple of times she had posted covers he had requested there, but she was sure he didn't browse it often as he never brought it up when they were going out.
After their breakup, Reimi felt more like playing than ever. She was a pianist and not a singer, so she didn't like to post things other than instrumentals but her despair ran so deep that the piano alone wasn't enough and she had started working a little harder on lyrics to help vent her feelings out. She could carry a tune but her voice wasn't anything special which made her a little scared of posting them but having them public was the best way to let her feelings free from her body and continue on.
"Reimi?" Sheena's voice suddenly called her from her reverie.
"What... Oh, sorry... I was... just thinking,"
"Space case," Sheena smiled, though she looked a little concerned.
"Thinking about what?" Presea asked curiously.
"Just... Things are so different. I'm kinda still getting used to being back here..."
"Have you heard from Lloyd at all recently?" Colette cut in, getting straight to the point.
Reimi dropped her cup onto the table and spilled a little of the liquid, managing to right it before it fell completely on its side.
"Sorry... I'm so sorry..." she said, quickly wiping the spillage up with a napkin on the table and missing the look the group gave each other. She didn't say anything further and concentrated on the mess.
After letting the silence lapse for a moment, Presea continued. "We're going to have a welcome back party for you soon, do you want him there?"
Reimi didn't look anyone in the eye. "No... Yes... I... don't want... It sounds selfish but... I don't want to see him with someone else. And I think he won't want to see me anyway,"
"But, there isn't anyone else," Colette put in. Reimi frowned.
"And of course he'll want to see you, but I think you should see him before then anyway. I'm surprised you haven't already gone," Sheena said, her voice still laced with as trepidation.
"I'm... tired," Reimi sighed. "I think I'm going to go home for today... I'm sorry," she drew her chair back and stood up.
"Reimi, wait," Sheena grabbed Reimi's arm quickly before she could run off. "Call us anytime, okay?"
Reimi nodded, and adjusting her bag over her shoulder, walked out of the coffee shop and began the journey home.
"The twerp's right, bud," Zelos said once one of Reimi's original songs ended.
Genis had spent the rest of the afternoon showing and explaining his thoughts on Reimi's songs to Lloyd, however, to find Lloyd only deny and refuse any positive proof of Reimi's love for him. Luckily, Raine came over that evening (she did every fortnight or so), as well as Zelos (though less expectedly) who had popped over after work (he was born and raised into politics but had recently started working with Lloyd in charity as well), like he did sometimes, and were able to help Genis get some sense into him.
Lloyd still looked unconvinced despite Zelos' encouragement before Raine chimed in from her place in the kitchen area, "I don't approve of you all speculating Reimi's pieces like this."
"Come on, Raine, we're trying to help," Genis defended.
Lloyd let the voices wash over him as he thought about Genis' words and the music Reimi made, supposedly about himself. It's not that weren't making strong points and too be honest he had no real argument to protest with except saying they've probably misunderstood. It's just, for so long, he's been trying to bury everything and 'feel better'. Also, the whole reason he initiated the break up was from the fact he was so sure Reimi didn't care or love him, and he no longer had the confidence to face her.
However, despite all that, this all made him realise he had to face her to move on. These long, painful two years hadn't dampened his feelings for her since the first day he met her. And these songs, they're so full of emotion, if they are about him, he had to know. He knew that he might just be troubling her but he wanted to know the truth and explain himself for wanting to break apart in the first place, even if she sees an ugly side of him.
"Thanks guys," Lloyd smiled as he got up towards the front door where his coat and shoes were.
"So you finally understand?" Genis asked in surprise.
"Haha, no, I don't understand anything, except I have to apologise to Reimi and tell her what I've been feeling, otherwise I'll spend the rest of my life in regret and sleep deprived," he explained tying up his second boot.
"Yeah! Go, bud!" Zelos cheered enthusiastically. Genis had a big smile on his face, and Raine approached Lloyd with a stern impression.
"I don't want to get involved as Reimi wouldn't want me to share things without her knowing, however, I will say she hasn't once taken that necklace off."
"W-what? But in her photos-"
"People started asking questions. She had it on under her clothes," she simply explained.
And with that Lloyd was out the door.
Reimi found herself alone in the apartment that evening. Raine had gone to visit her brother Genis, and Reimi wished she had stayed out longer with her friends as the silence was thick and pressed closely round her.
She turned on the television for some background noise then just sat blankly at her keyboard for a bit before closing the lid and going to make dinner.
She managed to busy herself for a while by concentrating on following the recipe book's instructions but once dinner was ready she had nothing to further distract herself from the thoughts the afternoon had brought up. She ate slowly, staring through the TV, and reluctantly thought about what the others had said.
Even if there really was no one new in Lloyd's life yet, it wasn't fair of her to disturb his new life for her own happiness. She wished she was strong enough to see him and to try and just be his friend but she didn't think she was. And she also didn't think she wanted him at the party if it would just make them both uncomfortable and her miserable. She sighed.
Then, as she pushed her plate of half-finished pasta away there was a knock at the door.
Expecting Raine, Reimi got up and didn't bother looking through the keyhole before opening the door.
"Welcome h-" she froze in her tracks.
It was none other than the object of her thoughts standing in the hallway, looking not a day older but perhaps a little more tired, from when she last saw him.
She stood, mouth slightly agape, staring at Lloyd for a split second before she moved towards him and wrapped him in a tight hug. She wasn't consciously aware of doing this, it was automatic; just something she felt she had to do, had been longing to do for a long, long while. She jumped a little as she felt his hands wrap around her back in return. Her heartbeat quickened and she smiled into his chest, feeling absolutely terrified but happier than she had in a long while as well. Realizing she might be drawing the hug out too long she quickly drew apart, slightly surprised at herself for actions.
Now scared to look him in the eye, she fixed her gaze embarrassedly on the floor to the left of him.
"Do... do you want to come in?" she asked, moving aside a little so Lloyd could pass her if he wanted.
She hoped it wasn't bad news but even if it was, she was just so happy to see him again.
Lloyd stood in Reimi's flat, looking all over to find everything practically the same as when he'd seen it last, except for a few new knick-knacks here and there. He took a breath and turned to Reimi who still stood by the door, seemingly too nervous to approach him in any way.
Lloyd didn't know how to start...
"A-are you settling back well?" Lamely apparently. Lloyd inwardly sighed at his obvious attempt to stall, however, not to say he wasn't interested.
"O-oh, yes...To an extent at least," She replied vaguely. Lloyd gave her room to continue, to which she did, "Well, when you've been away from anywhere for two years, you bound to feel a little disconnected...and left behind."
"That's natural; but it won't last long, and you need to know no one's feelings for you have changed since you've been away," he knew how contradictory that was from their situation and that maybe using such words as 'feelings' might be a little dangerous.
To his surprise, Reimi picked up on it and called him out, "Yours did..." Reimi seemed surprised too and put her hand over her mouth.
"They didn't," Lloyd said strongly, preparing to tell her everything.
"...What? Then why-"
"Reimi, I never really wanted to break up at that time. I was becoming crazy insecure and I started to hate myself, and I was scared that I'd hurt you...which I ended up doing anyway... When you got the acceptance letter, I wanted to tell you so many things, like; 'Don't go,' 'You're amazing,' 'Why didn't you tell me about this?' 'I'm so proud of you,' 'Do you not care about being apart?'" Lloyd took a breath and stole a glance at Reimi who was looking bewildered to say the least, but he carried on.
"I know most of them were selfish thoughts, but they only got worse when you left. I would go on your Facebook page when I missed you to see all the new people you'd met in a place I didn't know. You felt so far away, I mean you were, but it felt more than just physical distance, and you didn't seem to miss me at all. I kept seeing you with a boy I didn't know and I got jealous. And... like a child, I tested you...I brought up breaking up for reassurance...and I'm sorry about that. I really am. I never stopped loving you Reimi. But I lost faith that you ever felt anything for me... Reimi...If I'm bothering you and you're happy with being apart, I'll leave and work hard to becoming friends again. I know I'm being selfish again, but I... I need to know how you feel so I can move on," Lloyd wished he could've been more eloquent but waited patiently for Reimi to respond.
Reimi held herself wretchedly as she listened to Lloyd's speech. When he had finished her heart was a raw mess. She had so many questions she didn't know where to start. She concentrated on the thing that had affected her the most and looked up, meeting his worried gaze with her own.
"The breakup was a test... I... I guess I failed it then..." She looked disheartened but clenched her fists and looked up at him.
"But Lloyd... you're wrong... I never stopped loving you, either! When I got the letter I wanted you to fight me about it, you seemed so unaffected by my leaving I thought you had grown tired of me... so I didn't confront you when I should have. I was a coward. Going to college in France was an amazing opportunity but I'm so sorry if I made you feel like you weren't a factor to consider, you were! I underestimated your feelings for me and pushed them aside..."
"I know I probably don't deserve it but... Please don't move on... Please don't stop loving me... There was never anyone else you needed to feel jealous of, you were... are... The most precious thing in my life. It would take more than long-distance and two years apart to change that... I've loved you for so long, I don't think it's physically possible for me to stop." she finished weakly, blinking back the tears that were starting to spring into her eyes. "I'll make these last two years up to you even if it takes the rest of my life - please, believe me!"
She felt the first of the tears fall and frustratedly rubbed at her eyes to stop them. Her vision blurred and was suddenly obstructed by something close in front of her. She gasped as she felt Lloyd's arms firmly wrap around her and as he gently manoeuvred her head to rest against his chest. She clung to him, her body shaking with quiet sobs, still absolutely terrified but with the first inklings of hope she had dared to feel since she had returned.
"I heard your songs," he said after a long moment. "I... I wondered... I hoped..."
"F-for you..." she stammered. "My songs were all... about you,"
He squeezed her tighter and Reimi felt a little pain in her chest where her necklace lay sandwiched between them. She flinched, glancing down and took it out from under her shirt so it would be cushioned by her clothes. A couple of drops of water fell on her shoulder.
She looked up, sharply. Lloyd was staring at the necklace, tears clouding his eyes.
"Lloyd...?" Reimi hedged worriedly.
"Reimi... Don't leave me alone again..." he croaked out.
Reimi brought a hand up and softly brushed his tears away, leaving her hand to rest on his cheek. "...I promise,"
He smiled down at her, though it was small and full of pain, not the usual brilliant beam she had loved. She wanted to take all that pain away, resolved that she would in time and felt her heart flutter as he brought his hand up against hers on his cheek and leant his head against her hand, closing his eyes.
"I promise I won't let you go so easily, either. I love you, Reimi," he opened them again and looked at her softly. She smiled.
"I love you too."
