It was a dark, stormy night -- As is fitting for the tale about to be told. The rain pelted down on the fringes of the Haunted Woods, creating a constant rustling. Due to the downpour, a certain Neopet girl, known for her evil, was in a bit of a difficult situation...
Vira gave a dark sneer, glaring out at the rain. On any other night, it would be no problem for her to fly to one of the caves on the mountains at the far west of the Haunted Woods -- However, she had seen numerous flashes of lightning, and the booming thunder would not be ignored. Only an idiot would fly in this godforsaken storm...
Ka-THOOOOOM!!
Just as that thought crossed her mind, Vira looked up at the stormy sky. Some kind of smoking shape, vaguely resembling a large Scorchio, had fallen from the sky and was hurtling to earth -- In the general direction of Neopia Central. This caused Vira to snicker loudly: What a sight! While she normally despised morons, she loved when they provided fine entertainment.
However, Vira's chuckles were abruptly stopped as she felt a presence behind her. Giving a hiss, she spun around -- But all fighting spirit left her upon seeing what awaited: Some kind of titanic 'Pet, with a broad stomach, muscled arms, thin legs and, most noticeably, thick, roundframed spectacles as well as a huge afro haircut. Vira was about to attempt flight by flying, but the massive individual before her suddenly spoke in a quiet, slightly airy voice.
"Misses Vira. I would ask that you accompany me to my older brother's estate. He wishes that you would not have to spend this night alone in the rain -- He would also like you to be informed that the storm will not begin letting up until tomorrow evening." With that, the afro'd mountain shifted aside, holding out a tree-trunk arm to his side in a gesture for the demonic acara girl to pass him. Vira was a bit reluctant at first, but the intriguing promise of somewhere out of the rain to stay got the better of her.
Cautiously watching the huge Neopet, who she could now see was a kougra, Vira started walking.
...
After a few minutes of walking, Vira began to notice strange, blocky shapes around, bound by tree roots or just laying in pieces. Noting that the huge kougra had been directing their path slowly southeast, Vira surmised that they were nearing the border of the Haunted Woods and Meridell. That would explain the fortress ruins abound...
Soon, they reached their apparent destination: A significantly intact part of the ruins that were apparently rebuilt around a massive tree. Vira was lead inside, and was shocked at the sight that met her: A huge party hall, complete with numerous tables and bars and with apparent upper floors (Making it more of a...Party Tower), and a large stage built around the base of the tree, complete with entraces and exits to the left and right and an enclosed back portion.
Suddenly, soon after Vira entered, the lights dimmed and the crowed quieted down, as a terrifyingly ominous figure began to walk across the stage with his microphone and stand. A low, dance-worthy tune began to play, and the shadowy figure half-spoke, half-sang in a succulent voice: "So you came in, you came in from the niiight/And, girl you knew that somethin' wasn't riii-iiight. Well girlie, you hit the nail on the head -- Oh! Tonight, well tonight, you'll see the best of what you dreee-eeead -- Ah!"
Finally, the door slammed shut behind Vira and the lights became bright again -- Showing the Neopet on the stage in all his perverse glory: A white kougra with dark blue stripes and a large dark blue afro, wearing a golden and ruby crown, tight leather pants, metal-plated boots, and a skimpy leather harness connected to a royal purple cape that had a midnight blue lining. As he was miraculously joined onstage by six female, scantily-costumed kougras -- A mummy, a vampire, a phantom, a devil, a witch, and a Frankenstein's monster -- The song, the dancing, and the horror all continued without pause.
Babe, I thank you for kindly heeding my caaall
But I bet'cha couldn't predict this situation at aaall -- Oh!
As your breath turns shallow n' cold, your body starts to quiver
Your poor little heart's been PIERCED, by an icy sliiiverrr -- Ah!
But heed my words, baby, I swear on my crowwwn
There awaits an awful fate, for those unwillin' to get dowwwn -- Heh-hee!
For if you don't dance, don't face your fears
You'll be forced to face the funk of four-thousand yeeeeearrrs!! OOO-OHHH!!
All this time, the female backup dancers had been at war with the lead showman in an attempt to determine who could perform a more perverted version of the dance -- But finally, the song ended, with the kougra at front making an absolute spectacle by biting clean through the microphone stand he held. As the perverted king stepped down from the stage -- Showing he was at least the same height as the kougra that had lead Vira to the Party Tower -- He slowly approached his guest. Vira stared, slackjawed.
She was screaming inside of her head, I'm conflicted between disgust and fear! I want to throw up, but I also want to scream! But I don't want to go back out into that storm, with it getting colder like it was!! I don't know WHAT I want!! Finally, the kougra in leather pants and his backup dancers stood before Vira. She tried to will her mouth to close, afraid of what foreign objects this disgusting monster of a Neopet might wish to insert, but her jaw went right slack again as she saw what he and the backup dancers did next.
Each and every one of the backup dancers, as well as their kinkalicious king, went down on one knee, right hand folded over the sternum. With that, Duke Perv suddenly spoke in a reserved, dignified voice. "I, Salvadore, Rey de Concubinas Lascivos, give my sincere thanks. I am blessed to have a beautiful lady such as you grace this most humble tower of love." Salvadore gently took Vira's hand and laid a delicate kiss on the back of her ring finger. Meanwhile, Vira's jaw continually grew slacker.
What the hell was going on here!?
If her knowledge of the Spanish language was to be trusted, did he just call himself "King of Lewd Concubines"!?
And how the hell was this "humble"!!?
