Inexplicably, I have felt the urge to write humor. It might just be rebellion against my disturbed muse, and it might be a terrible idea, but I'm determined to at least try. However, I make no promises that it will be funny.

Warning: Expect teenagers blushing. Expect gay and straight relationships. Expect evilness, because my muse is still a part of me however much I supress her. Oh, and the rating may well change.

For the 100 Themes Challenge, I present-

77) Test


"So, brats. I'm proud of you, you've finally completed enough missions successfully to take part in the jounin exams this year. Isn't that exciting?"

Sakura managed a small noise approaching a groan, but couldn't muster the energy for more. Excitement was certainly beyond her now – what with the seven fractured ribs and dangerously low chakra reserves. Luckily, the hospital was only just beyond the front gates, so she would be allowed to pass out soon.

As usual, Naruto displayed the exuberance that only he could while nursing third degree burns and a shattered shoulder-blade, actually running a few steps and punching the air with his working arm. "Awesome, I can't wait!" Sakura winced mentally at the way his blisters cracked with the movement, but now wasn't the time to worry about his casual attitude towards pain. Now was the time to take one step at a time and concentrate on staying upright.

Sasuke was silent, but that probably had a lot to do with the senbon through his throat. That, and he was too proud to admit he was excited, maybe more excited than all of them. Her boys were all so stupid.

With that thought, she passed out, conveniently caught by team leader's arms

#

Naruto hated hospitals. He always seemed to be hanging around them though, so he'd learned to tolerate the sights and smells that assaulted him as he walked down the white corridor.

Hospital visits were the downside of having abnormally fast healing abilities – he wanted to go and train, but his whole team were laid up in bed with various injuries. They usually were after A-class missions though, so he was used to it (not that that stopped him complaining about their slow healing abilities). At least this time Kakashi was reasonably alive, with nothing more than a case of torn ligaments in one ankle.

With any luck the copy-nin would be released today, and Naruto intended to capitalize on the man's hatred of sterile buildings to get some training in before the day ended. His muscles were just itching to spar, and he needed to be in top condition for the jounin exams.

However, much to his surprise, he found not only Kakashi, but Sakura and Sasuke sitting in their normal gear, apparently all better.

"Hey, how come you guys are up already? I thought you needed bed rest or something with such bad chakra exhaustion." He noticed Sasuke scowl slightly, and failed to repress a grin. Having a demon fox with unlimited stamina really helped when recovering from chakra exhaustion, and he loved beating the Bastard at anything.

Before he could gloat properly though, Kakashi spoke. "They're still too low to take normal missions or train, but that's not a problem. You see, we need to do a very particular kind of training, what with the jounin exams in just a few months, and all of you so keen to pass."

"Really? What is it? And how come they don't need chakra for it? And-"

"Slow down Naruto, everything will become clear. The jounin exams are rather different to the chuunin, as I'm sure you know. There isn't any teamwork, only solo, and it's not open to other countries. Instead, you will be competing against our fellow leaf-nin...or you may be allied with some of them. It all depends on the tasks set you.

"Now I'm not worried about your fighting skills, any of you, but there is another area I fear none of you know much about, and it's often one of the most important in the exam." He paused, deliberately holding the tension until Naruto opened his mouth to ask what, exactly, this 'other area' was, to continue.

"You need to learn the traditional kunoichi method of seduction."

There was a moment of stunned silence, then...

"WHAT THE HELL?!?"

#

Sasuke uncovered his ears and repressed a sigh. Kakashi was clearly not in his right mind.

"Kakashi, only Sakura needs to learn such things, and I for one am not willing to help 'train' her in anything of the sort." She'd improved a lot as she grew, both in character and physical form, but that didn't mean the team's dynamics wouldn't be screwed if any of them did something like...what Kakashi seemed to be suggesting. Anyway, he wanted to be training himself for this exam, not just his teammate.

He glanced at their old teacher's face, noticing that the man's arms were crossed and his expression disturbingly blank. That usually indicated a lost battle for someone, probably him in this case. Kakashi looked far too patient about all of this. Too sane.

"No, Sasuke, you all need to learn. Girls are not the only ones to form relationships, and they are not the only whores you can get, if you look in the right places. The jounin exams last six whole months, and there's no lethal ninjutsu allowed, so it's a very useful skill to have. And-" Kakashi raised a hand to cut off Naruto's (probably loud) protests before they started. "-really, this is one of the skills only the most self-controlled can master. It's important for you to have a range of skills, rather than focusing on battle skills."

"B-but Kakashi-sensei, are you sure it's allowed? I thought you weren't allowed to marry until eighteen." Sakura was blushing, unusually shy for some reason. He just hoped it wasn't due to a re-awakened crush on him.

"No, Sakura, that's only for civilians, and even then they can marry younger with parental consent. Shinobi are taken as adults once they become chuunin, that's how come you were allowed to get your own place last year. And anyway, it's not unusual for ninja – kunoichi in particular – to use sex as a weapon from a very young age."

Sasuke only just managed to keep his face impassive at that. He'd already known that chuunin were treated as adults, but when he thought about the ages of some prodigies...Itachi's face at nine years flashed through his mind, soft and smiling and back from a mission where he might have-

It made him feel both sick and viciously satisfied at once, and he spoke up in an attempt to clear the disturbing images from his mind.

"So, do we have any option about this?" Kakashi grinned, his visible eye crinkled up into a sadistic smile. This couldn't be good.

"You do, but I'm afraid I won't recommend you for the exams otherwise; I'd hate to see any of you dead." The man seemed serious about it, and Sasuke hid a shiver. It couldn't really make that much difference, could it?

Either way, he had to take the chance. He couldn't afford to wait another year for the next exams. It wasn't like he cared about his purity anyway, if he had any after making killing his career. It didn't sound hard either, knowing how girls reacted to him. And if he did agree, Naruto and Sakura would too, because the former wouldn't want to look a wimp and the latter still seemed to hero-worship him a little.

He took a shallow breath, and sealed their fates.

"I'll do it."


Did you laugh? Will you have nightmares? Should I be sectioned? Let me know, because I'm really not sure about this fic.