THANKS FOR KEEPING UP WITH MY TRASHTERPIECES
I am so extra. Over here doin' the most.
~ HEDAQUEENSLAYER ~
AO3 (Archive of our own) will have this story updated before this site. Also contacting me is easier there. Also my notes for chapters are there. It's just easier. Be patient.
Chapter 1.
Those who believe fate is simply destiny because they cannot change it are wrong.
Dead wrong.
Clarke Griffin knows first hand how to play a role in fate. All too well.
She knows that the future is fluid and changes with each decision that is made. The future is not written in stone, at least not where she is concerned. She now knows her decisions effect things greatly. They play a huge role in what's to come.
She has witnessed it.
She has survived it.
She has made fate work in her favour.
She knows she was Heda Kom Faete in past life, she understands as a reincarnate, that she is the commander of fate again. She holds some control over what will come to pass. The most daunting thing about it is that her decisions play such a huge role.
There are elements of fate that she cannot control, pre-destined ones such as being an only child, or a reincarnate.
In Clarke's eyes, she was predestined to love Lexa like her life depended on it. And in a way she was right on both accounts there.
Clarke's past lives had taught her much, most importantly: That she matters. That Lexa matters. They matter.
But they also taught her that fate is fickle.
For Clarke, it relies on three things.
1. Reincarnation (something she can't control)
Firstly, lets be reasonable. She had no choice but to be Claire (Heda Kom Faete), Wanheda, or Liza the warrior. Their spirits are entwined with hers throughout time and space, always ebbing and flowing as the world changes and evolves. If anyone chose Clarke for this it was them.
2. Your efforts and decisions as soon as your feet touch the ground (something she knows all too well how she can control)
Well fuck. Her decisions and efforts affect fate because she doesn't only apply this to the first day she landed on Earth. She applies this every single day her feet hit the ground from her bed. She makes decisions and accepts their consequences good or bad. Every. Single. Damn. Day. She always has.
3. Your influences (something that she both can and cannot control)
Clarke Griffin's influences that help guide her to making decisions is almost endless. Aside from her spirit friends inside she has a fucking incredible support system. She has loyal and loving friends. She has people that adore her. She has a slightly over-mothering mother. She has her lionheart. She has her father's memory. She has her conscience. She has her soulmate. She has her lionheart.
Her actions, her influences, her past lives from day one had led her here.
Led her to acceptance.
Clarke Griffin is self-aware.
Highly self-aware - probably more so than any multi-doctorate genius and even Raven Reyes.
It's a damn good thing too because she is low key freaking out about her and Lexa's 'new energies' (she really hates the word superpower and has requested Octavia to stop using it.)
Lexa doesn't show it but she is too. Clarke can tell, she can feel her more so than ever (something she never thought possible). In the last week she has literally felt as one with Lexa and not because she can read her like a book. It's the lifeblood they now share. Clarke can feel the different energy inside her. She's aware of it, it's constantly simmering inside her like a soft purr. The first night she slept clutching to Lexa as her mind was filled with dancing flames. Lexa had spent that night clutching right back with images of Clarke wrapped in a soft blue, green and red glow. Protected. Safe. Happy.
"So," Clarke was saying while setting her charcoal down and looking at Lexa across from her. "You think your 'energy' comes from a place of protection. Wanting to keep me safe?"
"Clarke, you don't need to air quote the word energy anymore." Lexa smirked, "But yes, it seems to make the most sense."
Catching her swooning heart once more Clarke replied, "So where do you think mine come from? I mean flames don't really mean life do they? How does 'she holds flame, fire and life' round out?"
Lexa paused sharpening her blade as she thought about it. It had been troubling her too. "In our culture flames do signify life. We burn bodies of the fallen on pyres so their spirits can be reborn again…"
Clarke huffed but nodded. When Lexa eyed her knowingly she spoke, "Fire is destruction. Flames burn and destroy lives, the ground, the things in it's path. Is that who I am? Destroyer of worlds?" She looked down at her sketchbook seeing the black, grey and white flame she had created.
"Flames produce light," Lexa countered. "They light the darkness. To many it signifies life, power, and hope. I happen to find flame's light comforting."
Clarke rolled her eyes and grinned, "Nice line Commander." She fucking missed her and her millions of candles and her terrible pick up lines.
"That wasn't a 'line' Clarke. I'm serious. Even as a child I was a fire bug, poking prodding, stoking it to rage higher." She shrugged, "Candles are my thing though."
"Oh I know, trust me."
Lexa laughed and Clarke fucking died and shook God's hand before coming back to the moment. Lexa smiled at her when Clarke beamed widely at the sound.
Clarke was radiant. She was still healing, but her cuts were scarring, they were already shrinking. Her arm was on the mend, still sore, but out of the splint making Clarke supremely happy that she could draw with it again. She was in a heavy long sleeved grey sweater that cut nicely to expose her 'good earth cleavage' as Octavia put it. Lexa's eyes got stuck on the pale valley for a moment and she absentmindedly licked her lips.
"My eyes are up here Lex."
Lexa blushed and Clarke smiled and laughed at her. Lexa cleared her throat and tried to recover, "So my energy comes from a place of love and protection. I believe yours does too Clarke. I just think, maybe, Wanheda makes you a little more-"
"Scary? Terrifying? Deadly?"
"Formidable," Lexa cut her off right back.
Clarke rolled her eyes, "If you say so."
"I do."
"You would."
"I did."
"Do you always need the last word?" Clarke asked picking up her charcoal again.
Lexa smiled and stood up replacing her dagger into its sheath on her thigh. She pulled her coat's hood up and went to leave the tent, "Only when the situation presents itself. Otherwise you always seem to have it." She swept out of the tent with the last word to hear a laughing Clarke behind her.
She never thought she would hear it again. Sometimes, this past week, she had caught herself more than once consciously trying to make Clarke's laughter sing for her. She even used some of Raven's phrases like calling Bellamy a puppy or telling Octavia she was being really salty when she beat her in a training session. She did not find it in herself to care much. Any sort of smile, giggle, or hum from Clarke was worth any effort.
Things had calmed down this last week. There had been no conflicts and no news on the rebelling clans. They continued to watch them but were grateful for the slow down. They knew as well that word of Clarke's trial was spreading but none seemed to know she had lived outside TriKru and SkaiKru.
Lexa was out speaking with Ryder and Indra about their plans to head to Polis. Lexa wished for a brief excursion on their way but they had all thought better of it. The winter festival was coming soon in celebration of the first lasting snow and they would need to attend. She was holding off on leaving until Clarke was more healed, anything could happen on their journey. Wanheda would be reintroduced to the grounder clans at the festival, her fate from the trial revealed finally.
Lexa made her way into the mechanic's bay to find Raven.
"Hey Lex, how's my whittle commander doin' today?" The mechanic greeted her with a grin and a slight baby voice.
"You're lucky we're in private Raven, otherwise I'd have to-"
"Kill me, I know. Haven't we been there before?" She cocked her eyebrow and Lexa smiled. She was glad they could joke about Raven being tied to the blood tree and being falsely accused of trying to poison Lexa. They could joke about that right? "Easy there, don't think too hard you'll damage that gorgeous face of yours."
"Sometime's I wonder why I seek to spend time with you," Lexa said sitting down with a smile.
"Because I am fan-fucking-tastic. Fight me on that?"
"Never."
"That's right," the raven haired woman smirked returning to her tools. "How's my whittle Wanheda doin?" she said in her baby voice again.
Lexa sighed and rubbed the back of her neck, "She's conflicted. Tired still obviously but seems to be in good spirits."
"Surviving a bloody battle can do that to a girl. Conflicted about…"
Lexa sighed, "Many things. Nothing. Everything."
Raven chuckled softly, "Yeah. Clarke being Clarke."
"I want to take her mind off things. I want her to experience the snow without the worry of death on her shoulders."
"She commands death or need I remind you?"
Lexa rolled her eyes and tossed a small metal object at the brunette, "You know what I mean dingus."
Raven balked at her for a second before she snorted and cackled with her head thrown back, "Did you learn that word from Octavia?"
Lexa nodded, confused. She furrowed her brow at her friend's reaction. Then it clicked, "Is that not appropriate?"
Raven laughed crazily again like this was the best thing ever. "It's appropriate for a seven year old maybe?" She laughed again, "I think she was playing you a bit Lexa. I think she just wanted to hear big bad Heda, leader of the free world saying 'dingus'."
"Well she'll be mad she won't get to see that day because I'm going to kill her," Lexa said crossing her arms grumpily.
Raven laughed again and muttered about how fucking good that was and why she hadn't thought of it. Lexa then heard her mutter about how if she were wearing her war paint she'd resemble an angry raccoon.
"Bitch."
Raven laughed again at a smirking Lexa, "Now that's much more fitting for the commander to use. And applies wonderfully to all women in some way. We all need to own it, where it like body armour."
Lexa laughed agreeing and fiddled with another piece of metal, "I need your help with Clarke's gifts for our bonding ceremony."
"Bondage ceremony?"
"BONDING."
"I heard you the first time, but trust me, one of these days I'll make you slip there!" The mechanic put down the items in her hand. "So what were you thinking of giving her?"
Lexa filled her in on her ideas, Raven agreed to all of them. She even requested to put her own spin on one of them. Lexa agreed because she felt it would mean something to both leaders. It would honour Lexa if she were being truthful.
"Raven, one more thing..," Lexa said quietly standing up and going to place herself in front of the mechanic. She held her arm out and Raven clasped her forearm with a bemused smirk at the grounder handshake. Lexa swallowed, "As my friend…my good friend, I was wondering if you would take part in the ceremony."
Raven's jaw dropped. Lexa took it as a victory shocking the woman.
"It is customary for the two to have a close relative or advisor assist during the gift giving…as well as standing witness."
"Kind of like a best man?"
Lexa furrowed her brow, "You're a woman."
Raven shook her head and chuckled. Then she gave Lexa the most heartfelt smile that touched her eyes, "I would be honoured Lexa. Truly. Jokes and everything aside."
Lexa beamed at her. She new Clarke had already asked Octavia as both her second and her friend. "Thank you Raven."
"No problem Bestie."
"Bestie?"
"Yeah, I'm not your good friend. We're best friends. Besties. Sisters from other misters. Bros. Build a bridge, get over it."
"You confuse me to no end."
Raven nodded triumphantly, "Besties always do."
She leaned in from their handshake and kissed raven on the cheek pulling her close and wrapping her other hand around her back.
"We call this a 'Bestie bro hug'," Raven murmured on her shoulder.
Best friends.
Not so long ago Lexa didn't even have friends.
And here she was hugging Raven Reyes, Mechanic genius extraordinaire, and Lexa's best friend slash bro…apparently.
