*And this is the part where I run and hide and won't be back until it's safe .. I've never been so thankful that none knows where I live so that they can't come and hunt me down for this.. Never written anything like this on my own, so if it's sucks, I'm sorry!* Enjoy?
*
"We'll get there Luke. I just need more time" "This is about my chance to see again, can you just try to remember that?" "I'm so happy that you're in my life" "You're really leaving..." "I need to take care of myself" "Where do we go from here? "Luke, come on...we're still friends" "In six months from now, after you've had your surgery and your better, what about then? "I thought there was one thing that would never change" "I miss us" "I know I must be sending you all kind of mixed messages right now" "I don't want you to think that I'm pushing you away" "How many times did you help me when I didn't want it?" "That was different.." "You stood by me, even though I tried to push you away. How can you expect me not to stand by you right now." "Things change" "This is the worst thing. Knowing that you're in town and that I can't be with you" "I feel like I've let you down in this way I can never make up for" "I really thought we would last forever...I thought we weren't like other couple" "I guess nothing last forever..." "I guess not"
"I don't need a lover; I need a friend, that's all I can handle."
He thought things would get easier if he let Luke go, that it would somehow make things better for both of them. And he had a emergency plan too, in case the surgery would fail, he wouldn't end up blaming Luke or pushing him away since Luke wasn't his anymore... That way Luke didn't have to witness him breaking down, trying to cope with the eternal darkness, just in case.
Or that was what he spent weeks convincing himself. That he was a lot better without the guy who held his heart in his hands, and had always taken care of it, despite his own little moments where he had broken Luke's heart over and over. The way Luke had said good bye, the hug, the kiss, and every word that was spoken, burrowed deep inside his memories. He had heard the sadness in Luke's voice, how it broke. Felt the desperation in his kiss, the closeness he so desperately craved, and he knew he didn't have to see to have that.
He thought so much after the break up, he thought he was doing the right thing, He thought about the things he used to have, the things he wished he had, and the things he could never have again. He thought, and it wasn't until he heard about Luke and Reid that he finally came to a conclusion, that he truly was the biggest idiot in the world... He stopped thinking.
*
Luke sights loudly as he stretches his aching back. Today had been a bad day, one of those, "I don't want to get out of bed, let's pretend the world doesn't exist" day... Ever since the breakup, which felt... so final somehow, he had tired cope with the fact that the person he thought was spending his life with, no longer was in his life. A part of him understood that Noah needed to make changed and adjust, but why did he have to push him away at the same time? How could he go through all of this alone?
Then, out of the blue, Reid, the guy who was supposed to hate his guts, had kissed him. And again, and again, despite the fact that Luke had swore it would never happened again, it did. But never beyond that, because despite the fact that he and Noah was no longer together, he just wasn't ready for a relationship, and especially not sex. There was still a voice whispering and wishing that Noah would change his mind.
But Reid was sweet, sometimes at least, when he wasn't busy being an ass. It was different, it wasn't love, nothing near what he and Noah had shared, just different.
Luke looks up from what he's doing and looks through the window as he listens to the rain pouring outside. It's peaceful in its own way, a balance in a complete mess. He smiles for moment, they used to be chaos and balance, ying- yang. Luke shakes his head, he needed to stop thinking about Noah for one single day, or else his heart would never be healed again.
Looking at down at the foundation papers at his desk, he sighted for the third time. "This is useless, I'm not going to get anything done today" He mutters as he gets up from his chair and heads towards the bedroom, but just as he's about to close it and go to bed, there is loud knock at the door. "I'm coming!" He shouts as he knocks get louder and more impatient.
Who the hell comes knocking the middle of the night?
He gets his answer as he opens the door, and before he knows it, he's being kissed while someone is pushing him backwards, the door closes behind them. Luke's eyes flutter closed as he leans into the warmth but very wet embrace. He knows it's not Reid who's kissing him as he matches the person stroke by stroke. Because he never kissed me like this, with this much passion..
A hand grabs his neck as the other stroke his hair, and it's almost good to be true. He knows, but he doesn't want this to be one of those dreams he's been having, where he can't separate what's reality and what's not. Please, don't go away...He prays as he flutters his eyes opened as they both have to separate for air. He knows, because there is only one person in the world who can make his heart flutter merely by a touch.
Right in front of him, is Noah, with a look that says a million times at once. "Noah" Luke gasps as he looks up into his..eyes "When, how, why?" Luke asks as he tried to catch his breath.Take a Look inside of my heart, Can't you see it's breaking apart. Noah only looks at him, actually looks at him, before attacking his mouth again. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" He mumbles between kisses, pressing his body into Luke's, shutting Luke up in only way he knows how, and he's not ready to pull away from Luke yet, who can't do anything but to hang on... He need Luke to understand, he needs him to forgive him, and he needs them..I'm changing - (yes I am) I'm much wiser now.
The trail of kisses continue, and he test every curve that he has been missing for months, remembering the way Luke's skin taste, the way he moans as he kisses Luke's shoulder, licking, sucking the warm, soft skin. He continues his journey as he grazes his teeth along Luke's neck and bites softly.. I'm Sorry, Sorry for the things I said.
"Noah," Luke whispers softly, a hint of desperation in his voice.
T-shirts are being thrown out of the way and Noah's heart is beating out of control as he gazes back at Luke, but he doesn't reply. Instead, he let his hands wander down to Luke's belt, the gesture so familiar. He had missed him, all of him, and as he unzips Luke's pants and pulls the boxers he remembers why. I'm Sorry, Sorry for the things I did.
Noah has Luke's cock in his hand, pulsating, hot. The pre-cum is leaking, and all Noah can smell is Luke. His sexy wonderful Luke who's leaning against the wall, panting with his eyes shut. Slowly, he starts stroking him, trying to remember...Luke is gasping for air, his hands trying to hold onto Noah. "Noah. Noah. Shit, Noah-"Noah captures his mouth in another kiss, silencing him, letting Luke groan his name into his mouth instead. Home, is the only word Noah can think of as he keeps kissing Luke. How he has managed to survive this long without that gorgeous mouth is mystery. It's not until he feels a hand on his cock he realizes that Luke has somehow undone his zipper and is stroking him.
Without hesitation, he grips Luke's hands and pins them above his head, as he lets his gaze travel down up Luke's body until he reaches Luke's eyes that are sparkling at him, with so much love that Noah thinks his heart might burst, and at the same time, he's telling him that it's okay, he gets it. Take a look inside of my soul; I don't want to hurt anymore
And from there, it's all about skin on skin, sensation on sensation, wet on wet, hot, hot. Noah stops thinking and so does Luke. They try to grab hold of each other, as they ride, together again. I'm sorry that I ever let you go...
It doesn't take long before they both come, clinging to each other, and Noah almost wants to cry. "Please tell me it can be an Us again; please tell that there is no Reid in the picture." He never thought he would see Luke come undone again, to feel him naked against him, he didn't think he would have this again, and as he looks up into Luke's eyes he can't help to kiss him, hard.
"There never been anyone else then you, and there never will"
Noah apologizes, and Luke forgives.
*
Lines taken for Nuke episodes, and some parts from Noah's thoughts are taken from the song, "I'm sorry" By Sibel, which was the inspiration for this story
