A/N not mine, I own nothing but the plot.

What the Heart Wants

She watched him from a distance, her heart pounding in her chest. She had a hard time watching him dance with another woman. It should be her, she held out for someday with him. Now it looks like that will never happen.

She was here for Lester's wedding, without a date. The irony was that Ranger brought one with him. She and Joe had split up nearly twenty months ago.

When she told him that Joe and her were over, he informed her that they would work it out. After all, they always did. She knew they wouldn't, he had been caught with his pants around his ankles with a stark street girl.

Ranger obviously didn't want to be with her. She still couldn't get her heart to listen. She refused to give up and move on. Tank looked over at her with pity in his eyes.

"Little Girl, I know I'm not the bossman, but how about a dance?"

"Sure, Tank. Why not, I deserve to enjoy myself too."

He held out his hand and helped her from her seat and they made their way to the dance floor. The song Say Something was beginning to play. They swayed gently to the sad song and the only thing that was running through her mind was how many millions of times she wished he said what she prayed for almost daily.

Tank cleared his throat and looked down at the woman he considered the light in his dark world. When she looked up with tears in her eyes, he began to speak, "He loves you, you know that right?"

"No, Tank. It's been nearly two years since Morelli and I split, and Ranger has been dating Holly for almost ten months now. I'm not delusional. He met his match. It's time for me to give up on someday," she stated with a sad shake of her head.

"How did you find out about Holly?"

She looked over at the man in question. As a tear slipped down her cheek, she replied. "He called me the night that he met her, to tell me about how he found the one."

flashback

She had been sitting on her couch knitting, it was something she actually did once in awhile. This project had a very specific reason in mind. She was still trying to figure out how to relay certain information to the involved parties.

"Steph?"

"Yeah, Ranger? What can I do for you?" She asked, slightly surprised that he didn't call her Babe. That was odd.

"I think I met the woman I'm supposed to spend my life with."

She began to smile, thinking that he was finally going to tell her that it was time for someday. She should have known better, nothing is ever what it seems for her.

"Really? Tell me about her," she encouraged . Her heart began to race and her mind ran in 100 different directions. The excitement was building. Then like the proverbial balloon, he popped it.

"Her name is Holly, we met on a blind date tonight."

Her world fell away in that moment, as she encouraged him to talk. He had been her best friend and the man she had been in love with for years. If this was what made him happy than she would make sure to support him.

She felt her heart shatter as he began to tell her about Holly. It seemed that Holly was everything she wasn't. Meak and kind. A gentle soul in a tiny perfectly wrapped package. A woman who didn't drive a POS or have things blow up around her. She was an administrative assistant in a corporate office. Another diminutive passive woman who she had been passed over for. She was, for lack of a better word, perfect.

Her hand gripped her stomach in an effort to keep the bile from rising as she listened to him extol her virtues.

As they ended the call she ran to the bathroom and lost the entire contents of her stomach before dry heaving for the rest of the night. Things only got worse from there...

end flashback

"I'm sorry, Steph." Tank whispered.

"For what? The heart wants only what the heart wants. You have nothing to be sorry for. Listen, tell everyone that I said goodnight. I'm going to head home. It's late and I have a busy day tomorrow."

She stood up on her tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheek, leaving him alone on the dance floor. She gathered her things and walked out into the cool night air. The hurt and tears making there way through when she was about half way to her car.

She hit her knees in the middle of the hotel parking garage. The pain and anguish of what might have been coursing through her veins. Her chest felt like it was on fire, and that she would never be able to breathe again. It wasn't fair. She loved him for so long. She thought that he loved her, but she's discovered how wrong she was. That was then and they had taken different roads.

She slowly stood back up and got into her car. Instead of heading home, she drove to Wildwood. She knew that no one would look for her there tonight. If anyone was actually trying to find her or realized she was missing they would check Point Pleasant first.

She knew what she needed to do. The phone call she had to make, severing her connection with Ranger for good. She decided to call his private line on seven. He barely stayed there any longer, opting to stay at his private home where Holly now lived with him. At the earliest, he would get the message Monday. At the latest, never.

As the expected voice mail box picked up, she choked back a sob and waited for the tone.

"Ranger, I can't do this anymore. Please, don't call me. If you see me walk the other way. I need to make a complete break. I can't keep letting my heart get broken. Ten months I've watched you fall in love from a distance. I'm happy for you. Now, I need to find a way to be happy without you in my life. Someday doesn't exist for me anymore. The only thing I ask is that if you ever think of me, remember I was always happiest when I was near you. Have a happy life. I hope that one day I'll be able to do the same. Goodbye, my almost lover. I love you."

She hit the end button on the screen of her phone. She sat on the beach watch the moon roll over the dark waves. Thankfully she had the fore sight to remove all of her trackers, because at that moment a worried friend was looking for her.

Three days later...

She finally went home Tuesday evening. She wasn't surprised to find that she had no messages. No one really bothered her unless they wanted something. It wouldn't be hard to leave, it would be a long time before anyone even noticed she was gone. Unfortunately, even though she she cut Ranger off, she couldn't leave the same town. She needed to make sure that he was happy. That was her goal from now on, she would make it her life long career to make sure he stayed that way. No matter what it took. If he wants her to move away from Trenton, anything she has to give him. She will, even her life.

One of the first things she did when she got home, was to box up Rangers things. The clothes, the shaving kit, his key fob, and the gifts that he had given her. She taped up the box; then sat down and wrote him a letter.

Dear Ranger,

I wanted to make sure and send everything you've left here over the years. As well as the gifts that you gave me over that same time frame. As I stated in my phone message I left, I am making a clean break.

If you ever need something important, you may contact me. Otherwise, unless it's concerns yours or your families health or safety, please forget that I exist.

I waited for someday to come, and in the end you found your someday. It just isn't with me. I tried to believe you. I wanted someday to be real. I wanted to believe that I was more than a good time. I wanted to believe that I really was home to you. I wanted so many things.

I've come to learn a harsh lesson. I've learned that I was molested as a small child. I was raped as a teenager. I was emotionally abused all of my life. As an adult I was still naive enough to still believe that someone would ever love me, or want me as I am.

I want to thank you for helping to remove doubt from it all. It seems that I'm one of those people that will simply just be. Don't live the life that is my fate, live the life that I dreamed of. Fly for those of us whose wings have been clipped. I'm not sure what I did in a past life, but it must have been horrible.

I didn't mean for this to be so long or morose. Take care, Ranger, be happy.

Always,

Stephanie Plum

She sealed the letter in an envelope and called Cal at Rangeman to come pick it up. He was there in twenty minutes. When he asked if she needed anything she told him just to make sure that Ranger got the box and letter.

"Steph, what's going on? You look like you've lost your best friend."

"That's because I did and the man I love all in one fell swoop. I'll be okay eventually. Just don't expect to see me at Rangeman any longer. Tell the guys that you are welcome to call or stop by anytime, but I understand if none of you do. I'm pulling myself out of Rangers life and he may not want you all to be part of mine. Just don't forget that I am real, that I am a person."

"Steph, just give it some time. He'll realize what's right in front of him."

"That's the problem, I have been right in front of him all along. He doesn't love me in the way that I love him. I should have listened to him better and not believed in his promises of someday."

"Are you sure that you want to let go? He really does love you."

"I have no choice. The only thing I want is for him to be happy and that's obviously not with me. His happiness is all that matters to me anymore. When you love someone that's all you really want."

He pulled her into a hug. She clung to him, afraid she would break if he let go. She didn't want to be broken any more. He left not long after. She needed to fix her karma.