Waluigi was home alone; like always. No one ever wanted his company, unless it was Wario. And Wario only ever wanted him around when he needed a favor. A favor that he had no intention of paying for. So the lanky man was relaxing, listening to "Hotel California" on his iPod, when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.
He took it out and found a text from Wario. "Hey stupid. That moron of a mailman dropped off a letter for you at my place by accident again. Says you won a mansion. Since I got the letter I'm gonna go claim it! Wah ha ha ha ha! If ya want to visit me in my new pad, here's the address."
Included with the text was an address to someplace Waluigi had never heard of, let alone been. He didn't stop to think how he could have won a mansion. He was too blinded by rage at the knowledge that Wario was stealing something that was supposed to be his to care about such a minor detail.
Not even pausing to grab a flashlight, he rushed out of his house to try to beat Wario to the mansion. Though he did take his iPod. He really liked the song "Hotel California".
Many hours, and many Warp Pipes, later Waluigi was no closer to his destination. This was just making him angrier. "Grrr...I didn't know I'd need a freakin' GPS. Where the heck is that stupid mansion?" he grumbled to himself. It was starting to get dark, and he was now realizing that maybe he should have brought a flashlight.
It was night by the time he reached a hut. He peered into a window, noticing the old man inside, and considered asking for directions. Or something to light his way at least. But he didn't want to be a wuss. So he waited until the old man left the room, broke in, and stole a flashlight he had spotted on the table. Then Waluigi ran like hell.
After that little spot of breaking and entering, the thin man finally found a mansion. He assumed it was his.
"I won this dump?" The mansion was dark and Gothic in style. He thought it was ugly. But free is free, and he could always redecorate. Waluigi looked around and didn't see Wario anywhere. Hoping the other hadn't arrived yet, Waluigi marched forth to claim his prize.
Author's Note: This, if you couldn't tell, is a "crack fic". So yes, there will be silliness. I'm rating it T just in case. Let's hope I make it through this.
