AN: I've been meaning to do this for a long time because let's be honest I was looking forward to a little smut in the book and I didn't get any. So here we go.
Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM and I think she wanted us to use our imagination for this part of the book so I am indulging her and this is what I came up with.
I stood waist deep in the water trying to calm my frazzled nerves. I took a deep unnecessary breath and laid my palms lightly on top of the water. I could do this. I promised her I would do this for her, for us. I closed my eyes and lifted my face to the moon and sighed. If my heart were beating right now it would be going a hundred miles an hour. I had never-until now-felt this human, this vunerable.
I didn't know how she could have so much faith in me. Didn't she see that I could snap her in half with just a flick of my wrist? I shuddered at the thought of her lying broken in front of me because of my own selfish desires.
I had put up all these boundaries to hold myself back, to stop myself from hurting her, but now she wanted me to push every single one of them aside so we could… consummate our marriage. A wave of guilt washed over me. She had fulfilled her end of the bargain without that much complaint, but here I was scared to do the one thing that was completely natural for a man and his wife to do. It wasn't just fear of killing her that made me hesitant to do this, it was the fact that I had never done this before, what if I couldn't please her?
Sure I had heard the thoughts of thousands of men and women on this subject, but seeing it and actually doing it were two very different concepts. The man in me told me to go with my instincts, but I was sure if I went with my instincts it would result in me biting and killing her. I sighed and ran a hand through my already wet, tousled hair.
Truth be told I had secretly fantasised about making love to her sweetly and lovingly since she agreed to marry me, but standing here in the water all I felt was fear. I leaned my head to the side to listen to what Bella was doing. I could hear her heart beating heavily against her chest as she got out of the shower.
I turned my attention back to the problem at hand wanting to give her as much time as she needed to prepare herself for this. My inner voices continued to fight against each other. One telling me not to do this, that it was dangerous, the other one saying that it wouldn't hurt to try. If it didn't work out then fine, but try. I couldn't bear to see the look of disappointment and rejection on her face anymore. I heard Bella open the door and start to walk down towards the beach.
Though her steps were quiet I could still hear every grain of sand brush against her feet and every little breath that escaped her mouth as she walked closer. I didn't turn around. I didn't want to scare her.
I heard the rustle of cotton brushing against skin as it fell to the ground and my breath hitched, it was now or never. I heard the water give way as she walked steadily, yet slowly towards me. I sent a silent prayer to God (If he existed, something I still wasn't quite sure of)) hoping that she would be safe from all harm that I could cause her.
At that moment I felt a hand on mine.
"Beautiful." I heard voice at my side. She was talking about the moon.
"It's all right," I said off-handedly, the moon had nothing on my Bella. Nothing could hold a candle to her beauty.
In fact compared to Bella the moon was like a washed up piece of dirt. I turned slowly and looked into her eyes. As our eyes connected I felt light-headed, her beauty overwhelming all my senses. In that moment I knew there had to be a God, there was no other way that this beauty in front of me could love me wholly and unconditionally otherwise. I entwined my fingers with hers and looked down at them and saw how the light made her skin even paler than usual. Almost as pale as mine.
"But I wouldn't use the word beautiful," I said as I stared in to her warm brown eyes trying to convey all my love through that one look, "Not with you standing here in comparison."
She half-smiled and placed her warm hand over my heart. Her warmth and smell hit me with full force causing me to shiver and tense slightly. How could I do this, knowing I could hurt her? I tried to breathe but the panic was disabling my body.
"I promised we would try," I said tensely as images of her mangled body in my arms flashed through my mind. "If… if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once." She nodded, keeping her eyes on mine telling me silently that she trusted me. She stepped closer to me and leaned her head on my chest. Her soft, warm body was pressing against mine dispelling my fears.
"Don't be afraid," she said softly her breath fanning across my exposed chest. "We belonged together."
Staring into her confident eyes, I knew what she said was true. I wrapped my arms around her. I wouldn't deny her this, not after everything I had put her through. I laid my cheek on her hair and become enveloped in her scent and in her warmth and in the feel of her in my arms.
"Forever," I said and pulled her gently into deeper water.
I stopped moving when the water reached her collarbone. I pushed her backwards slightly so I could look her in the eye,"...I think that if we do this in the water then the blood won't distract me, but we don't have to..." She laid a scorching finger on my lips shutting up my rambling," Shhhh, Edward I love you." I smiled slightly," I love you too." I stared into her deep brown pools looking for any sign of hesitancy, but all I saw was trust and love. I bent my head down slowly- all the while keeping eye contact- and kissed her warm, soft lips.
She sighed against my mouth and wound her hands into my hair. As my mouth moved against hers I ran a hand through her hair. I felt her nipples harden as our chests brushed against each other and another shiver went through me. I struggled to stay in control of myself as her scent wrapped around me like a blanket. I pulled my mouth away from hers to let her breathe. I rested my forehead against hers as we both took in ragged breaths.
I carefully brought my hand up to her face and brushed her cheek gently with my fingers feeling the warmth of her soft, delicate skin. I brushed the pad of my thumb across her swollen lips taking in the feel of the pillowy softness that was Bella. I let my hand wander downwards to her neck, my eyes following the movement. I could feel her pulse under my hand beating erratically. The skin above her pulse was almost transulant. It was almost laughable that it was meant to protect her.
I lifted my eyes to her face to see a faint blush on her cheeks. She cautiously brought her hand up to face and brushed her thumb across my lips," Breathe." She whispered. I let a shuddering breath that I hadn't known I'd been holding. She smiled and carried on tracing my features with her hand.
I closed my eyes and just let myself feel the way her warmth left a fiery trail across my skin. I could feel her breath fanning out across my face and I opened my eyes to find her face centimetres from mine. She had her bottom lip between her teeth as she concentrated on her work and I just wanted to free it and watch the blood refill her plump lip.
Her eyes connected with mine and I felt that familiar electricity between us. It begged for me to touch her, to hold her, to show her how much I loved her. I moved my hand that was cupping her neck downwards cautiously until it was under the water.
I moved my hands outwards as they carried on their journey and ran my hands down the sides of body slightly grazing the edge her breasts. I rested my hands on her hips and leaned down to kiss her as passionately as her frail body could take. She moaned in my mouth and tugged my hair causing a small purr to escape me. She shivered against me and I knew that she had felt the vibrations of my purr, but I couldn't find it in me to be embarrassed.
She detached her mouth from mine and moved her lips to my ear, sucking and licking it. I couldn't help but moan at the sensation. It was like my ear was on fire. I could hear her breath in my ear breathing heavily. I tightened my grip on her hips and lifted her off the ground making her wrap her legs round my waist. I hissed and locked my muscles tightly keeping myself as still as a staute as her burning hot center connected with my skin. She froze giving me time to collect myself.
A few seconds later I let out a ragged breath and nuzzled my nose into her hair. " Just keep still." I said in a strained voice. I felt her legs clamp harder around me as she fought to keep herself from sliding down me so I moved my hands from her hips and slid them down to her bottom, successfully anchoring her to me. The flesh of her bottom was so soft and I could feel my body reacting to being so close to her.
I pulled my head back and gave her a small smile," You can move now...just go slow." She nodded and blushed as she realized that this new position left her upper body above the water. I made sure my gaze was locked with hers silently saying that I wouldn't look until I was given permission. Her blush deepened and she took a steadying breath," You can look." She whispered.
I let my gaze leave hers and looked down at her supple breasts. I suppressed a groan as I looked at her milky flesh surrounding her light brown nipples. I could hear her heartbeat pick up as I stared blatantly at her breasts and I could feel my erection getting harder. I looked back in her eyes with what I can only describe as pure passion," You beautiful, love." Her blush deepened and she smiled. I looked back down and carefully removed one of my hands that were keeping her steady and placed it gently on her left breast.
Her breath hitched, but she stayed still giving me the room I needed to stay in control. I looked up at her silently asking permission to touch her. She nodded and I carefully applied more pressure and kneaded it gently. I let my thumb run across her hardened nipple and she gasped clutching my shoulders tightly." Edward.." She moaned. I growled quietly as the monster in my head rattled its cage. Bella, being so innocent, didn't know the effect she had on me when she did that.
I moved my hand down to her stomach feeling her skin. I kept moving downwards till my hand met with her curls. She stiffened and I looked up into her eyes. This was the point of no return; there would be no turning back if we carried on. She relaxed and nodded at me to continue. I took a deep breath and let my hand move through her curls to her womanhood. I traced her lower lips with a finger. She shuddered and moved against my hand." Please Edward." She whimpered.
I steadied myself and let my finger push past her lower lips and into her womanhood. The heat and wetness of her womanhood was near unbearable and I whimpered just thinking about having my manhood in this inferno. I rubbed her clint between two fingers causing her to moan wantonly."..Mmmnn Edward." She let her head fall backwards and I could hear the pulse on her neck beckoning me.
Just one little bite. I closed my eyes and tightened my grip on her as I tried to stop the venom from flowing freely.
I slipped a finger into her entrance stretching her. She writhed in my arms as I added two more fingers inside her wet, tight, heat. She gasped and clamped down even tighter on my fingers as she came. She bit into my shoulder trying to quieten her moans. I growled long and low and I could feel my control slipping. I needed her now! She lifted her head and took in my wild expression and bit her lip," I'm sorry."
I growled, long past being able to speak. It took every ounce of control not to just take her there and then, but I closed my eyes and grasped on tighter to my fading control. I retracted my fingers from inside her and held her hips tighter. I opened my eyes and moved her body until she was in line with me. It was now or never. I pushed myself into her slightly and hissed. She gripped her forearms tightly and tried not to move.
I buried my head in her hair," Bella... I don't think..I can't...I don't want to hurt you." She grabbed my head and forced me to look at her." Edward, I trust you, it's meant to hurt the first time." I felt like crying and I buried my head back into her hair." Okay." I whispered, not even sure if she could hear me. I pushed inside her slightly and fought every instinct that told me to slam into her with wild abandon. So much for following my instincts I thought bitterly. She shifted uncomfortably as I filled her slowly.
The loud hiss that escaped my mouth could probably be heard across the water to the main land. I began to pull out once more, it was obvious this wasn't going to work, but she placed her hands on my back, pressing herself closer to me.
"If you pull out now I will never forgive you." She mumbled her breath coming in heavy pants
"Bella, I don't want to hurt you..." I answered her.
"It doesn't hurt. Please, don't stop." She pleaded with her words and her eyes. The fire that burned in her eyes ignited something in me. I was no longer worried. I wanted her and I was going to have her.
I stopped at her barrier and looked up into her eyes," I'm sorry." I whispered, and I wasn't just sorry for what was to come. I was sorry for leaving her, for causing her pain, for forcing her to choose between Jacob and me. She cupped my face understanding what I was telling her," There's nothing to be sorry about." I nodded and pushed past her barrier making us one. She squeaked and dug her nails into me so hard that if I would have been human I probably would have bled.
Her eyes were clenched shut and she biting her lip really hard. I felt like a monster. I had always done everything in my power so that I wouldn't hurt her, but here I was hurting her once again.
I held completely still while I waited for the pain to lessen. Being inside Bella was like being surrounded by the flames from hell, yet at the same time being in the only heaven I'd ever get to be in. It was everything I would ever want or need. I inhaled deeply. I was glad we were in the water because if blood had been added into the equation I dread to think what would have happened to Bella. I shuddered as Bella started kissing my neck," You can move now."
I looked down at her and saw the happiness and trust reflecting back at me. I held her tightly against me fighting to keep hold of the last bits of control I had. I slid out slowly before pushing back in. My eyes rolled back into my head as I felt the friction between our bodies, it was like nothing I had ever felt. Not even people's thoughts could have prepared me for the feeling of making love to my Bella. She clutched my shoulders tightly in her hands as I moved inside of her, letting my human instincts take over. I did simply what felt good and whatever made her moan the loudest.
"Does that feel good, my love?" I whispered breathlessly into her ear.
"Oh, god yes." She moaned loudly, her back arching.
My fingers dug into her hair and I pulled her head down and kissed her fiercely. The water splashed wildly around us at our hurried movements, but I hardly noticed. All I could feel was my Bella tight around me. I could feel her starting to tighten around me warning me of her impending orgasm. I quickened my pace slightly and she clamped down hard. I growled loudly too lost in the sensation to be embarrassed.
She screamed my name and came hard around me sending me over the edge. We came down from our high and I rested my cheek against her head. I had done it. No, we had done it. I felt so free. Maybe now that she saw we could be together like this she would reconsider changing so quickly.
"That was amazing." She breathed.
"I could not agree more." I said with a smile. My fingers danced along her spine. "I think we should take this inside."
I did not give her time to respond. I moved us out of the water at a human pace, ignoring my clothes and her towel. Her lips attached to my neck, sucking, licking and kissing every inch of flesh she could find. I was glad that she was as eager as me as I was still inside her, solid as a rock and ready for so much more. I would make love to her until she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore.
I laid her down on the bed carefully, looking over her entire dripping wet body in the moonlight. "You are beyond beautiful." I breathed.
"What are you doing?" She squeaked, blushing as I made my way down between her legs.
"Tasting you." I told her simply. I ran my tongue slowly over the silky flesh between her legs and moaned with satisfaction. So good. I dipped my tongue inside of her sensitive warm opening, tasting the purity that was there. She was mine and no one else's and our mixed juices confirmed that she was mine in every sense of the word. My hands gripped her hips tightly, keeping her in place.
Her blood flowed through this part of her body more so than most places so I had to be careful. The mix of her the smell of her arousal and her blood made me drunk with desire. I growled against her sensitive flesh. I would need her again soon; this was too much for me.
As the growl rumbled through my chest her tiny body began to convulse. She shrieked with her third orgasm of the night, her fingers knotting at my hair. I knew she was pulling as hard as she could but it did nothing to move me. I licked all that she offered me, taking it into myself. If I could not have her blood then I would have this.
"Edward, please..." She groaned. I finally lifted my head so I could see her. She was trembling, her body covered in slick beads of sweat. I kissed my way back up to her pounding heart. I kissed the spot lightly, my hands trailing along her sides. She grabbed my face and kissed me wildly. I groaned," Bella I need you again." I whispered weakly. She moaned and detached her mouth from mine," Then take me."
I growled quietly and positioned myself at her entrance. I slid into her loving how she felt around me. I could never get enough of her, not her mind, nor her body, everything about her called to me. I set a steady pace and closed my eyes and just felt. I pushed back all the other feelings and just basked in her glow. I kept pushing into her my thrusts getting more erratic and less measured. I let my hands wander over body feeling what I could not see.
"Edward...I'm so…close." I reached down and rubbed her clit. She arched her back and bit my neck hard while scraping her nails across my chest. Her neck was stretched out and her pulse was calling to me again as I came and I didn't have the same control as I did last time she bit me. Bite her! My monster yelled rattling its cage. I felt myself leaning down without conscious thought. My teeth hovered centimetres from her neck. I ran my nose along her neck inhaling the bouquet. Venom pooled into my mouth waiting and ready. I came back down from my high and quickly buried my head into the pillows next to her head.
I ravished the pillows ripping them apart until I felt her relax back into the bed completely spent. I pulled my head back to see that her eyes were closed. She hadn't even noticed." Love you." She murmured before succumbing to sleep. I sat up feeling the horror of what I had nearly done wash over me. I had nearly killed her. I looked down at her as she curled up to my body and felt repulsion.
I had told her I loved and yet I had tried to kill her. . I looked down at her body and had to swallow to keep myself from gagging. I could see the outlines of bruises on her skin where I had held her too tightly. They littered her skin taunting me. I had failed. The one thing she had asked me to do. Something that a man and his wife should be able to do on their wedding night and I had failed. I really was a monster.
AN: Done at last. I might do all three nights. Review and tell me how I did.
