Ninja Academy. Part 1- The Induction

Outside of the newly opened "Aya Uteo Ninjitsu Academy", we see a film crew, led by top rated presenter, and co owner of Kusanagi TeleVision, Kyo Kusanagi. the school is located in the arse end of nowhere, in the Japanese countryside. He is here to film a reality show following the trials and tribulations of the first class to take part in this school. Founder and head trainer of the school is Hanzo Hattori, famed ninja master who claims to be an important Japanese historical figure.

Kyo- Here we are, outside of the Aya Uteo Ninjitsu Academy! We at KTV are gonna bring you an exclusive look behind the scenes, at the students looking to hone their ninja skills to perfection! We will follow them 24/7 through training, missions and their free time in "Ninja Academy"!

Cameraman- Hey Kyo, here comes the bus. I think it's the students.

Kyo- Here they come, quick! Get that camera facing over there. Hang on, I need to be in this shot too, how's my hair?

A minibus pulls over, and the doors open. A crowd of about thirty ninjas, the people who have enrolled at this academy step out. We won't be following them all, so Kyo orders the camera to pick out the most well known ones, who have been chosen as the show's main subject. The camera gives us a close up shot of a chosen student, and Kyo pushes the mike into their faces as they come.

Kyo- First up, we have the hero of Metro City, Guy! Here to brush up on his abilities, and become a truly worthy hero after being repeatedly ignored by Capcom in favour of Shotoclones! Damn Capcom!

Guy- It's great to be here. I just hope we don't have to do the old fashioned, boring traditional stuff from olden days. Ninjitsu has to move into the 21st century, and I'm the man to do it.

Kyo- Great stuff from Guy there, who I'm sure will make a big impression. Speaking of big impressions, I'm sure all of us men will be pleased to see the next applicant. here she is, the gorgeous Mai Shiranui!

The camera spends quite some time getting close ups of Mai, and slowly examining her perfect body, and famously bouncy boobs. This already boosts the ratings.

Mai- Hi. I joined up to focus my mind on something other than my Andy obsession. I should have listened years ago when the girls said it was a lost cause, so I'm passing the time improving my ninja skills. Boo hoo, why didn't he pay attention to me? (stops crying) And maybe while I'm here, I'll find someone else, better.

Eventually, the cameraman has to be dragged away from Mai's direction to view the next subject. This one is a blonde American, and has brought his pet dog along. it is the other famous Samurai Showdown ninja who isn't Hanzo, Galford D Weiler, along with canine companion Poppy.

Kyo- Galford, good to see you. Tell me, what does the "D" stand for?

Galford- "Dudikoff", I added it in tribute to the guy from the American Ninja movies. It was them which first got me into ninjitsu as a kid. Me and Poppy will use our talents to look good, impress everyone, and go from this show to having my own movie career.

Poppy- Woof! Woof!

Kyo- And here's another lovely looking young lady. The world's only ninja goth, Shiki! Hard to tell which is deadlier, her knives, or her goth poetry. Love the tattoo Shiki, and the different coloured eyes, are they real?

Shiki- No comment. (camera is pushed into her face) Oh all right. I'm here to disprove the myth that goths can't fight. I will be the inspiration for kids in black taking revenge on the popular people and their shallow fashions!

Ibuki- Hi all you cool people watching me at home, hi mum, dad, all my friends, my goldfish, the weird guy who sits behind me in high school... I'm gonna be a ninja! Hey doggy! Aww (hugs Poppy)

Kyo- Uh, yeah, and that's Ibuki. Our youngest applicant this year. As you can see, she's very excited to be here. OK kid, you've had your close up, move along. Hey, what's that police van doing here?

Galford- Whatever it was, I didn't do it. Malin told me she was thirty, how could I guess otherwise? Lots of women in fighting tournaments look younger than they really are, I didn't know she was a teen.

A SWAT truck pulls over next to the minibus. They are, fortunately, not here for Galford, but to bring another student to the academy. This one is evil ninja assassin Eiji Kisagari, enrolled against his will as part of his rehab program. Eiji is marched out at gunpoint by the unpopular riot cop Kurtis Stryker.

Stryker- Move it! Fuck up here, and it's back to prison, and daily kickings! I don't know why the prison therapist decided to send you here!

Eiji- Neither do I, this is crap. I'm gonna get out of here, and take my vengance on the world!

Kyo- Hey, it's Eiji Kisagari! Haven't seen him in a while, hey Eiji, any words for the viewers?

Eiji- Piss off.

Kyo- Right... OK then. (whispers to the cameraman) Can we try and keep the cop out of the footage? Hardly anyone likes this guy, he's a rating killer. Make him stand away in the distance or something.

Stryker- I heard that, you overrated little wuss! (smacks Kyo over the head with his nightstick) Now, I would not have done that if you had been Shiki!

Kyo- OWW! Police brutality! And what's Shiki got to do with it, you law facist?

Stryker- Absoloutely nothing, I just happen to like her.

The SWAT cop leaves, and the students and film crew make their way into the academy's main building. They sit in the hall, where the man himself, Hanzo Hattori stands on a stage in the centre. He wears his usual ninja outfit and mask, and looks at them impassively. Hanzo is a typical head teacher, stern, traditional, occasionally unfair, and likes nothing more than overworking his charges with gruelling lessons. he begins his opening speech, as Kyo's crew film him.

Hanzo- Ladies, gentlemen, and anything else that decided to join up. Welcome to this, the Aya Uteo Ninjitsu Academy. I am honoured to have you as my first students, and also the money you paid up to join.

Guy- Why did you name the academy after the incredibly cute actress from "Azumi"?

Hanzo- Simple. I figured naming it after her, and using her picture on the brochures would bring in more applicants. And by the looks of it, I was right. That is a simple example of a classic ninja mind trick.

Galford- You mean Aya Uteo isn't actually here? Awww...

Mai- You actually fell for it you retard. Ninjas are supposed to be smart.

Hanzo- Quiet! You may all take the time to laugh at Galford when I'm done. But now, I do the talking. This will be a tough course, and I expect many of you to be seriously hurt. Some of you might even quit, like the crybabies you are. I expect only the best from you all, not only to honour the ways of ninjitsu, but also to make a good impression on KTV's "Ninja Academy".

Ibuki- We're gonna be on TV! this is gonna be sooo cool!

Guy- Ibuki, I was kinda wondering. You're just a cute teenage girl, right? You get decent grades, and everyone likes you. What are you doing in here? What possessed you to join up?

Ibuki- It was either this, or double maths lessons at high school.

As Kyo orders his film crew about, Hanzo makes a surprise announcement to the class, and the viewers. nobody saw this one coming. Kyo's face drops when he hears it, and he sits there, equally angry and nervous.

Hanzo- I have made a special arrangement with the head of KTV, Saisyu Kusanagi. Kyo, you will be joining this course, taking part in the lessons, and accompanying us on missions. Getting good shots of us.

Kyo- WHAT? NO WAY! Ninjitsu's dangerous, I could get hurt, I could be disfigured for life, and unable to work in television again! My insurance doesn't cover this!

Eiji- Bad luck Kyo. A sissy like you won't last five minutes here with us.

Mai Will you two keep it down... Oh shit! Look out guys! Duck!

Kyo- Ooh, where? Get a shot of the duck... OWWWIIE!

Eiji- AIIIEEEE!

Angry at people arguing during his speech, and also Kyo's refusal to co operate, the teacher throws a shuriken ninja star at both Kyo and Eiji. Not a fatal shot, but it really does hurt them. Hanzo Hattori will not tolerate any crap from no one.

Kyo- Since you put it that way sir... yeah, I'll take part. I'd like to see Iori Yagami joining in a ninja school. Then we'll see who's the best! I could make this look good, I am the star after all... uh oh!

Galford- What do you mean you're the star?

Poppy- Grrrrr!

Mai- Yeah, this is our show. We paid to be in this class. it's "Ninja Academy" not "Overrated SNK Poster Boy Academy"!

The main students gang up on Kyo and beat him up, before Hanzo (deliberately hesitating, as the beating made good TV) broke it up using a smoke bomb to disperse the crowd. Kyo is wise enough to keep his mouth shut as the head of the Aya Uteo Ninjitsu Academy finishes off.

Hanzo- Tonight, you may retire to the dorms, and generally get to know one another, but I warn you, no funny business between the males and the females! And no funny business between people of the same sex while we're at it either! Tommorow morning, at a horribly early time chosen by me, we begin our first day of intense training in the ancient and honourable art of ninjitsu!

Guy- I knew it, he's going on about boring old fogey stuff "Yawn... OWWW!" (gets a shuriken in his arm)

Shiki- Are you done yet sir? I'm falling asleep here, I need a coffee.

Hanzo- A ninja's senses must always be sharp, even without a pick me up.

Galford- Hey baby, Shiki, isn't it? A ninja goth chick, that is so cool. And black is totally your colour.

Hanzo- No flirting during my speech, boy! And you, Princess of Darkness, no leading on idiots!

The head of the Aya Uteo Ninjitsu Academy is about to throw shuriken at them both, but is cut off by the late arrival of two new students who weren't on the minibus. They are latecomers, who had hoped to sneak in silently to avoid trouble, which hasn't worked. First is a man who looks suspiciously like Wesley Snipes in Blade, Raven. His companion is red uniformed, red haired, shotoclone ninja Fuuma Kotaro, and both look embarrassed, having turned up like this.

Raven- Uh yeah, sorry we're late guys. We got lost, yeah, that's it. On the moon. And we had to fight off Shadowlaw on the way here. Our names are on the student list, I'm Raven, and this is... uh, thingy.

Fuuma- I'm Fuuma. Hey there Mr Hanzo, I haven't seen you since World Heroes. How's it hanging buddy?

Hanzo- I was NOT in World Heroes, that Hanzo was a fraud! As was proven in my lawsuit against him, you cheap Ryu knock off! My ninja sense tells me you're lying, tell the truth.

Raven- Well, it's like this. On the way, we picked up this totally hot hitchhiking purple haired biker chick. At least that's what we thought she was, but Poison turned out to be a transsexual car thief, with a 8 foot giant bodyguard, and they took our car, our cash and our weed. So we had to walk the rest of the way.

Fuuma- Yeah, and we were hoping that everyone would be in their dorms chilling, so then we could creep in undetected and give you a bullshit story later. But, didn't happen that way.

Kyo- Hey, an Afro American ninja (to Raven) I know you. You're Cyrax, right?

Raven- Do I look like a yellow armoured robot, retard!

Fuuma- Hey, where's Aya Uteo? I wanted to meet her.

Hanzo- Don't you start. We've already been through this.

Fuuma- Well sir, do you think you could magically turn into her... AIIIEEE! (gets a shuriken in the arse)

And so ends the induction of the first class in the "Aya Uteo Ninjitsu Academy". The students, including the two Johnny come latelys, make their way to the dorms, chatting among themselves, except Eiji who hates everybody. What will day one of their training hold in store for them? Can Kyo cut it, despite having no ninja experience? Find out soon.

I'd like to thank a fellow captain, Captain Vulcan, for the original idea. Go read his stuff if you haven't already, go on! We are writing this fanfic in partnership together. Because of this, updates may sometimes be inconsistent, as fanfic authors have lives too, believe it or not, as well as our own works.

Note- Aya Uteo is an extremely cute Japanese actress, who starred in Azumi, in which she played a young ninja girl. I made Galford's initial "Dudikoff" after American Ninja actor Michael Dudikoff. God, I really need to get out more.