"Gamzee," Karkat groans rubbing his templates, "what did you do this time?"
The officer's moirial was sitting back in a swirly chair that was pulled around next to Karkat's desk. "One of your motherfucking friends told me that I was too fucking high or some shit," he answers with a gaze. "I think he doesn't understand when I'm getting my motherfucking miracles on."
"Your soper slime is not a miracle!" Officer Captor argues from Karkat's side, "You have to stop abusing the stuff. It's for helping trolls sleep, not for eating."
"Sollux let me handle this," Karkat orders, "I can't deal with two assholes at the same time."
"But-"
"Sollux!" Karkat points to his face "look at my face. Does it look like it wants to hear your whining?" The lisp-y officer doesn't answer. "No it doesn't. Now get the fuck out of here. Go call your fish girlfriend or something."
The ashamed officer leaves the room and Karkat pulls out one of his cigarettes he smuggled past the fussy receptionist.
"You know you're not allowed to have those in the building Karkat," lectures Jade who was sitting in the desk across him the entire time filling paper work out.
"You can't tell me what to do bitch."
"Maybe," their assistant Vriska says filing her nails, "but I know who can." She turns to the entrance and yells, "Kanaya! He's smoking again!"
Kanaya rushes into the room as fast as her high heels will allow her, glaring at Karkat who has the cigarette in his mouth, "Karkat! What did I say about smoking?"
Karkat ignores her but Jade answers, "Come on Karkat, you know smoking is bad for you. Maybe you could run more if you-"
"Who the fuck needs running?" Karkat interrupts, "We have cars for that!" He turns away and crosses his arms leaving Jade steaming. Kanaya pulls out her spray bottle that is full of water and sprays Karkat straight in the face. Karkat screams in aggravation and pulls his useless smoke out and reaches for another.
"Don't think I won't do this all day Karkat," Kanaya threatens positioning the spray bottle straight towards Karkat's face. Karkat gives up and puts the cigarettes away. Triumphant, Kanaya goes back to her own desk.
Vriska smirks, "I used to smoke, but I had to quit because the hospital wouldn't let me smoke around John. I've never felt better since I've stopped," she brags. Karkat gives her a death look.
"Uh, Karkat? Can I make like a motherfucker and leave now?" Gamzee questions. He spent the entire scene in a daze while swirling around in his chair contemplating the miracle of swirling.
"Huh? Yeah whatever, just don't do it again or avoid getting caught next time," his moirial replies.
The stoned high blood gets out of the department quickly only tripping two times along the way.
"Why do you always let him go Karkat?" Jade asks. "He keeps getting caught."
Karkat shrugs, "He's a high blood, and even Chief Sweats-a-Lot would have let him go. In my rank I can only give him a warning. It's a good thing he's my moirial or I might have killed him by now."
"That doesn't seem fair," Jade argues.
"Life isn't fair for low bloods and humans Jade," Vriska answers interrupting Karkat from responding. "That's just how it is."
Jade mumbles something along the lines of 'It's still not fair,' but no one pays attention to her.
Soon the lisp-y officer returns to the room, "Hey guys I got an assignment for you."
Jade lights up, "Really?" There hasn't been a serious assignment since the stolen jewels.
"Don't get excited Jade," Sollux warns, "It's just a stolen car. You guys can just drive around town looking and report back later. It'll get you out of the building for a while." Sollux hands Karkat a description, picture, and license plate number of the stolen car. "Have fun," and then the troll officer leaves.
"Shit, another wasted day in the car," Karkat complains.
Vriska picks up a magazine and smirks, "I thought you said cars are the replacement of running Karkat."
"Yeah well shut the fuck up!" The low blooded troll shouts, "And don't be so cocky, you're coming with us."
"What! Why do I have to come with you?"
Karkat evilly grins, "You're our assistant, who knows, we might need assistance."
"What? Do you think the car's going to break down or something?" Vriska glares throwing her magazine down.
"Maybe."
"Okay guys, let's just calm down," Jade commands. "The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can go home." Both trolls spit out a fine, and this terrible trio goes on their way.
"I'm driving," says Karkat outside pulling out a cigarette. "I'm never going to trust either of you to drive me anywhere."
Jade frowns, "It isn't because we're female, isn't it?" Both females glare at Karkat waiting an answer.
Karkat lights his cigarette and starts smoking, "Please, if you two had penises I still wouldn't trust you." Both of the females gape at him.
"Then why is it?" Vriska questions.
"It's because you two are some of the biggest fucking idiots I know. And that's saying something," The male troll opens the car door on the driver's side.
Before he gets in he notices Jade holding Vriska back, "Oh yeah? Well you're the biggest idiot I ever met! And I've met your moirial!" Karkat flips her off.
"Vriska please!" begs Jade. "Let's just get this over with so we can go home." The spider troll calms down and the two head toward the car.
"Wait a second!" Vriska stops Jade from entering the car in the passenger's seat.
Karkat honks the horn, "Let's go already!" he shouts.
Vriska ignores him, "I'm not sitting in the back where all the criminals sit. It's degrading."
Karkat leans against the car and rests his head on his hand, "You are a criminal."
"Those charges were dropped," rebuttals Vriska.
"Everyone please calm down," sooths Jade. The two continue to glare at each other. Jade screams in aggravation, "Fine! I'll sit in the back." So Jade pushes Vriska into the car and Jade walks to the back. She had some trouble seeing through the wire on the windows.
The cop car drives the trio around Skaia, and the group spent the entire time arguing.
"I'm just saying that Nicholas Cage is the best actor in the world and no one can even compare," Vriska snootily says.
"And I'm saying that Troll Will Smith is hands down the best fucking actor in the universe," argues Karkat.
"Then why don't you like Human Will Smith, Karkat?" questions Jade.
"Because that asshole is a fucking poser!"
"Both versions are posers!" attacks Vriska.
"And Nicholas Cage is a sell-out!" Karkat shouts returning the attack.
Vriska gasps, "You take that back!"
"No."
"Yes!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"Both of you shut the fuck up!" Jade screams. "We've been driving for two hours and have found nothing!" Jade coughs from the cigarette smoke, "Karkat open my window, I can't breathe!"
"Why don't you? Aren't you a big girl?" Karkat mocks.
"I would, but you can't open the back windows of a cop car yourself! You have to have the driver do it! Do you want the criminals to cause problems with an open window?"
Karkat grumbles, "Fine, but what kind of trouble could a criminal do with an open window?"
"You would be surprised," Vriska says simply.
Jade sighs and looks out the window, "Wait! There's an abandoned car out there!"
Karkat pulls the car over and everyone scrambles the fuck out. The trio runs to the car and finds it in decent condition. Karkat checks the documents and finds out that this is the exact car that was stolen.
Karkat cheers, "Fuck yeah! Case closed. Now let's call Sollux and get the fuck out of here!" Karkat pulls out his walkie talkie and dials up for the department.
"Wait a second Karkat," Jade puts her hand over the communications device. "Why would someone steal a car and then abandon it in the outskirts of town? It doesn't make sense."
"Who the fuck cares? People here are crazy." Karkat returns to the communicator.
Jade pulls Karkat's shoulders to face her, "But aren't you wondering why-"
"No, now let me work."
"Uh guys?" Vriska calls from the other side of the car. She is holding the trunk door up, "I think you should check this out." Karkat and Jade walk to the back and are shocked by what they see.
"Holy shit," says Jade.
"Where did all this shit come from?" asks Karkat. The group continues to stare inside the trunk where five million dollars worth of drugs laid inside.
