Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures
Lost Identity
(PG:13)
Chapter One
Beneath a sky full of stars, Kathryn and Chakotay sat beside a crackling fire, enjoying a glass of red wine and sharing a plateful of freshly roasted chestnuts. It had been over two weeks now since the storm that had wrecked their shelter, but time seemed suspended on this planet and they found themselves losing track of it a little more every day.
Chakotay topped up Kathryn's wine and it warmed his heart to see how relaxed she was. Now that she had accepted their situation, she had, like him, made up her mind to make the most of it. And, making the most of it hadn't been difficult. Over the past two weeks they had visited many places on the planet in their shuttle, including magnificent mountain ranges, beautiful unspoilt beaches, vast golden valleys, spectacular rainforests and scorching deserts. But they had only seen a fraction of all there was to see, and even if they took a trip every day for the rest of their lives, they would never see everything.
"These chestnuts are delicious," Kathryn said, digging her fork into another one on the plate Chakotay was holding. "The finest I've ever tasted."
"Me too," Chakotay replied. "We'll have to collect some more...maybe preserve them so we can have them out of season."
"Absolutely. We'll collect as much as we can."
Suddenly, a familiar squarking sounded in the woods, and both Kathryn and Chakotay looked in the direction of the trees.
"I think our fire's frightened our new found friend," Kathryn said, putting down her fork and glass of wine on a small stool behind them. "Poor thing. He must think we're the neighbors from hell."
Chakotay laughed and watched as Kathryn got to her feet and approached the edge of the woods.
"It's ok, little fellar," she said, speaking blindly to the trees. "We've only been roasting some chestnuts. There's nothing to fear."
At the reassuring tone of Kathryn's voice, the monkey quietened.
"You're welcome to join us," she continued, "but the chestnuts are almost gone."
Branches rustled, and for a moment Kathryn thought the animal was going to take up her invitation, but then the rustling grew quieter and more distant as the monkey returned the way he had come.
Kathryn sighed and made her way back to Chakotay.
"Before the summer's over, I'll have him eating out of my hand, I swear..."
"You really think you can domestic him, don't you?" Chakotay said in amusement as she sat down.
"Yes," Kathryn smiled. "I love a challenge."
"Well, he'll certainly be that."
Kathryn picked up her glass of wine and fork and glanced at the plate of chestnuts Chakotay was still holding. To her disappointment, she saw that there was only one left.
"I might have to fight you for that chestnut," she teased.
Chakotay laughed softly. "No need, be my guest."
Kathryn gratefully picked up the last chestnut and ate it slowly, savoring the taste.
"This was the only part of camping I liked as a child," she said, after taking a sip of wine, "sitting around a fire eating roast chestnuts. When all the chestnuts were gone, I'd lie on my back and look up at the stars. I could identify every planet, every constellation, and I loved to make up my own from the patterns I could see."
"I loved doing that too," Chakotay confessed, putting down the plate in his hands. "For as long as I can remember I was drawn to the stars and longed to be amongst them."
"Same here. Although I never thought I'd end up living on an uninhabited planet in the Delta Quadrant."
"I can't say the thought ever crossed my mind either," Chakotay smiled.
The brightness in Kathryn's eyes suddenly faded and she fell serious. "If you knew as a boy that this was to be your fate...living here, like this... would you still have pursued the dream?"
"You mean would I do it all again?"
"Yes."
"There are many things I wouldn't go again," he said honestly, "but meeting you, being a part of our journey in this quadrant, yes, I would do that again."
Kathryn searched his eyes, searching his soul. "Even though it means spending the rest of your life with me?"
Chakotay held her gaze. "I can't think of anywhere, with anyone, I'd rather be right now."
Kathryn's eyes moistened at that and she smiled softly.
"Neither can I."
For a long moment they looked deep into each other's eyes, then slowly, tentatively, Kathryn closed the gap between them and their lips met in a tender first kiss.
When they drew away, Chakotay gently brushed his fingers against Kathryn's cheek.
"In k'aatech," he said softly.
Kathryn smiled, eyes sparkling. "What does that mean?"
Chakotay flinched, and then looked at her strangely, almost in confusion.
At his reaction, Kathryn tensed, sensing that something was wrong. "What is it? What's wrong?"
When he replied, she had her answer - he replied in a language she didn't understand!
For a long moment, Kathryn just stared at him, totally taken aback. Then her brain engaged and she relaxed as the reason dawned on her - Chakotay didn't speak English. The thought that he didn't had never occurred to her. She had only ever heard him speak in her native tongue and had always assumed that it was his native tongue too. With the audio and visual mental manipulation of translation technology that made everyone look and sound like they spoke in the native tongue of the listener, it was impossible to tell who spoke what language. But if Chakotay's people had gone to the trouble of settling on a planet to preserve their culture and heritage, they would also do their best to preserve their native language.
Switching to Federation Standard language, Kathryn tried to convey her thoughts. It had been a long time since she had last used the language and she wasrather rusty. "The translator must be..." She searched for the word. "Broken." Before discarding their commbadges, they had fitted a universal translator to the shelter - just incase they were visited by aliens, friendly or otherwise. The translator worked up to a radius of fifty meters, and she and Chakotay had never been that far apart, even when she was working in the woods.
"Yes," Chakotay replied, his command of Federation Standard even more rusty than hers. He had taken the required classes at the Academy, but as he'd never learnt the language as a boy, he had never really become fluent in it. And, as translators were so reliable and commonplace, he'd never found the need to use the language so had forgotten a lot of it.
For a long moment Kathryn and Chakotay just looked at each other, then they both laughed.
When at last they sobered, Chakotay spoke. "I'll go..shelter...fix..."
"Ok," Kathryn smiled.
Without another word, Chakotay made his way to the shelter and Kathryn watched him. When he disappeared inside, she turned back to the fire. The flames were dying now and, as it could take Chakotay some time to fix the translator system, it seemed pointless to revive the fire. Instead, Kathryn got to her feet, picked up a bucket of water that was nearby, and extinguished the flames. She then began to clear everything up, and took the plates, cutlery and roasting equipment inside to recycle.
When she entered the shelter, Kathryn saw that Chakotay was sitting at the table, studying a computer monitor. She made her way over to the recycler, recycled the objects in her hand, and then returned outside to collect the blanket they had been sitting on and the stool. There were less stars in the sky now, which could only mean that the sky was clouding. She hoped with all her heart that didn't mean another storm was brewing. As quickly as she could, she picked up the blanket and stool and hurried inside. After putting the stool back in its rightful place in the kitchen, she went over to the recycler to recycle the blanket. As she did so, Chakotay called to her.
"Kathryn..."
At the sound of her name, Kathryn turned around.
"Yes?"
He gestured for her to go over to him, and Kathryn went right away. As she approached, he turned the portable monitor towards her and pointed to text on the screen. Kathryn stepped closer, so she could see it clearly, and smiled when she saw that the text was in English. Chakotay had clearly used a word processing translation program so he could better communicate with her.
'There appears to be a short-circuit in the translator's main processor. It shouldn't take long to fix - about half an hour. I may aswell do it now, rather than wait until morning. What do you think?'
Kathryn turned to look at Chakotay and nodded with a smile.
Chakotay smiled in return and then spoke to the computer. Instantly it processed and translated his words, displaying them in English text.
'Then I'll get to it.'
"Ok," Kathryn replied, turning back to him.
Chakotay smiled, got to his feet, and squeezed her arm affectionately before crossing the room to access the translator's main processor, which was concealed in a silver cupboard.
Kathryn watched as Chakotay opened the slim silver doors, and then made her way to the shelter's small bathroom to take a quick shower.
After showering and putting on comfortable nightclothes, consisting of a white satin nightdress and matching robe, Kathryn returned to the living area to see how Chakotay was getting on. He was lying on his back on the floor, working busily, and she didn't like to disturb him. Instead, she made her way over to a small beige couch in the corner of the room and curled up on it, resting her head against a soft brown cushion that she had made by hand. It was almost 11pm and she was feeling rather tired. Closing her eyes, she let herself melt into the warmth and comfort of the couch, and in no time at all, she was fast asleep.
It took Chakotay a little longer than he had anticipated to fix the short-circuit, but at last he had the translator system working again. His mission accomplished, he cleared up, washed his hands, and then made his way over to the living area.
"All fixed," he said. "We can..."
He stopped talking when he saw that Kathryn was fast asleep. As quietly as he could, he closed the gap between them and looked down at her fondly. She looked so content, so peaceful...so beautiful. For a long time he stood over her, just gazing at her and memorizing every feature, every freckle. Then he went over to the replicator, replicated a soft fawn blanket, and gently put it over her. There was a stray strand of hair on her cheek and he knelt beside her to remove it. Then he gazed at her again before planting a gentle kiss on her forehead.
"Sweet dreams, Kathryn," he whispered.
He then got to his feet and quietly left.
Sun, the chirping of birds, and the tasty smell of breakfast were the first things Kathryn became aware of when she woke up the next morning. For a moment she didn't know where she was, then everything came back to her. She had clearly fallen asleep while waiting for Chakotay to fix the translator.
"Good morning."
Kathryn looked in the direction of Chakotay's voice and saw him standing by a carefully laid table, putting a jug of orange juice down on it.
"Good morning," Kathryn replied, putting her hand to her rather stiff neck. "I guess I dosed off..."
"I guess you did," Chakotay smiled. "And, as you've probably gathered, I fixed the translator."
"Clearly," Kathryn smiled in return. "And boy am I glad."
Chakotay laughed softly. "At least your Federation Standard is better than mine."
"Well," she replied, climbing out of her make-shift bed. "I learnt it all through school. I'm guessing you didn't learn it until you got to the Academy."
"No, I didn't. And I haven't had to use it since then so I've kind of forgotten a lot of it."
"It's a good thing we never had to use it on Voyager."
"I'll say," he smiled.
"It never even occured to me that you don't speak English," she said, making her way over to him. "I just assumed that you did. I mean, I kind of took it for granted. How strange..."
Chakotay couldn't help but tease. "That I don't speak English or that you took it for granted?"
"I guess a bit of both," she replied. "Not that there's any reason why you should speak English, of course, just that all this time I thought that you did...And now I find out that you don't and...it's just strange..."
"I'll admit it threw me for a moment," Chakotay conceded. "I've always known we don't speak the same language, and yet...and yet I've got so used to hearing everyone speak in my native tongue all these years that I didn't really think about it."
Kathryn sat down at the table. "What language do you speak exactly?"
"Yucatec Mayan," he answered. "It isn't the ancient language of my people, but it's the language they all spoke when they settled on Trebus. A few members of our tribe can speak our ancient language, and a few ancient words have become a part of our vocabulary, but not enough people for it to have become our mother tongue. My father could speak it, and he tried to teach it to me, but I didn't really want to learn." He paused. "I kind of regret it now."
"I'd like to learn your language," Kathryn said sincerely. "Do you think you could teach me?"
"It would be an honor," Chakotay replied. "Perhaps we can teach each other. I'd love to learn English."
Kathryn smiled. "Deal."
Chakotay smiled in return and then went over to the hob to attend to breakfast.
"Smells good," Kathryn said, trying, but failing, to see what he was making. "What are we having?"
"Omlette, tomatoes, veggie bacon and fried bread."
"Scrumptious. You really are spoiling me, Chakotay."
"Well," Chakotay answered, "you deserve it."
Kathryn watched as he stirred the stewing tomatoes, flipped over a couple of slices of bread, and checked on the grilling bacon.
"It's about time I cooked for you, though," she said seriously. "How about I cook for us tonight? I could make something Mexican or Chinese..."
Chakotay glanced at her, amusement in his eyes. "Feeling ambitious?"
"Very."
"Then I look forward to it," he smiled.
As he turned back to breakfast, Kathryn found herself thinking of the kiss they had shared the night before, a kiss so sweet and tender, yet so electric.
"Chakotay..."
"Yes?"
"Last night when we...you know...what did you say?"
Chakotay turned back to her, the warmth in his dark, kind, eyes making her catch her breath.
"I said I love you," he said softly.
Happy tears welled in Kathryn's eyes at that. "You did?"
Chakotay nodded.
Kathryn smiled, got to her feet,and made her way over to him. "Well, that's just wonderful because..because I love you too..."
Tears of joy filled Chakotay's eyes and he scooped her in his arms, holding her tight. Kathryn slipped her arms around his neck and held him in return.
"We'll be happy here, Kathryn," Chakotay said, kissing her hair. "I promise you we will."
"Of course we will," Kathryn smiled. "You, me, and a whole planet to explore. What could be better?"
An alarm beeped, forcing them apart, and when they turned to the hob, they saw thick smoke emanate from the frying bread.
"You, me, a whole planet to explore and unburnt breakfast?" Chakotay suggested.
Kathryn laughed heartedly. "Yes, that could be so..."
After breakfast, Kathryn took a shower, put on a cool dress of slate-blue, and joined Chakotay in the kitchen area. He was sitting by the table, studying what appeared to be a map on the computer.
"I'm performing detailed scans of the local area," he said as Kathryn approached. "We've seen a lot of faraway places, but have hardly explored this region at all. I thought maybe we could do so over the next few days. There seem to be a lot of interesting places."
Kathryn stood beside him and gestured to a blue line that wiggled across the screen.
"Is that a river?"
"Yes. And it's only about half a mile away. Seems to pass through some interesting terrain."
"It certainly does, if this map is anything to go by. It's too bad we don't have a boat. I'd love to explore it by water." She paused. "Where are we exactly?"
"Here," Chakotay said, pointing to their location, which was just west of the river. "I was just about to mark us..."
Kathryn saw what appeared to be a lake near by. "Oh, a lake...we'll have to go there, Chakotay. It looks even closer than the river. How about we go this afternoon?"
"Sounds good," Chakotay smiled.
Kathryn put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed affectionately. "While you're drawing up the map, I think I'll go and rehome my tomatoes. They need to be transferred and the weather is just right today."
"Alright," Chakotay replied.
Kathryn squeezed his shoulder again and then kissed his cheek before leaving.
Lying on dry ground, Kathryn carefully replanted the last of her precious tomatoes. She had grown them from seeds and was very proud of their flourishing. Behind her she heard the shelter door open, and in no time at all, Chakotay was beside her.
"How are they coming?"
"Very nicely," Kathryn replied. "We should have vine-ripened Talaxian tomatoes in a couple of months, unless this planet has the equivalent of tomato bugs. They're awful."
Chakotay smiled. "I would never have thought of you as a gardener."
"I grew up around farmers," Kathryn explained. "My parents insisted we learn some basic gardening skills."
"Did you hate that as much as camping?"
"Of course," Kathryn smiled. "Who wanted to muck around in the dirt when you could be studying quantum mechanics? But I find it very satisfying now, watching the seeds sprout and grow..."
"If your tomatoes could spare you for a minute," Chakotay jested, "I'd like your opinion on something in the house."
"Well," Kathryn said, getting to her feet and walking with him towards the shelter, "you've come to the right person. I always have an opinion..."
"Really?" Chakotay teased.
Laughing, they entered the shelter and Chakotay gestured to a display on the computer.
"What do you think?"
"A boat!" Kathryn exclaimed in delight.
"You said you wanted to explore the river," Chakotay said, her joy warming his heart. "I think I could build this."
"We could go on a camping trip," Kathryn said, her mind already thinking of the exciting possibilities.
"I'm not sure we could fit the bathtub in the boat," Chakotay teased.
"Well, that's all right," Kathryn replied. "I'll have the river."
They laughed softly until a crackling sound in the background caught their attention.
Kathryn looked up at Chakotay. "Do you hear that?"
"Yes," Chakotay replied.
A once familiar voice was discernable amongst the crackling, and at the recognition of it, they both realised the sound came from their discarded commbadges. Chakotay made his way over to where they lay, picked them up, and lay one on the table before Kathryn.
"This is Tuvok calling Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. Please respond."
Tentatively, Kathryn picked up the commbadge and spoke. "This is Janeway."
"Captain," Tuvok replied. "It's good to hear your voice. We have news."
"What is it?"
"We have medicine which we believe will effectively treat your condition. We plan to be in orbit within 30 hours."
Blue birds flew over a vast silver lake that sparkled in the late afternoon sun. Wearing a white cardigan over her dress, Kathryn stood at the water's edge and looked out vacantly at the scene before her. There was a haunting sadness in her eyes, a sadness that Chakotay was too astute to miss.
"You've been very quiet all afternoon," he said, closing the small gap between them. "I thought you would be happy that the crew are coming back for us."
"I know," Kathryn replied. "For the first few weeks we were here, all I could think about was finding a cure so we could leave. But now..." She stopped, bit her lip.
Chakotay questioned. "But now?"
"I've come to think of this place as home. And..." Tears filled her eyes. "And I've never been as happy in my entire life as I have been these past couple of weeks with you."
"Neither have I," Chakotay said sincerely.
Kathryn turned slowly towards him. "But this is where it has to end, Chakotay. What we have here, what we've shared here, it can never be ours on Voyager."
"We're a long way from the Federation, Kathryn," Chakotay reasoned. "Voyager may never get home in our lifetime. In circumstances like ours, regular rules don't apply...they can't."
"They have to," Kathryn said quietly. "It doesn't matter how far away we are or how long the journey, we're still a Starfleet crew with a mission to accomplish. And I'm still a Starfleet captain. A personal relationship between us is out of the question." She paused. "I'm sorry."
Tears filled Chakotay's eyes now and he averted them. He knew there was no point in arguing. When Kathryn had set her mind on something, no one could change it.
"But I want you to know," Kathryn continued, "that what we shared here, what I feel for you, it's all been real."
At that, Chakotay looked up at her. "I'll wait," he said seriously. "I'll wait as long as it takes..."
"No," Kathryn replied gently. "As you say, we're got a long way to go and we could be traveling for the rest of our lives. I want you to think of our time here as...as a beautiful dream, a dream to forever cherish." She reached out and took his hand in hers. "That's how I'm going to remember this time...always."
A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek. "I meant what I said, Kathryn...about standing by your side. Whenever you need me, no matter where or when, I'll always be here."
Kathryn squeezed his hand. "And I'll always be here for you."
They looked at each other a moment, pain, regret and longing in their eyes. Then slowly, hesitantly, they drew together and held each other close.
"I'll make the boat," Chakotay said, stroking Kathryn's long auburn hair. "I'd like to make the boat. And, perhaps, one evening you'll join me for a ride on the holodeck."
Kathryn smiled against his shoulder. "I'd like that."
For a long time they held each other close, neither wanting to let the other go. Then, arm in arm, they slowly made their way back to the shelter.
END OF CHAPTER ONE
