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99 Regrets
By: Vanessa Sgroi
"DEAN!" I scream at the top of my lungs as I plunge uselessly after the departing Impala, taillights glowing bright in the black night. I stop after a few long strides, lungs heaving, head swimming, heart thundering in my chest. Each staccato beat pumping dread throughout my body. My big brother's left, and I fear I know exactly where he's going. He's running headlong to suicide, hope and faith snuffed like a candle by recent events.
I dash dampness off my cheeks with the back of my hand as crushing loneliness settles on my shoulders. I think this must be how Dean felt every time I walked away from him. Ironic, isn't it, that I'm just now "getting it". Sure, I'd felt lonely occasionally while off at Stanford and I missed Dean, but it was a different kind of lonely. This, though, this is a whole different level of despair and sense of abandonment.
Turning, I trudge back toward the motel room. I've tried to talk to Dean, tried to right a myriad of wrongs, tried to make him see…to understand. But I've failed every single time. We've both let things go for too long. We let it all fester. And now we're paying the price. What's the old aphorism—united we stand, divided we fall? Seriously, that's got Winchester written all over it. My brother and I have even acknowledged that truism, but sadly never at the same time—when it would do some good.
I close the motel room door softly, lean against it, and slam my eyes shut. My hand seeks out my cell phone automatically; my mind's racing. I don't know what to do.
"Where is Dean?" Cas's voice seems to be coming from a long way off.
I swallow hard. "He's gone." My voice trembles.
Fin
