Two Strikes and An Out
Chapter 1


Author name – x8The-Mask8x


Author email – Green1418@aol.com


Category – Angst/Romance/General


Spoilers - All Shows


Rating – PG, fluff with unneeded name-calling.


Long Summary – Set in their 7th and 8th years, Arnold finally hooks up with Ruth, only to realize (yet again) that she isn't everything he thought she was. Trying to find where his feelings really lie, Arnold makes an odd bond with someone you'd never expect!


Short summary – Confusion rises as Arnold tries to sort out his relationships. Baseball is a sordid therapy and Gerald thinks he's Prince!


Disclaimer - This story is based on characters and situations created, produced, and owned by Snee-Oosh Inc. and Nickelodeon, which is owned by Viacom, and no support or endorsement of this fanfiction is expressed or implied by Viacom, Nickelodeon, or anyone involved with the production of the show.

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Thursday Night -

Arnold's Voice: I'd waited almost my whole adolescent life to get a chance with Ruth. I'd been nearly obsessed, for lack of a better word, with her every movement. Sure, she was older than me and horribly out of my reach… but still I held on to straw and fought to obtain her attention. (Arnold and Ruth are sitting at a secluded table in Chez Paris, gazing idly around the room, a plate of half eaten fediccini alfredo in front of them..) Eventually I succeeded, in seventh grade. I'd grown considerably taller, my hair was it's same spiky blonde and I wasn't wearing four and five layers of clothing like I had at PS118. No, I was into the typical boarder-shorts and surf-logo T-shirts. Ruth hadn't lost her thin figure or her long limbs, but she sported her typical miniskirts of many colors and tank tops to match. Ruth hadn't changed much, still wearing her hair down to her shoulders. We'd been together nearly three weeks when I decided to take her to Chez Paris, the most expensive French restaurant in town…


Arnold: Wow, I can't believe it's been three weeks...

Ruth: It's nothing great, Arnold. I've been in longer relationships - ours just needs time to grow.

Arnold: Oh, well now that you put it that way... I guess it really isn't that long.

Ruth: Oh, Arnold, you're so funny. Oops, excuse me, I have to use the restroom.

(Arnold, digging in his back pocket, pulls out a cell phone and quickly dials a familiar number.)

Gerald: Prince - speak to me.

Arnold: Hey Gerald, it's Arnold. Listen, I need your advice...

Gerald: I am NOT Gerald, I am Prince or the artist formerly known as 'Gerald'. Anyways, Arnold - mah man - advice on what?

Arnold: Gerald, I'm having thoughts that my whole relationship with Ruth is a kind of shame. We really have nothing in common, we hardly talk - we're just the two most popular kids at PS119... but we've only been together three weeks, is it right to just break up with her?

Gerald: I am NOT Gerald, I am Prince! And your reservation about your relationship with Ruth reminds me of a song I hold dear to my heart. Here, I'll sing it for you...

Arnold: Gerald, this is serious. I don't have time to play pop star, Ruth'll be back any minute...

Gerald (singing Raspberry Beret): I was working part time in a five-and-dime, my boss was Mr. McGee. He told me several times that he didn't like my kind, 'cause I was a bit too leisurely. Seems that I was busy doing something close to nothing, but different than the day before. That's when I saw her, oh, I saw her... she walked in through the out door, out door...

Arnold: Gerald, alright alright, the artist formerly known as Gerald, would you quit joking around? I'm desperate for advice here!

Gerald (still singing): She wore a raspberry beret, the kind you find in a second hand store. Raspberry beret and if it was warm she wouldn't wear much more. Raspberry beret... I think I love her...

(Arnold hangs up, putting the cell in his back pocket as Ruth comes back to the table. They sit again in an awkward silence while Arnold waits anxiously for the bill to arrive.)

Arnold (muttering): Some advice, Gerald.

Ruth: Hmm? What'd you say?

Arnold: Oh, nothing. Just wondering where the bill was.

Ruth (large smile): Oh, Arnold, you are such a good boyfriend. Chez Paris is so expensive, I'm surprised you opted for this place. It's not your average three-week anniversary spot, you know?

Arnold (sighing heavily as the waiter brings the bill): Yeah, I know.

Ruth (frowning): The bill looks a little high, are you sure you can pay for it all?

Arnold (sighing again): Yes, I'm sure.

Ruth (frowning deeper): Arnold, what's wrong?

Arnold (handing wad of cash to waiter): Nothing, Ruth. Nothing is wrong.

Ruth (large smile again): Good, listen, this week has been wonderful, but for next week's anniversary I think we should...

Arnold's Voice: There was always a 'but' when it all came down. (Arnold sits and listens, looking miserably bored, nodding in silently oblivious approval while Ruth talks animatedly) Nothing ever seemed to be good enough for Ruth. She always wanted more, always needed more. The girl was high maintenance, not that any girl wasn't.

Ruth: So, you like the idea?

Arnold: What idea?

Ruth (huffing): Oh, Arnold, you didn't hear anything I said, did you?

Arnold (backtracking): Of course I did, I think your idea is great. I'd love to.

Ruth (a surprised look on her face): Wow, Arnold, I would never have expected you to agree to this. Oh, you make me so happy! (Ruth leans over the table and kisses Arnold's nose) I'll have Mummy make reservations - I can't believe this, a whole day at the spa with my own boyfriend! The girls will be so jealous.

(Arnold, looking mortified, gets up from the table and the two exit. Ruth's parents are waiting outside in their car as the couple walks out onto the sidewalk.)

Ruth: I called my parents while I was in the bathroom, I hope you don't mind.

Arnold: Not at all. I had a lot of... fun, tonight.

Ruth (big smile): Mmm, me too. Thanks for everything, Arnold. You're the best boyfriend ever. (She kisses his cheek) Night.

Arnold's Voice (Arnold watches Ruth drive away before slumping against a lamp post): A whole day at the spa? What was I... gay?

(Arnold walks home and crashes onto the bed, falling into a dreamless sleep.)

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Friday Morning -


Gerald: Arnold, Arnold - mah man - wake up!

Arnold (rolling over, rubbing his eyes): Gerald?

Gerald (hands on his hips like a girl): Foo, for the last time, I am NOT Gerald, I'm PRINCE!

Arnold's Voice: I had no idea what Gerald was wearing, (Gerald dressed in violet, tight leather pants and matching jacket with cream ascot with a violent day-glow orange feather in his matching hat) but at eight in the morning, it was too much.

Arnold: You're still going on about that whole 'Prince' thing?

Gerald: What do you mean?

Arnold (groaning as he sits up on his bed): Ugh, nothing. Nevermind. Thanks for the advice last night, by the way.

Gerald (large grin): Any time, pal. Raspberry Beret was always one of my personal favorites.

Arnold (saunters over to his closet, starts sifting through clothes): The song didn't help at all, Gerald, I needed ADVICE.

Gerald: Prince's songs ARE advice, Arnold. They are full of sensual healing powers, all you had to do was sing.

Arnold: I don't think singing would've solved my problem, Gerald. Ruth is making me miserable and broke. I spent over fifty dollars paying for pasta last night.

Gerald (looking thoughtful): Hmm, pasta. That reminds me of the one time I went on tour and we invited some of the fans to dinner. They asked me to sing 'Let's Go Crazy' just for them. I love that song! (starts singing Let's Go Crazy.)

Arnold (huffing as he dresses in his closet): Gerald! Would you quit with the singing already? You can't have a mid-life crisis at twelve!

Gerald (still singing and dancing around Arnold's room): If you don't like the world you're living in, take a look around you. At least you got friends. I called my old lady for a friendly word, she just picked up the phone, dropped it on the floor "ssss ahh, sss ahh !" is all I heard...

Arnold's voice: It was bad enough that I was barely awake, but a dancing leather-clad Gerald just proved that the world around me was spinning off its axis. (Arnold, looking quite disturbed, exits the room) The boarding house was eerily quiet as I went downstairs to find Grandpa for some advice, seeing as he was the second wisest person I could think of at the moment.

(Arnold enters the living room to find Grandpa puttering around in a toolbox)

Grandpa: Now where is that derned screwdriver?

Arnold: Grandpa?

Grandpa: Mornin' Shortman! How'd your date go last night?

Arnold: Bad, that's kind of what I came to ask you about.

Grandpa: Eh? Your girl give you a hard time, Shortman?

Arnold: Well, Grandpa, it's like we are just - together. We don't have anything in common and we don't really even talk to each other.

(The phone rings and Grandpa answers it)

Grandpa: Uh huh, uh huh, yes. Well, I will relay the message. Alright now, buh-bye. (hangs up the phone)

Arnold: Who was that, Grandpa?

Grandpa: That was Ruth. She said to tell you that the plans you discussed last night were already made. Something about a spa?

Arnold (huffs, throwing head into hands): See what I mean, we don't talk! I would never have agreed to go to a spa if I'd been...

Grandpa (still puttering for the screwdriver): Listen, Shortman, not all relationships work out. If you and Ruth are having your problems, then maybe its best if you are just friends.

Arnold (smile of relief): Thanks, Grandpa.

Grandpa: Don't mention it.

Arnold's voice: Good old' Grandpa, always full of sage wisdom. (Arnold enters the kitchen to find Grandma chasing after fly enthusiastically) Grandma, on the other hand, she was good for cheering people up. I mean, how many grandmothers do you know who believe they are living on an African Safari?

Arnold (taking a seat at the table): Hey Grandma.

Grandma (flapping fly-swatter at fly): Hello Kimba, would you like some breakfast?
Arnold: Sure, Grandma.

Grandma (hits fly-swatter hard against countertop): Alright, it'll be on the table as soon as I kill it!

(Arnold gets up and heads back upstairs - Gerald is still singing Let's Go Crazy and is doing something similar to the Mambo on Arnold's desk)

Gerald (jumping off the desk and landing next to Arnold on the couch): Aww, come on, Arnold, the whole Ruth-thing can't be all-bad. You know what you need? You need to sing - it's times like these when a classic makes everything all right. It's times like these where the only song that'll do is... 'When Doves Cry.'

Arnold (looking irritated): Gerald, I don't want to sing. I need to do something... I'm going to go down to the lot and hit the ball around.

Gerald: Alright - mah man - but you don't know what you're missing.

Arnold's Voice: Thankfully, I didn't have to know. (Arnold grabs his bat and his ball and heads out of the room, down the stairs, and out into the street)