"Oh wow and you brought her the blue French horn and everything. Wow dude that's awesome. I'm so happy for you two. So happy. Its like the whole marriage divorce thing between me and Robin never even happened! So happy for you bro. So, so happy. So what are you two dating now or something? Like are we going to go to the Mosby-Scherbatsky household for Christmas and stuff? I just need to like, clear up my schedule and figure out gifts ,you know the usge."
"Um, Barney, you're acting kind of strange everything alright?"
"Hm what? No, nah I'm good. Really bro I'm happy for you. Me and Robin divorced 14 years ago, non-issue, its not like I'm still in love with her or something and I was sort of hoping that we could stir things up again now that she's permanently back in New York and Ellie wants her to be her step-mom or anything, like really no issue its all good. Go get her buddy, stick it to my ex-wife its all good. I don't care."
"Barney, I don't want it to be weird betw-"
"No Ted it's good, look I gotta go, Ellie has this space camp thing I have to take her. They want to take kids to Mars to fix those bases. She's got small hands so they need her so-"
"That's not a thin-"
"Ok good talk! Can't wait to hear more about this Robin thing, every detail, okay bye!"
"Daddy, I'm not going to space camp…unless…"
"No, I lied. I didn't want to hear more about this whole Ted and Robin thing."
"Then why did you say you wanted to hear more?"
"Well…because…I….reverse psychology!"
"I don't know what that is."
"Exactly."
"What?"
"Stop asking questions and finish your dinner or you're grounded!"
"I didn't do anything!"
"No more lip from you young lady!"
"Dad I just….I'm going to my room, you're getting into that weird crazy mood. Goodnight."
"Hmph showed her who's the authority figure. Paternal self five. Oh God why is Ted calling me back. Look Ted, the shuttle is about to launch I have to-Oh Robin. Hi."
"Hey Barney. How are you doing."
"Um, great, wonderful, fantastic actually. What's going on with you? I heard you have dogs again. How's that going?"
"Uh great, I actually want to talk to you about something."
"Sure. Shoot."
"So um, Ted showed up to my apartment last night. He was in a suit, he got the blue French horn, like he did on our first date in 2005."
"Yeah Ted called and told me. I'm happy for you two."
"Are you sure? I mean I don't really know what this will lead with Ted and I don't want things to be weird between us. I know I haven't really been around and I've been such a terrible friend. I just want things to be okay with us. Things might not be the same anymore but I don't want to lose you as a friend. I care about you and I don't want you to feel hurt."
"I'm fine Robin. Really. Our marriage ended 14 years ago. It's not like I'll be jealous of you dating Ted again. Its your life, nothing's going to stop you from doing what you want. That was made clear when we were married and I'm not mad. We went over this. If Ted will make you happy then I'm happy. We're good Robin. We're friends, don't worry about me."
"Barney I just-okay. Well I'm glad we could talk. I really do miss you. Tell Ellie I said hi"
"Yeah sure. I'll tell her. Bye."
"Bye."
"I think your lying is getting worse with old age dad. Like your hearing, and hair."
"What-I thought I told you to go to bed! And my hair is fine."
"Daddy why are you lying to Robin that you're okay with her and Uncle Ted dating when you're not?"
"I'm not lying, what do you know about lying you're like ten."
"Because you're my dad and I know when you lie you like to play with your tie and make no sense. Daddy you're still in love with Robin."
"Oh shush you don't know anything about love. You're just ten."
"Daddy I watch a lot of Disney movies. A lot. I think I know a thing or two. I'm sort of a love expert."
"Haha yes, my wonderful daughter, please enlighten me on this so called love thing."
"I will. Well when Uncle Ted was telling you the story about how he got the horn thing, your smile was kinda weird and you were kinda twitchy. You didn't want to keep talking about it and you didn't want to talk about your feelings. Classic in-love move. And when Robin called you were like really surprised, yes I was watching, and you got really sad when you said you were happy and that doesn't make sense because if you're happy you shouldn't feel sad you know? So you're lying and you want to be with Robin."
"How are you so perceptive? I didn't even know I did that."
"I don't know what perceptive means."
"Haha, never mind. So you really learned all that from Disney movies hm? Anything else you want to tell me about love? I guess I should be paying more attention to these movies you take me to watch."
"Well I learned a lot and you should pay more attention you would really like them, they have sing-a-long sometimes and I think you would like that a lot since you do karaoke so awesomely. Anyway I learned that the love you have for Robin, that you said is gone, its not. This love, it lasts forever, and I want you to be happy forever. When I see those pictures of you and Robin on your wedding day you look so happy and when you saw her for the first time in like a gagillion years you looked that happy and I like my daddy to be happy and not pretending happy. You talking to Uncle Ted and Robin made you that pretending happy."
"When did you become this wise for a ten year old. You're really smart you know that?"
"Yeah my report cards always say I'm super smart. What do you expect? I'm awesome and perfect."
"Yeah you are awesome. I love you Ellie. Look go to bed. Its getting too late and it's your mom's weekend tomorrow so I'd rather her not complain to me about how sleep deprived you are and whatever."
"Ugh, mom. Do I ever tell you I'm glad you have me always because she just wants those checks you give her, she treats me like a little sister…"
"Yeah, I know, she's still your mom though. Let's not talk about that okay, go to bed. Love you Elle"
"Love you too daddy. "
Barney stayed up that night. Thinking about what happened that night. What he should do. What can he do.
This love, it lasts forever
He shouldn't have been this upset. It was 14 years ago. They divorced 14 years ago.
Robin isn't obliged to do anything he doesn't like, they're just friends. Just friends. Her dating life shouldn't affect him.
But it does. It really does. It really hurts. It doesn't make sense, they both said the divorce thing was a good idea, they both wanted it. It was amicable.
Is he still really in love with Robin? No that's done. It didn't work, if it didn't work with Robin then it wasn't going to work for anyone. That's fine. Perfect. They're just friends now. Its fine. But, he thinks, he's his ex-wife. Him, Barney Stinson, was married to Robin Scherbatsky. And it was a legendary three years. But they can only be friends.
But why does he feel like the only person he wants to really talk to, other than Ellie, is Robin? He sometimes reaches for the phone wanting to say something, wanting to share the awesome story he had on his mind, or brag about how awesome Ellie is and the first person he wants to share that with is Robin.
It makes sense.
He dials her back.
"Barney? What are-"
"Robin listen. I lied. I'm not really happy that you and Ted are 'rekindling' or whatever. I don't know what's going on between us. I know its awkward and weird and everything is different because we're all old and have kids but every time I think of you I realize that I miss you. Every day I want to talk about how awesome life is and how awesome Ellie is. And it's not like friendship type of talk and longing because I've been your friend and I've been your husband and I fell in love with you and I miss all of that stupid relationship stuff. Not that gooey Ted type of relationship stuff, our relationship. I know marriage didn't work out with us and I'm not saying we should get remarried because that's jumping the gun right now and all I really want is for you to know I'm still in love with you.
"I know Ted is my best friend and I should root him on whatever girl he wants but you aren't some girl and I don't see you jumping into his life in the suburbs with his two kids with pictures of his dead wife all over the place. That isn't you and I know you. Probably better than Ted because Ted takes everything to some deep lame meaning and you don't do deep and lame because you're awesome. And I've missed you after the divorce we all just stopped hanging out with you and I don't know Robin. I miss you. I vowed I wouldn't lie to you so here it is."
"I called Ted back tonight. He asked me to dinner tonight and I told him I couldn't go. It didn't sit right with me. He told me he was telling his kids how he met Tracy and told he whole story. Penny and Luke convinced him to go ask me out. And I think you're right. The whole jumping into Ted's wife, replacing Tracy. I'm glad Penny and Luke like me and they don't mind but. I don't know I'm not Tracy. I don't want to be his replacement and I know she died 6 years ago but still.
"It isn't the same and I do really miss you Barney but I'm not sure how I feel. So much is getting thrown at me and you two both have kids to worry about and I don't want to jump into anyone's life. Can you just, I don't know, tell me something about your day or week. Can this just be normal? Can we just go back in time 20 years and just, do that? Be young and drunk at MacLaren's and just not freak out about stupid stuff about being old?"
"Yeah, sure. So get this, you know those Disney movies I'm forced to watch? They sing in them! Like who knew! They have sing-a-longs. Ellie thinks I should pay more attention, she thinks I would like it."
"Barney, you know Disney's been around for almost 100 years and you're now just figuring out that there's singing involved? What'd you do for an hour an a half? Find your next conquest in the dark?"
"No, no nothing like that, I have Ellie with me, I'm not going to hit on some girl with my kid there"
"I've seen you do it before."
"No! I was asking for breast feeding tips."
"Ellie was 6 and you can't breast feed, you're a man."
"Fine you got me, but I swear, that was the last time.
"Suree"
"No really! I just tend to black out I don't know, I see all these parents with their kids, and all other kids are super lame, I mean except for Ted's, Lily's and Marshall's, so being in the room with them sucks and is lame."
"Ellie's like 10 now right, why is she still into cartoons?"
"Because 10 is still considered a kid, not all of us were raised in that backward ass country where they force you into the work force at like 8. I'm so glad the UK took back Canada, they weren't fit to be their own country."
"Yeah Barney, that never happened, Canada is still just Canada."
"I mean who calls their cops Mounties?! How are we supposed to take them seriously? 'Oh no, everyone hide in your igloos and park your moose! The scary Mounties are coming!' Seriously Robin, there's no intimidation there."
"People still live in houses in Canada Barney, you've been to Canada, multiple times."
"Loonie is also a stupid name for a coin"
"Remember you are one-quarter Canadian."
"Oh hold up, Ellie is up, against my authority, she wants to say something to you."
"Oh! Okay, um sure put her on."
"Hey Robin, it's Ellie, the coolest 10 year old you know."
"Hi Ellie! Why are you still up, didn't your dad tell you to go to bed?"
"Yeah but he also told me that there is going to be a Disney World in Brooklyn and that was wrong so I'm on a protest against him. Plus I want to be cranky for mom."
"Oh, well that's…interesting. So what do you want to talk about."
"Can you pick me up from my mom's on Sunday?"
"Ellie don't ask-"
"Hello, Dad, I'm on the phone. Anyway… She was going on about how dad is some sleazy guy and how she wants me all her to herself but all she does is put be in front of the TV while she ignores me, so I think it'd be cool of the Robin Scherbatsky shows up and tells her how awesome dad is so she can stop being mean to daddy. "
"Um, yeah, Ellie sure, anything, your mom seems mean."
"I know!"
"Ellie, give me the phone.. Sorry about that."
"No its okay, she seems like she needs someone there that's not you. I've got this."
"Thanks. Really. There's this custody hearing coming up and it's really bothering me because she's trying to take Ellie away from me, I mean I know I'll win because she really only wants Ellie for some stupid tax deductible and I really don't want to see number 31."
"She does have a name"
"Anyway I'm meeting with someone Sunday and I told her I'd have to get her Monday morning since I'm sure the meeting will run late."
"I'll give her a piece of my mind, I'll get her off your back and Ellie's. it's all good…I'm really glad you called Barney."
"Yeah me too."
"Let's get coffee sometime. Catch up, be normal, and stuff."
"That'd be great. Normal. I miss that."
"We could have a scotch at that cigar bar."
"Can't, I'm breast feeding."
"Oh shut up you idiot."
"It was great talking to you again, I'll talk to you again Robin. Bye."
"Yeah, definitely. Bye."
They laughed and hung up. Normal. Its not normal but it's the closest its felt to normal since they were in their 30s. Before the wedding and the divorce, before everything got complicated. He still loves her and she basically tried to ignore it but they're talking normally again. He still loves her and he hopes he can be with her some more like before. They don't need to define the relationship. He loves her, and he hopes something is still there for her. She did call him an idiot.
Ellie went to bed and so did he.
