Katniss POV

I honestly don't know what to feel. I think the appropriate thing to do is grieve and get on with my life.

But I can't. I feel numb, that what it is.

I feel like I could've prevented this whole thing, by killing Petta in the first games, or better yet, letting him kill me.

But I had made a promise to Prim.

Prim, this whole thing started, and ended, with her.

But I can't be mad at her. Her name was only in once, getting chosen was some freak accident.

Of corse I couldn't let her go, I promised her she wouldn't be chosen. So I went instead.

I promised her I would do everything in my power to win and come back home.

I couldn't kill Petta, but I still kept my promise to her by exploiting the games one weakness. The need for a champion, even if it means having two.

My promises, my choices, my mistakes, have created an entirely new world.

And I'm still stuck in the one I gave far more than my life to leave.

Because she is in that world. That was her world. That was all she ever knew, she will never get to see everything they are doing to make this place better, safer, happier.

If I had seen through coins act...

If I had just realized that maybe snow wasn't the only one craving to keep power, doing anything to prevent it from being taken away.

That is the one person I will never regret killing, the rest can haunt me and my nightmares for the rest of my life but I will never feel bad for taking away any and all chances coin had at power.

She killed Prim, and that is something I can never forgive.

I pull back my bow, now aimed at a squirrel. I steady myself before letting go of the bowstring.

It goes right through the head. I clean it, drain it, skin it. And put it in my game bag. Which is nearly full.

I've been out here for about three days, eating what I kill, sleeping in that stupid old shack by the pond.

Trying to stay away from everyone who is trying to get me better.

I don't need to be better, I need to be sane. And that is not something I will become sitting around with a bunch of people who are telling me everything I'm doing wrong and forcing me to eat.

If possible, I would go crazier.

So I do something I know, something I'm good at, I hunt.

But this meat will go bad if I'm out here for longer. I let out a long exaggerated sigh and cleaned my arrow, that I retrieved from the head of the dead squirrel, before walking back to District 12.

It takes me about a half an hour to walk back, when I get back to the victors village, my house is crowed with people.

They don't notice me yet but they say things like 'she's been gone for days'

'What is she's gone and killed herself?' And 'what if she's been taken'

I mentally scoff at what they are saying, anyone who thought about it for more than ten minutes should've guessed where I was.

I walk in, immediately silencing the room as they all stare at me, I ignore them.

I heave my game bag on a counter and take off my fathers jacket and hang it on a door handle.

I walk upstairs, and no one says a word.

I shower and get dressed in a simple black fitted long sleeve shirt and Jean shorts. I weave my hair into a braid after I brush it and pull my sleaze over my hands, as if I were trying to cover them.

I walk back downstairs and everyone in the group is still silent, but now greasy sae is looking at my game and wrapping it and freezing it.

She will most likely make me a offer latter, and I will most likely just give it to her.

As I take a double take of the group I see half of them have left, seeing as I'm okay.

All that's left are Hazel, Haymitch, Effie, Greasy Sae (obviously), and shockingly Petta.

Me and Petta have exchanged no more than a few sentences in the months since everything happened. Although I sneak glances at him when I know he's around I never know what to say, or even if I should say anything at all.

He did believe I was a terrorist because of the stupid hijacking. What do you say to someone who has false memories of you that also happen to be horrifying?

Nothing is what I'm going with, but I cannot help but miss Petta.

I hadn't realized how important he'd become to me until he was taken from right under my nose.

I will never get the Petta I knew back, the one who was hopelessly in love with me for no good reason at all. The one who was completely open, not scared to share his thoughts or feelings with the world. This is a whole new Petta, and we could never have been more alike as we are now.

But we still avoid eachother.

After a minute or two of everyone just staring and Sae wrapping the game, I decide to actually say something for the first time in three days.

"I'm not dead" it's exaggerated as I plop down on a chair.

"I can see that" Haymitch nods " My job is done, see you later kid" he pats my shoulder before he heads off to his house to more than likely get drunk.

Hazel simply just goes on about how I shouldn't worry people like that. I really don't know why she is here, I thought she moved to 2 with Gale.

Who I have not spoken with since the whole bombing thing that killed my little sister.

"Darling she is right, I mean you were starting to give me worry lines!" Effie exclaims like its the worst thing that could possibly ever happen. I don't know what worry lines are and I don't ask. I don't know why she is here either, I though she was living in 1 and was trying to start up her own fashion line.

After I give Greasy Sae some of my game she leaves without much fuss over me.

Petta lingers.

He's kinda half way in half way out, he look torn like he has some kind of inner battle going on. And I just wish he'd say something before he decides against it, because as pathetic as it sounds, I really just want to hear him talk.

"I'm glad you not dead" he says while he rubs his neck and looks unsure, as if that was the wrong thing to say

"Did you ever think that is was?" I ask, even when his memory of me is crap, he should still know me better.

He chuckles a bit, more like fast breathing than a chuckle, but still he was smiling.

"Not for a second" he shakes his head.

Then the silence grows, and it's akward.

Eventually he awkwardly says goodbye.

Leaving me to my nightmares.