Tamahome's Wish

This couldn't be happening. This SHOULDN'T be. This is all WRONG! This…feeling is not what it should be. He should've felt hatred towards that fire-starter! But NO! Instead, he's here outside his quarters, peeking on whatever the hell is he doing. Maybe he's thinking again; maybe he'll realize that he didn't intend to be so away from him.

Suzaku, fuck you.

No, not the right word. AH!

Suzaku, you suck balls!

Though Suzaku might be sucking Seyuii's balls anyway.

Wait, he's out of topic here. Yeah, there he is. The flamer, or whatever! He's lying on his bed (again), thinking (again). Tamahome wonders what's on the fang-boy's mind. Maybe he's feeling guilty. Fuck, Tamahome shouldn't have run away. Tamahome was just shocked at the incident (and he admits that he liked the kiss) that made him so confused, that the only fucking solution was to run away. But damn, was he wrong! From that moment on, he started to evade him; trying as much as possible to be a little farther from him, but still keeping his usual self, so as the people around them might not be suspicious on what going on with them. He told it himself, he's going to settle this…problem.

And now he's feeling a little bit depressed. The fang-boy did play his game, though he could really feel his grief. Even Nuriko had confronted Tamahome about this, but all he could say is I don't really know. Tamahome would shoo Nuriko away, just for a moment to think. Is he really in love with the fang-boy, or was he just confused because Tasuki was his real, first ever kiss?

Tasuki is a good man. Though he teases Tamahome almost everyday (ok, not almost, EVERYDAY), or for the fact that he's a bandit, he feels that there is a great magnet that binds them together. He feels that he is so much like Tasuki: grew up by working to live, even though their job is not clean. He feels that whenever he talks to Tasuki, he'll understand him better than anybody else; that he'll be able to give him right answers for his questions.

Which brings him to Miaka. Why, oh why did Suzaku have made him feel like this? He truly loves Miaka, he really does. From the day when Miaka slumped into his arms, he knew it was destiny that they'll be together someday, no matter what happened. Despite her shortcomings, her will is what makes him attached to the girl. Even so, it's like Suzaku chose him to be her husband. Like it has been an agreement, a signed contract that can never be taken aback. And what's cruel is that deep inside, he is loving Tasuki each and every single day, despite his struggle to deny that feeling.

Maybe that's what made him run away from the very beginning. Maybe that's why he's so scared to admit it to himself before. He was denying it before, because he knew he loves Miaka. But after that kiss, it was like every nerve in his body had awoken; he feels he was revived from the dead. It was all new to him. It was so pleasant and so beautiful, that if he didn't think Miaka first, he would have continued it, up until the time he'll say to Tasuki that he loves him.

Maybe Tasuki doesn't love him at all.

Shaking his head, he focused on the lone being inside the room. And he can see every drop of tears that is flowing from the fang-boy.

And it broke his heart.

As he watched closely, he sees Tasuki murmuring, repeating a phrase like a mantra.

Tamahome. I'm sorry.

He tore his eyes away from the scene. He clenched his fist and he's ready to kill himself right there and then. He doesn't deserve this, Tasuki deserves better than getting hurt. He had sacrificed almost his entire being. He also deserves to be…loved.

Why do you have to so unkind, Suzaku?

I'm sorry, Tasuki.

Tomorrow's the ritual, where all the Suzaku Seshis are to wish whatever their pleasure is.

And Tamahome knows now what his wish will be.