And so it begins. Let's see how long I can retain my sanity.
Chapter 1.
AN: Special fangz Wait, what? (get it, coz Im goffik) No. No we don't get it. And if we did it wouldn't be funny. 2 my gf (ew not in that way) Because pre-emptively denying homosexuality isn't counterproductive at all. raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. They have failed English for the last time. I find their lack of brains disturbing. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! To this Justin, if he exists: run. If you value your mind and your soul run. We'll distract her. Just go.MCR ROX!
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Always a good middle name for a parent to give their little child. Dementia Raven Way Did your parents think you were the anti christ? Because those names are not normal. and I have long ebony black hair How redundant. (that's how I got my name) You had long ebony hair as an infant? Maybe you are the anti christ. with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee What a brilliantly unique description. (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). Wait, getting out of here actually sounds like a good idea. But she said it. I'm scared. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. First of all, who the hell mentioned Gerard Way? Second, there is something seriously wrong with you. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. Vampires, much like the british, are known for the lack of care their fangs receive. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, Are you also a ninja, a pirate and a robot? and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). Unless you were kicked in the head by a horse as a child I somehow doubt this. I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) We could tell. and I wear mostly black. How unexpected. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. Going against the stereotype I see. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. We don't give a shit. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I'm sure I'd have a sarcastic comment to put here if I knew anything about makeup. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining The weather must have absorbed your career juggling abilities. so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. Why? You're obviously a twilight vampire who only becomes more emoly hateable with sunlight. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. Oddly phrased. Also, last time I checked, giving people the finger because they're staring at you is either a sign of paranoia, a omnicidal hatred towards people in general or both.
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. DRUMROLL PLEASE!Draco Malfoy!
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly. I think you meant to say snivelousy.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. How convenient.
AN: IS it good? No. Almighty Picard no. PLZ tell me fangz! Why do you need fans to? I just did.
Chapter 2.
AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! You'll have to pry my flames from my burned, red hands.
Even in the dividing lines? My anti christ theory is gaining ground.
The next day I woke up in my bedroom. That's odd. I can't imagine waking up anywhere but a strip club. It was snowing and raining again. It's your fault. Go away and it'll stop. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. First of all, coffins have LIDS. Second, where exactly did you get this bottled blood? Perhaps Voldemort's tally is a bit lower than we thought. My coffin was black ebony Shocking. and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. As coffins often are. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. 4? Somebody call Guinness.
My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) Because we needed to know that information which you could easily given her by, say, actually telling her or in a PM. woke up then and grinned at me. And evidently is perfectly alright with the living dead feast on the blood of the living thing. She flipped her long waist-length Waist length? Are you goths or hippies?raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)
"OMFG, STFU I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. Yes. Because the fact that you spoke to someone for less than 10 seconds is completely worthy of hyper excitement. I'm beginning to think there's even more wrong with this poor girl than meets the eye.
"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. You ingenious liar, you.
"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin Holy crap. She spelled Slytherin properly. common room and into the Great Hall. You can tell it's a magic school because you can get from the dungeons to the great hall in the span of a single line.
"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. I so fucking don't fucking like fucking listening to you fucking lie you fucking fucker.
"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. What an amazing coincidence.
"Hi." he said.
"Hi." I replied flirtily. What a brilliant addition to the facade.
"Guess what." he said. Come on pre-murder speech!
"What?" I asked.
"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.
"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.
I gasped. I can't guess what she'll say. The author has built an amazing air of mystery around future events.
Chapter 3.
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! We'll stop flaming you when hell freezes over. DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! There were good reviews? FANGS AGEN RAVEN! That should only be said immediately before feeding on someone. oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis Thank Picard.or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.
On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. Corset stuff. Very descriptive of you. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, Depression is common shortly before dates. so I slit one of my wrists. Yeah, yeah, then you got some milk an- WAIT WHAT? I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding If you wanted it to stop bleeding why did you cut it in the first place? And this depressing book seems like some kind of vicious cycle. and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. TONS. Did you also utilize QUARTS of moisturizer? Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. And yet you have been doing so while being just as pale. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. Blood: It's the quenchiest.
I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. I can't even comment on this... He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). I'm pretty sure most of them are gay.
"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. Depression always warrants an !
"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) I'M NOT SO CRAZY NOW, AM I? MUHAHAHAHAHA! and flew to the place with the concert. You aren't the sharpest knife in the place where they keep the knives. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. I always like to get a little music in before a concert. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. Also enjoyable preconcert activities. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. I was unaware that it was possible to jump down. Yet another amazing power she possesses.
"You come in cold, you're covered in blood
They're all so happy you've arrived
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). I'm not surprised. They seem somewhat above your normal level of quality and spell checking.
"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. That seems like a perfectly natural topic of conversation to bring up.
Suddenly Draco looked sad. That is highly surprising.
"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. I expected you to take longer.
"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. How could we have ever thought such a thing when you just almost said it?
"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. How very trusting he is. The fool. He doesn't even suspect tha- Oh wait, I already did my evil laugh. It's still on cooldown.
"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. So he's going out with Hilary and fucking Duffman? BACK IMAGES! OUT OF MY HEAD! I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. Because declaring that you hate the girlfriend of someone you just called hot is the best way to convince someone you're only attracted to them.
The night went on really well, and I had a great time. Aren't you supposed to be depressed? So did Draco. Isn't he supposed to be jealous? After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… Your obedient (Drumroll) George Washington. the Forbidden Forest! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!
Chapter 4.
AN: I sed stup flaming ok We said no. ebony's name is ENOBY Wait, what? Since when? That sounds like Enemy... nut mary su Yes, she is a nutty Mary Sue. OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! You're amazingly lucky that I'm not armed right now.dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
I'm telling you. Antichrist.
"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" Driving you off somewhere he can murder you without being overheard?
Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. I want to walk out of a car! That'd be so badass!
"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. I believe we already discussed your odd use of the f-bomb.
"Ebony?" he asked.
"What?" I snapped.
Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) Of course he was. Because if he were in character it'd be boring. which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. Evilness drives out anger. It's an important life lesson.
And then…The readers waited for you to continue your sentence? suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Just as you, Draco, kissed you passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. Then how is he on top of you? Newton must be rolling over in his grave. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. SHIELD YOUR MINDS! OCCLUMENSY! OCCLUMENSY! Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. Well that was childishly anti climatic.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. OCCLUMENSYYYYYYYYY! I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. GET OUT OF MY HEAD! And then…. (Drumroll)
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" That's what I don't want to know.
It was…(Intermission)….Dumbledore!
Chapter 5.
AN: STOP flaming! HOLD YOUR HEAD EVEN HIGHER AND INTO THE FIRE WE GO! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! I have absolutely no problem with that, particularly coming from you. Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache One of the many side effects of headaches. ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! At least they didn't reach sexxx before he could intervene. PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! IT ENDS AT LAST!
The only real flaw in my theory is that the antichrist is supposed to be charismatic.
Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.
"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. Dumbledore is uncharacteristically good with insults. I'm beginning to like this character.
I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. You should see a doctor. Draco comforted me. And you need comfort with such a serious medical condition. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. Why is McGonagall there exactly?
"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. 2 birds with 1 stone.
"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. BUUUUUUUUUUURN!
"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.
And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" Well, that happened somewhat sooner than expected. That kind of outburst is normally saved for heroic breakdowns later on. Or in this case, breakdowns.
Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." That was surprisingly easy.
Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. That went well.
"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. Because this was all such a psychological trauma. Maybe he's referring to the blood tears.
"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. Perfectly appropriate for sleeping. When I came out…. SUSPENSE!
Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, WHAT? and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. WHAT THE HELL? I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. Not only that, he CAN'T be there. The girls dormitories at hogwarts are- You know what, fuck it, you're obviously going to ignore canon. The readers can see it themselves. We hugged and kissed. That's somewhat tamer than I was expecting. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. Why? If last time is any indication you people can get away with anything.
Odd. I chose to divide at possibly the only chapter where Tara didn't leave a writer's note.
