Character List

Odd Della Robbia- Chris Lowell

Ava Sanchez- Lauren Conrad

Robyn Witaker- Scout Taylor-Compton

Ulrich Stern- Alexander Skarsgard

Tabbatha St. James- Joanna Krupa

Randy Texler- Jerry Trainor

Hellena Shapiro- Stefani Germanotta

Anna d'Tavvrs- Kristina Klebe

Fernando Collins- Wilmer Valderrama

Lorielle Collins- Mercedes McNabb

Mr. Cavares- Hank Azaria

Hostel Room Service- Jason Mewes

Colbie Mazure- Sheri Moon Zombie

Terry Szrenda- Sean Flynn Amir

Liz Adler- Katherine McPhee

Monika Demunishka- Karina Smirnoff

Hostel Torturer- Viggo Mortenson

Shrill Hostess- Meagan Good

Liz's Popparazzi- Marisa Tomei, Ashton Kutcher, Rumer Willis

Auctioneer- Sandra Bullock

German Bidder 1- Udo Kier

Austrailian Bidder- Uma Thurman

German Bidder 2- Ray Romano

Elderly Bidder- Leslie Nielson

Sexy Biker Chick Bidder- Megan Fox

Liz's Agent- Yvette Nicole Brown

Liz's Manager- Oprah Winfrey

Misty- Kate Gosselin

Liz's Entourage- Mya, Sandra Oh, Craig Robinson

Liz's Therapist- Jenna Elfman

Train Conductor- Ezra Buzzington

Barfllies that hit on Liz, Colbie, and Ava- Enrique Inglesias, Hayden Christensen, Martin Starr

Odd's Uncle- David Cross

Mr. Laress- Nigel Lythgoe

Hostel Maid- Dee Wallace

Hostel Victim 1- Cody Linley

Hostel Victim 2- Masiela Lusha

Liz's Mom- Ellen DeGeneres

Tabbatha's Translater- Heidi Klum

Hostel Victim 3- Emma Stone

Napoleon- Demitri Martin

Nude Model 1- Albert Reed

Art Teacher- Carmen Electra

Science Professor- Eartha Kitt

Nerdy Girl- Chyler Leigh

Serenity- Jordana Brewster

The Elusive man Behind Curtain- John Forsythe

Girly voice- Kate Walsh

Lab Assistant- Kelly Osborne

Nude Model 2- Mila Kunis

Nude Model 3- Gilles Marini

Oracle- Cree Summers

Rugby Player on Train- Taye Diggs

Streaker on Train- Simon Rex

Gay Model- Lance Bass

Liz's Stalker- James Marsden

Liz's Lesbian Lover- Kat Dennings

Hostel employee- Derek Hough

Chapter 1: I'm not ready

Summary: Odd Della Robbia, his cousin Ava Sanchez, and his best friend Ulrich Stern have been presented with the best opportunity of their lives. An all expenses paid trip to take an exchange student program for their first year in college. As the trio takes off for Vienna they each feel somewhat nervous about leaving America.

The plane is over the Atlantic Ocean, and it's around noonish when Ava takes out her iPod and listens to her playlist.

ULRICH: (Leaning over Ava to speak to Odd) Hey Odd...

ODD: (Turning his head away from his Steven King novel) Yeah Ulrich?

ULRICH: (Evading Odd's gaze) Are you sure this will be good for me?

ODD: (Raising his eyebrows slightly) I'm one-hundred percent positive! You need to get your mind off of Serenity... yes you might have had a slip, but if I hadn't came around that day you'd have mace the biggest mistake of your life.

ULRICH: (Distantly cold) ...Second biggest mistake...

ODD: (Annoyied) You can't blame yourself! For fuck's sake!

ULRICH: (Getting angry at himself) If I hadn't- (He is shushed by other passengers) If I hadn't asked her to run out for the turkey... it would've never happened...

ODD: (He glares at him) It's been a year and I've moved on, Ava's moved on, our uncle's moved on... yet you can't seem to let it out in a way that'll keep you here... this is why I knew you had to come with us, you won't leave your mom's house for anything, you bitch and moan that it's your fault while watching old movies on your phone, you eat ice cream until you throw it all up, and you taken it upon yourself to gamble life.

AVA: (Pulling out her heardphones and getting up) S'cuse me I gotta tinkle!

ODD: (Letting Ava out of the row) This is a new chapter of Ulrich Stern... one that doesn't involve him acting like an idiot... It's fucking Vienna! It's a new campus and there'll be lots of hot foreign women who are looking for some confident american boy to sweep them off their feet- into bed!

ULRICH: Is that all you think about?

ODD: (Ignoring the comment) You're a twenty year old guy who lives with his mom: you need to meet some women!

ULRICH: (Not letting Odd get to him) It's to soon for me to start dating!

ODD: Why?

ULRICH: (He blushes and looks away) Because...

ODD: (He pulls him in close) Because why?

ULRICH: Because...

AVA: (Getting pass Odd) Because he's afraid it might happen again!

ULRICH: Yeah, I mean I'm bad luck! Take a look at my record, Yumi: gay, Heather: suicide, Sissi: cheated on me, Miranda: sex change, Leeza: comatose!

AVA: (Sitting) ...and just recenty Serenity...

ODD: For God's sake!