Author's Note: I had to do a story about Mulan before she went to war. I had to do it about love, because girls, we all know that at fifteen, we are searching for love in high school. And I believe Taylor Swift best describes this feeling. So I took love from Mulan's point of view. I like to believe that even if she was tough, and carefree, she still looked for love. She still yearned for it secretly as she knew her inevitable fate to a man she barely knew. But after she got her heart broken, she lost most faith in it. (Lyrics which are her thoughts are italicized)

P.S. It goes with Shang's point of view from the story From A General's Perspective

Story description: The story of how a young female warrior was not afraid of anything but love… She didn't know that she would soon find out who she was supposed to be.

Fifteen – Taylor Swift

Setting: The day after Mulan turns fifteen…more importantly, the day she starts preparing for the Matchmaker…

I was young and naïve. This is the main reason why I always believed girls should never marry before seventeen or even start to think of marriage until seventeen: the year I took the Matchmaker's test. And of course, who would listen to a girl? Who cares about what a girl thinks? We are married not for love but instead in order to continue to family line, and more importantly, for honor. But what did I know? Nothing actually.

At age fifteen, the "hypothetical" turning point in my life, I had to get ready for the Matchmaker. I would learn to follow my duties, be obedient, and learn from my mother all the chores I had to perform as a wife, including cooking and doing laundry. I was an amazing cook, and I left people completely incredulous, who then believed I learned it from my mother. Truth was, I just had a natural knack for it, but the other stuff, not so much. Even though I was in the army, and I finally learned to balance myself, I was a horribly clumsy child. Shang agreed. I was one of his worst soldiers, but I soon became his best. It took a while but I finally achieved it. However, in my years training to be a young lady, I often failed in the graceful walk of a beautiful bride. It was a good thing my mother trained me hard, so eventually I mastered the graceful walk. But I was lazy and halfheartedly interested in the task.

At fifteen, I also took classes with other girls to help craft my talents, in a special school for young girls training to be brides. It was in a small building with several steps leading to the inside. I took one worried look back at my mother. She gave a warm smile to reassure me.

You take a deep breath and walk through the doors. It's the morning of your very first day.

I didn't know who was going to be in that class. I didn't know who my teacher was going to be. I didn't know what I was going to do that day. I was left completely in the dark. I felt a wave of uneasiness coming over me and crashing me into the ground. I felt a little relief when I saw girls in my neighborhood smiling at me and gesturing for me to sit with them. But I didn't really want to.

You say hi to your friends you haven't seen in a while. Try and stay out of everybody's way. It's your [first] year and you're gonna be here for [maybe just a year] in this town.

We trained several days a week, apart from the training I had to do with my mother. But every one just made this whole thing matchmaking thing into a big deal. And it is a big deal for my society and for my culture and for my parents. But not me. I knew the inevitable. I knew I would eventually have to marry. I knew I would have to leave home, my own hometown: the only place I ever knew. I knew what I had to do as a wife, all the misery I would go through. I knew that there was going to be a huge possibility that I would be unhappy. I knew that the chances of being matched well with a good husband were like one in a million, and that my parents were lucky. I also knew that the chances of being in love were slim to none. In the end, you would have to learn to love the person. I didn't think I would be able to go through that.

I'll always remember the one day our entire class was invited to an Imperial ball to practice our grace and skill at flirting with men modestly from behind a fan, or learning to talk to men, learning how to act properly in public at something as important as an Imperial ball, but I believe that the true reason was to show ourselves off to the men of China.

Hoping one of those [cute wealthy] boys will wink at you and say, "You know I haven't seen you around, before."

It was just a year after one year of classes, and I was just sixteen. I smiled and giggled behind my fan, with my friend Abi as we watched the cute men go by. And as girls did, we talked about each man, saying what we liked about each one, and which ones were completely off limits, no matter how rich they were, because they just were too old and ugly. There were generals, nobles, Imperial officers, soldiers, and even the handsome Li Shang, who at the time was just a soldier-in-training. He, however, did not seem too interested in any of the girls and seemed as if he was searching for another girl. I had hoped he would at least remember me and see how beautiful I had become since I had last seen him as a child, or when he visited my home just a year ago and saw me a bit older for the first time.

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them.

But I was so naïve to honestly believe that. I was blinded by what actually happened, because I was in shock. What I saw was when he walked by, he looked at me for a fleeting moment with our eyes meeting. I smiled at him from behind my fan. He then sighed and looked away at another girl. And I thought that he had forgotten me or was maybe interested in another girl. And as I watched him dancing with someone else, that broke my heart. When I left on my carriage, he chased after me, and I waited to see what he would do. But all he did was stare at me. I didn't know why. Later on that night, I went back because I forgot something. I saw Shang doing something I didn't want to see. Worst of all, I saw him with another woman. Kissing and holding her.

I ranted and threw the things in my room that very night, wondering where I went wrong. I saw the signs, I thought he loved me too, and our feelings were mutual. And as I cried in my room, my best friend Abi was there to comfort me, and take me through the tears. I felt so weak getting emotional over a boy who probably cared less, and I hated that feeling, so I swore from then on, I wouldn't ever cry over a boy, or let myself be so vulnerable to a silly feeling. I never cared about a boy as much as I cared about Shang. I thought love was such a simple feeling. You either cared about them or not.

And when you're fifteen feeling like there's nothing to figure out. Well count to ten. Take it in. This is life before you know who you're gonna be.
At Fifteen

But I was wrong.

You sit in class next to a girl named Abi and soon enough you're best friends.

Abi was my best friend in those horrible Matchmaker classes. She didn't have red hair, but she might as well have had it considering her fiery temper and personality. Abi saw eye to eye with me on most of the things we did: these classes were futile. If a man did not love us the way we were, then forget him. He was not meant to be our husband, and we were not meant to be his wife. By this, we had some faith in the Matchmaker. But with the way men were, and the way Shang walked by me, I almost believed that loving a woman for the way she was and not by how she looked was not possible. But Abi kept me believing. Abi was a dreamer, a believer, and I learned from her.

Laughing at the other girls who think they're so cool. We'll be out of here as soon as we can.

As we sat in class, we laughed at all the girls, including ourselves whenever we messed up. We always thought this class was so frivolous. However, the thing that made us laugh the hardest was the stupid things that girls asked and said while in the class. They often talked about which guy they thought was the handsomest, and how they planned to marry him, or to make a man love a woman more. They never thought or even considered how arrogant and shallow men really are. Some of these girls walked around like they were more beautiful than the goddess of beauty herself, which always made Abi and me laugh, and we watched and hoped they tripped or fell to see how they would try to keep their cool. The fact that most of these girls focused their whole life on men, made me laugh. But while I was completely satisfied with myself, except with the fact that I was not able to show my real side, deep down Abi wished just to be loved.

And she believed that she had found love the second time we were invited to an Imperial ball.

And then you're on your very first date…

We were at the second Imperial ball and the same men were there. Instead of constantly searching for Li Shang, I talked mostly to Abi, the other girls, and the men who came up to me and talked. I tried to flirt from behind my fan, and it kept the men interested for a very long time, but honestly, my heart was not in it. I must have felt as those explorers and merchants feel searching for more treasure and finding out it was not at all how you expected: getting excited over nothing. And while I was the spotlight of many men, my lonely friend Abi drifted away and sat down at the table, praying for any guy to come to her and show that he even cared. One guy came, named Chang.

And he's got a [horse] and you're feeling like flying…

Chang was a wealthy noble, but not a soldier. He was rich and certainly handsome. But just like his name and his shallow personality, he was smooth. Chang certainly had a way with the ladies and every single man in China knew that Chang's only goal in life was to make love to a lady whether she was married or unmarried. With his looks and smooth talking, it really was a wonder why it hadn't happened sooner. There were several theories: One, Chang was very picky when it came to women. Two, the other men usually got to the women first and warned them, though it usually never stopped or affected a woman, who was naturally attracted to a bad boy, especially a smooth talking one like Chang. And lastly, it was because women were always wary of Chang, they knew better, and more importantly, they were strong and wise enough to know their limits. But it took a hopeless romantic to fall through, someone vulnerable and hurt: Abi. Abi fell madly in love with Chang that night.

And your mama's waiting up…

Towards the end of the ball, Abi's mother came rushing up to me. "Mulan, have you seen Abi? I haven't seen her all night. I really am worried about her. She was supposed to come home sooner." And at that, her mother broke down and started to cry. I gave her a hug and reassured her that Abi was a good girl and would come home soon. I promised her that if I saw Abi, I would bring her home. After her mother was out of sight, I immediately scoured the palace in search of Abi, looking for her. I asked a fellow classmate of mine, and she answered that she had last seen Abi walking with Chang. My eyes widened in horror. I started searching for Abi in places I would never expect her to be in: the palace rooms for guests. With the help of the servants, we explored each room, with neither Chang nor Abi to be found. As I stood on the balcony of one of the rooms, I found what I was looking for in the gardens down below.

And you're thinking he's the one. And you're dancing 'round your room when the night ends, when the night ends…

"Abi!" I shouted as I ran towards her. Abi was about to get on Chang's horse. He was already on the gray stallion about to help her out onto the horse. When I came running and shouted for her, Chang glared at me. In one quick look, I shot him a death glare and he immediately turned to face Abi.

"Abi," he said angrily. "Let's go!" I could have sworn that he was afraid that he was about to lose Abi. That I was about to influence her to go and turn away from him. But that was not the case.

"She will go when she wants to Chang!" I yelled at him and continued to glare at him. He immediately turned his horse, and looked as if he was going to charge at me. But I stood there strong, unflinching, not blinking, and looking him dead in the eyes. "You can't control anyone but yourself, and even then you do not have self-control." I never felt so weak and afraid, even when I stood up to Shang in the Army, when I saved China twice, faced the Emperor, and my father, which did not even compare. Because for once, I was coming to something that I knew I could not change.

"Stop!" Abi yelled and gestured for Chang to walk back. "Both of you!" She gave Chang a look, that I could not see, and his face softened. Something that I believed was purely an act. Abi then turned to me with an angry glare.

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them…

"Abi," I tried pleading with her, "Don't you know that Chang is a smooth talking shallow man with only thing in mind?" As her best friend, I'd hoped that I would turn her away from him, but Abi wouldn't listen to me. "Abi, every single man and almost every woman knows Chang well."

Abi scoffed at me. "Well not every person in China, I don't see what you're talking about. You're wrong Fa Mulan."

"Abi," I begged her to believe me, "Please heed my warning! Please believe me! Chang is a shallow man! You deserve better than him! You know that! Remember all those times in our classes together? We always laughed at those girls who always pined for those guys and would go so weak at the knees! Please don't tell me you're turning into that!"

"You wouldn't understand because you've never been in love Fa Mulan," she argued.

I closed my eyes and sighed, pretending to not believe her, or take those words to heart. But it was so hard to hold back the tears. Abi knew how I felt about Shang and about what happened between Shang and me at the first ball. Before she would mock him to make me feel better, but now this girl, who was my best friend, made fun of me. I wanted to get angry at her, to just scream at her and let her go with Chang. But she was still my best friend and she was there when I needed her, so it was my turn. I took a big breath in and slowly let it out. "Abi, please just listen to yourself and consider what you are about to do. Do you honestly believe everything this smooth-talker has said to you?"

And at hearing this, Abi's eyes flowed with tears. She angrily glared at me and shouted, "Yes I do believe every word he has said to me! Chang told me that I was beautiful, more beautiful than any girl at the ball, more beautiful than any other girl he has ever seen. Are you saying that those are all lies Fa Mulan?"

"No! Not at all Abi!" I replied, "You are beautiful. But you deserve someone better than Chang. Someone who actually means what they say. Someone who will love you for more than how you look, but how you are on the inside."

"That is easy for you to say Fa Mulan; you are more beautiful than me and any woman at this ball. You could wear rags to this event and still be the spotlight of any man. You could dishonor yourself and still there will be men waiting at your doorstep, wanting to marry you." Abi wiped her tears. I would remember those words for years to come, and wonder whether she was right or not. "I've seen the way Li Shang looks at you," she whispered. "He loves you no matter what you think. He always asks about you, and looks for you, despite what you think." She sighed. "So please, just let me go and let me be happy for once. Chang told me loved me, and I don't think I will ever find someone who will love me like he does," Abi turned and walked away solemnly without even turning back.

"Abi," I whispered and prayed for her, "just don't do anything you will regret for the rest of your life." I hoped and prayed that somehow, she heard me and followed my advice. I watched as they ran off, wondering if I should chase after them and fight Chang myself. Abi would hate me, but I would save her a lifetime of dishonor.

When you're fifteen and your first kiss, makes your head spin 'round…

I immediately turned to let go of all of my tears, but found myself staring in the eyes of Li Shang. "Shang!" I shouted in surprise, but more in anger, "Did you not see Chang and Abi? Please help me stop them!"

"What do you want me to do Mulan? Chase after them? They're on horseback! I can't catch up to that!" Shang answered me.

"We can always try, can't we Shang?" I asked him, my eyes pleading with him.

Shang shook his head and walked over to me with a saddened look on his face. "Mulan, there is nothing I can do. I'm sorry." He shook his head, "You should know that once a woman makes up her mind, nothing can be done to change it. I'm sorry." I looked away in anger at the fact that he did not want to help me. But Shang, as stubborn as we both were, walked up to me and moved my face to look at his. I honestly stood there, completely frozen and unmoved by the shock at his closeness and touch. "Fa Mulan please don't be mad at me, just as you have been when I first met you, and the second time when I was at your home. You know I would do anything to help you out."

But I ruined the romantic moment we shared because I could not stop thinking of Abi. "Abi was my best friend and she was there when I needed her most, and now I feel as if I have failed her."

Shang sighed. I wasn't sure if it was in impatience or because I was being so stubborn and hard on myself. "You did every thing you could. Abi will understand and thank you later, I promise."

I tried to smile, but tears poured down from my eyes. "You know," I said as the tears fell from my eyes, "She left with him because she found someone who loved her, someone who believes in her. Shouldn't I be happy for her? Yet at the same time I feel as if she is making a mistake. I mean, this goes against every thing my mother and father taught me, against all rules of tradition. But she's happy. Isn't that what matters?" I looked at Shang questioningly, wondering what he would say to me.

"But is it enough to give up every thing? Is love worth it?" he asked me.

I wanted to say yes. That love overcomes honor. That my duty is to my heart. And that my duty was to love, not honor. But I didn't know that. It wasn't Shang that taught me this, I found this out myself. And when I didn't say anything Shang wiped the tears from my eyes and reassured me that every thing would be fine. He pulled me in closer and I cried on his shoulder. When I was finally done crying I smiled at him and thanked him for being there for me. And with that, he smiled and whispered, "You are a strong lady Fa Mulan. Don't you ever forget that. Any man would be lucky to have you," he then leaned in closer and kissed me gently on the lips. I didn't struggle or pull back saying that it was forbidden because I was enjoying his kiss. The kiss I had secretly waited for ever since I reached my teenage years and remembered him, or when he came back to my house, and lastly when our eyes met at the last ball. "Including me," he said once we parted. Shang squeezed my hand before he left and gave me one of his famous smiles. I smiled back without my fan. Once he left, I jumped up in the air and giggled like any girl in love.

But in your life you'll do things greater than [marrying the boy of your dreams], but I didn't know it
At Fifteen

Even though I finally had the affections of Shang, I knew that there were more things I had to do and more things that were more special about me besides being the object of his affections. But at a young naïve age, my mother and the whole Chinese society made me believe that my greatest honor was to be an obedient, gentle, modest wife of some man. I learned that I would do things far greater than that, but I did not know that at fifteen.

When all you wanted was to be wanted. Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now.

At fifteen, I lost sight of how love could feel. I thought I was so wise to just cut it out from my life. But I later found love in the most unlikely place, in the most unlikely way. But at the same time, I found out that love was not the greatest part of life, that love was not just being wanted or cherished, but to actually be seen for more than a woman or a painted doll, but as a friend and an equal. Love is not, being in perfection; it has flaws and messy mistakes, but love sees past it. I thought love was the most important part of life, and I searched for it the two years before I met the Matchmaker because it was something I wouldn't have, something girls getting married dreamed about. I later learned that there was more to life than marriage, more to life than honor, and more to life than just a love between a man and a woman. Life, in its own complex manner, is connected to love in many more ways than thought possible. In order to be loved, you must love in return. But even as I got older and knew more, I found myself knowing less. They say that when you love someone, you would do anything for them, that you would even die for them. I strongly believe that. But if you love someone enough, do you let them go when they say that they love someone else, or do you keep on trying?

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine.

After Shang told me he loved me, I thought I was set. I had forgiven Shang, after he had made the extra effort to become my friend once again. A few weeks after the first ball, he had written a sweet letter to me, asking for my forgiveness. It was a small step, but it meant a lot to me. And after he kissed me, I thought I wouldn't have to go to that dreaded Matchmaker. I thought that I had finally found myself a man who truly loved me, and would respect me as an equal. I even pictured myself in Shang's arms, dancing, kissing, hugging, and much more. I called myself Li Mulan to hear how cute it sounded. I was so naïve. Who knew I had much more in life to accomplish?

Abi gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind and we both cried.

One day, I was at home lying in bed, resting for the Matchmaker's test the next day. Of course, I hadn't studied because as stubborn as I was, I believed that I would ace this little test. I hadn't heard from Abi ever since she ran away with Chang. It had been about half a year, and I was seventeen. With this town being so small, talk ran rampantly around and people speculated that the worst came to Abi. But the thing that was eating at me the most was the fact that I had neglected to tell her mother what I saw and what I failed to do. Every day I would see her mother so gloomy and somber, and my heart screamed out at me. Each day that I waited, the more it got worse, and the more of a coward I realized I was.

My mother sharply knocked on my door, and in entered my friend Abi, who looked worse than anything I had ever seen. Her hair was cut short and the circles under her eyes were dark. She was skinnier than I and she trembled as she walked. I immediately got up and ran to hug her. We both cried together.

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them…

Abi lost everything she had to Chang. She lived with him for three months in his own house, and then he kicked her out when he came in with another girl who was prettier and younger than she. Abi did not want to go home because she knew her own parents would kick her out and the people of the town would talk and dishonor would be brought upon her family. So for the rest of the time, she sold off parts of her gifts that Chang gave her to support herself, and at one point, she had to sell her hair. It was not until her brother saw her stumbling on the street, that he came and brought her home. Unlike what she had thought, her parents welcomed her in with open arms.

"So now I'm standing here in front of you Fa Mulan and asking for you forgiveness," she said to me. "I'm so sorry for what I've said to you. I did not mean what I said. I was angry and spiteful."

I hugged her tight and said to her, "I forgave you a long time ago."

We both sighed and smiled. It had been so long since we saw each other, but we kicked off like we hadn't been a day apart. "What happened between you and Shang?" she asked me, as we sat on my bed and talked.

I sighed. "Shang told me he loved me, the night you ran away."

Like any good best friend, Abi listened in with interest and giggled when she heard my story, and screamed in excitement when I told her about Shang kissing me on the lips.

I continued my story, "So I thought that he was going to take it farther and ask my parents for my hand in marriage, and then mine. And my thoughts were confirmed when he showed up at my house two weeks ago with his father. His father was smiling but Shang wasn't. I thought it was because Shang was nervous."

"Wait," Abi said, interrupting me, "if Shang was going to ask for your hand, why are you going to the Matchmaker?"

I sighed and plopped down on the bed, trying to hold back my tears, and remember what I told myself when I was fifteen: to never cry over a guy. "Shang came by to tell my father that he had to go to train and that I could no longer talk to Shang. He said that 'girls are too distracting for Li Shang and he must stay away from them' and that he hoped that I nor my father would take it as 'offensive' and would 'understand'. But the thing is, I don't understand."

Abi gave me a hug, and whispered, "You may not understand, but there's one thing you must understand: You are beautiful. But you deserve someone better than Shang. Someone who actually means what they say. Someone who will love you for more than how you look, but how you are on the inside" Abi always made everything better. She said to me the same words I had said to her just a few years ago.

And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall…

I never played it safe. I never looked before I fell into the abyss. And that was my problem. I trusted every one. It took a lot for me to not trust you. And now, I find myself wondering why? Why do I trust everyone when no one trusts me?

I've found time can heal most anything.

In the end, the deep cut between Shang and me was healed. But it certainly took a long time…

And you just might find who you're supposed to be. I didn't know who I was supposed to be
At fifteen

I honestly thought I was going to spend the rest of my life, married to man I didn't love. That I would never be free. That I would always disappoint my parents. But who knew that? I certainly didn't, I didn't know at fifteen, sixteen, or seventeen.

And as I prepared for that special, but horrible day and walked up the steps to the Matchmaker, I found myself not knowing what I was doing or who I was suppose to be. I turned to my mom and felt a wave of relief when she smiled at me.

She sighed and smiled.

Your very first day.

My mother, the only one who understood what I had gone through the last two years of my life, smiled and whispered, Take a deep breath girl. Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors.

I found myself thinking those same things as I walked into the Wu Zhong camp, looking like a complete idiot. But it was a walk to remember. A walk into the rest of my life.