50 Shades of Fucking Green
It was a bright sunny day in the truffula forest, and swami swans harmonized softly in the distance. Not that I cared. Everything sucked. The Lorax had just ranted some non sense about knowing where I lean. I mean, what the hell? That tree-hugging bastard was always riding my ass about somthing or other nowadays. It's not like I'm cutting down all his stupid trees. How am I suposed to make thneeds without cutting down a coupel trees? Danny DeVito Lorax need to calm his balls. Damn, business is stressfull. I decided to take a stroll to the river to forget about that freak.
As I approched a slow and wide part of the river I took off my form fitting vest and through it aside. It was hotter than Satin's balls out side. D: Good day for a swim, I reckon. While I enjoy the cool wet feeling of the water on myfeet, something green catches my eye. I look up and see…wha?
The sexiest motherfucker to ever walk the motherfucking earth is standing there in the sexiest motherfucking jacket and hat. What the fuck. I was like "fuck me now" and the sexy fucker said "k" so we fucking fucked. The End.
Jk, lol.
The extravegently dressed man noticed me and a confused expression came over his face. He came closer and I thought there was something familiar about him. I recognized his similar thin frame and dark hair as my own, but the ridiculous glasses prevnted me from seeing his face. "Hi," I choked out, "Uh..what are you dong here?" He smiled an unnervingly attractive smile and said "I'm the Greedler. And you're the Onceler, right?" "Y-yeah, hhow'd you know?" I said, confusedly. "Oh I know you very well," the Greedler smirked, taking off his glasses. What the hell? No fucking way, we looked so alike! "Very well…" The Greedler purred [my god, sarah you better appreciate that. I gagged a little.], inching closer.
My pulse fucking skyrocketed, and my face was literally on fire. "What's wrong, Oncie? Feeling shy? I'll take care of that pesky audience," The Greedler breathed, as I noticed that we were infact being watched by some barbaloot bears. "Time for a game of disappearing bears…" he chuckled, rubbing his gloved hands together most sinisterish. The Greedler took a thneed out of his oh-so tight jacket, and threw it at the bears, trapping them inside before it landed in the river. But who the hell cares, I was to lost in the throes of my desperate arousal. Well, I sort of cared. "W-w-w-w-w-w-wait," I gasped, "shouldn't we b-be ecologicall- aeiouyw!" The Greedler interrupted me with his tongue on my ear [fanfiction says this is attractive, what the hell]. Nevermind, I don't give a damn.
The Greedler pressed himslef too me grindning his hips adn mutting something about "biggering" whatever the shit that is and I meet him with thrusts of my own "Oh Greedler" we took eachothers shirts off. I could hear the Greedler's breathing become labored and quick, though he tried to hide it because it wasn't swag. Oh myfuck. "Shiiiiit," he hissed as I became bloder with my advanses. Everything was going great until the author got tired and a sort of sad about the direction her life was heading and gave up. Some stuff happened and the continued stimulation caused the bulbocavernosus muscles of both parties to contract, resulting in orgasm and the release of genetic material [for you Holly. Ugh]. I screamed and squeaked like a chick and this was the sexiest thing you ever read.
Author's Note:
Okay, just so you guys know, my awesome friend wrote this as a parody of the Once-Ler fandom, and in her opinion, crappy yaoi in general.
Please comment, we'd love to hear your thoughts!
