I'm laughing at the things you say and the jokes you make when you're not even with me. Just the memories are enough to make me smile; make me giggle.
That's what you do though. You make me actually giggle. Giggles are for things that actually make you happy. That must be what you do to me.
Whenever I'm with you, I'm so scared I'll say the wrong thing.
There's so many faults in me:
-I'm not very funny.
-I'm not good-looking or cute or anything like that.
-My laugh is so horrible, my tongue pokes out like I'm five years old.
-I'm a mole when it comes to eyesight.
-I'm not a nice weight.
-I just don't look right, overall.
But when I look at you, you're perfect. Even when you're pulling stupid faces on purpose, you still look like the most adorable person on the planet. You have beautiful eyes, and you're so tall. Your hair looks amazing. It looks so much better when you don't straighten it though.
You're just the most amazing boy I know.
You kept talking to me on Skype just because you liked my channel, you only saw one side of me.
You make me feel special.
You laugh at some of my jokes, even though they're horrible. You laugh properly too, where you're almost in tears and shaking.
This doesn't happen all that often, so I'm always so proud when you do. Since I've started talking to you, it's only happened four times.
And all four had been when you were talking to me.
When we first met, I felt so special. So.. alive? You stayed with me- the whole of me, imperfections and all - even though you could have just not come and stayed at home.
When we were in the car on the way back, you kept surprising me by whispering 'hello' into my ear, and you kept shuffling close to me and brushing your leg against mine.
I felt safe with you.
Throughout the entire time you stayed with me, you were nice to me, and you just hugged me at random moments.
You even said twice that I'd wake up and you'd just be on top of me, waiting to scare me.
And then you said to me "would I be on you or in you?"
Safe to say, I wasn't as self-conscious with my laugh then, because you were giggling too.
On the way back to the train station, you kept glancing at me. Subtle glances, with a hint of a smile just hidden.
I hope you didn't realize that I was doing the same thing.
And that leads us to now.
I'm too scared to send you a message or anything on Skype, in case you feel obliged to talk to me and you don't want to.
And I know you won't talk to me.
Because you don't like me, not really. I was just someone to talk to whilst you were figuring out your plans for the future. I was just a distraction.
I'm going to miss you, and I know for certain you won't really talk to me again.
Plus, I know that you have someone at home that really likes you too. So even if I ever wanted to say anything, I won't be able to, as that would make me a horrible person.
And you know I never do anything if I like someone. It's just not easy. So even if you do turn out gay, I'll like you as a friend, if nothing more.
So, yeah.
My feelings are now contained in this letter, so there is NO NEED to get upset anymore, or make myself cry by remembering the memories.
Goodbye.
Fun fact, I was actually trying to find a different phanfiction of mine when I came across a little 'rant' of which I was putting down my own thoughts to someone that I like. Change bits of it around and it makes an almost adequate phanfic.
(Keep in mind that there is no freaking way that I'll be sending the original to the person I like though.)
But yeah, reviews are lovely.
~B
