Disclaimer: As usual, Saiyuki doesn't belong to me. I'm doing this out of my adoration for the anime only.
A/N: Can be taken in a shounen-ai way or not, it's up to you. Just a one-shot piece that came to mind while listening to a song (don't ask me which, I don't remember). I decided to indulge in more one-shot pieces because they're not as stressing as full out stories.
You were beautiful.
I watch you as you sleep, eyes closed as you lean back against the chair. I don't know how you can sleep in such an uncomfortable position, but I suppose that the years spent with the other monks, sleeping on a thin, straw mat, has conditioned you into preferring discomfort.
I can't remember much of my life, of the time I spent locked away in a forsaken mountain, but I do remember the day you came. I was like an infant delivered into the bright world, but I didn't scream because you were there for me. Because when I saw your face, I knew I could trust you. Even your snarling attitude couldn't diminish the glow that surrounded you.
You were beautiful.
At first, I didn't know what to make of your eternal grumpiness. I was hurt every time you snapped back at me, confused as to what I'd done wrong. After some time, though, I realized you didn't mean it. I realized that you cared for me. I could tell by the small things you did for me. You defended me when the other monks complained. You grew frantic with worry if I disappeared for too long. You'd always have a spare meat bun hidden somewhere, giving it to me so I'd 'shut up'. I wasn't stupid; I could see the smile fighting to break out on your face. When you'd look at me while I was playing, thinking I didn't notice, all I could think was...
You were beautiful.
I remember when you and I used to travel around--just the two of us--following whatever orders you'd been given. Those days had seemed perfect. Sometimes we'd lapse into silence and my heart would just glow when I looked at you. I knew the real you, the person behind the sarcastic and cold façade, and I loved you.
You were beautiful.
When we began our journey with Gojyo and Hakkai, things started changing. Their presence brought back memories that had haunted you for a long time, made you brood more, and I anguished at the distance being created between us.
I finally gave up that night you saved me from Rikudo. As you lay on the ground, coughing weakly, blood soaking your robes, I thought for a second that the person I knew and loved was still there. I knew it was a foolish hope. I just couldn't accept the fact that you'd changed. That now you were willing to kill an old friend of yours simply because he'd made a mistake and no longer could control himself.
That man, though he tried to kill us, had been close to you. Those rosary beads around his neck were yours, and I know he didn't steal them. You must have given them to him, and you were not a person to give presents lightly.
Since when had you placed so little importance on friendship?
I still watch you, now and then, like I'm doing now. I watch you and enjoy the silence, and think back. Then, as always, your eyes snap open and you glare at me, until I look away. I can't help but sigh when I see what you've become.
You were beautiful.
