Disclaimer of DOOM: I don't own Invader Zim characters/ story because Jhonen Vasquez does in all his insane glory. I would probably destroy his brain meats with this abomination. I get no money from this as is right.
1/28/2013: Alright guys, thanks to the illustrious Ava, I have gone through and maliciously destroyed typos and grammatical problems. I hope the revised version brings you joy!
A Horrible Prologue!
Dib, still only a twelve year old fighting off an alien invader, was running around the skool playground. He was trying to catch Zim, who was screaming, "Foul Earthbeast! I have no plan! No plans at all!"
Of course, Dib didn't believe him. "I know you're plotting something, Zim! Get back here!"
Dib didn't see the root sticking out of the ground. He managed to catch his foot between the small space of the root disconnected from the dirt. He fell over, smacking his forehead right onto a rock.
Dib slowly got up. He had a pretty deep gash along the left side of his head. His hand trembled as he went up to slowly touch the cut, touching blood, and bringing it to his eyes to see. Some of the kids standing around pointed and started laughing. Dib winced at the laughter. In pain, embarrassed, frustrated, ashamed, Dib couldn't help it. He started crying.
He clenched his eyes, not wanting to let the tears out. He sniffled as he stood up to walk away.
"What did you do to yourself now, worm?" Zim stalked up to him, smirking. "Aw, poor little smeet." He mocked, "Maybe if you tried to hit me with your head you'd succeed at defeating ZIM!"
Dib turned his head away. "Jerk." He felt tears spilling out of his eyes. He thought, I can't let him see me cry! Dib turned around and ran away, trying to ignore the kids still laughing at him.
Dib ran back inside the skool and went to the bathroom. Still sniffling and crying a little, he washed out the gash with some questionable water from the sink. When he looked in the mirror, he realized the cut also had a nice swelling knot to go along with it.
Dib pouted. "I'll get you Zim."
He went back out to the playground, and just curled up under a tree. He sat there, feeling pretty dejected, until Zim walked up again. "Go away." Dib said, refusing to even look at his nemesis.
Zim glared. "You dare to order ZIM?!" He looked in amazement at Dib's head. "Wow, it got… bigger."
"Shut up." Dib spat out. "Just leave me alone."
Zim didn't leave. Instead, he took something out from his PAK. "Hold still." A hand gripped the boy's hair, and another had some sort of purply-pinkish, pen looking thing pointed at Dib's head.
Dib cried out, "Hey, let go!" The pen emitted a green light. Aw crap, Dib thought, He's going to kill me! "No! Stop!"
Zim ignored the flailing. He pressed a button, and a green laser sealed a bit of the cut. He meticulously went down, sealing the wound. Dib was panicking more now, trying to kick and smack Zim away.
Zim growled. "Quit being so insolent!" He pressed a different button. The knot decreased dramatically in size before Zim's eyes.
Dib gasped. "Hey! What did you do to me?" He couldn't feel the pain anymore. Actually, his head felt kind of…good. "Zim?"
Zim sneered. "I healed your pathetic scrape, meatbag." Zim had a PAK limb put the pen-thing away. "Obviously you couldn't handle it." He let go of Dib's hair and stood back. "And that is unacceptable! You," He pointed at Dib, "are my enemy! My enemy is battle hardened, and able to take anything Zim throws at him!" He growled. "Do not disappoint me again."
Dib just stared in shock as Zim twirled around and did that weird marching thing away from him. He touched his head, still a little confused. Then, he smiled. "You got it Zim."
A year passed by, full of fighting, name calling, and planet saving. Dib and Zim teamed up once or twice during that year because of some weird stuff, like that one entity that liked to hug planets, and Keef trying to get them to be friends. The planet-hugger was destroyed, and Keef was still in the hospital. All went back to normal with the fighting again.
And then one day, Dib woke up sick. He had felt the icky as he woke up. Dib had rolled out of bed, went over to a wall panel, and pressed a button. A portion of the wall slid away, revealing a bunch of differently worded buttons. Dib searched and then pressed the SICK button.
His father's vid screen came over to look at him. It had recorded his temperature with a scanner. Dib had been a little surprised to see 101.0 °F blinking back at him.
"Back to bed, son! I will inform your skool you are ill!"
Dib winced. He had a headache to go with the fever. Fantastic.
Halfway through the day, he hadn't been all that surprised when Zim busted through his front door demanding to know what he was plotting.
Dib had come out with his dripping nose and coughing fit. "Zim! Get out!" He'd about coughed up a lung from the yelling.
Zim looked at him, laser gun still hot. "You can't fool me, uh…"He looked grossed out by the snotty nose. "…Earth…stink."
"Oh for the-! I'm really just sick! Go away!"
Zim watched as Dib stomped over to his bed, laid in it, and promptly pretended to be asleep. Zim glared at him, eyes barely above the rim of the bed.
He rose up, "Unacceptable!" He screeched. Dib groaned and put a pillow over his head.
Zim left the room, slamming the door behind him, and headed into the kitchen. He tore through cabinets, getting seemingly random ingredients. He turned on the stove, threw a pot on the heating space, and made a very strange concoction. After about an hour, he finally took it off the heat.
He ran into Dib's room with it. Dib had managed to finally drift off when his door burst open.
Why Zim closed it in the first place, who knows?
Zim shot his spider-like limbs from out of his PAK. He held Dib down, "Drink it!" Dib about coughed it all out, but Zim forced him to keep it down. Dib ingested the substance almost instantaneously, and passed out.
"There!" Zim grinned in victory, "No more sick, no more missing skool, so I can keep an eye on you, Dib worm." Zim yawned, feeling tired. "Eh, he's out for awhile." Zim put his limbs away, settled in beside Dib, and took a nap.
When Dib woke up, Zim had his arms wrapped around Dib like a child with a teddy bear. Dib felt infinitely better than he had in ages. "Zim?"
"Ehn?" The green alien's eyes popped open, "Dib! What are you doing in my-?" Suddenly, Zim remembered everything. "Oh right, your stupid human illness." Zim got out of the bed. "See ya, Dib." He marched out of the room, ignoring the slack jawed expression of the human he left behind.
Dib felt his heart warm a little at the thought that Zim had cared enough to cure him like that. Granted, it was for selfish reasons, but it had been a long time since anybody had bothered to even look in on him when he was sick.
About two years later, Dib revealed to Zim that boy's grow in spurts on Earth, and Zim freaked out. Their classmates had been getting suspicious, calling Zim weird for being so short at his age, which was about 15 years old or so going on the age he tried to fit in with when he got to Earth. Zim had been clueless about what to do about it.
Dib had been watching the green alien through a new spy bot one night when the green alien finally found a solution.
Zim growled in his base, completely unaware of the new spy bot. "Computer! Give me ways to grow taller!"
The computer sighed, but did as it was told. Zim hummed to himself as he filtered through all the plans. Finally, he stumbled across one that looked plausible. "Hmmm, this just might work. Computer! Start converting the disguising machine into a growing one!"
"Yes, master." The computer brought down the old clunky piece of technology and started to rewire, take apart, and weld things here and there.
Zim started laughing maniacally, "Mwahahahaha!"
GIR ran into the base, flapping his arms. "WAFFLES!"
Zim sighed. "Yes, yes."
Dib gasped. He had to thwart his nemesis! He ran out into the night, racing over to Zim's house. Somehow, he didn't remember how, he got down to the base and tried to stop Zim.
He arrived just in time to see a six foot tall version of Zim walking out of the pod, with pants obviously too short, and a shirt that was obviously a few sizes too small. Dib pointed slack jawed at the new Irkan male.
Zim looked at Dib quizzically. "What? Does it look alright? I'm not entirely sure the new look is…me, you know? Wait…how did you get down here, Earth monkey?!"
"I'm too late!" Dib said dramatically.
Zim quirked a brow. Suddenly, an evil little thought came into the alien's head.
"You do know I'm like a hundred years older than you?" Zim asked, looking at Dib with a quizzical eye.
"You are?" Dib thought about it. "Well, yeah, I guess that does make sense." Zim was always spouting out something about doing stuff before Dib was even born.
"On Earth, I believe your elders are allowed to punish the younger ones. So, do you want to know what I'm going to do now?" Zim asked with a quirked brow.
"Uh..." Dib backed away, suddenly feeling a little intimidated, "No."
"Why," Zim leaned down to look eye to eye with the smaller boy, "punish your insolence, of course."
Dib felt his wrists pulled forward. "Hey!" He struggled to get away, but Zim was stronger than him now.
Zim cackled maniacally as he threw Dib over his knee. "This may sting a bit, Dib."
WACK! "Ow! Di-Did you just spank me?" Dib couldn't believe it. Out of all the humiliating-!
SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!
"Hey! Ow! Zim that's so unfair! Stop it!" Dib felt every hit through his clothes. Man, Zim could hit hard when he wanted to! "Zim!" It was starting to get painful. "Ow! OW! OW!"
"No! The naughty Earth boy needs to learn his lesson!" Zim cackled, "Now hold still!"
After about ten more slaps, Dib started getting angry. "Zim! Stop it right now! It hurts!"
"It's supposed to!" Zim smirked. "I've put you through worse, Dib, I'm surprised you're cracking so soon." SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!
"Ah-ha-ow!" Dib tried to get free, but Zim's grip on his back was ironclad. "Stop! Stop, please! Zim!"
"Aw, your begging sounds so sweet to my ears." Zim continued slapping the boys butt. "But I suppose I can show some mercy."
He put Dib on his feet. Dib glared at him as he rubbed his abused butt. Without thinking, he pointed at Zim and accusingly screamed, "Pervert!"
Zim smirked even wider. "Aw, poor little Dib stink. Can't handle a little spanking."
"Shut up! And who spanks their enemy?" Dib stomped his foot. "It's not right."
Zim just waved him dismissively away. "Go slink back to your puny human abode." Zim leaned back in his chair. "Just remember this day, and what the almighty Zim is capable of doing to your little fleshy body."
Dib growled, "How dare you! I will get you, Zim, I swear it!" He turned and ran away. "And I'm retreating, not running away!"
Dib's butt was sore the next day. Not really painful, just annoying. Zim had smirked cruelly at him all through the morning, gloating about his victory. It was easy to see Dib's discomfort, as sometimes Dib would wince or growl something under his breath about dissections when he sat down.
That night, Dib had his first wet dream. In the dream, he was over Zim's knee again, getting spanked like the bad boy he was. Instead of shouting like he did in real life, Dib moaned, and instead of being dressed, he was completely naked. Zim was naked too, which really made no sense considering Dib had never seen Zim naked. His little dick was hard, and Dib kept bucking his hips, creating a nice friction of his sensitive skin against the green alien's. Zim was saying something about taking it like a man, but all Dib could feel was his orgasm-.
Dib shot up in bed, gasping. He looked down to see a tent in his boxers. His erection was so hard it hurt. Dib trembled and shook his head, "This is so wrong." He brought a hand down, "So wrong." He only had to pump himself four times, and he came all over his hand.
Dib went ahead and took a shower. He felt sick, like he had some bad Bloaty's Pizza. How the hell could he have a dream like that? And about Zim? It just didn't make any sense.
Too scared to go to sleep, Dib just stayed up until skool. Practically dead the next day, he didn't even notice Zim looking at him constantly throughout the morning. He was thoroughly engrossed in trying to analyze his dream.
What could it mean? Did it mean anything? He knew that Freud would argue subconscious desires, but Dib knew better. He had never "desired" Zim except as a specimen strapped down to a metal table to be poked and prodded with long, hard things.
Dib slammed his head against his desk. The whole classroom ignored him. Well, everyone except for Zim.
At lunch, Dib was surprised by Zim waiting for him at his table. Dib managed somehow to appear nonchalant and not blush.
Dib asked, "What do you want Zim?"
Zim shifted from foot to foot, looking a little nervous. "Zim, that is, I…" He scratched the back of his head. "Perhaps…" He twiddled with his fingers. "Zim may have been too, uh, mean to the Dib thing. Maybe letting the new height go to my head."
Zim suddenly stood up straight. "Anyway, as my horrible Earth enemy, Zim realizes that some tactics are too underhanded, and Zim will not do them again." Zim shifted his eyes from side to side. "That is all, I AM ZIM!" And with that, Zim ran back over to his solitary table.
Dib took a good half a minute to translate what Zim was trying to say. "Oh!" Realization dawned on him. "He was…apologizing? For what?" The spanking incident immediately came to mind. "Oh yeah, that." Dib tried to ignore his groin twitching. "Good, it'll never happen good."
Dib also tried to ignore the disappointment that had bubbled up. "Shut up, subconscious!"
