AN: Another from my high school days. I was kind of bothered by the lack of history given for the Outer Senshi, so here's a bit. Nothing canonical has been altered.

Part I

Evanescence:

"Haruka-chan… my Haruka-chan, I love you."

The waves broke below Ten'ou Haruka as they collided with the beams supporting the bridge. She stared out at the distant horizon. Nothing but sky and ocean obstructed her vision. Not a boat on the sea, not a bird in the air… The wind wrapped comfortingly around her, seeming to flow through her as if she and it were one.

"Haruka-chan…"

The teenager allowed the aluminum can, still half-full of the beverage within — she had not been paying enough attention to notice what, though she had noted with slight disappointment that it was not alcoholic — to slip from her grasp. It fell through the air to crash into the waves below, its contents causing a momentary discoloration in the deep blue water before dissipating into nothingness.

"I love…."

Haruka had not loved anyone since nearly ten years past. She did not often think of love. She had neither felt it toward another human being nor received it in a decade. She had grown used to being alone. People were best dealt with at arm's distance.

"Haruka…"

As far as Haruka was concerned, memories were little more than a pain in the ass. She'd just as soon forget the past. The future along with it… She cared for nothing but the moment she was living in, the only moment that mattered. It was in this moment that she could achieve her dreams — not yesterday, not tomorrow, only now. Only her present actions could make a difference. She couldn't give a shit about anything else. The future had nothing to offer her. The past had given her nothing. She expected nothing of anyone but herself. No one else, neither their thoughts nor their actions, made a difference to Haruka. They were not a part of her, and she was not a part of them. She was entirely alone, and she would just as soon have been completely alone.

The wind blew lightly at Haruka's hair. She almost felt as if it was her own spirit. She could give herself to the wind, become only it, and only the wind truly understood her. Nothing was as constant in its inconsistency as the wind. And she heard the whispers of it in her ear….

"Haruka-chan…"

* * * * *

"Haruka-chan! Be careful!" Shujinkou Shinyuuki pulled her daughter down from the bridge's railing. "You'll fall if you're not careful."

"I won't fall, Mama. The wind will catch me, and I'll fly away!"

Haruka's words received a small chuckle from the girl's mother. "Who told you that?"

"No one did. When I felt the wind, I knew that it would catch me."

Shinyuuki smiled and leaned down to run a hand through her daughter's sandy hair. "You shouldn't put so much faith in such silly fantasies. You might get hurt, and what would I ever do without my Haruka-chan?"

"I don't believe in fairy tales, Mama, but I did believe the wind."

"Haruka-chan, you do believe in some fairy tales," Shinyuuki said, walking along beside her daughter as they started home.

"No I don't."

"But what about the books I read to you at night?"

The girl shook her head. "I don't believe in those either. I've never seen any talking animals or magic wizards, so why should I believe in them? And I don't need a handsome prince to come and save me — I want to be strong enough to save myself."

"That's quite grown-up talk for such a little girl."

"Is it bad, Mama?" Haruka looked up with guilty blue-green eyes. "Gomen nasai…"

"There's nothing wrong with it, Haruka-chan. Don't ever be sorry for the way you see things. Even if other people don't see it the same way you do, your view is important."

"Who's it important to?"

"It's important to you, Haruka-chan. If you think something is important, that makes it important, regardless of what anyone else might say. Do you understand?"

"Hai, Mama, I think I understand."

Shinyuuki unlocked the door to their apartment and pushed it open, kicking the bottom of the door while jiggling the knob, which she'd learned over the years was the only way to get it to open. "Hashira, are you home?" she called inside as the door swung in. Haruka ran in ahead of her.

"He's not here," the child, after having checked every room in the small apartment, called back to her mother, who was just hanging up her jacket by the door. Shinyuuki was not surprised. It was not often that her husband ever returned so early. Shujinkou Hashira was known to be found in the local bars of Kyoto after work hours, oftentimes until dark. More likely than not, he would not be home for hours yet.

Haruka rarely saw her father, as he usually came in after her bedtime. But she heard him. When she would lay awake at night, she could hear her parents arguing. Sometimes they argued about Hashira's drinking problem, sometimes about their relationship, sometimes about Haruka. She understood that they were only together because of her. No one had planned for her birth. Had it not been for her unexpected existence, Hashira and Shinyuuki's relationship would have been limited to one night of burning passions and forgotten caution. But once they'd discovered Shinyuuki's pregnancy, they had arranged to be married. Hashira had quit college in order to hold a full-time job, and Shinyuuki had dropped out of high school once the pregnancy progressed to the point at which she could not easily make it through a full day away from home. They'd rented a two-bedroom apartment in the ghetto of downtown Kyoto and had lived there with their daughter since.

Haruka knew that her father resented being tied down by his duties as a husband and a father, though he rarely stayed sober long enough to fulfill them. She also knew how Shinyuuki longed to be free to follow her dreams. She had wanted to be an architect and would have made achieved it, had she had the chance to complete high school. She often spoke of a better life for herself and for Haruka, but nothing ever changed. She remained with Hashira, firm in her belief that Haruka needed a father figure and anyhow too limited in resources to truly pursue a better life through education or any other means. With her youthful dreams crushed, she devoted all her love and passion to her daughter, spending as much time at home as her part-time job as a sales clerk allowed. She had dedicated her life to Haruka's happiness, to raising the child into a human being capable of following her own dreams someday.

"Mama, the race is on! There are still four more laps to go." Haruka had been interested in professional car racing since toddlerhood. Shinyuuki's brother, Kazekage, was a mechanic and had taught her all the basics of cars already, and the child had swiftly learned everything he told her, still only five years of age. But Kazekage had been offered a job in Italy and planned to leave in only a month, taking with him practically the only real friendship Haruka had claim to. She got along all right with the children her age, but no friends had yet stuck.

"Mama, you're going to miss it!"

"Let me know who wins," Shinyuuki said to her daughter before picking up a book from the coffee table in the living room and sitting down on the sofa to read.

"Whatcha reading, Mama?" Haruka asked over her shoulder once the race was finished.

"It's a medical book, honey."

"Doushite? You always said you wanted to be an archiotect."

"Architect, sweetheart, and that's right. But there's nothing wrong with learning, whether or not it's where your truest interests lie."

"What kind of medicine book is it?" the girl asked, climbing onto the couch to sit next to her mother and look over her shoulder.

"It's about a disease called leukemia."

"Can I get luke-a-mia?"

"It's not likely, dear. It's not a contagious disease."

"What's that mean?"

Shinyuuki smiled, running a hand through her daughter's hair. "It means you can't catch it from other people."

"If you can't catch it, then how come you're reading a book about it?"

"Because, like I said, there's nothing wrong with learning."

"Look! They're having interviews with the drivers!" Haruka jumped down from the couch to return to her place directly in front of the television. Shinyuuki chuckled softly and went back to her reading.

Only another half-hour had passed when they heard the sound of a door slamming, and Hashira's voice called, "Yuuki, you here?"

Shinyuuki slid her book under the couch and said quickly, "Haruka, baby, go to your room." Haruka obeyed immediately, leaving the television on behind her. Shinyuuki flipped it off before turning to her husband, who was still by the door. He was drunk, she could tell by his voice. He was back very early, though. He must have gotten off work earlier than usual to have had so much to drink and have returned so soon.

Hashira braced himself against the wall to stay upright. "What time did you leave work?" Shinyuuki asked as she took off his jacket and hung it up before guiding him into the living room to sit on the couch, where she herself had been a minute before.

"I dunno… What time is it?"

"Early. You're usually not back for hours."

"Where's Haruka?"

"In her bedroom."

"Bring her out here; I wanna see her."

Shinyuuki shook her head firmly as she helped to take off his shoes. "Not until you're a little more sober."

Hashira stood up, swaying a bit as he did so, but he managed to stay on his feet. "She's my own kid, Yuuki! I've got a right to see her whenever the hell I want to!"

Shinyuuki put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back into a sitting position. "She's my daughter too, Hashira, and I don't want you near her in this condition."

"Dammit, Yuuki…"

"I don't want to hear it. Now, if you stay right there, I'll fix you some dinner. You probably haven't eaten anything since lunch break, have you?"

Haruka, able to hear every word her parents were saying in the next room, sat on her bed with her knees tucked up to her chest. Her fingers furiously pressed the buttons on a small, hand-held racing game, but her mind was having trouble concentrating. She finally put the game down and allowed her head to rest on her knees.

When Shinyuuki entered her daughter's room several hours later, she found the girl lying on the bed, sprawled on top of the covers. "Where's Papa?" the girl asked as her mother softly closed the door behind her.

"He's asleep," Shinyuuki answered softly as she moved to sit on the bed next to her daughter. Haruka sat up, dangling her feet over the side. "It may be about time for you to get to bed too."

Haruka released her hair from its semi-high ponytail, and it cascaded down to brush her sharp shoulder blades. She allowed her mother to comb out the tangles while she tried her best to sit still. The woman then helped the girl into her pajamas before tucking her warmly into the bed.

"Mama, will you read to me tonight?" Haruka asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes.

"But you don't believe in the fairy tales I read anymore," Shinyuuki pointed out.

"I don't care. Read anything. Kazekage gave me a new car magazine — read that."

Shinyuuki tucked a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear. "Would you like me to read that to you?"

Haruka nodded. "Hai."

The woman sighed, smiling sadly. "You're growing up too fast for me. Already you've outgrown fairy tales and make believe. But I suppose you can't stay my little girl forever."

"Does anything last forever, Mama?" Haruka asked, her eyes burning with a childish honesty. She truly desired an answer — any answer — to her dark question.

"I suppose some things do. Love lasts forever… and dreams."

"But don't they end when the person dies?"

Shinyuuki smiled. Haruka wasn't sure why. "It depends on what you believe in."

"What do you believe, Mama?"

"I believe your dreams and your love last as long as your heart's strength allows."

"What's that mean?"

The young woman leaned down to kiss Haruka's forehead. "You'll understand when you find something that you know will last forever." Picking up Haruka's auto magazine, Shinyuuki began to read and continued until the girl was fast asleep. Kissing the child's cheek softly, she whispered, "I love you, my little Haruka-chan." She then stood and left her daughter to sleep in peace, turning off the light as she exited the room.

* * * * *

Haruka leapt into the air, allowing the basketball to leave her fingertips and soar through the air toward its mark. It bounced off the rim to fall into the hands of the opposing team. She swore under her breath and immediately moved to intercept once again.

Haruka was about the only child her age — not to mention the only girl — who the boys around her neighborhood would allow to play basketball with them. She was never first picked, and she was always first blamed for everything, but she still got to play. After all, she was the only other kid around good enough to when the teams were uneven.

Haruka did her best to block the boy with the ball, but he was much bigger than she was. He pushed past her, knocking her to the ground, and scored. The girl swore again, hitting the pavement with her fist.

"Dammit!" Kenji, one of the older boys on Haruka's team, kicked the ground in anger. "Tomo-kun, why do you always let her play, anyway?" Haruka climbed to her feet, ignoring Kenji as well as she could while she retrieved the ball. "We'd be better off just playing with one less on our team," he continued. "She's just a stupid girl."

Her temper snapping, Haruka yelled and threw the basketball hard at Kenji's face. He was too surprised to duck, and the ball connected solidly with his nose. The boy screamed in pain as a stream of blood burst from his face. He charged at the girl, set on making her pay for her transgression.

Haruka ducked out of the way, far more agile with her slender build than the heavy preteen, and grabbed his arm, twisting it behind his back so that he could not move. Kenji yelled angrily, reaching around with his other arm to grab her, but she remained safely out of his range. However, unfortunately for her, the other boys were more inclined to support Kenji than Haruka, and when one of his friends came from behind and grabbed her by the back of the neck, lifting her clear off the ground, she was forced to let go of the boy's arm.

The child kicked wildly, struggling to regain freedom. She finally kicked backward with her right foot, hitting her captor hard in the groin. He dropped Haruka, and she fell to the ground as he doubled over in pain. Soon, all the other boys were on top of Haruka. Her fists flew wildly, connecting with anything close by.

Haruka was not sure exactly what was happening when someone pulled her from the fray. She struggled for her freedom, even after she realized it was her mother who held her back. Glaring at the crowd of boys, now backing away, Haruka offered an insulting gesture. Shinyuuki slapped the girl's hand.

"Haruka-chan! What's gotten into you today?"

"Kenji said I can't play because I'm a girl!"

"Haruka-chan, they're all at least twice your size. How did you expect to win a fight like that? You shouldn't even be fighting! It's not right."

"Why not? They all deserve it."

Shinyuuki sighed as she dragged the girl away from the site of the scuffle. "That doesn't always matter. Just because someone deserves to be punished doesn't necessarily give you the right to do it."

"But how come? Someone has to. If I'm strong enough to do it, I ought to. No one else is gonna."

Shinyuuki stopped walking and knelt down in front of Haruka. "Haruka-chan, you can't right every wrong through sheer strength alone."

"But some of them I can. Shouldn't I do what I can?"

The woman stood again and continued walking. "But you shouldn't fight just because someone makes you angry. Besides, someone could get hurt."

"Isn't that the point of fighting?"

"But what if you're the person to get hurt?"

"I'm not afraid of getting hurt, Mama." Haruka brushed a wild strand of long sandy bangs from her eyes. They fell just below her chin, framing her young, slender face. "I just don't want them to pick on me anymore. It's always about being too little or being a girl or always wearing boys' clothes and playing sports. They say I should wear dresses and go play with dolls like the other girls."

"Well, do you want to do those things? You always said you liked these clothes better than dresses."

"I do. But everyone acts like there's something wrong with it. Is there, Mama?"

"No, Haruka-chan. Never apologize for who you are or try to change because people tell you to. Just do what your heart tells you, you hear me? I trust your judgment more than anyone else's."

"Mama, do you want me to be the kind of girl who likes dolls and dresses?"

Shinyuuki stopped again, looking down at her daughter to catch the girl's eyes with her own. "Haruka-chan, I want you to be who you are. It's true that I always dreamed about having a little girl who would behave as I did as a child, with dreams of princesses and castles and ballroom dances. But I'd rather you be true to your heart, Haruka-chan, because you'll never be happy otherwise. Do you understand me? All I want is your happiness."

Haruka nodded slowly. "I think I understand, Mama. So you're not disappointed in me for not being all girly and pretty?"

"I think you are beautiful, Haruka-chan. And no, I could never be disappointed in you." The child nodded again, but she still somehow felt, deep down, that she had failed her mother by not fulfilling her hopes for a little daughter. As though she was a failure for turning out a tomboy instead of a girly-girl with pink frills and sparkly makeup. She silently wondered if she could ever live up to her mother's dreams. Shinyuuki would always love her no matter what, there were no doubts on that case, yet Haruka still wished in many ways that she could be better for her mother. The woman had lost her dearest dreams because of Haruka's mere existence, after all. And she could not even carry Shinyuuki's dream of a perfect daughter, as if she was too weak to bear the burden. Or maybe she was just not brave enough. She was too busy running to ever face what she was supposed to be.

"Haruka-chan," Shinyuuki said as they arrived home, "you understand why I was angry about the fight? It's okay to want to do good, but not if you have to do wrong to achieve it."

"Hai," Haruka replied like a good little girl, though she honestly felt inclined to disagree.

"Good girl," the young woman said with a smile, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Haruka's ear. "Now go to your room and play for a little while. I need to make a phone call."

"Hai." An instant later, the girl was off to her bedroom with the door shut firmly behind her. With a heavy sigh, Shinyuuki picked up the telephone and began dialing her brother's number.

"Moshi moshi," Kazekage answered after a few rings.

"Kage, it's me."

"Yuuki, how are you doing? Did you talk to Otou-san and Okaa-san?"

"I did," Shinyuuki sighed. "They won't help."

"That can't be right! They have to… You're their daughter!"

The young woman shook her head, almost forgetting that he could not see her over the phone. "They told me when Haruka was born that I was on my own, and they've no reason to go back on their word. This is not their problem, Kazekage, and they do not owe me anything."

"Yuuki… This can't be… I mean, there has to be a way to fight it."

"Kage, we both knew it was over as soon as I was diagnosed."

There was a pause on the other end. "I'll turn down the job in Italy. There's no way I can go anywhere, not now…."

"Kage, this is your dream. I can't let you give it up for me."

After another pause, he asked, "What's going to happen to Haruka-chan?"

Shinyuuki sighed as she slid down the wall.

* * * * *

Haruka ran her fingers over the letters of her uncle's nametag: Ten'ou Kazekage.

"Excuse me, little lady." Kazekage took the tag from Haruka's hands, fastening it to his coveralls. He grinned down at her. "Like the name? I liked your mother's name better as Ten'ou Shinyuuki. Shujinkou Shinyuuki has too many 'sh' sounds — makes you sound like you have a speech impediment, saying it."

"Kage, what was Mama like when she was my age?"

"Well, considering I was only three at the time, I don't really remember that much. But… she was regal, as if she'd been born to be royalty. She would pretend to be a princess in some foreign land and would always dream of a handsome prince who would come and save her from everything. Yuuki always was a dreamer… her whole life. She never lost the dream. And then her dream became you." He smiled down at the girl, patting her small head.

"Does Mama wish I was more of a princess kind of girl?"

"Nah, she's proud of you. What other five-year-old could take on every punk on the block at once?" Kazekage laughed, winking mischievously at his niece. "Besides, you're gonna be the future champ of the circuit — who could be prouder?"

"Kage, where did Mama go today? She told me I had to come to work with you, but she didn't say why."

"She's got a doctor's appointment," he replied casually. "We all have to go to the doctor now and then, right?"

"Is she sick?"

Kazekage hesitated. "Yeah, Yuuki-chan has been a little sick lately, but that's why she's going, you know — to fix it."

"Will she be better after she goes to the doctor?"

"Of course, kid. What's the matter? Don't wanna spend all day here with your baka uncle?"

"No, I love coming here. You've got the best job ever, Kage."

"Ah, I'm just a mechanic, kid. That's why I'm going to Italy — they gave me a much better job than I have here. Working for a big car company."

Haruka ran her hand along the side of the car Kazekage was just starting to work on. "I want to be a racer."

"You will. I can just see it now — Shujinkou Haruka, undefeated champion, and her supreme mentor, Ten'ou Kazekage."

"Will you come back to Japan to see me race?"

"Of course, kid. I wouldn't miss it."

"And Mama will be there too?"

"I can't imagine her being anywhere else."

"Do you think Papa will come?" Haruka asked thoughtfully.

Kazekage paused. "You know, I never really got to know your papa that well, but he'd have to be crazy to not want to see you race. If I were in his place, I don't think I could ever stop bragging about a girl like you. I just hope my kids are half as cool as you are."

"You don't even have a girlfriend, Kage," Haruka laughed. "How do you plan to have kids?"

"Great," he mumbled. "I'm having my love life criticized by a five-year-old midget. I must be one pathetic loser."

Haruka laughed again. "Loser!"

"Ah, shut up, Haruka-chan, and give me a hand with this carburetor." She immediately moved to comply. Haruka had always loved spending time with Kazekage at work because it was only then that she really got a chance to be around cars. The repair garage had become her school, and she took advantage of every chance she was given to learn. Kazekage always let her help him with the cars, even if she was not strong enough to do everything right. Her hands were small, and she could get them into places that he and the other workers could not easily reach. The other mechanics had come to know her and had even adopted her as one of the group. She had a promise from every one of them to teach her all they knew about driving once she grew big enough.

"Kage, when you go to Italy, will you ever come back?" Haruka asked as her uncle drove her home that evening. She stared out the window at the changing scenery and other cars passing by.

"Of course I'll come back, Haruka-chan. I already promised I'd come back to see you race, remember?"

"But you won't be around anymore. How'm I going to race if you're not here to teach me how?"

"I'll be back, Haruka-chan. I may live in Italy, but my home will always be here."

The girl looked up at him. "Honto?"

"Of course. When have I ever lied to you?"

"Never, Kage."

"No reason for me to start now."

Shinyuuki smiled warmly and stroked Haruka's hair as the girl ran in, full of energy, as she always was after spending a day at the garage. "Did you behave for your uncle, you little imp?" the woman asked her daughter.

"Are you kidding?" Kazekage asked incredulously. "We're gonna have to not let her come back — she's become the top mechanic, showin' all the rest of us up."

"Thank you for watching her for me, Kage."

"Nah, I should be thanking you. Work is… much more interesting with Haruka around."

"Hey!" Haruka retorted. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing," Kazekage said innocently, turning his eyes up toward the ceiling and whistling. Haruka kicked him hard in the shin. "Itai! That hurt, Haruka-chan! Honestly, Yuuki, what are you feeding this kid?"

Shinyuuki put a firm, reprimanding hand on Haruka's shoulder. "I think that's enough excitement for today. Haruka-chan, are you going to apologize to Kage?"

Haruka crossed her arms in front of her chest rebelliously, looking down and away from her mother. "No! Why should I apologize to him?"

"Well, I don't want your apology anyway, you little snot," Kazekage shot back.

Shinyuuki rolled her eyes. "Almost fifteen years of age difference, but still the same maturity level. Goodnight, Kage. I'll call you later."

"Sayonara, Nee-chan. See ya, chibi!"

"I'm not a chibi, baka!" Haruka shouted after her uncle as Shinyuuki shut the door. The woman turned to look down at a mischievously grinning face, and she could not help but smile, try as she might to fight it down. "Come here, you little imp!"

Haruka yelped and ran, and laughter soon filled the tiny

apartment.

* * * * *

Shinyuuki brushed a strand of chestnut hair from her face before returning her arm to its place, wrapped tightly around her daughter. The pair sat together on the roof of their apartment building, watching the sun set over the city of Kyoto.

"Do you know what that is, Haruka-chan?" Shinyuuki whispered in her daughter's ear.

"It's the sunset."

"It's a wish," the woman breathed, her voice so soft it would have been inaudible had her face not been just next to Haruka's ear. "Somebody somewhere wished for a beautiful sunset like that one, and there it is, like a painted masterpiece. It's a wish, just like you."

"Who am I a wish for, Mama?" Shinyuuki could tell by Haruka's voice that the child did not believe her.

"You're my wish, Haruka-chan. You always have been."

"Iie, that's a lie. I know it is. You had a dream, Mama, and it wasn't me. I know it's all my fault."

Shinyuuki looked down at her daughter's face, her eyes sad. "Nothing is your fault, Haruka-chan. Why would you say that?"

The girl never turned to look at her mother… just stared out at the sunset. "Kage said you were always a dreamer. It's my fault you had to give it up. If I was never born, your life would be better."

"Haruka, look at me." Shinyuuki placed a hand on the far side of the girl's face, turning her head so that their gazes locked. "I would never wish for a different life. You are my world now, Haruka. Nothing is better than this — nothing can be. I love you more than any dream."

Haruka's bland, distant expression never changed. "But you never wanted to have me. I was a mistake. You're going to tell me it's not true, but it is. You and Papa were never supposed to be together or have kids. I was just a bad choice."

Shinyuuki placed her hands firmly on her daughter's shoulders. "Haruka-chan, you have to listen to what I'm telling you." For the first time, tears brimmed in the little girl's eyes. "I am not sorry for what happened. Haruka-chan, maybe your father and I were not meant to be together, but that was our choice. I love you, baby; I would be nothing without you. Do you understand me? You are not a mistake."

Haruka stared back into her mother's green eyes. "I… I understand, Mama," she replied, her voice soft and… almost broken.

Shinyuuki's gaze remained solid, unwavering. "Do you really?"

Haruka was not accustomed to crying. She had always been a strong child, not losing her composure, never shedding a tear even for a broken arm when she was three. She had always been more prone to fight than cry. But she truly did not understand. She did not understand how her mother could love her after she had been responsible for ruining the woman's life, ruining her dreams… did not understand how she could live with herself, knowing that her whole life was an accident, a stupid lapse of judgment by two drunk teenagers… did not understand why she had to be such a burden to the people she loved. Shinyuuki's entire family had suffered because of her. She had cut off any chance the young woman had had at achieving her life's aspiration. Kazekage had always sacrificed his own desires and needs to be there for Shinyuuki and Haruka — he would have turned down the job in Italy had his sister let him. Her grandparents did not even want to meet her, would no longer have anything to do with their own daughter. Kazekage was always at odds with them over the situation, all on Haruka's account. Why should anyone love her? She had brought them nothing but pain. And her father… he had never loved his daughter or his wife. She had gotten her mother stuck with such a man for the rest of her life, never to find real love. Haruka had done all this. It was all her fault. It truly was.

Sobbing like a little child — the little child she should have been — Haruka allowed her head to drop, her hands remaining motionless at her sides, not knowing to wipe away the tears. Shinyuuki pulled the girl close, and she buried her face in her mother's shoulder.

Haruka wasn't sure when she'd fallen asleep. The next thing she remembered was waking up in her bed late the next morning. Her mother must have carried her inside after she'd stopped crying. When the girl got out of bed, she found Shinyuuki gone already. She was probably gone to work — what day was it, anyway? Was the woman supposed to be at work? No matter. Haruka was used to taking care of herself while her parents were gone. She'd had to function more or less independently her whole life — Shinyuuki could not be there for her all the time, whether she wanted to or not. Haruka had learned by age five to depend less on her parents' care than many teenagers still did.

Walking into the living room with her breakfast, Haruka nearly tripped over a book sticking halfway out from under the couch. Picking it up, she recognized the book her mother had been reading about the disease leukemia. Without a second thought, she placed it on the bookshelf before flipping on the television and sitting down to eat.

* * * * *

"Shujinkou-san, over here!" Haruka ignored her teammate, keeping the ball in her possession rather than passing it off. She ducked around the tall boy blocking her and ran to make a goal, shooting the ball from a sharp angle and watching it fall in with a certain gratification.

It had not taken long for everyone to forget about the fight from a few days prior. They needed another player to even out the teams, and no other kid around was good enough to qualify. Kenji's nose had been broken, and he refused to play on the same team as Haruka, but that aside, things had gone back to normal.

"What was that all about?" Sengo yelled at the girl, pushing her by the shoulder. She stumbled back a step before glaring up at him. Sengo was the player who had yelled for her to pass the ball. He was a semi-talented ten-year-old with, in Haruka's opinion, far too much ego.

"What?" Haruka said defiantly. "I scored, didn't I?"

"I was wide open!"

"Piss off, ahou!" The boy immediately took a swing at her, but Haruka ducked, bringing her fist up to connect solidly with his chest, knocking him to the ground.

* * * * *

Haruka was waiting in the apartment when her mother came home from work. As soon as Shinyuuki saw the girl, she dropped everything and ran to kneel down in front of her, cupping the child's chin her hand. "Haruka-chan, what happened? You've got a black eye!"

"I do?" Haruka's expression was a mix of surprise and excitement. She ran to look at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. "Sugoi! Look, Mama! Isn't it cool?"

"Haruka-chan, where did you get that?" Realization immediately dawned on the girl's features, and she dropped her head, refusing to meet her mother's gaze.

"I… I had a little… conflict while playing basketball again."

Shinyuuki sighed, rubbing her forehead with her hand. "Haruka-chan… what am I going to do with you?"

Haruka immediately perked up. "We could go ride go-carts!"

"That's not what I mean, and you know it. You know better."

The child's head bowed again. "Hai." Shinyuuki muttered something softly to herself, and Haruka remained silent for several long seconds. Finally, she piped up curiously, "Mama?"

"Yes, baby?"

"What happened to your face?"

The woman looked up at her daughter, stunned and confused. "What?"

Haruka pointed. "That bruise on your cheek. Where'd you get that?"

Shinyuuki raised a hand to her right cheek. Swallowing, she shook her head. "Oh, it's nothing, sweetie. Don't worry about it." Slowly, the woman rose to her feet again, reaching a hand down to take Haruka's. "Come on, Haruka-chan. What do you say we go play the piano together?"

Haruka nodded, and Shinyuuki took the girl into her bedroom, where a worn piano sat in one corner. Haruka sat next to her mother on the bench, and together they played and sang. Shinyuuki had received the piano from her parents as a gift when she was thirteen. She'd been playing since she was just a small child, and she had been teaching Haruka since the girl was big enough to learn. The child always enjoyed being able to play with her mother. She practiced whenever she was allowed in her parents' bedroom so that she would be good enough to play the sheet music Shinyuuki enjoyed.

There was a knock at the door a couple of hours later. "Who is it, Mama? Are we expecting someone?"

"Hai, it's Kage. Go let him in."

"Hai!" The child scampered to the door to let her uncle inside. A moment later, there was the sound of the front door opening, followed by Haruka's voice. "Kage! Who invited you? Get outta my house, baka!"

"Well, who said I wanted to see you anyway?" The girl laughed, and a light-hearted conversation commenced. Shinyuuki smiled softly.

After a few minutes, the woman came out of her bedroom. "Ready to go, milady?" Kazekage asked with a smirk, offering his elbow.

Shinyuuki laughed and hooked her arm through her younger brother's. "That I am, kind sir. Haruka-chan, don't go anywhere until we come back, all right?"

"Where are you going?" Haruka asked.

The two siblings exchanged glances. Taking a deep breath, Kazekage threw on a smile and replied, "Well, you see, a friend of mine is very sick, and we're going to talk to the doctor to see just how bad it is."

"Are they going to be all right? Who is it, Kage?"

"We'll talk about it later, baby," Shinyuuki replied, stroking the girl's hair. "Be good and don't get into any trouble, okay?"

"Goodbye, Mama."

"Ja ne, chibi!"

Haruka growled. "Baka!" she yelled after Kazekage as Shinyuuki shut the door.

The man chuckled as he and his sister made their way down the hall. "Lively little sprite, eh?" he said, looking down at Shinyuuki. It was then that he first noticed the rough bruise on her face. "Yuuki…" The young woman turned when she noticed that her brother had stopped. She looked up into his concerned face as he raised a gentle hand to her cheek. "He did it again last night, didn't he?"

Shinyuuki pushed his hand away, averting her eyes. "It's all right, Kage. We are married now…."

"Rape is illegal and immoral, even if you are married," he replied forcefully. "Yuuki, I'm worried about you."

"I'll be fine." The woman drew a slow breath. "I'm more worried about what he might do to Haruka-chan when I'm gone."

"Nee-chan, you aren't going to die!"

"Kage, don't illusion yourself! You know as well as I do that I don't stand a chance."

Kazekage sighed heavily. "I keep thinking that I shouldn't take that job in Italy…."

"Kage, we've been through this. You can't give that up, especially not for me. You've sacrificed too much for my sake already."

"But the way Hashira-san treats you…"

"He only gets that way when he's drunk."

"I can't believe you're going to defend him! Yuuki, think of Haruka-chan…."

Shinyuuki looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "I am. I married Hashira because I don't want my daughter to grow up without a father."

"Better no father than this one."

"Maybe so. But the choice is made. I would never let him hurt her, Kage, no matter what. You know I'd give my life for her."

Kazekage's eyes were solemn. "But soon you may not have a life to give."

Shinyuuki drew a steadying breath, wiping the moisture away from her eyes. "Come on, Otouto-kun. We're going to be late."

* * * * *

When Shinyuuki returned home, she found Haruka asleep on the living room couch, a book about Italian cars clutched in one hand. Hashira was still not home yet, and for that she was thankful. She worried about leaving Haruka alone with him.

Taking the book carefully from the girl's hand, she placed it on the bookshelf before reaching down to scoop the child up in her arms, carrying her into her bedroom. Softly kissing Haruka's forehead, Shinyuuki was about to leave when she heard a soft voice from behind her. "Mama? What time is it?"

"It's late, honey, go back to sleep."

"I forgot to ask you how your doctor appointment went the other day."

"My what?"

"Kage said you were going to the doctor. Did they fix whatever was making you sick?"

Exhaling heavily, Shinyuuki sat down on her daughter's bed. "Haruka-chan, gomen ne, I should start being honest with you. There's something very important I have to tell you, and I want you to listen and understand, all right?"

"What is it, Mama?"

Shinyuuki sighed, raising a hand to rub her temple. She didn't even know where to begin. "I've been very sick, Haruka-chan, and it's something the doctors can't fix."

The child sat up. "What do you mean they can't fix it? You're going to get better, right?"

"Haruka-chan, I'm not going to get any better." She paused. "Do you remember that book you asked me about the other day? The one about the disease leukemia?"

"Is that what you have?" Shinyuuki nodded. "So how do we make it better?"

"We can't, Haruka-chan. There is no cure for it. There are treatments, but we don't have the money to cover it."

Haruka stared at her mother through almost-innocent blue-green eyes. "You'll be all right, Mama. W… won't you?"

Tears glistened in the woman's eyes. She ran a hand through her daughter's hair. "I'm afraid I won't be, Haruka-chan."

Haruka nearly choked on her breath. "W… what do you mean? Mama…"

"Haruka, baby, I don't want you to be sad for me. Your life is far more important to me than my own could ever be. Understand, I just want you to live and be happy…."

"Mama?"

Shinyuuki swallowed hard. "I'm dying, honey. They doctors don't know how long it'll take. They're saying no longer than six months."

Haruka shook her head, her eyes wide. "Yada! That's not true! Ne, Mama? The baka doctors don't know what the hell they're talking about. Everything will be okay, won't it?" She gripped her mother's shirt, looking pleadingly up into the woman's eyes. She could tell by the heavy look behind them that it would not be okay. The realization hit her like a nuclear explosion. "Dame…"

Shinyuuki pulled her daughter close. "Haruka-chan, you have to listen to me. I'm not going to be here to take care of you anymore, so you'll have to take care of yourself. Kazekage is still going to Italy — he'll come back if you ever need him, hear me? Your father will still pay for anything you need. Just… don't go near him whenever he's drunk. He cares about you, he really does, but he doesn't know what he's doing when he's been drinking. Haruka-chan…" Shinyuuki raised Haruka's chin so that she could look in the child's tearful eyes. "I love you, Haruka-chan. That'll never change. Do you understand?"

Haruka swallowed. "I… I don't want you to leave me, Mama. Don't go." She buried her face in her mother's shirt. Shinyuuki remained silent, holding her daughter in a tight embrace. She had kept her illness a secret from Haruka for a long time, too long, not knowing how to tell her. Now she desperately wished for the words to say.

"Love you" was all that would come out, and Shinyuuki whispered it over and over again, the only thing that really mattered.

Mama… Haruka's mind was numb, her heart heavy. Don't go, Mama. Don't go…. Can't be true. It's all a lie. Just a dream, a nightmare. Just don't leave me…. Not true…

* * * * *

When Haruka awoke in the morning, she knew very well that her life could not be the same. So Shinyuuki was dying. The only world she'd ever known was about to crumble beneath her, and she had no power to stop it. She was, for once, utterly helpless…. She did not like the feeling one bit.

After pulling her hair up into a ponytail and pulling some jeans and a T-shirt out of her freshly-washed pile of clothes, Haruka pushed open the door to her bedroom. She did not know what she was planning to do — normally at this time, she'd be getting something for breakfast, but she found that she was not particularly hungry that particular morning.

"Haruka-chan." Haruka jumped, startled, at the sound of her name.

"Mama! You're still here? Don't you have to go to work?"

Shinyuuki set down her cup of coffee, smiling warmly… yet sadly… at the girl. "I thought you might not want to be alone today." Haruka blinked speechlessly as her mother rose and moved to kneel down just in front of her. "I thought, if you want, we might go ride go-carts today." Her eyes sparkled with affection, but her smile remained somewhat sad. Haruka blinked again.

"Mama…"

"Haruka-chan," — Shinyuuki placed her hands on Haruka's shoulders — "the reason I didn't tell you sooner was because I wanted you to be able to live life normally as long as possible. So can we just pretend that nothing is wrong? Ne? Just for a while longer? I want to see my happy little girl for as long as I'm still here."

Slowly, Haruka nodded. "Hai," she said softly, forcing a smile for her mother.

"Good girl. Now get yourself something to eat so we can go."

"H… hai." Haruka hurried to do as she was told, still utterly stunned. She was not sure how to deal with the whole situation, but she decided that, at this point, just going with it was best. What else was there to do, after all? Just what else…

* * * * *

The days went by rather quickly after Haruka learned the truth that her mother was dying. It seemed to the child as if there simply was not enough time left in the universe for them. Of all eternity, there weren't enough days or hours or minutes to keep this dread illness at bay. The toll of it was finally beginning to show. Shinyuuki grew weaker… it seemed by the day… and she also grew pale and thin. Her energy began wasting away, and Haruka could do nothing but watch. She desperately wished she could save her mother, but she had no such power. While she had once felt invincible, she now found herself nothing but a helpless little child. When all the while, all she wanted to do was fight.

Kazekage had left for Italy weeks before. Haruka still found herself adjusting to the feeling of not having her uncle nearby, just a car ride away. She still talked to him almost every day on the phone, but it simply was not the same. Her world felt empty without him. And with Shinyuuki fading the way she was… Haruka found her feeling of aloneness growing by the day. And while most five-year-olds had no conception of time or what it meant, Shujinkou Haruka came to considered time her greatest enemy.

Had Haruka ever believed in a God, she would have prayed day and night for a miracle of some sort. From what she understood, her grandparents believed in some kind of omnipotent God in heaven, but she had never known her grandparents, and she certainly did not know this God of theirs. Sometimes, she tried to pray. She prayed that if any greater power could hear her and if there was such a thing as miracles, that she could have just one, before too late. Just one to save the woman who had loved her since the moment of her birth, who had loved her more than dreams. The woman who had given everything for the sake of a life not worthy of existence, an accident produced of a night of alcohol and hormones, a ragged little tomboy with nothing whatsoever to offer the world. Shinyuuki deserved to live. Haruka surely did not. She had no purpose in life to fulfill.

Still, Haruka's strong will alone could do nothing. She had no cure to her mother's ailment. She had no money to pay for treatment. She had no miracle to change the way things were. Her world was not a fairy tale — she could not give her life in exchange for her mother's, die valiantly as a hero and defeat this impending doom. Reality was not like that. Haruka suddenly realized it was not she who had given up on make believe — make believe had given up on her.

"So… this is the way of the universe?" Haruka said softly as she stared off into the sunset alone. Shinyuuki had fallen asleep on the couch half an hour ago — she'd been so tired lately. Haruka had not wanted to wake her. She watched the sunset with no one beside her, no company but her own dark thoughts. She found herself consumed by the empty questions, the absence of reason or mercy. Only the tears and the pain cried out to her now — the tears she would not shed for her resolve to remain strong… and the pain that ate away at her young soul day by day as everything drove quickly to an end. Do we live only to die?

Without quite knowing where she was going, Haruka started running. She felt that if she ran far enough and fast enough away, she might leave everything behind. Then she'd be completely alone, without love or pain or any of these things clawing at her like demons in the dark. She left the apartment building and ran without direction through the endless streets of Kyoto.

The child was in very good shape, her constant activity having achieved that much for her, but even she eventually grew tired. Her heart pounded in her chest, and her breath came in ragged gasps. Finally, she collapsed to her knees, all the energy drained away from her physical body as it seemed to be from her soul. After gaining enough strength to rise to her feet, Haruka found herself on a bridge overlooking a vast lake, the same bridge from which she'd once claimed she could fly away.

Walking slowly to the edge, the girl climbed up onto the railing. The sun was long gone, and the lights of Kyoto, combined with those of the stars and the crescent moon, offered the only illumination in the black night. Haruka looked down at the glittering dark water far below. So innocent looking… yet so evil at the same time. She did not understand it. She did not understand any of it.

"Will you catch me?" Haruka whispered into the wind. "If I fall, can you carry me to a land where there's no death or suffering?" There is no such place…. She heard the whisper in the back of her mind, and she believed it. This was the world. She had just entered it. So this was what her life would be like forever.

"I cannot forget…" Haruka raised her eyes to the sky, the endless sky above that many people called the heavens. "No matter what happens to me, I can never forget." From that moment on, she swore to never be so weak and helpless again. She could not save her mother. She could not do anything as she was now. She didn't know of anyone else worth saving. One pure spirit… like an angel flying away on wings, away from this world that had caused her so much pain. Haruka decided then and there that if she ever found such a spirit again, she would protect that person with her life. And she would not fail again. Next time, she would be strong enough to overcome evil, even at the cost of her own life. But she wondered if there would even be a next time. Perhaps this was the end of everything for her. Life after this… felt empty.

Kuyashii…

Haruka jumped down from the railing, her feet hitting the pavement once more. She began running again, this time back to her home, back to the world she could not leave behind despite her efforts. But while she ran, at least some of the pain seemed to lift away on the wind. At least she could still pretend she was running away from it all, flying away like she'd once been so sure she could.

* * * * *

Arriving home, Haruka found Shinyuuki still asleep on the couch. Hashira had not yet returned. There were some nights when he did not come home at all. She didn't know where he went. But quite frankly, she didn't really care.

Finding a blanket, Haruka used it to cover her mother so that she would not get cold in the middle of the night. Unable to resist, she slipped under the quilt with the woman, snuggling up close to her warmth. It was not long before she too fell asleep. When Shinyuuki awoke hours later, she would find her daughter wrapped tightly in her arms, the perfect little child who had become the embodiment of her dreams, and she would smile.

* * * * *

"Shujinkou Haruka," called a distant voice. Haruka chose to ignore it. "Shujinkou-san, are you listening to me?"

"No," the girl muttered, and the classroom filled with the sound of children snickering. She was not sure if they were laughing at her or at the now red-faced teacher, but she did not really care.

"Shujinkou-san!" Haruka looked up irritably. It had finally come time for her to enroll in school, and her mother had made her, despite all her protests and arguments. She'd wanted to stay home with Shinyuuki as long as possible, but the woman would hear none of it. She refused to delay her daughter's schooling for a year, perhaps concerned that if she was not there to enforce it, Haruka would never start school at all. But that did not mean that Haruka enjoyed a minute of it. "I asked you to answer the question on the board. Are you going to comply or not?"

Haruka dropped her head onto the desk. "I don't give a damn."

"Shujinkou-san!" The teacher sounded appalled. "What did you just say?"

"Did anyone else in the room not hear me?" Haruka asked the class, who burst once more into laughter.

The teacher took a deep breath, perhaps to try to calm herself. "Shujinkou Haruka, have you no shame? I will not tolerate any swearing in this classroom. Now apologize to your classmates and answer the question."

Haruka responded promptly by flicking the woman off. The class was hysterical. The teacher was enraged. She grabbed the girl by the arm and hauled her to her feet. "You come with me, young lady! We're going to see the principal."

"Yeah, yeah, who gives a shit, you old bitch?" The woman made no attempt to be gentle as she dragged Haruka to the principal's office. After explaining the problem, she returned to her class, and Haruka was told to wait as the secretary in the main office phoned her mother. The girl did as she was told and sat in silence, her legs pulled up close to her chest and her head resting on her knees, content with any predicament she found herself in so long as they just left her alone.

"Haruka-chan!"

"Ah, dammit," the girl whispered to herself. She did not mind being in trouble, but she hadn't wanted for Shinyuuki to have to come up to the school for her.

"I'll inform Principal Gensoku that you're here," the secretary said before exiting the room.

Shinyuuki knelt down so that she could look her daughter directly in the eye. "Haruka-chan, we need to talk about what happened today."

"Gomen nasai, Mama, I didn't want you to have to be bothered."

The woman shook her head. "No, I don't mind that. It's your behavior that bothers me. Haruka-chan, you can be such a sweet little girl. You're usually so happy — what's the matter lately?"

Haruka averted her eyes. "I don't know…. I just don't think there's any point for me to be here."

"Are you just not happy with your classes? This particular teacher? Do you not fit in as well as you'd like? Haruka-chan, there must be something more specific you can tell me so that I can help."

"I just… I don't think I have enough time…" Haruka swallowed. "I just want to be there with you… before I can't."

Shinyuuki sighed, gently brushing Haruka's bangs away from her face. Just then, the door to the principal's office opened. "Mrs. Shujinkou? Principal Gensoku will see you now."

Shinyuuki rose to her feet, looking down at Haruka. "You stay right there, Haruka-chan. Don't cause any more trouble, okay?" With that, she turned and entered the principal's office, closing the door behind her.

"Mrs. Shujinkou Shinyuuki?" Principal Gensoku inquired. The woman nodded. "I don't mean to be frank, but we've been having some trouble with your daughter. Haruka-san appears to be a very intelligent girl, but her teacher has had trouble getting her to participate in class. She doesn't cooperate with any of our staff, and she's been known to fight with the other children."

"Haruka-chan has never been good at making friends," Shinyuuki said softly as she took a seat on the opposite side of the desk. "She plays with some of the other children around our neighborhood, but they're all quite a bit older than she is. And I have to admit, I've had some trouble with her getting into fights with them, as well."

"That's not what bothers me the most, Mrs. Shujinkou." The man paused for a moment as Shinyuuki waited silently. "I'll be honest with you. I'm disturbed by Haruka-san's tendency to fight with the other students, as I am by the incident with her teacher earlier today. But what truly bothers me is that she seems to not care about her responsibilities as a student at all. No one has been able to get through to her. She won't listen to anyone — I've tried everything in my power. But I think she might listen to you."

"If you want me to talk with my daughter about her behavior, all you have to do is ask, Principal Gensoku. I don't want Haruka to be a problem for you."

"I try not to consider my students as problems, but I will say that Haruka-san has been very trying. I must ask, do you ever have issues, Mrs. Shujinkou, with Haruka-san running off for any reason?"

Shinyuuki shook her head. "Running off?"

"Every day, the students have a period of free time. We do require that they stay on school grounds, but Haruka-san has a tendency to run off during this period. The teachers haven't been able to detain her. She always comes back in time for class again, but I'm afraid that's not the point. She isn't affected at all by authority."

"Well, she's never really had to deal with authority before. Her father is… not around very often, and her relationship to me is very close. She's a willful girl, but I've never had serious trouble keeping her in line."

"Mrs. Shujinkou, I'm concerned for your daughter. We've never had this much trouble with a single student before, particularly at Haruka-san's age. Do you know of anything that could be causing this sort of behavior?"

Shinyuuki sighed. "I think the bottom line is she just doesn't want to be here. She feels that her time… could be better served somewhere else. I have no intention of taking her out of school, Principal Gensoku, but I think she may need a little more time… to adjust, if you will.

"You see, sir, I've been very sick recently, and Haruka-chan is having a hard time dealing with it. I think her actions — not participating in class, fighting, swearing, running away — are simply her way of coping. She's never been good with emotion, particularly when she feels helpless or trapped."

"Mrs. Shujinkou, do you have any suggestions on how I should deal with Haruka-san?"

The young woman drew a deep, slow breath. "I will talk with her, try to get her to cooperate better with her teachers and classmates. Maybe that will help. But I think that, as long as she isn't causing any real problem for the school, you should just let her run."

* * * * *

The phone rang again. There was the sound of feet pounding on the floor as Haruka ran to answer it. "Moshi moshi?"

"Hey, there's my favorite chibi!" her uncle's voice floated through from the other end. She was so happy to hear from him that she even ignored the nickname.

"Kage! Mama, Kage's on the phone! How is your new job going? Are the girls over in Europe pretty? Bet you can't get any of them to date you, either. When are you coming home to see us?"

"Slow down, hot stuff. And quit sticking your nose in other people's love lives! You're likely to get it knocked off your face one of these days."

"Is that a challenge, Kage? Get your ass back here, and I'll kick it right now!"

"Hey, you better watch your mouth, kid. Speaking of which, I hear you got in trouble at school. You know, you're not supposed to do that."

"Yeah, you're one to talk, baka. From what I hear, you were good friends with the secretary in the principal's office."

"Damn, you had to bring that up! It's not like I was there every day…."

"Damn close, Kage, and you know it."

"Haruka-chan…" Shinyuuki placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder. "Let me talk to your uncle, all right?"

"Here's Mama, Kage; she wants to talk to you." The girl promptly handed the phone over to her mother and ran off to her room before she could be told to do so. Shinyuuki watched her go with sad eyes before slowly raising the phone to her ear.

"Otouto-kun?"

"Hey, sis. How are you? Are things still fine back there?"

Shinyuuki sighed. "Yes, for now. Haruka-chan has been doing better in school — at least I haven't gotten any more calls from the principal. She still gets detentions for fighting and for not always turning in work, but at least she seems to be applying herself a bit."

"She'll be fine, Yuuki. She's a tough kid. A lot like her mother."

Shinyuuki laughed softly, a sad note in her voice. "I just hope she makes better choices than I did."

"Nee-chan…"

"Kage, you have to promise to watch out for her when I'm gone. Ne? Just to make sure she's all right."

"You know you didn't even need to ask. But, Nee-chan… what are you going to do about Hashira?"

"Kazekage… he is Haruka-chan's father…."

"But that doesn't mean anything! Yuuki, you know what he's like. I know you always wanted to believe in him, but you have to think of Haruka-chan now. You can't leave her with him all alone."

Shinyuuki suddenly felt very faint. She gasped softly, provoking Kazekage to pause for a moment.

"Nee-chan?"

The woman raised a shaky hand to her forehead. Slowly, the phone slipped from her grasp and fell to the floor. Moments later, she collapsed next to it.

"Yuuki-chan! Yuuki, are you there?" Kazekage's frantic voice still came through the receiver. "Hello?"