Hello old friends, I'm back after a long hiatus. This a story I've been meaning to write for quite a while. I hope you like it. It's a big departure from my previous story Driving Lessons, it'll be a little more real. Tell me if you think it's worth continuing and I'll get another chapter up ASAP. Please be warned there is Mature themes in the first chapter.

By for now.

-RedCatCatalano

It was as if time had frozen around her. Her breath stopped, her blood chilled and the low hum of the full restaurant disappeared as if they were in vacuum. Angela Chase had always heard that your life could flash before eye in moments of danger. Like a twisted movie of your entire life. All your regrets, pain and triumphs. All the little vignettes of small important moments and people you knew and loved. The essence of what was truly important in your existence. Maybe it was survival instinct, like a reminder of what remained for you to fight for in the world, but Angela wasn't in a life threatening situation. In fact it should have been an instance of joy, of celebration and of love and definitely not what she felt instead. As everything remained in a stress induced suspension, her lungs burned for Oxygen, her muscles for release, but she couldn't move. Her past was too strong for anything her body willed her to do and she was lost to memory.

Years seemed to race passed her mind's eye. The early remembrances of being carried on her father's shoulders and the first time she rode a bike, those long summers in Virginia beach at her grandparents small condo and long lost childhood games she'd played as the evening closed all around her and her friends. Soon the rapid flickering images of times long forgotten reached her adolescence and seemed to slow as the first tinges of adulthood came into her psyche. Pausing when she gotten her first unexpected real kiss at a family member's wedding, the moment she'd dyed her hair that bright shade of magenta, the night she'd been driven home by the police. As the hazy images leapt from moment to moment, a face seemed to form stronger out of the ether, two familiar eyes boring out of the smog. Vivid and preternaturally blue, depthless as he stared across at her in the high school hallway. Jordan freaking Catalano.

Time had always seemed to move different around him, the young man who'd always seemed to belong to some other world. Angela Chase knew nothing had ever fascinated her more in her life until even now in her twenty seventh year of life, as her attempts to understand what went on inside his head when she was fifteen. Her almost lover and reluctant friend, the boy could simultaneous draw her in and push her away in a moment like the constant flow of tides. Jordan had always had that effect on her, an electricity so strong she'd resolved to keep herself at an arm's length when it came to emotions, lest she be destroyed in the inevitable strike. If you dared to stick your fingers in a socket, you were bound to get hurt. Yet now and again, her willpower waned and she allowed herself a brief interlude in eye of the storm.

It had been hard to cut him completely out her life even after the letter fiasco, Jordan had made her promise they could at least be friends. He had sworn he'd jump of the damn railway bridge if he couldn't at least speak to her again. They'd sat for the longest time in his car on that night after her initial anger, speaking but not really talking, it had never been their strong point. For a while all they did was listen to low sounds of the music on the radio, each lost to their thoughts. Grieving in some ways for what could have been. He'd driven home close to midnight and Angela had let him kiss her one last time on her front porch. It didn't seem like goodbye, but the final line in one chapter of life and in some ways the beginning of another.

Despite the lingering attraction between them both, Angela and Jordan became good friends. By senior year of high school, Angela was as important in Jordan's circle of friends as Shane, part and parcel of the fabric of his life. He was her shoulder to cry on when boyfriend's left her and she was his get out of jail free card when recent conquests tried to follow him home. Angela had lost count of how many times she'd had to hide him in her room, after he'd climbed through her window at 2am on a Friday night. Every time he'd jokingly proposition her, tell her how much hotter she was now and if she would sharing mind that lovely comfortable double bed. Angela would usually smirk, roll her eyes, throw him a pillow and point at the floor. Every now and again she'd internally hesitate and wonder what would happen if she did invite him into her bed. Good sense always won out, for one it may bring complications that her life really didn't need. Jordan would always be gone when she'd wake the next day, no trace of him save for crumpled pillow on the floor and an apple by her bedside locker. The gesture had always been a mystery to her, but the presence of the rosy apple always made her smile. Jordan would never tell her why he did it, haughtily silent about his own private little joke. Angela had even dared to ask to one of Jordan's unlucky repeated bed mates if he'd ever done the same for them and all she'd gone was a frosty scowl in response. Eventually the answer came from Shane one late Saturday night after a few too many beers.

"When Jordan was a kid, before his Mom died, she always used to leave him a bright rosy apple by his bed before she left for work. She said it was because he was the apple of her eye. The thing she loved most in the world. If he's giving you apples, he's trying very hard to tell you something he can't say with words".

Angela had shaken her head at his answer, dismissing it as ridiculous, Jordan Catalano was not trying to tell her he loved her, well not in the way that Shane Taylor seemed to believe he did. And so they're friendship continued on unscathed. With many gifts of apples and early morning conversations in her room.

By the time the last few weeks of high school rolled around a panic had begun to rise up Angela. Now that her future had been somewhat secured by a coveted college place at Boston College and the ending of the academic race that had been senior year, Angela's mind was free to wander onto other pressing matters. Whether it was the sudden realisation of the very real end of last bastion of childhood that was high school, the fear of change and college or some other unknown factor, Angela became fixated on one thing. Sex.

It wasn't some arbitrary fascination with mechanic and sordid nature of the act, but the perpetration of the act itself. Despite having had a multitude of past boyfriends, Angela Chase had never actually lost her virginity. Sure she'd skirted close to it a few time and was by no means inexperienced in other areas of intimacy, but hadn't yet taken that last final step. Held back some romantic notion the person had to mean something very substantial to her, an archaic principle that baffled both Rayanne and Sharon. Hell even the painfully introverted and private Rickie had had sex. So as the last month of school came around, the idea that she was going to enter college as a virgin became almost abhorrent. Angela was determined that before high school ended, so would her status as virgin.

Her friends were more than willing to help her choose a suitable partner. Could it be one of Sharon boyfriend's jock friends, that arty kid Rickie had a secret crush on, maybe even that nice stoner guy Rayanne swore had skills hidden by his laid back demeanour. Yet none of there suggestions seemed to elicit any kind of enthusiasm from Angela. Despite a conscious effort to find her a fuck buddy, her friends were soon frustrated by her pickiness.

"Angela, you are without doubt the most frustratingly choosey sex obsessed virgin I've ever met" Sharon had complained as she slouched in Angela's couch "At this rate you might as well sleep with Jordan Catalano" she added sarcastically. It was then the answer dawned on Angela Chase.

"That's it! Sharon you're a genius. How could I be so dumb?" Angela laughed. Sharon had eyed her suspiciously.

"You can't be serious, Jordan Catalano! Really? If you're trying to ruin a perfectly good platonic relationship I think you should go with Brian Krakow. God knows that boy needs to get laid more than anyone I know"

"No. Look Sharon I want my first time to be somewhat enjoyable so I need someone who knows what they're doing. At the same time I don't think I'll be able to go all the way with anyone I don't trust. So it has to be a friend." Angela had said solemnly.

"Angela I really don't think…." Sharon began.

"Plus at least I know he's clean, I drove him to the clinic last week…." Angela mused as Sharon rolled her eyes, already resigned to the fact Angela had made up her mind despite the glaring stupidity of the choice.

Jordan had been just as reticent about her plan when she'd brought it up the next day as they'd sat in the Loft after band practise. The others had left to buy pizza and Angela took the moment alone to present her plan.

"Chase I really don't think that's a good idea." Jordan had said awkwardly, unable to look at her as an uncharacteristic blush rose up his cheeks.

"Why not? You're one of my best friends, we have great chemistry, I trust you to handle the whole thing….right. Is it because you don't think I'm attractive" she'd said plainly. Jordan had shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably as he tried to explain his resistance.

"Angela I think you're a knock out. I can't….. because you are my best girl friend, it could ruin things for us."

Angela had paused as he had point.

"Look I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend, I'm not even asking you to cuddle after the fact, just help me over this last hurdle. I can't imagine making this last step with anyone but you. I'm too afraid." she'd said quietly.

"Angela I can't." Jordan said unhappily, looking anywhere but her disappointed face. She'd risen from the beaten old armchair with a tightened jaw, her eyes flashing angrily.

"Fine, I'll go ask Shane." she'd muttered bitterly.

Before he'd had a chance to think, Jordan had rushed forward and caught her arm. Suddenly finding the protectiveness over her, trumped his own self-doubts.

"Stop." He'd said firmly. Staring down at her uncertainly, he gave into her difficult request.

"I'll do it okay, just make me one promise" he'd sighed "Nothing changes between us".

Angela nodded seriously.

"Of course"

It was a week later on a warm summers evening that the day finally came to do the deed. Everything had worked out as planned. Angela's parents and her sister had gone to Philadelphia to visit her grandparents, while she had feigned stomach pains to stay home. Angela would always remember that moment she'd opened the door to Jordan, knowing the second he step inside her house, everything would become real. That they were really going to do this. She could see in his eyes he was nervous, of what she wasn't sure. He'd had sex many times before, but in that instance she swore he looked like a lost little boy. Angela hadn't been sure if she should dress up or not, would it seem even more forced and false of an act if she tried to dress more alluringly. On the other hand, she couldn't exactly expect Jordan to muster any desire if she wore her ratty old sweats. Settling for a simple dress with a little sneak of cleavage and a dash of mascara she felt as if she'd struck the balance quite well. Not that it mattered all that much, she could have worn a giant sack and felt overexposed as the weight of what was about to happen hit her.

"Hey." She'd said quietly with obvious nervousness as she leaned against the door.

"Hi" Jordan replied with equal fear. Taking a deep breath, Angela opened the door wider.

"Come on in" she smiled.

They'd sat side by side on her bed for the longest time, not looking at one another, unsure of how to begin. Angela had never felt so excited and uncomfortable at the same time in her entire life. Terrified to make the first move. Jordan didn't have a clue what to do either. Sure he'd slept with quite a few girls, but this was different. She was different, he actually gave damn.

After a while, the awkwardness became too much for Angela to handle.

"Maybe I should put on some music?" she suggested, rising from the bed. Jordan nodded, gulping a little. Why was he finding it so hard to concentrate on the task at hand? He watched with growing interest as she searched her cd collection for the right one, bending over as she searched a stray box. Now without the pressure of her right beside him, he began to focus on the girl in front of him as she distracted herself with her search. Even though for the last year and half they had been nothing but friends to one another, he would be lying if he didn't admit he found her beautiful. And was certainly enjoying the view right now. As he looked at the light fabric tighten across her rear he felt the start of a stirring in his pants. His nervousness forgotten for a moment. He was ready.

"Stop" he said quietly. Angela turned to him with a look of slight confusion.

"Just turn on the radio and come here." He said gently reaching out his hand to her.

Doing as she was told, Angela walked the final feet to Jordan and took his hand. He smiled up at her sweetly in an effort to calm her nerves. Angela smiled back briefly, her body remaining tense. Still sitting on the bed, Jordan gently pulled her toward him. Placing his hands on her hips he hitched her dress up a little as he pulled her toward his lap. Her face was now ablaze as she was guided into a straddling position on his lap, her hands securely on his shoulders. Angela forced herself to look at his face, instantly relaxing as she saw the soft smile on his mouth and gentle look in his eyes. Something soothed her in those big blue eyes.

"Angela, I'm going to kiss you now if that's okay" Jordan said huskily barely above a whisper, reaching up to sweep the hair out of her face, his hand lingering on her cheek. He couldn't help but remark just how beautiful she looked in the half light of the dark room, her eyes bright and innocent. Angela nodded at this question and leaned closer to him with short tense breath as she moved her hands to rest at the nape of neck, her fingers intertwining in the soft hair at the back. Jordan couldn't help but smile at the action, so reminiscent of a time not so long ago. The boy he was then would have jumped at the chance he now had in front of him. How circumstances had changed.

Her warm breath ticked his lips as she rested her forehead against his, eyes scrunched closed in anxious anticipation. Closing the gap, her whole body leaned into him as their mouths touched. At first it was only tentative short caresses of the lips, the familiar taste of one another comforting and safe. As their kisses became longer in length, so did their force. Soon Angela's tongue was playing against his and all the world seemed to unravel in front of him. He wasn't supposed to be enjoying this as much as he clearly was. Angela pulled away suddenly, staring downward in slight surprise

"Is that….?" She began with a slight grin. Jordan blushed, it wasn't just his lips that had reacted to her touch.

"Eh… yeah. You're quite a good kisser" Jordan said with an embarrassed smirk. Throwing back her head in laughter, Angela looked at him with unexpected delight.

"That's good to know" she said with a smile, leaning in to give him a slow, lingering kiss.

"Does that mean, we should just…" she said between kisses "get it over with right now?"

"What, like right now while you're sitting on me?" Jordan exclaimed, surprised by her sudden eagerness.

"Well we're almost half way there clearly" she groaned as Jordan moved to kiss her neck. He thought about it for a moment, deciding if it was right or not. It might hurt her more if they didn't do it slow.

Jordan pulled back and shook his head.

"No. Let's get in the bed first. No need to rush it" He said seriously.

Angela looked uncomfortable again.

"What? Are you having second thoughts?" Jordan said gently, noticing her unhappy face.

"No it's not that. I just didn't want to undress in front of you" she said shyly.

"Then don't, we'll both get under the covers and undress that way." Jordan said sweetly.

Angela's face brightened.

"Okay" she said with a weak smile.

A few minutes later both of them lay underneath the thick comforter, their awkwardness returning as the last item of clothing was removed and thrown to the floor. The panic in her chest was now tenfold in her state of complete undress, her heart pounded as she became hyperaware that Jordan lay completely naked next to her. His chest was heaving as he stared at the ceiling. He was suddenly afraid too. Watching him out of the corner of her eye, she couldn't help but drink in the perfect planes of his face. Her eyes roved down to the small amount of his chest she could see above the covers, the toned and slightly tanned skin rising up and down as he tried to quell his anxiety. Marvelling at her so called friend's physique she felt a little flutter inside herself. It was now or never.

This time it was Angela's turn to be brave, breathing deep she reached under the blanket and caught his hand in hers. Looking at him calmly she interlaced her fingers in his as he looked back.

"Kiss me again Jordan" she said steadily. Jordan looked at her like a deer caught in headlights for a second as he snapped back to reality. He simply nodded at her request. Squeezing his hand in hers, he rolled onto his side and placed his free hand on her face. Starting as they previously had, he kissed her soft and slow before a sudden heat hit them both and they became deeper and harder. Daring to move his hand from her face to below the comforter to her breast, Jordan couldn't help but feel encouraged as she bit down on his lip in response. There was nothing platonic about the way she looked at him as he drew back for a breath, her fingers tracing the planes of his stomach and Jordan's crotch twitched again against her hip. Her eyes were dark and fiery and Jordan's own gaze became distinctly hungry as he looked down at her as they took a brief break. No words were exchanged, they didn't need to be. Reaching up to him, Angela pulled his mouth back down to hers, kissing him now with a passion Jordan didn't even know she had. Before he even knew it, he was fully on top of her, his hardness resting between her legs and his hands in places he'd never thought she'd ever let him go. Angela too was touching him more bravely than he'd ever imagined. Friends weren't supposed to elicit feelings like this in each other. Angela groaned against his mouth as his fingers ghosted over her increasingly wet body. She was getting close, as was he as everything started to throb painfully . But he had to be sure before they went the final furlong.

"Angela" he whispered between fevered kisses "I can't take it much longer. I want to be inside you, but I don't want to do it if you're not ready."

She nodded, her flushed face contorting in pleasure from the rapid movement of Jordan's fingers.

"I'm ready" she whispered huskily.

"Are you sure?" Jordan said quietly.

Biting her lip she nodded again.

"Look at me then" Jordan said calmly, stilling his hands and resting them on her hips.

Angela opened up her eyes and looked at him bewilderedly.

"Why?" she said worriedly.

"I want to see your eyes when I do it for the first time, I've never seen it" he said sweetly, giving her a look that made her insides melt a little.

"Well I'm looking at you now." She said archly and Jordan gave her a brief smile.

Without further invitation, Jordan slowly pushed himself into her centre, savour the sudden surge of excitement that came across Angela's eyes as he entered her.

"You okay?" he whispered softly, she nodded as a groan exited her mouth as he pulled back slightly and thrust back in deeper. He knew it must hurt a little more than she'd admit, so he didn't do much other than move in and out a glacial pace until her body seemed to relax again under his kiss.

"Can I go a little faster Angie?" he whispered lazily, simply enjoying the feeling of her wrapped around his hardness.

"Definitely" she replied, biting his lip again seductively.

Gingerly he picked up the pace a little until her breathing began to get heavier and her groans deeper. Angela cried out his name and couldn't help to thrust a little deeper, hoping his exuberance wouldn't hurt her. It wasn't long before he arrived to the precipice of ejaculation, thankfully he got Angela to come just before his own resistance gave in. Her release hadn't been an all-encompassing explosion as he'd hoped but at least her first time had been somewhat a success. The serene look that passed across her features as the quaking slowed within her made Jordan feel something he'd never experienced before. He quickly pushed it aside, know it would only complicate things. Now was not the time to even entertain those thoughts.

"You okay" he whispered, kissing her nose as she shivered below him.

"I'm good" she said unsteadily. Slowly disentangling himself from her, Jordan lay on his back, basking in the glow of his orgasm. They lay there in silence as the slowly came down from their peak.

"Was that okay" Jordan said seriously, a sudden return of his awkwardness making it hard for him to look at Angela right now.

"It was nice. Thank you. "Angela said quietly not knowing what else to add, acutely aware of what they'd just done.

Did people normally feel this self-conscious after sex, particularly sex with someone she knew as well as she knew Jordan?

They lay there again in distinct embarrassment and Jordan groaned internally, fearful their friendship was well and truly damaged. After a while Angela cleared her throat.

"Don't take this the wrong way Catalano, but you need to leave. My parents will be home in about 15 minutes and I'd rather not try and explain why we're naked and in bed together." Angela said with a wry smile.

"Why, you're Mom loves me" Jordan retorted with a grin.

"Yeah but my Dad doesn't" she said with another smile. Thankful they could regain some small bit of friendly banter.

"Okay, I'd rather not be murdered today" he shrugged with a grin, swinging himself out of her bed to retrieve his clothes. Another rush of unknown feeling overtook him as he sneaked a look at Angela as she pulled on her underwear. Jordan swallowed again, this was not good.

Not long after both of them stood by front door, a linger awkwardness surrounding them.

"So I'll see you at Dean's party tomorrow?" Angela asked hopefully, trying desperately to regain some semblance of normality.

"Maybe" Jordan shrugged, not really looking at her.

"Okay" she said quietly, a little annoyed by his sudden coldness.

"I'll see you around than I guess Catalano?"

"I guess" he replied, biting at his thumb.

She looked at him in frustration, not understanding his distance when he was the one who didn't things to change. Lord knows she was trying to remain level-headed after the things he'd made her feel.

"Anyway, I got to go change the sheets before my Mom gets home "she said simply.

Jordan nodded and leaned to give her a quick half-hearted hug before turning on his heel.

Angela watched him leave with a sinking feeling, what was going on with him?

As Jordan walked back to his car without a word he allowed himself to collapse into the seat, the beginning of a very real panic attack hitting him. That feeling he'd felt earlier just kept rising up in him, a feeling that just wouldn't quit. This breathless, tightening that always seemed to get worse every time he looked at Angela lately. He was the one who didn't want anything to change, so why was it he wanted nothing more than to go back into that house and kiss her till her knees went from under her. Thumping the steering wheel with his hand, he turned the engine on. The only solution was to get very, very drunk.

After that evening, Angela didn't see much of Jordan for nearly three weeks. It was if he was actively avoiding her. Which was hard considering most of his friends were hers too. It hurt to be honest, like she'd been used and abused. Sharon and Jordan's fears had been founded, it had destroyed their friendship. It hadn't meant to be like this, sure she'd expected some change, but being utterly ignore was the worst possible outcome. When she'd asked Shane why, after another incident of Jordan leaving without a second glance at her after band practise, he only had one word.

"Apples Angela. Apples."

She dismissed his theory as ridiculous. Jordan was just being an ass, for one she knew for a fact he'd slept with Cyndi the very next day. Hardly the action of a guy suffering from deep and meaningful emotions toward her. He was probably avoiding her as he mistakenly believed she wanted something more than they'd agreed out of the deal. She chose to ignore him back and just get on with life. Even if his usual womanising ways were starting get on her nerves.

Two nights before graduation, she was awoken suddenly by thump in her room of someone climbing in her window. She tried to suppress the urge to scream as the dark shape approached her and sat down at the edge of the bed. Outside a thunderstorm rumbled which had thankfully masked the intruders stumble into her room to her sleeping parents. Angela knew it had to be Jordan. Scrambling for the bedside lamp, the familiar face stared at her intently. He was soaking wet, his hair dark and dripping down onto his rosy, perfect cheeks. Clearly he'd been wandering around in the rain for quite a while. She could smell the distinctive aroma of alcohol off him, which partly explained his fixed and unblinking gaze.

"Jordan what the hell are you doing here? It's 1am. And why were you wandering around outside in this weather?" she whispered hurriedly, sitting up in her bed. She hugged her legs into herself and Jordan inched forward.

"I needed to tell you something." He mumbled back, his eyes still fixed and serious "But couldn't find the courage for a while. Rain didn't bother me though" he shrugged. She looked at him carefully, not sure what to expect.

"Okay? What do you need to tell me?" she said patiently, knowing in this state it was almost better to speak to like child.

Jordan's brow knitted in concentration, before his gaze dropped to his hands.

"I miss you" he said simply.

Angela smiled a little in response, reaching out she put her hand on his arm.

"I've missed you too" she said sweetly.

"Then why have you been ignoring me?" Jordan pouted and Angela's eyebrows almost hit her hairline in surprise.

"Me ignoring you?" She exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air "Jordan you haven't said a word to me in three weeks and now you're here in my room in the middle of the night, completely wasted and complaining I've been ignoring you!"

Jordan pouted at her again, his inebriated indignation was almost endearing to her.

"I didn't know what to say" he sighed in defeat after a moment.

"You could have just said hello" Angela replied huffily "You made me feel like I'd been used when you suddenly decided step completely out of my life. Like it all meant nothing."

Jordan looked at her sadly.

"It's not like that." He said despondently

"Then tell what's going on in that big dumb head of yours, because I want to understand" Angela begged, wiping some the wet strands of hair away from his beautiful eyes. Angela's fingers lingered on his face for a moment, tracing the soft line of his jaw line. The look in Jordan's eyes was unreadable, guarding some great secret within him.

"Talk to me Catalano, please" she said softly, moving her hand to fully cup his cheek.

Gently he took her hand away. Holding her wrist longer than needed.

"I think I shouldn't have come" he muttered "I'm sorry."

Angela tried not to let the disappointment hurt her as much as it did.

Without another word he rose from her bed and started toward the window. Outside the rain was intensifying and tree beside her room twisted in the wind, creaking noisily. Jordan stumbled slightly as he reached the ledge. Angela rolled her eyes and groaned internally. Despite the fact her parents would kill her if they caught him here in the morning, there was no way she was letting Jordan go outside in the storm. Especially in his current state.

As Jordan struggled to widen the window in the wind, Angela caught him by the wrist.

"You are not going home like this." She said firmly. Jordan scowled at her and tried to pull his wrist free.

"I'm fine." Stepping closer to him, she looked deep into his eyes.

"No you're not and I'm not letting you potentially kill yourself by climbing out that window simply because of your own stupid pride".

Jordan breathed in deep and let her lead him away from the window.

His gaze was unreadable again as he looked down at her, Angela didn't dare break his eye contact even as she closed the window behind her in case the broken spell would make him reconsider his submission. The intensity was making her feel uncomfortable and eventually she had to look away

Clearing her throat loudly, she let go of his arm.

"I'm going to get you a towel. Stay here." She said self-consciously.

Thankfully Jordan was still in the same place when she returned, it was then she realised he didn't have any shoes. She was grateful in that instance that she'd managed to convince him to stay. Standing in front of him, she threw the towel over his head and began to dry his hair as best as she could. All the while, all Jordan did was stare at her impassively.

"Good, that's a little better" she smiled gently, finding his dishevelled hair slightly adorable.

Jordan's blank face quirked a quick smile in response. He was beginning to shiver as his wet clothes clung to his cold torso. Angela realised with a start there was only one solution or risk him getting sick.

"Jordan take off your clothes. You're freezing" Angela ordered, trying to hide the embarrassment of the request in her cheeks.

Jordan's ghost of a smile grew into a wolfish grin.

"Angela Chase are you trying to seduce me?" he said with a flirtatious glint in his eyes.

"No Jordan I'm not" she smirked despite herself, pulling the soaked sheepskin jacket off his shoulders "For one my parents are sleeping in the next room."

"We can be quiet" Jordan teased, helping her with buttons on his shirt sodden shirt.

Angela stopped what she was doing and cocked a disdainful eyebrow at him.

"Don't push your luck or I'll make you sleep on the floor".

Jordan's eyes widened.

"Wait I get to sleep in your bed" he gulped, his voice high.

"You're too cold to sleep on the floor, but don't go getting any ideas about what is going to happen" Angela said sternly, as she left him to take the last of his wet clothes off. She searched in her closet for the only thing that would fit Jordan, a pair of old track pants her Dad had given a few years back.

Angela tried to ignore the flutter in her chest as she turned to see Jordan standing aimlessly in his boxers. A flash of what happened the last time she'd had him in her room suddenly filled her mind, spreading a warmth from her abdomen down into her core. Breathing deep, she swallowed the feeling deep down.

Approaching Jordan she tossed him the sweatpants.

"Put these on. I'm going to put your clothes in the drier."

Before she'd even had a chance to turn around, Jordan had bent down and removed his boxers before tossing them to her. Her whole face went red as she turned back to the doorway, her eyes wide and shocked.

Jordan had stopped shivering by the time she had returned, the warmth of the old sweatpants raising his temperature enough to stop him shaking. He was still cold when she took his hand and pulled him into the bed.

"I'm going to spoon you and please don't take any other way than trying to warm you up." She said, pushing him over onto his side as wrapped an arm around his chilled body. They lay there for a few minutes and any initial awkwardness slipped away as they relaxed into one another.

"Oh you're warming me up alright." Jordan laughed throatily "Just not in the places you think"

"Stop enjoying this so much" Angela half groaned and half laughed "I'm still mad at you!"

"Then don't invite me into your bed in the middle of the night" Jordan chuckled again "It's just asking for trouble."

"I'm about this close to making you sleep in basement Jordan, so shut up." She giggled in spite of her apparent exasperation.

"I'm warm now, why don't you?" Jordan countered with a devilish grin, as he turned without warning to face her. Angela gaped at him as she tried to find the words, her mouth floundering in frustration at his cockiness.

"Just go to sleep Jordan." She sighed tiredly, turning on her side. He chuckled again as he lay back on his back, wondering how the hell he'd ended up here again.

Despite her demand for slumber, Angela was unable to do so. She sighed heavily and turned herself over to face him again. Propping herself up on her elbows, she looked down at Jordan quizzically.

"Why have you been so distant lately Jordan?" she asked seriously, hoping the alcohol still had enough hold over him to loosen his tongue a little. Jordan's face twisted in discomfort, he really didn't want to answer that question.

"Because, things are different now." Jordan said quietly.

"How? We both promised it wasn't going to get in way of anything. No promises, just sex." Angela said softly.

"I know that's what I said, but…..I don't know. Things just don't feel the same" Jordan sighed, looking away from her. Angela could tell there was something just on the tip of his tongue, the nub of the problem that was bothering him.

"Like what?" she answered soothingly, softly running her fingers over his bare shoulder. Jordan opened his mouth as if he was about to answer, the words rushing to surface. But he swallowed them back in.

"Forget it " he mumbled. Angela sighed and nodded in defeat. Raisin her hand to his face she ran her thumb over the worried crease near his eyes.

"Okay" she murmured with understanding. She was just about to move when Jordan placed his hand over hers, reaching up to touch her face above him with his other hand. Angela felt a sudden leap in her chest, surprised by her own response and that his touch wasn't completely unwelcome. She wasn't sure where he was going with this but she didn't resist when he leaned up and kissed her at the hollow of her throat so softly it made her breath hitch a little. Breathing in deep, he dared to do it again, this time further up toward her face. Each kiss told her every word he couldn't say. Angela should have stopped him, but before she could even contemplate sense she found herself catching his face between her hands and kissing him slow and deep. He groaned loudly as her tongue flicked against his. Angela found her breathing beginning to become shallow and sharp. A physical reaction she wasn't all that used to. Stopping to look at him with wide, uncertain eyes she could glimpse the secret that lay below his surface. His words "things are different" ringing in her ears. It was then it hit her, things were different as he'd felt something for her. The question was did she feel something like that for him. A panic hit her.

"I think I should go sleep in the guest room" Angela mumbled hurriedly sitting up. Before she could even pull back the covers to leave, Jordan had caught her face again.

"You are not going anywhere and I am going to kiss you again right now" he said with a seductive grin, enjoying the colour that rose up her face. She gulped in agreement, biting her lip and leaning back into him. She was resigned to whatever was about to happen. She couldn't help it, she was lost in all the new sensations he seemed to bring out in her.

It wasn't long until he was on top of her, moving over her body with more fluidity than the last time they'd been in this position. They hadn't even bothered to get fully undressed this time around. Passions had dictated there wasn't time enough time for that. Angela enjoyed the small increase of force this second time around, the pace steady and deliciously direct. More comfortable this time around for both of them, Jordan was in his element. Angela found new levels of pleasure as Jordan brought to her peak. This time when she came she had to bite her lip to stop from shouting loud enough to wake her parents.

Panting as he pushed off her, he gave her a satisfied grin.

"How was that, better than the last time?"

Angela's own chest was heaving as her breath returned.

"Infinitely." She grinned back "In fact…"

Suddenly she was on him, Jordan's eyes filled with delighted surprise as she leaned down to kiss him again.

"I just want to try one thing this time around" she smirked demurely, throwing caution to the wind and rocking back onto him. Jordan fell back onto the bed in bliss as she took control.

The dawn was beginning to break before either of them felt sleepy enough to stop. Outside the storm had ceased and the calm early morning sky brought streaks of pink and red into the room.

Angela leaned against Jordan's chest, lazily staring out of the window as he drew circles on her arm.

"Well that was not how I expected my Wednesday night to go." She laughed.

"Yeah me neither." Jordan replied. Turning to kiss her nose, he wondered if it was possible to feel so contented simply lying beside another person more Angela Chase. Unfortunately for them both, reality was about to bite them in the ass. He had to go home before they got caught.

Sighing loudly, he moved his arm and began to sit up.

"I better get going before you're parents wake up" he said unhappily, feeling like he never wanted to leave the warm comfort of her bed. Angela looked reluctant to see him leave too, but knew it wasn't worth the inevitable trouble it would bring if they got found.

"I'll go get your clothes, they should be dry by now" Angela said simply, pulling back on her pyjama pants and going downstairs. Jordan watched her leave, that same breathless feeling in his chest as he'd had before. Now sober, it was impossible to ignore. Even after another passion filled night with her, he still wasn't ready to admit what it was even to himself.

Soon redressed they stood by the window and Angela wondered if he would go back to ignoring her again after this. Maybe this had been a brief reprieve in his determination to avoid what was brewing within him. She wasn't sure exactly where she stood either. What was he to her now? Their first time together had been a mutual favour, this time around, what had driven it. Boredom? Teenage lust or something much deeper? Kissing him goodbye, Angela couldn't help but feel a distinct sense of foreboding as he grinned climbing out the window. Like they were playing a dangerous game in which no one would win. Sighing she climbed back into bed to try catch an hour or two of sleep before school, not knowing where things would go from there.

Much to Angela's relief, their friendship return to some semblance of normality after that night. They hung out as usual with their friends with that old sense of easy going banter and fun. They both attended the same parties, laughed and joked with the same people and shared the same funny experiences at the diner after every party. To the casual observer, nothing was out of the ordinary with their friendship. But people like Sharon, Rayanne and Shane knew exactly what else was going on. But they'd seen how Jordan had begun to look at Angela, to watch her when she was off flirting with other boys. That barely contained jealousy etched on his face. Sometimes he'd stalk off and find the first willing female victim to bury his anger in, other times he'd swallow it down and wait for her patiently. Because the others had also noticed that no matter how many guys she spoke to or kissed, on any given night, she'd almost always return to Jordan if he was still at the party. On these night, she walk over to him, take his hand in hers and give him that look that always seemed to make him smile. A smile that was only ever reserved for her. They never ever did anything at the party, maybe to retain the pretence of wholly platonic interactions between them, but Sharon knew they'd slept together many times after Angela's first time. Yet neither of them wanted to admit to anything else was going on, but their friends knew better. After the party had ended, Shane knew Jordan almost never went home.

At first Jordan's frequent nightly visits had begun as they had before, with him fleeing recently jilted lovers. Nothing ever happened those first few times, Angela was too wary of them getting caught. But she was also concerned by the look that seemed to enter Jordan's eyes every so often when he thought she couldn't see him looking at her. It happened after a while when Angela began to realise, sometimes there was no one Jordan was running from, only someone he was running to. So one night a month after graduation she invited him back into her bed. And the invitation extended to every visit Jordan made afterwards for the rest of the summer. Quite often she'd wake up alone, but there would always be a shiny red apple on her bedside locker as a sign he'd been there. It never ceased to make her smile. Despite this constant return to each other, neither wanted to define what was going on. Terrified that one wrong move would ruin it.

One day at work, Sharon had sought to find some clarity on the issue.

"Angela how can you say you guys are not together, I know to your house five nights of the last eight" she exclaimed, handing her best friend a tin of tomatoes as they restocked the shops shelves.

"What!? How can y…" Angela began.

"Don't even try to deny it" Sharon said sternly, standing with her hand on her hip "You live across the street from Brian Krakow and he see's all".

"Fine, he's been visiting me a lot lately but nothing happens" Angela replied huffily, rearranging a collection of canned vegetables on the shelf.

"Sure….and Elton John is utterly straight. Come on Angela stop denying it" Sharon urged persuasively. Angela sighed heavily.

"Fine I've slept with Jordan once or twi…" Angela began but Sharon's cocked eye brow made her stop.

"Okay I've slept with Jordan a lot lately, but it doesn't mean we're together. Hell Rayanne has slept with Tino every night this week and you're not accusing of being in a relationship."

"Yes but Rayanne's a highly functioning sociopath, hardly someone you measure normality against!" Sharon replied with a smirk. Angela rolled her eyes at her old friend .

"Fine, point taken. Me and Jordan though…. It's just an itch we both need scratching and he's incredibly good at scratching it." Angela said with an embarrassed smile, turning to stack more cans.

"Okay that would be more believable if you were both sleeping with other people."

"Jordan is." Angela said simply, a slight frown on her face.

"And can you say it honestly doesn't bother you?" Sharon probed.

Angela shrugged nonchalantly.

"It is what it is. He's not boyfriend so he's free to do what he wants as long as he doesn't give me anything from his activities."

"So if you're not together, why aren't you sleeping with anyone else?"

Angela shrugged again.

"I guess, I've got it pretty good at the moment. It might upset the balance."

"Might upset the balance or upset Jordan?" Sharon asked dryly, already knowing the answer.

Angela didn't reply, concentrating instead on restocking the shelves.

"So you are aware that he's obsessively in love with you then?" Sharon asked, again Angela didn't answer, acutely aware that it was a rhetorical question.

"Angela if you don't feel the same, end it now before it gets messy."

Her friend paused at her activity and took a step down the small ladder.

"What if I don't want it to end?" she said quietly "Not that it matters much anyway. I'm leaving for Boston in a few weeks anyway and he's going to Seattle. I'm just enjoying what small time we have. Now hand me that box and stop talking".

Sharon nodded and went back to helping Angela. There was no reasoning with her over this clearly.

And so it continued for the rest of the summer and by the end of August despite early lapses into old habits, Jordan for the most part was an utterly one woman man. No words had ever been exchanged about what this actually meant, Jordan knew Angela knew how he felt about her. Hell everyone knew what he felt about her. They had gone way passed trying to make excuses for how they always seemed to end up together every night despite flirting and sometimes making out with other people. Everyone knew what happened once he brought her to the car to drive her home, they'd been caught a few times too. Leaning against his car, they'd laugh in slight awkwardness and go back to kissing in the dark of the cool of the summer night's darkness. For Jordan those three months had been the happiest of his entire young life, but like all good things, it had to come to an end.

It was night before Angela was due to leave for Boston, and her little summer of love had reached it's inevitable bitter end. She was due to leave first thing in the morning, her parent's old station wagon was already filled to the brim with her stuff. Everyone had been to say goodbye before she left for college, everyone but the one person she wanted to see most. Angela understood why Jordan had chosen not come, maybe for him it was hard. He'd told her once that he didn't do goodbyes, after his Mom died he said a goodbye always seemed too final. Sometimes it was safer just to slip away, then anything was possible. Still, Angela would been lying if she said his absence didn't hurt a little after all they'd become to one another. Just on the edge of love and too young and stupid to be everything they could be.

Angela had been just about to drift off to a dreamless sleep when a knock on her window shook her awake. A huge grin spread across her face as she sat up in her bed, knowing instantly it was Jordan.

"I was wondering when you'd show your sorry ass" she teased as he stepped into her room. Jordan smirked as she approached him, catching his hands in hers and intertwining their fingers

"You know me, late for the party like always."

They stood there smiling at one another, their hands and eyes still interlocked.

Dropping his gaze after a moment, Jordan's face became serious.

"You all packed for tomorrow."

Angela's radiant smile slowly faded as reality hit her.

"Yeah, everything but my tooth brush is the wagon in the garage." She replied wryly.

Jordan nodded and for a moment he looked lost, unsure of what to say next. The weight of what was coming tomorrow broke him inside more than he cared to admit.

"So….what about you, ready to go on the road with the band to Seattle?" Angela asked simply, not wanting to dwell on the elephant in the room. Letting go of Jordan, she leaned moved to sit on the armchair beside him.

"Almost, Shane says the bus should be roadworthy in a couple of days. I think Tino may kill him simply out of frustration before that happens" Jordan laughed as he leaned against the top of her dressing table.

"And you don't think you should help them considering you know ten times more about cars than they ever will?" Angela laughed, cocking an eyebrow at him.

"Nah…It's funnier watching them squirm." Jordan grinned wolfishly. A delighted smile spread across Angela's face that made Jordan's thump painfully and in an instant he could feel that panicked, agony he'd had all-day hit him again. It would be months before he would see her smile like that again.

"I just realised how much I'm going to miss you Chase." He said sadly. Angela's eyes softened and she rose to her feet. Looking deep into his eyes as stepped in close to him.

"Not as much as I'll miss you Jordan Catalano." She whispered fiercely. Reaching out to her face, he tucked her hair behind her ear, his thumb wiping down to run over her full bottom lip.

"Do you want to go somewhere?" he said hopefully. Her brow n=knotted in confusion.

"What, now?!" she looked at him sceptically. Jordan shrugged and gave her another half smile.

"Unless you've got something better to do?"

Angela scoffed, knowing Jordan was the only person in world who had the power to forgo much needed sleep for the chance to have a midnight adventure.

"Sure, why not" she sighed in mock indifference. Unable to stop herself from roaring with laughter as Jordan pick her up onto his shoulder and brazenly raced out of her room and down the stairs.

"Angela where the hell do think you're going?" he father shouted after them in utter fury.

"I have no idea. See you tomorrow, I love you" Angela called up as Jordan ripped open the door.

The early morning air was soft and cool as Angela and Jordan lay in the back seat of his car. The canvas top of Plymouth was down as they stared up at the dusky pink tinged sky. Angela was flush against Jordan's chest as they lay there in complete contented silence. There was nothing that could be said, not with the confused simplicity of words. Dawn was fast approaching and time was too short for it to be complicated by rushed words of ill thought out goodbyes. The gentle hum of the radio and the sound of Jordan's steady heart beat was what Angela would always remember from that moment, from that final few hours together. Jordan had been the one to break the quiet.

Pointing at the fading light of a once bright night star, now dimming in the lightening sky.

"See that star right there" he murmured into her soft hair. Angela nodded in response.

"That star is you, shining bright even when no one else does."

Angela smiled into his chest, embarrassed by his uncharacteristic sweetness.

"And that one." she answered pointing to another dimming star not far from where he had showed her the Angela star.

"That one is you. Never too far from my heart". Jordan smiled sweetly as they caught each others eye . Reaching down to her face, he tilted her face so he could kiss her. No matter what happened future, where they ended up in the world, they would always have some small reminder that even across the greatest of distance of space and time, some small part of them would remain together. It was enough to numb the pain for then.

Jordan had driven her home not long after that and no finality lay in their goodbye, even though both knew that things would never be like this again. So close to being together. A time would come where they both would have to let go. As Angela had watched the world go by on the long drive to Boston, she wondered which one of them would be the one to step away first. They tried to make it work across the many states that separated them, but as time went by the phone calls became less frequent. The once twice weekly letters dwindled to once a month. As she expected, it was Jordan that disappeared first. The agony of loving so far away becoming too much for him to bear. One day the number she called for months seemed to disconnect never to be reinstated . There was no follow up call or letter to inform her of his new whereabouts or contact details or even an explanation of his actions. Just like that Jordan Catalano was gone. Even now ten years later the scars still ran deep within her, his bewitching blue eyes occasionally haunting her dreams. Yet she'd survived and carried on.

After she'd graduated from BC, she and Sharon had moved into a dingy apartment in Philadelphia. Twenty two and not entirely sure what to do next, the move seemed to make sense. Sharon had gotten into Law school not long after, whilst Angela eventually secured an internship at a small music magazine and worked nights at a club near their apartment to pay the bills. Eventually they fell into a routine of work, sleep and the occasional vacation home which ticked along repetitively until one faithful day three years after they'd moved into their apartment, a new neighbour moved in above them.

Angela was just about to leave the building for her Saturday night shift when a voice called out in a panicked yell for help from the floor above. Rounding the corner of the top the stairs of the flight above, Angela came upon a young dark haired man holding a large box in his arms as a lamp balanced precariously on this left leg. Clearly it had fallen from the top of the box. She couldn't see him properly, the box covering most of his face.

"Sorry" he said apologetically , his voiced muffled partially by the box" the lamp was my grandma's. She'll roll in her grave if I accidentally damage it".

Angela grabbed the lamp and placed it to one side as the man sighed in relief. Slowly lowering the box he breathed out loudly.

"Thank you so much, you're a life saver." he smiled in gratitude as he finally turned around to face her. Angela would have been lying if she hadn't immediately found him cute. The man was not much taller than her, but he was broad shouldered and lean .He had a mop of almost black wavy hair, a wide white smile and a delicate button nose, but it was his eyes that attracted her the most. They were a bright blue and seemed achingly familiar to her, like she'd known them all her life.

"It's fine, just being a good neighbour. Couldn't have you destroying your grandma's lamp" she smiled back, her heart thrumming in her chest. The man smiled again, this time a little wider.

"Well good to meet you neighbour, I'm Tommy Bukowski" he said genially, stretching out his hand. Taking it in her hand as they shook she grinned back "Angela Chase".

A week after that Tommy had asked her out and that was where it began, two years and two apartments ago. The so called great romance of Tommy and Angela.

It was difficult for Angela no to love being with Tommy. He was fun, gentle and most of all loving. From that moment until now it had be great. Everything she'd always wished it would be for her in a relationship. It was fun and easy and free from any problems. Yet Angela still felt as there was something vital missing, that feeling of a fire within, that unconscious and undeniable need she'd felt before, a thought that she always tried to quell and ignore. Knowing she would never be loved by anyone like Tommy loved her.

Yet as the ether cleared around Angela's brain and she was dragged back into the present day and long forgotten memories slipped away, her panic hit again.

Tommy looked up at her in confusion as he stayed upon one knee in front of her, the ring in his hand held out to her expectantly. The whole restaurant seemed to close in around her as all eyes were upon her.

"Angela?" Tommy said with almost hurt in his voice "aren't you going to say something?"

Angela shook herself internally, she would never find someone who loved her like he did. It was time to let go of the past once and for all. Plastering a smile on her face she nodded.

"Yes"

A couple of hours West of Philadelphia, Jordan Catalano sat in the kitchen of his grandfathers home turning an opened envelope in his hands. His father had unfortunately suddenly passed away a few nights before and he'd been dragged back to Pennsylvania to deal with what remained of his estate. As they'd cleared the house, Jordan had found a bunch of letters addressed to his father hidden in his closet from an address in Harrisburg. They were from a woman Jordan's father Tommy had been involved with before his Mom had gotten sick. It seemed that Tommy had called it off once the guilt of cheating with his cancer ridden wife had become to heavy a burden to bear. But by then the damage had been done, at least for this poor other woman. The letter in the envelope that Jordan held in his hands had a picture inside of a little boy. A boy who would now be not much younger that Jordan himself. His name was Tommy after his Daddy. The woman begged for Tommy Sr to reply,to come back to them and love them like he once did, but it seemed she never got a response. Jordan had always lived his life believing his Dad was a drunken asshole, but this was unforgivable. Jordan placed the letter on the table gently as he ran his fingers through his hair.

Once thing was now certain. He had to find his brother Tommy.