Behind his cool demeanor and the black glasses a storm took place as his mind forced him to relive that single moment that had broken his life. No matter what he did to try and get rid of those torturing memories, no amount of distraction was enough. Sooner or later his mind would wander, his thoughts stray down the one path in memory lane. He had decided to met with some of his former team mates and colleagues from work to just get out of his apartment that contained way too much silence for his gusto and was filled with things that belonged to her. She yet had to sent someone to move it to her new home. He did not doubt a single moment that she would not get it in person. To afraid to see him and face the expression of his face, catch a look of his hollow brown eyes and the destroyed shards of soul lingering behind them, waiting for relief.
They were late. Of course they were. Misery loves company, or so the people said. A proverb that now made absolute sense to him, now that he found himself in this situation. He went from bad to worse with not a single moment of rest in the past few days. A sudden explosion of sound drew his attention and he his had was on the pouch located on the side of his leg just the blink of an eye after. He relaxed when he realized that it was just the sound of lighting and thunder coming down to earth. His gaze wandered upwards just to meet the gray sky. What a fitting weather for his mood. But in the end he would not go inside already to wait there for his friends to arrive. He enjoyed the rain as it gave him an excuse to have water streaming down his cheeks, without anyone asking about it. Sure the puffy, red eyes were something he could not get rid of but he wore glasses all the time, dark enough to block the curious stares of those who might have already heard the rumors.
No one would have ever thought that this couple would break up. They always seemed to be in sync with each other. From the outside this may have been true but the reality was not as kind. Trouble had been forming on the distant horizon for a long time. And he would never be so far from reality that he would deny the big part he had played. Their failure could be based on his attitude towards her. He never was an emotional person and the opposite gender something he barley had any experience with. That one dark-haired, pale-eyed teammate of his was enough for him and he actually managed to enjoy their time together as she was quite close to him in terms of character. Yet he would have never considered anything beyond pure friendship. Then he meet her during a mission they worked together. She was his complete opposite. Bossy. Loud, emotional and somehow he was enchanted. But this was not the most crazy thing to happen. She was responding to his feelings. In the real world that stage of getting to know and like each other may have taken a tad longer than his memories displayed it now. Still it was a rather short time span. She lived outside of the town, a few hours away and due to their work they would see each other just a few times every month. Back then everything was better. They loved each other with a raw and pure passion that could only be explained by the fear of wasting time, a scarce resource at this point in their relationship. Sure they had their quarrels yet nothing lasting. Maybe because they did not have much time to spend together and so they tried to not waste it with arguments.
But it could not stay like this. The enjoyment of each others company was too big, the longing too strong. So they decided to move in together. It was this development when it all started to slowly go downhill. A small hill at first, barely noticeable. Looking back he could see it clearly. And he could not think about this without admitting the mistakes he did. As already mentioned but the young man was not well versed with steady relationships and the commitment and time they needed to flourish. Therefor he would often disregard her emotions, also due to her personality showing to be a lot more troublesome than he would have thought when they did not meet on a regular basis. And she was a person in need of attention. A lot of attention. The more he missed chances to take care of her, the stronger the disdain grew inside of her. She started to get in touch with former friends, looking for the attention he did not provide her with. At least not in the amount that she was in need of.
One of her friends turned out to be a former boyfriend of hers. This was when the first time in his life he felt the ugly beast of jealousy rising in his chest. The road down the hill went a lot faster from this point. Yet he tried to stay calm. He knew that she deserved to find happiness and laughter. So he did not object when she drove to her former boyfriend the first time. Nor the second time. It was that naive thought in his mind, telling him that they were just hanging out for fun, just catching up. Inside he suffered and tried to become a better boyfriend, slowly trying to change. Trying to catch her attention, listening to what she had to tell him, supporting her with her hobbies, going out and having fun. Yet she never stopped visiting her former friend. Jealousy rose again and they had some pretty bad arguments. As a result she talked a lot more to her friend, searching comfort by his side.
The moment that tortured him so much. An early morning. A computer not shut down and a blinking chat still open. He tried to not pay too much attention. Maybe he wanted to not disturb her privacy, maybe he tried to ignore everything happening around him to protect himself. Yet his eyes wandered towards this lines that shattered him. His heart beat stopped, his lungs squeezed themselves together and he felt like he took a punch to his guts.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
His mind could not understand, until his eyes wandered to the name that stood there. The person she was chatting with. "My sweety." A profile picture of her former boyfriend on the side.
He shuddered as the first rain drops hit his bare neck. His fingers went up to the sides of his glasses, brushing aside the tears that had formed.
It had only started to get ugly from there on. The confrontation was a bunch of weeping, crying and trying to keep everything together. Because the problem was, he loved her. It was stupid and not reasonable yet he loved her and when she said after a long talk that they would try to get it back together he believed her.
Yet she never stopped to visit her former friend. No matter how much he tried, she never stopped visiting. Every time he thought something was going well, she would visit him, chat with him, write him, just being on the phone to see his messages. He tried and tried but it was all gone.
He asked her to make a decision. Him or the former guy. She started crying, begging him to believe in her love for her, yet after asking she also admitted the feelings for him. She could not decide, with her living in his house. She had moved, leaving everything in her old city just to be with him. She did not want to decide with him being in the upper position, having all the power. He loved her. He understood. He was naive. A couple of months later, his mind was broken, his heart in pieces, broken by the constant pressure, the stress that had build up by her visiting the other guy. Once more he challenged her to decide. So she went and made a decision.
Of course it was not him. Not after he had decided to make her take a side, so she reasoned. Not after he had yelled at her for having two guys at the same time, the one being her actual boyfriend, the other one her ex. She went in self-defense mode, claiming that it was all his fault, for paying her not attention to begin with, pushing him into the already waiting arms of her former boyfriend. She had moved out shortly after.
And there he was. A broken man. A man still in love with her, even tough he did not understand why. A man, crushed by pain and feeling the whole loneliness of the world on his shoulders.
A pat on his shoulder freed him from his prison of mind. He looked towards the carefully grinning face of his former team mate, with his giant white dog standing beside him.
"Sorry for keeping you waiting Shino.", he muttered his apology.
"No problem.", answered the man, hoping that his voice would not give away.
"Alright. Then lets go inside. Choji“s already hungry and you know how he gets if not well fed.", the tall man with the spiky hair said, his sharp teeth shining.
"Yeah.", said the man, emotionally neutral as he was always. No one expected a thing.
The group went ahead, with him staying a few moments outside.
Maybe...just maybe he would manage to survive this turmoil. Right now he could not imagine a life without her. But with enough time...
"Now move your lazy feet Shino.", the voice was heard from the inside.
He shook his head one more time. Maybe...
