So here is a new story. I know, I know I'm already behind with my other story, but this one was bugging me for some time now and I just couldn't get it out of my mind. It's a AU story and starts after Logan and Rory met in the Yale Daily news (episode 5x06), with the difference that it was there first meeting. (Nothing from 5x03 happened). There are also some changes in the past but you will figure them out with more chapters eventually.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, if I did Rory and Logan would be happily married by now.

Thanks to my beta Slovesemmett!


"Are you sick?" Paris asked her roommate Rory who was sitting on their couch.

"No," she answered hesitantly without looking at her friend.

"You've been sitting there for," she paused and checked her watch, "10 minutes with a cup of coffee in your hand."

"I'm thinking!"

"With a full cup of coffee!"

Rory rolled her eyes but choose to ignore Paris.

"Seriously, is everything okay with you?" Paris sat down next to her, looking at Rory. "I mean, you've been acting weird for a few days first I tried to blame this on Dean, because honestly that relationship is so not healthy. But slowly I'm getting the impression that there is more to this."

"I just have a lot to think about right now Paris." Rory replied, with annoyed undertone in her voice that Paris did not seem to notice.

"You know you can talk to me, right?"

Rory sighed, Paris clearly was worried took a deep breath and finally looked at her friend. "I know Paris," she tried to smile, "and I really appreciate it... it's just hard to talk about right now and I need to understand everything myself first, before I can explain it to you. Can you understand that?"

"You're not in trouble, are you?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Good," Paris nodded, satisfied with Rory's answer. It wasn't much, but she guessed that was everything she would get out of her for now, and as long as she wasn't in any serious trouble she was okay with giving her friend the time she needed. Which of course didn't mean that she wasn't worried.

Paris left a couple of minutes later, after she got tired of staring at Rory without getting any other reply. She told Rory that she would pay the Yale Daily News a visit, but she had a feeling that Rory hadn't really listened to her. She really hoped that her friend would figure everything out, so she would finally know what was going on with her.

Having lost track of time, Rory walked into her room half an hour later wondering where her roommate had disappeared to. She laid down her bed, closing her eyes.

She hated how he still was able to be the center of her life after all these 't he just leave her alone?

Was that really too much to ask for?

She had finally gotten over him; she was in a great relationship with Dean Forrester, a guy she had known since he had moved to her hometown 4 years ago. She had always known that he had a thing for her, but she had been blind to it. He had always been just a good friend to her, whom she could talk to whenever she felt she needed too. And she had needed him after everything that happened, Dean had been her savior, the shoulder she could lean on and somehow her feelings for him had changed.

Last summer they had started to date and Rory felt better than she had in years. Their relationship was far from perfect, she knew that, everyone knew that, but he made her feel safe and the way he talked to her showed her that he wouldn't disappear the next moment.

When Dean told her that he loved her just 2 months after they had gotten together, she had smiled up at him and told him that she loved him too. Later that night she had cried herself to sleep.

It wasn't like she had no feelings for him, but she just couldn't love him. She wanted to, she really tried, but he would always be in her heart and she had a feeling that there was no place for Dean in it.

She never told anyone about it, not even her mom or her best friends Lane and Paris, it was her well-kept secret. Rory stayed with him, faking a happy smile whenever Dean told her he loved her.

He made her happy in someway which was - come to think about it - the ultimate reason she still called him her boyfriend. It was on Dean to make her forget about her painful past, and how her life had fallen apart. It was the times in Deans arms she had trouble to remembering him, the moments where the image of him in her mind just vanished, and she felt at ease, free from the sadness and the anger she felt still after all these years.

So yes, she didn't love her boyfriend of 5 months and their relationship was far from being perfect, but sometimes being everything but perfect wasn't so bad, especially if you still were happy… at least most of the time.

She heard someone knock at the door and unwillingly stood up, she just hoped it wasn't Doyle there to lecture her about how it was irresponsible to be out of the newsroom for 3 days in a row. She took a deep breath before opening the door, only to close the door immediately again.

"Open the door!" a male voice on the other side of the door told her, but she just turned away.

"Go away!" she yelled. Oh how she wished now that it had been Doyle at the door.

"You're acting childish!"

She grunted. "Look who's talking." She rolled her eyes, was he serious?

"Come on, you're making a scene, everyone is looking at me… let me in." She could hear that he almost begged now.

"Considering that you're outside and I'm…well not, I would say you are the one making a scene."

"I have coffee," he then said, a light smile evident in his , she opened the door a bit.

"I knew a Gilmore couldn't turn down a good coffee," he smirked at her, handing her the coffee.

"You don't know anything about me anymore!" she told him angrily, grabbing the coffee out of his moment he took a step forward, she started to smile and before he realized what was happening she threw the drink at him.

"Damn it Rory!!" he screamed, with a painful expression on his face.

"It wasn't that hot anymore…" she shrugged looking at his ruined pants and leather jacket with glared her, taking his jacket off.

"All I want is 5 minutes to explain myself," he told her looking at her. "Please? Just 5 minutes."

She folded her arms across her chest. "Too bad that you are 2 years too late for that!" she screamed at him, trying to fight back the tears. She didn't want him to know the affect he still had on her. She had closed that chapter of her life, and he couldn't just return after 2 years of silence and expect that she, of all people, would greet him with open arms.

"Don't do this," he whispered looking at her, and for the first time she looked back at him, they stared at each other, and it felt like the world around them stopped for a moment. All of the sudden the person in front of her wasn't the guy she hated the most anymore, but the boy - her best friend – that she had fallen in love with.

With his sad eyes still staring at her, she went through her last day with him like she had done so often before. She never found any signs or hints that he would leave her on that cold September night, after bringing her back home after a midnight picnic at the towns' gazebo.

***Flashback***

"Here we are!" he said smirking at her as they reached the porch, still holding hands, he kissed her softly on the lips but the kissed grew more passionate with every second.

When air became a problem, Rory leaned her forehead against his and smiled.

"I should go in now," she said quietly. She looked at him. "Do you want to come in?" she asked hopefully although she knew already the answer.

"You know that I have to get home," he told her.

"Of course I know, but it doesn't mean I have to like it," she explained.

"Which is the reason we have this talk every night!" Her boyfriend smirked at her.

She just nodded and let go of his hand. "Goodnight Yankee!"

He rolled his eyes. "Can you please get rid of this awful nickname?"

"Maybe…"

"But?"

"But you have to get rid of mine!"

"Not going to happen to Muffin!"

"Oh come on!"

He held up his hands. "Hey! You lost the bet."

Rory rolled her eyes again. Okay so maybe she hadn't been able to live without coffee for 24 hours, but Muffin?Really?

"You know I hate that name."

"Yeah, but what kind of bet would that have been if I ended up calling you something you liked?"

"Urgh. I hate you"

He shook his head. "No you love me."

She smiled. "You have no idea!" she whispered.

"I love you too!" he said, kissing her one last time on the lips. "Goodnight Rory."

"Goodnight." she replied, watching at him until he got to his car and drove away.

***Flashback End***

That was the last time she had seen him until he had appeared at the Yale Daily News 5 days ago, greeting her with his typical smile like they were still best friends. Like everything that happened before was just a figment of her imagination.

But the pain she felt that afternoon, and that she was feeling right now, showed her how true everything was.

"I can't," she told him, avoiding his gaze.

"Rory…"

"Go Logan…just go." Slowly he nodded and took a step backwards, the next moment the door was closed.


Thoughts? Good enough to get updated again? Tell me.