whilst sat on the customary bench my friends and i claimed, i seemed to be the first one at lunch to arrive. it was Wednesday, a day like any other, the other students of Jackson emerging from the building for lunch, reaching for the phones in their bags if they didn't already have them in hand. for them, this Wednesday was like any other. nothing new, nothing changed. Sadly, i couldn't say the same for myself.

as i looked around, i finally spotted Eric and Layla walking out of the science wing, hand in hand, Eric talking animatedly whilst gesturing his other hand in the air. Layla just seemed to be nodding at this, and smiling occasionally. Irv was coming out the english wing of the building in the distance, his massive backpack on his massive frame, he was pretty hard to miss. but when i looked past irv, about ten metres behind, i spotted a figure edging his way round the arts block, loping towards me. he shook the hair out of his eyes, only for it to fall back in the same place. hitching his back pack onto his shoulder, we made eye contact. Mac. i grinned at him, wilfully ignoring the nauseous feeling that had suddenly taken over my stomach, and he smiled back, never taking his eyes off of me. we had seen each other last night, and i usually got a thrill in seeing him even after 6 months together, but today it was accompanied by a sick feeling, one i had had all morning, that for some reason got worse when i thought about mac. i was starting to get really nervous, getting a hunch on what it was but not allowing my brain to even process the thought. my stomach obviously had other plans.

once the rest of the group arrived, everyone went about their various ways of getting lunch. mac pulled out a brown paper bag, presumably containing healthy stuff, whilst sitting next to me on the bench, our legs touching. irv also pulled out his lunch, all in various zip locks bags. i spotted cookies, Layla's favourite, which he quickly shoved back in his bag, glancing at her as he did so. Eric was already eating a sandwich he brought, his arm hung over Layla's shoulders where they sat on the bench opposite us. Layla stood up. "Okay, i'm going to get chips" she announced, clapping her hands once.

"what a surprise that is.." mac told her, whilst Eric snickered, which was soon silenced with a look from Layla. she smiled at me.

"You coming Syd? or did you bring lunch?" i shook my head, glancing at the floor.

"I'm not that hungry. feeling kind of nauseous actually." my eyebrows furrowed as i spoke.

"Really? thats weird. have you eaten anything strange?" she replied, now coming over to stand in front of me and mac. i could feel mac looking at me, i hadn't told him that i wasn't feeling good either.

"No… it kind of just came over me this morning, haven't been able to eat. i was fine last night." my eyes followed a bug making its way across my vans, my eyes avoiding mac and Layla's stares.

"hmm. okay, well i hope you feel good soon, its probably just a bug or something". i looked up at her, and she was smiling reassuringly, her gaze softening when her eyes met mine. with that, she turned around, grabbing Eric by the hand and pulling him along with her, to which he looked surprised, his mouth still chewing the sandwich he'd brought. as they loped off, i sighed, and turned to look at mac. he was still staring at me, his eyes darkening as his worry increased.

"you didn't mention you felt sick.." he said quietly, so that irv and ford didn't hear us, although they were already in their own conversation.

i grabbed his hand, intertwining it with mine, my other hand rubbing small circles in his palm. "it only came about this morning, and i haven't seen you till now have i?" i asked softly, smiling at him.

"okay," he replied, his knee moving closer to mine." is there anything i can do?" he looked so genuine when he spoke, and i could almost feel my heart breaking, as my brain failed to block the thought that was evading into my brain. "just be here" i said, and he smiled a rare smile, the kind he saved for me, i now knew.

the day went by slowly, my sick feeling only getting worse. i was glad that i didn't have to do anything after school, my only plans being to hang out at mac's house with him since he had the afternoon off. we were just gonna study in his room, the rest of the Chatham's busy with their own things. as it grew closer to 3.30 i knew that all i would be doing is lying on macs bed and trying not to throw up. the sick feeling just wouldn't go away, and the anxiety that it caused me kept getting bigger and bigger.

finally, the bell rang, indicating the end of sixth period. i pushing off of my chair quickly, grabbing my hand bag and striding out of the art classroom. thankfully the parking lot was next to the art wing, so i quickly reached macs truck, leaning against the hard surface. my car was in for a service today so my mum dropped me off this morning, hence why mac was driving. Layla had plans with Eric this afternoon, i was pretty sure, so she would be out till later. i closed my eyes, willing my stomach to settle down, until i soon felt a hand brush across my forehead. it was cool, and it made me sigh. "maybe you are getting a virus, you feel warm, " mac spoke lowly, his fingertips lingering on my face. i opened my eyes and nodded. "maybe. lets just go home, i wanna lie down." he nodded, unlocking the passenger door with a car and opening the door for me, in which i climbed in. he loped round to the other side, and i watched through the windscreen as his light brown curls glinted in the sunlight.

as mac turned the ignition the truck revved to life, and he pulled off and swung out of the car park. his house was only 5 minutes away give or take, but i willed my self not to throw up as the truck lurched forward. the silence was peaceful, and that was just one of the things i loved about mac, he never felt the need to fill in a silence, he was happy just to relax in thought. we soon pulled up in the driveway of his house, the tall woods behind blowing softly in the breeze, haunting as ever. whilst i grabbed my bag and hooked it back over my shoulder, mac got out smoothly, just in time to open my door for me. i took his hand and a jumped down, his other hand pushing the door shut behind me. we walked back around the house to the back door that was always left open, and walked inside. i kicked off my shoes and he followed suit, pulled me behind him into his room, shutting the door behind us. the house was quiet, no one was home. i dropped my bag to the floor and quickly climbed onto his bed, curling up into my side and breathing in the smell of his pillow, overflowing with mac's signature scent. there was nothing i loved more. he took a seat on the chair by his desk and proceeded to pull out some nuts and bolts that were in a brown paper bag, he must have gotten them from someone at school. he laid them out on the desk and grabbed the latest thing he was working on, it resembled something between an egg timer and a clock. it wasn't finished yet, so i hadn't asked what it was. he usually didn't know himself until it was done. i watched silently as he did this, playing with various screws here and there. after about five minutes, he looked at me, furrowing his eyebrows when he saw me curled up. this wasn't my usual behaviour, i was normally a bit more lively than this. he got up and sat next next to me on the edge of the bed, stroking my dark hair, curling strands beneath his fingers. "i don't know what to do, "he admitted. "i hate seeing you like this." seeing him look so sad as he stared at the floor, my hair still in his hands, something inside of me just broke. i burst into tears, and he looked up at me quickly, his eyes widening. my stomach then made the biggest lurch of all, the one i had been trying to hold back all day, and i quickly got up and ran out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.

i felt footsteps hurrying after me as i flung myself to kneel before the toilet, throwing up violently, my head feeling dizzier than its ever been. i felt mac pull my long hair behind me, holding it up so it didn't get in the way. he rubbed soothing circles on my lower back as he sat beside me and waited for me to finish. after about two minutes, i sat back, exhausted. i had been crying the whole time, tears and snot running down my face as i leaned against the wall, breathing heavily as i sobbed. mac quickly flushed the toilet and grabbed a hand towel off the bathroom shelf and sat next me, throwing his arms around my shoulders, and handing me the towel in which i quickly wiped my mouth with. as soon as i finished he pulled me towards him, and i quickly borrowed my self into his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. "its alright," he whispered. "everything is fine…" his low voice was so soothing, and after about 5 minutes i stopped sobbing, but didn't move from his chest. his t shirt was drenched with my tears. "but it's not…" i cried quietly, my sobs reducing themselves into slight tears as i muffled into his chest. "i think… i think i might be pregnant" i felt him freeze beneath me, and i pushed my self further into him, not wanting to see his face at my sudden news.

he was quiet for about ten seconds, and all you could hear was my heavy breathing. knowing i had to face him soon, i pulled back, grabbing his hands and looked up at his face slowly. he didn't look mad or angry at all, if anything he just looked surprised, his eyes widening, his eyebrows lifted. he didn't stop staring at me. he tightened his hands around mine, a good sign, as he moved closer towards me. we sat in front of each other, our knees touching. we were both quiet for a moment. "Ar- are you sure? how do you know?" he asked. again, there was no anger, he just looked shocked. i guess this was the best reaction i could hope for. "i - i my period is 2 weeks late, and it never is, i thought i just missed it was because i was stressed with school," i replied as he nodded in understanding, tears still falling down my cheeks as i shook my head in denial. "and i felt sick all this morning, and i- i put it together today, and i wanted to tell you but i didn't want to say in case i was wrong so i was going to get a test but i just need you and i can't do it without you and I'm so sorr-" i had been looking at the floor the entire time i was rambling, and he soon shushed me softly, his thumbs wiping the tears from my cheeks. He pulled me towards him, whispering quietly. "Why an earth are you sorry," he whispered into my hair as he rubbed circles into my back, calming me down. "none of this is your fault okay? i, i, guess we should go to the pharmacy, and get a test, and then we can know for sure. you don't have to do any of this without me okay? i'll be with you" i breathed a sigh of relief into his t shirt as i realised i wasn't going to have to do the test alone. i never wanted to, but i didn't want to make him worry. turns out i'm not as strong as i thought. i pulled back and looked at him, he was smiling softly at me. "okay" i agreed. "lets get a test."