His mind was racing and his heart was about to pound out of his chest. "I'm going to die".
It really was the novelist inside of him creating one scene after another, each with a more gruesome ending then before. The white walls were like a blank canvas just begging for him to fill them up with death scenarios. He saw her sitting stiff and alone out of the corner of his eye and he realized he had to stop. If not for his sake, then for hers.
"I need to calm down" he told himself, and that's when it happened. He pictured her face; not the tense and worried Kate Beckett that he shared the biohazard death tent with, but a peaceful Kate who stared up at a solved murder board with a cup of coffee, he had brought her, in hand. It worked instantly. He felt the weight of worry lift from his mind and as he settled down on the bench across from her, another portion of his novelist brain took over: curiosity.
"How's Josh?" He asked with his trained casualness.
She rolled her eyes and he held back a giddy grin.
As Kate started in on the missions of Dr. Motorcycle, Castle listened with the intent to be objective. But no sooner had she mentioned the word passion did Castle picture himself pressed against her, lip locked in their first kiss. Sure, it was only a cover to rescue their friends from death and they had never spoken of it again, but it HAD happened, and in every sense of the word it was a "real" kiss in his mind. He blinked slowly trying to fight back the image and told himself not to stare at her lips.
She continued on with true sadness in her voice which made Castle hate Dr. Motorcycle all the more for making her this way.
"He's such and idiot". Castle thought. "If she were mine I would never leave her side. Hell, she's not mine and I practically don't leave her side! Kate and I would be able to be there for one another no matter what."
As soon as he finished the thought, he heard Kate wish for a person to dive in with her and be there for her. As if he had written the dialogue himself, Castle realized he had to speak up now. He had to take this moment to tell her, after all, it might be the last one he has.
The sound of a zipper barely registered in his brain and he lifted a hand as if to silence the unnecessary distraction. "Now or Never" was the mantra of his mind.
"You're going to be fine." or something to that effect was all that he heard and just like that Kate was touching his knee and smiling in relief and walking away from him.
"CRAP!" he thought. "At least I will live another day to tell her." He stood, following close to be there for her.
