A/N: This story leans heavily on information from the early chapters of both Twilight and Ms. Meyer's unpublished draft, Midnight Sun. The first two paragraphs are directly from Midnight Sun.
Disclaimer: All characters are property of Stephenie Meyers. I didn't create them; I just like to play with them.
Chapter 1: A Different Beginning
Edward
It wasn't getting any better. Six days had passed, six days I'd hidden here in the empty Denali wilderness, but I was no closer to freedom than I had been since the first moment that I'd caught her scent.
When I stared up at the jeweled sky, it was as if there were an obstruction between my eyes and their beauty. The obstruction was a face, just an unremarkable human face, but I couldn't quite seem to banish it from my mind.
Here I was, in one of the most beautiful, untamed places in the States, and I wasn't seeing a thing. I couldn't enjoy the night sky, the brilliant stars, the miles upon miles of unbroken, glittering snow, one of the only sights that came close to the shining facets of my own cursed skin when struck by the rays of the sun. In the dark I was just pale. Pale as the dead, pale as a vampire...as the monster that I was.
This was absolutely ludicrous. For decades my control had been flawless. To have come so close to breaking down, to have thought as I did in that classroom...it was unacceptable. I was completely and utterly ashamed of myself. I had thought that escaping to Denali would help, that getting away from that pulse, that singular hot scent that had called to me as no other would lessen my desire for it. To my dismay the opposite had occurred. I could still smell it, feel the burning in my throat, all thanks to my damned perfect memory. I had always considered myself a monster, but I never felt it so acutely until she walked into that biology classroom, and I the feeling had not lessened since.
A quiet voice in my mind interrupted my brooding. I could hear her coming, just a few miles away now. She would be with me in moments. I didn't know if I was ready for what I had planned to say to her, but I had to try...I didn't know what else to do.
Tanya launched herself into the snowdrift next to me, a blatant attempt at humor. I was in no mood for humor whatsoever, but this would never work if I rebuffed her initial advances. I knew exactly what she wanted, and although I could never in good conscience give her everything she expected from the men who admired her, I was going to compromise myself just a bit in a last ditch attempt to regain my sanity.
Her head emerged from the snow she had buried herself in, a sly smile splitting her face. I fought to give her an answering grin. "Edward," she breathed, putting every bit of teasing excitement into my name that she could. Her thoughts raced seeing me smile back at her, hope flashing in her eyes as she contemplated what my reaction might mean. Has he changed his mind? He knows what I want, but he's been so moody since he got here. I think this is the first time I've seen him smile.
"Tanya, I'm...glad...you came to find me. I've been...wanting to talk to you." I knew my voice wasn't what it should be, but I was trying. She didn't notice either my hesitation or the semi-pained look that I couldn't keep completely off of my face, latching on to the words instead.
"Glad? You're glad to see me?" She beamed, her thoughts racing through multiple scenarios, each one more lewd than the next. I couldn't stop myself from blanching visibly at her forward thoughts. This would never work if that was what she expected of me.
She noticed my face this time, immediately sobering. "Edward, I'm sorry. I just...well, you've barely spoken to me since you got here. You've been like the walking dead, no pun intended. You won't talk to us about what is bothering you, but you won't get out of this funk, either. This is the first time you've shown any interest in me whatsoever, I can't help but be a little excited. I'll try to tone it down." She gracefully folded her lithe body down next to me. "What did you want to talk to me about?"
I forced myself to really look at her. I tried to look objectively, as though I was just a man admiring a beautiful woman; she was beautiful, no doubt about it. Her strawberry blond hair cascaded down her back, almost silver in the moonlight. Her small face looked so fragile and pale, not at all like the nearly unbreakable creature that she was. The full, slightly pouty lips were perfectly shaped. Her amber eyes seemed to glow from the reflection of the moonlight off of the snow. Absolutely exquisite, I thought to myself. If only I could feel something. Anything. Please God, if you still listen to the damned, let me feel something.
I cleared my throat, coming back to the question at hand. "I...uh...I'm sorry. For my attitude since I've been here. I've been...distracted due to some...issues back home. It's inexcusable, really. I don't know why you even want to be near me, I've been such a bear." I was babbling and I knew it. In that moment I longed for Emmett's ease with words, his joking nature, his ability to put anyone at ease. I would have traded my gift, my curse, for his easy-going nature in a heartbeat. I tried again. "What I mean is, I'm going to try to be better. And, if it's okay with you, and Kate, and Irina, I'd like to stay a bit longer." That last bit came out all in a rush. Not perfect, but it would do.
Tanya was obviously thrilled, again ignoring the tone of my voice in favor of the words she had been desperate to hear. "Oh, Edward, don't apologize," she practically gushed. "I wish I knew what has been bothering you, but regardless, I'm—we're—happy to have you, believe me." I knew better than anyone just how happy she was. She deliberately thought of more tame scenarios this time: the two of us cuddling in front of a fire; walking hand in hand, our skin blazing in the afternoon sun; a soft, almost chaste kiss. I pondered that last image, rolling it over again and again in my mind, trying to decide how I felt about the idea.
Tanya scooted closer to me, our bare arms brushing ever so lightly. I tried to focus on the sensation of her skin touching mine, and found it pleasant. I wasn't blown away by the contact, but pleasant was a start. I reached out and tentatively took her hand, taking a deep, unnecessary but cathartic breath before I could continue.
"I'd like to see what could develop between us. I had a bad experience back in Forks, and honestly, I'd like to forget about it." Visions of me and a faceless girl flashed through her head, me brokenhearted, the girl walking away. Such a cliché. Oh, if only she knew the truth.
Banishing her guesses from her mind and determining to allow me my privacy, she sat up a little straighter and gripped my hand in hers. "I'd like that too...but then, you knew that already." She had the grace to look a bit sheepish, and I thought she would have blushed if she had been able to. That stray thought reminded me of her again, the flush of blood filling her cheeks, and I had to fight to keep the pool of venom collecting in my mouth from dribbling down my chin. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes, forcing myself to envision Tanya's golden eyes rather than the wide, deep brown ones that filled my thoughts.
"Will you run with me?" I asked, peering cautiously at her face.
She smiled, giving me that face-splitting grin again. "I'd love that. If you don't mind holding back a bit for me, I mean," she laughed. She had once challenged me to a race and learned her lesson the hard way when I left her far behind, staring at my heels.
I grinned at the memory, a real smile this time. "I think I could do that." I got up from the frozen ground and pulled on her hand, still held in mine. It was a small hand, but not as small as...no. Not again!
We started to run together, and I allowed myself to enjoy one of the most pleasurable parts of this life that had been thrust upon me. Far into the wilds of Alaska we ran, Tanya gleeful at being by my side, me trying desperately to run away from the thoughts that still plagued my mind despite the breathtakingly beautiful woman that strode by my side.
Alice
My brother. Oh, my brother. If he only knew...but how could he? I hadn't told him. I had been too preoccupied with the violence of his thoughts that day to look further ahead. This was something he had to work out on his own. I knew he was coming back, that this detour to Denali wasn't going to help him forget. He had decided to stay for now, decided to attempt something with Tanya, but it wouldn't last. No matter what decision he made regarding her it always ended the same: he would leave Alaska and come back to us eventually. It was just a matter of when.
"If you were human, I'd worry that those frown lines would stick, Darlin'."
A wave of pure happiness washed over my mind, soothing my irritation over my stupid-head sibling. I smiled, playfully punching the love of my life in the gut. He mockingly doubled over, a crooked grin/grimace on his face. "Jasper, cut it out! I'm fine. I don't need an emotional rescue." I cuddled into him as he straightened, breathing in his scent. No matter how much time passed I never got tired of the smell of him. I lifted my face for a kiss, and he immediately obliged.
"That's better. But why the long face? You did say that everything would work out and Edward would be back; did something change?" Jasper looked concerned at the thought, and I was reminded once again that I wasn't the only family member affected by our prodigal brother's absence.
"No, no change. He's up there trying to make himself woo Tanya, and not doing terribly well at it," I sighed, allowing disgust I felt to fill my face. "Honestly, the way that girl throws herself at him you would think it'd be easy, but nooooo, Eddie has to make everything soooooo difficult." I rolled my eyes.
Jazz laughed, then sobered almost instantly. "But he is coming back, right? Do you know when yet?" The worry on his face was so adorable I had to fight to keep myself from throwing him down on the dining room table. Feeling the lust rolling off of me he grinned, holding my arms at my side before I could take action.
"No way, not yet. Not until you tell me everything you've seen lately." Damn it. I sighed dramatically, putting on my best girly-pout face.
"Puh-lease? It's nothing I haven't told you all already! He's going to try to care for Tanya, eventually fail miserably, and then decide to come home and attempt to deal with his Bella problem." With lightning fast quickness Jasper let go of one of my arms and began tickling my side. "I swear! That's all I know! Please, Jazz, no! Please!"
I dissolved in giggles, unable to get another word out. I collapsed onto the floor and Jasper followed me down, getting in a few more pokes before pulling me close to him. "So what do we do while we wait for him to come to his senses?" He looked at me earnestly.
I paused before answering. Was I ready to tell him my plan? Yes, it was time. I looked into his eyes, watching them slowly blacken as I saw a future image of what his plans for our evening involved. I momentarily allowed the image to shift to one I had seen earlier that day, one that had both surprised and excited me. Smiling, I gazed up at him and answered.
"I'm going to make a new friend."
Apparently his lust had overwhelmed his desire to know what I had seen, and as his lips pressed against mine I forgot as well.
Bella
What is wrong with me? I huffed as I paced the small corridor of space between my bed and the wall. It was 2 AM and I had long since abandoned any hope of falling asleep. I couldn't focus, not even on the now discarded copy of Wuthering Heights that lay on my bed. These sleepless nights were getting old, but I didn't know how to overcome my insomnia. I had tried everything: warm milk, chamomile tea, counting sheep, reciting my times tables, even some weird relaxation CD that Renee had been into years ago. Nothing helped. Nothing changed. I just lay awake and thought.
Thought might not be the right word...obsessed was more like it. How could two brief encounters, no more than an hour of actual time, create such chaos in my life? For a moment I stopped trying to avoid the thoughts and allowed myself to remember him.
Edward Cullen, the bane of my existence. I had never seen a look of such hatred directed toward me. What had I done? Had I offended him in some unknown way? Was he philosophically opposed to klutzes? I leaned against my door, lightly banging my forehead against it. It was useless; I had been running the same questions over in my head for the past six days and was no closer to answers than I had been that day in biology.
Why did I care so much? So what if some guy didn't like me. I had a whole school full of guys following me around, much to my dismay. But...I was lying to myself. I knew exactly why I was bothered by Edward's immediate rejection of me. It was because, of all the boys I had met since coming to Forks, he was the only one who had even remotely interested me. I had been intrigued from the moment I saw him walking into the lunchroom with his family. And now it seemed I would never get answers to anything; Edward had not returned to school since the day I met him.
The paranoid part of my brain couldn't help but blame myself. He hated me, I'd driven him away. The practical part told me I was being ridiculous. The guy knew nothing about me, had practically no interaction with me whatsoever, and certainly had a life outside of school that had probably taken him away for an extended time. But no matter how often I told myself that, I couldn't stop feeling like there was something more, something I should know.
I sighed heavily and flopped back onto my bed once again, pulling Wuthering Heights out from under my legs and tossing it onto the chair in the corner of the room. It was a good thing I had read it before, because there was no way I was getting through it in my current mental state. I forced my eyes closed. If I didn't get some modicum of sleep I'd never make it through the next day.
Maybe running things over in my mind yet again finally bored my conscious mind to death, because I fell asleep within moments.
The alarm went off hours before I was ready to get up, and dragging my exhausted butt out of bed proved more difficult than usual. After a quick shower (cold, to try and shock my system into alertness) I trudged down the stairs, not at all prepared to face yet another day at Forks High.
Charlie glanced up at me from his bowl of cereal. "Morning, Bells." His eyes lingered on my face longer than usual, an unfamiliar look of concern crossing his features. "Are you sleeping alright? The bags under your eyes are huge."
I managed a small smile. I wasn't used to having to make excuses to Charlie; he was usually so wonderfully clueless. "I'm fine, just couldn't fall asleep last night. I used the time to do some reading for school."
That seemed to please him. "Well, alright. Just make sure you turn in early tonight." He got up, putting his bowl in the sink, and tossed his jacket on over his uniform. "I'll be late tonight, don't hold dinner." Charlie nodded at me, looked like he wanted to say more, and then a vaguely uncomfortable look crossed his face before he turned and walked out of the front door.
Well, that was odd. Concerned, slightly observant Charlie. I'd have to watch myself if I didn't want to explain to him the reason for my sleepless nights. I would have had to earlier if he didn't sleep like the dead.
I decided to forgo breakfast and jumped into my truck, wanting to get to school before everyone started pulling into the parking lot for the day. It seemed like the parking lot was where things always got uncomfortable for me. Everything happened in the morning before school. People gathered around their cars talking about their previous evening or weekend, talked about assignments and homework, and made plans. It also was everyone's favorite place to ambush me with invitations to movies, dinner, study sessions, whatever. After the first few days of it I started arriving earlier, before anyone else other than the teachers, and would hide in the library with my books until just before the first bell.
The student parking lot was abandoned except for one other car when I pulled in, so I figured I was safe. I jumped out of my truck, slammed the door shut, and promptly dropped my keys in a puddle next to my tire. "Fantastic, just great," I mumbled to myself as I retrieved them, wiping them on my coat. As I straightened, I came eye to eye with none other than Alice Cullen, and practically jumped out of my own skin.
"Hi! I'm Alice." Her outgoing and perky demeanor did nothing to calm my heart, which was currently thudding like mad in my chest. I fumbled to get my keys into my book bag and push my hair out of my face, trying to give myself a moment to collect my thoughts. I was so flustered I could barely think, let alone speak.
"Um, hi." Smooth, Bella, smooth.
The tiny girl grinned at me, and I couldn't help but notice how absolutely adorable she was with her pixie haircut and immaculate clothes. I felt like a total schlep standing next to her.
"I was hoping to get a chance to introduce myself," she continued, barely allowing me to finish my stuttered greeting. "You're always so surrounded that I haven't had the chance." She looked almost pouty, and while on most girls it would have looked contrived, on Alice it was just cute. "Anyway, my siblings and I happened to get here early and saw you pull in, so I thought this was the perfect opportunity. It's Bella, right?"
I glanced over at the other car in the lot to see Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper leaning against it. The car had barely registered to me when I pulled in, so I hadn't noticed it still had people in it. Emmett grinned and waved at me as he saw me look over at them. Rosalie was saying something quietly to him, and didn't look happy. Jasper...well, Jasper jut looked...intense. There was no other word for it. I turned back to Alice quickly. My mind was finally catching up with the situation, and I wasn't going to waste another minute.
"Don't you have another brother?" I tried to sound nonchalant, but I couldn't hide the slight eagerness that my words held.
Alice surprised me by breaking into an enormous smile. "Why yes, we do. Edward is...away for a while, visiting some friends. It's sort of...an exchange program, I guess."
I wondered at her hesitation, but filed it away to think about later. This meant he wasn't gone because of me, right?
Alice had been talking while I processed. "...and I thought you might want to have lunch with us today. I'd like to get to know you better, you can tell me about Phoenix."
Lunch? She wanted to have lunch with me? But Jessica had said...whatever. "Um, that sounds great, Alice. Lunch sounds great." Ugh, I simply was not capable of playing anything cool.
She graced me with that huge smile once again, linking arms with me and pulling me toward the school. "Fantastic, it's a date! Oh, I'm so excited. By the way, have you thought about adding some more pieces to your wardrobe? I know the most fantastic shop in Port Angeles..."
I stopped listening as we passed the Cullen's car, uncomfortable as I noticed all three of Alice's siblings watching us. Emmett was still smiling, but neither Rosalie nor Jasper looked pleased. I quickly turned back to Alice, catching the tail end of a sentence.
"...and oh, I just know we are going to be such good friends!"
Chapter End Note:
Special thanks to the awesome content1 for her willingness to help out as my beta despite her own writing and a very, very busy life! Her amazing post-BD story Harvest Moon was my inspiration for attempting to write fan fiction.
Please review! This is my first attempt at Twilight fan fiction, I'd love to know what you think.
