A/N: I love Everything about Ultimate Marvel. So this is just as a joke.
Disclaimer: I don't owe any of this. Or Scott would have died back at the Island.
Title: Joyride.
Characters: Logan (Wolverine), Bobby (Ice-man), Rogue (Um… Rogue), Jean (Marvel Girl), Peter (Colossus) and Peter Parker (Spiderman).
Summery: A few days after Xavier's death, some of the X members discuss how dumb Scott is for disbanding the X-men. And Spiderman is there too. Cause.
Spoilers for: Ultimate X men (Up to issue 80) Ultimate Spiderman (Up to issue 107)
Reasoning for this: I hate Scott. And I am way too hyper.
Fade in:
A road in the middle of the night. A single black SUV drives along the highway. Not speeding. Just driving around.
Title: Somewhere in the general area of New York, since that's where all the cool heroes hang.
We cut to inside the car where we can see several people we may be e already familiar with. The annoying slutty redhead. The frigid skunk hair girl. Then there's the dumb stoner dude with a cap. Then the hairy creepy guy smoking a cig and driving. There was the strong big man who was really gay in the back and finally a normal looking kid.
Peter: Oh my god! Oh my God!
Logan: Quiet, kid.
Peter: (As babbler mouth as ever.) Where are you taking me? Why am I here? Is this because of kitty? You're all sent here to kill me cause we broke up, aren't you? I upset you guys and now you're all going to use your weird mutant powers to kill me and leave me stranded naked somewhere sodomized with one of your claws!
Rogue:…
Peter: I really wish I wouldn't have said the last part.
Jean: Though it's been a fantasy for a while, hasn't it, Peter?
Peter: GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
Rogue:…
Colossus: I always thought about being sodomized by Logan.
Bobby: Um, can I interrupt this sharing fun time by asking why did you bring me here? I have an X-box waiting at home that I need to make sweet sweet love to.
Jean: Because what Scott wants is unreasonable. He can't just disband the x men!
Peter: Whoa, you guys are quitting?
Rogue: Yeah.
Peter: Really?
Jean: Yeah.
Peter: Seriously?
Bobby: Do you always do the question thing?
Peter: It's a condition.
Rogue: I'm confused, y'all. I thought Logan up an' left and so did Colossus for that matter.
Logan: You want to discuss continuity problems? Take it to the Fantastic four.
Peter: Hey, I know them.
Bobby: Shut up.
Peter: No, you shut up.
Bobby: What is your mutant power? Annoying people with your jabbering?
Peter: I am proportionally annoying as a spider.
Bobby: What does that even mean?
Jean: We're here to discuss, Scott.
The room fell silence.
Jean: He is just dealing with Charles's death the best way he knows how. By being really dumb and thinking we like taking orders from an overgrown boy scout.
Rogue: He's bad in the sack, ain't he, hun?
Jean: Don't get me started. The guy just lays there while I manipulate his body to do what I need him to do.
Peter: Whoa…
Jean: Stop picturing me naked.
Peter:…
Jean: Everyone in this car stop picturing me naked.
The car falls silent. Logan smirks.
Logan: Why don't you just give him a happy and make him put the team back together?
Jean: I tried. He still doesn't want it back. He claims this will be better for everyone.
Bobby: Yeah, why be superheroes when you can be a school? Listen, can you drive me back, I really want to get back to my Halo.
Rogue: You and your joystick.
Bobby: At least the joystick let's me touch it once or twice.
Rogue takes off her gloves and touches Bobby unconscious.
Peter: OH MY GOD!
Logan: Kid-
Peter: She just used her evil mutant powers to kill him!
Logan: Kid-
Peter: OH MY GOD!
Logan extended his claws out.
Peter: This is me shutting up now.
Colossus: Well, I don't know what's the problem. I'm all for not being an X-man anymore. I think me and Jean-Paul have a real shot-
Jean: Look, Token. You're gay and that's cool, but is not about you. And is not about any of us in this car. It's about Xavier's dream for this world. A world where the super powered wear suits and go by goofy names and fight Giant Robots and get killed and or captured by evil monsters. A world where a middle age guy brought kids to his house and manipulated them mentally. His dream future.
Pregnant silence.
Jean: Oh my God! Stop picturing me naked!
Peter: Can I go home now? I'm on a curfew!
Jean: Fine.
Peter: why did you even bring me anyways?
Jean: Honestly, this whole scene and ordeal stopped making sense to me so whatever.
Rogue: Ya'll wanna go see Transformers.
All: Hooray!
End.
Or is it?
Well, if you want more of these you'll have to tell me.
