tracks:
dancing on my own – calum scott cover
just a little bit of your heart – ariana grande
sign of the times – harry styles
still got time – zayn ft. partynextdoor
genre: romance/drama/angst
disclaimer - I don't own Naruto.
dancing on my own
chapter one – "so far away but still so near"- calum scott
April 27, 2017
Naruto didn't have time to wonder, "what now?" In truth, it felt like time was moving agonizingly slow. It was like when he was a child where he had to wait a painful amount of time filled with empty voids and spaces that he desperately tried to fill with companionship.
In comparison to after the war, having such a wide range of people come up to talk to him or get his opinion or make idle chatter - prattling on about the same trivial, shallow answers given were tiring and made him feel desperate once again.
The attention he received when someone stopped to say something or acknowledge him, at first, felt like everything he always desired as a kid when he would only hear whispered murmurs behind his back as they briskly walked away from him.
However, it now became tiring, when he realized they didn't know him, but the rumors about him that would swiftly reach a vast amount of villager's ears like the soft breeze on summer nights.
Naruto spent his days off around the village, greeting everyone who walked by; their eyes filled with an appreciation that he only thought he'd see when his eyes were shut.
It felt like he got to a place where he wanted. A place where he was close to reaching his goals, where his dreams didn't feel so far away; he could practically touch his dreams with the tips of his fingers.
Yet, he still had to go that small distance.
Compared to how far the journey was when he first started, being so close didn't look so bad from where he was standing now.
Yet, a part of him still couldn't shake the feeling of unattainability – of being so close, yet still so far away.
He felt as though there was still that one step to take, but before he reached it, anxiety of it all collapsing before his eyes flashed through his eyes.
He didn't tell anyone this, because he was seen as a hero now, finally. Now people look at him, acknowledge him.
As a child, it didn't matter if he wore a scowl or if he was in tears or filled with hatred for his fellow people. This was because they didn't take a second glance. Now, as they watch him with expectant eyes and heartwarming smiles, he wanted them to see a man who can instill hope and peace in the world, one who they can look to when they need him most.
Even as his heart was pounding, his new arm still painful and foreign, he grinned as he talked to the villagers that passed him by.
A part of him didn't feel at peace just yet, knowing that there was still a lot of work to do, a lot of hearts he needed to mend, a lot of frowns he needed to uplift.
It has already been a year since the war, but it still felt like all the happenings from the carnage was still a fog surrounding Konoha. It was a time of peace, but the heavy loss still weighed down on many people's shoulders.
Naruto's arm twitched and shook, his thumb fidgeting with his worn bandages.
It was still new. It took a while for the medical ninja to make the arm, and it was worse attaching it and learning how to use it again, the neurons and cells taking a lot of time to get used to his body - still getting used to his body. He was able to replace his arm with new flesh and bone, but it still felt out of place, it still didn't feel the same.
The new chakra connections from his arm that seemed to flow too fast and too strong, felt as though it would burn his flesh away once again.
He has been through far worse pain than this, but it seemed to keep throbbing, a constant flow of chakra that felt like it could obliterate his new nerves and cells.
"Damn it," he muttered, grinding his teeth together before jumping on the rooftops to a different destination; one he wasn't intending to go to just yet.
He caught Sakura off duty, alone in her room. It was a warm night, so she was only in shorts and her maroon shirt. Her pink hair was pulled high in a bun, short strands falling over her face.
Sakura would have been angry that he barged into her room short notice, but she saw him clutching onto his arm and she knew it was serious.
She only muttered his name under her breath, her nostrils flaring a bit, her eyebrows moving closer together and small wrinkles forming on her forehead before she maneuvered him to the bed so she could take a better look at his arm.
"I told you, when it starts acting up, you have to close your eyes and take it easy, otherwise it's going to keep hurting. You needed more time to get used to your new arm," Sakura lectured, her voice stern and knowing.
He could only offer her a small chuckle and an apology, before he closed his eyes and tried to calm the flow of his chakra to his arm.
"Just do what I say the next time," she said, her hand illuminating its ethereal light that would cross and weave with his own chakra. Her chakra felt icy, cooling the burning sensation he felt before, his arm finally becoming still.
"So much better," he exhaled, his heart returning to its regular pace.
"Good." Sakura smiled at a job well done, having him use his thumb to tap on every finger pad, along with roll his shoulders and extend his forearm out in multiple directions, just in case.
"Like I said, make sure you close your eyes and try to lay down when you can. It's going to hurt since you have so much chakra with the Kyuubi's chakra mixed in. It's really hard when you receive a new body part, because there is always the chance your body will reject it. Just come to me if it happens again," she said, her arms still on his bicep, moving it from side to side. She asked him to raise an arm at a time, then both to make sure no ligaments or tendons tore.
Sakura eyed him curiously.
"You're quieter than usual," she noticed. "Are you sure your arm is okay now?" She was prepared to do another examination if she had to, her eyes scrutinizing his arm. She leaned away from the back of her chair, her fingers pressing down on the memorized chakra points (at least, where they should be), feeling around in hopes she could make his arm manageable to deal with.
"Yeah, it's fine – thanks," he muttered. He looked deep in thought, his eyes seeming duller than usual.
When he looked up to her, he offered an impish grin, his free arm in back of his neck to wipe off his glistening sweat.
"I just, there's something I've been meaning to say – ask," he started, his face beginning to heat, blood rushing to his whiskered cheeks.
"Yeah? What's wrong?" she asked, again concerned, but prepared to fix it.
"No, no, nothing's wrong." He shook his head, waving away her worries. He felt his heart flutter, which was different from the previous pounding. It felt like tiny birds were chirping, flapping their small wings in his chest now, like they were trying to fly away, banging against his heart and diaphragm in hopes of escape. He wasn't planning on doing anything tonight, not with Sakura. But this opportunity ended up on his lap, and he knew he had to take it. No matter what, this weight will be getting off his chest somehow. Sakura wondered if it was something about his arm he wasn't telling her.
"No, no. It's not that," Naruto said, trying to brush off her concern.
"Sakura-chan, will you go on a date with me?" he asked hopefully. She was in arms reach, easy for him to outstretch his hand and graze her wide forehead or her cheek, but both his arms seemed to stay still against his side.
"A date?" Sakura seemed surprised, her face clearly showing it with both eyebrows high and her green irises shrinking. He felt the little birds chirping in his chest were all now striking his sternum, desperately trying to get out.
Sakura was caught off guard. Naruto hadn't asked for a date in - kami, it's been ages. She couldn't even remember the last time he asked her.
The shock soon dissipated, her irises normal size and now her lips pressed together, nothing good coming out of them.
"Naruto…" she started, but soon paused, trying to find a good way to phrase her thoughts. Naruto did what he always did in a situation like this now: he would smile, the rowdy birds flying wildly in his abdomen now.
"We don't have to make it a date, actually. We can just hang out, if you want," he offered, looking the other way and running his fingers through his unruly blond hair. He soon got preoccupied with the corner of the wall, feeling really awkward now.
Sakura's frown deepened, beginning to bite her lips. She panicked, her heart fluttering and her stomach churning. Her front teeth moved back and forth against her bottom lip, never feeling this indecisive before. She stared at the pink sheets of her bed spread, wondering why she was feeling this way so suddenly.
"No, it's fine. We can go on date," she finally agreed. Sakura stopped to think, wondering why her mouth moved without her consent so abruptly. Naruto's face changed in an instant, a big grin spreading across his face.
"Thanks, Sakura-chan! You won't regret it!" he stated. His arms finally felt like they could move again. He stood from the bed, patting his pants before he gave her another smile.
"You better remember that," she teased, her hand moving on to his shoulder blades, lingering against his skin before she patted his back. "Now get out of my room, before my parents find out. Dad won't be happy," she reminded, giving another pat, before her hands pressed a little harder against his shoulder.
He moved his head to the side, giving her more access. She had to reach her arm up a little higher because he was so much taller than her. Her lips formed a small pout, wondering how this happened again.
How he grew more...
He didn't realize when her other hand hovered over his cheek, seemingly running across the three lines of his cheek.
It wasn't until her hand planted against said cheek, firmly padding his skin, that his eyes opened full, wide open.
She stepped closer, her head resting against his chest. Again, he felt the chirping birds making his heart go sporadic. Again, he had no idea what to do with his arms, remaining in shock and by his side.
"Thanks for coming to me tonight. I... I know you don't like asking for help all that much when it comes to this stuff," she whispered against his skin, sending light shivers up his body.
"Of course, Sakura-chan. I'll always see you when my arm is acting up."
"Good. You're going to need to if you want to use it anytime soon," she reminded. Naruto stopped, looking at her small crease that formed with her smile. Naruto stopped, looking at her and ready to unlock the fluttering feeling from his heart, hoping this would stop the funny feeling that came up now when he was this close to her.
It was too soon, he figured, it probably wasn't the right time, he knew. But he couldn't stop knowing he was so close - so, so close.
"Hey, you know, for the longest time I wanted to confess to you. Since we were kids," he admitted, feeling the little birds rise as his head fell, his eyes looking to his black sandals. He felt the blood, once again, rush to his face. "I know you used to reject me all the time before, but I wanted to at least tell you that my feelings for you haven't changed, even after all this time. I just wanted to know if they changed at all for you. I still love you, and I want to protect you with my life," he declared.
Again, Sakura was surprised - astonished. Her mouth hung open. Her lingering fingers on his shoulders moved to her side, her other hand that was over his cheek, lightly pressed against his chest, feeling his heart beat wildly against its rib cage.
Her hand finally moved to her side. Sakura stared somewhere - anywhere - else but his face, looking at the corner of her room where her desk rested.
The feeling of unattainability, the one that made him feel like his heart was sinking in his chest as he desperately tried to reach out, festered once again. The feeling he dreaded came up, making him feel too vulnerable and too open in that moment. He was used to being rejected as a child, but now it was different. Now it felt more real, like he showed her everything he could, and he came up just a little bit short.
"Naruto..." she paused, not sure how to respond. She bit her lip, her heart painfully aware of his words that struck true. She knew he meant his confession from the bottom of his heart.
Her lips formed a straight line, taking a few steps back, wearing a poignant smile.
"I didn't mind going on a date, but..." she paused again. "I feel like I can't accept it, not after..." she frowned, her thoughts on the man who left with a promise of returning to her, of possibly accepting her love – Sasuke.
"You know, I do care about you, right? You're one of my best friends now. I love you as a friend..." she said, a deep frown on her face. "And... and," she stopped herself, before the bundle of truths unwound and unveiled all her thoughts and unfulfilled desires.
It was because a part of her knew, that she wanted to give Naruto a chance – desperately wanted to see where this led. She knew she could have accepted his love under different circumstance - she could have returned it if she could, she could have given him a chance. She looked down to her oak floor, her throat feeling dry with words she knew she shouldn't say.
Naruto nodded, a grin straining to stay - it still molded and formed into one, because there was no way he couldn't give Sakura a smile in farewell.
"Hey, Sakura-chan, don't feel bad about it. I get it, alright? It's okay. We'll always be best friends. I just - I just wanted you to know, just in case you felt something else, even a little bit. I just want you to be happy, but I also wanted you to know how I feel. A hero is no coward, right?" Naruto laughed. Sakura bit her lip, her eyes looking at his eyes that made crescent moons. He seemed to understand her emotions, after all. But she wasn't sure if he fully grasped the full extent of her feelings – the ones she harbored for him.
She suddenly wished they were outside, so she could feel the crisp air against her skin. So her tears could dry, and she wouldn't feel so claustrophobic in this room, feeling too small for the both of them in that moment.
"Are you alright?" he asked with concern.
"I don't know what to do," she confessed, wiping the wet droplets forming globules around the edge of her eyelids.
"What are you talking about?" he asked. "Sakura-chan, you don't have to worry about me, I'm fine," he reassured, his hands against the small of her back, hoping to ease her sadness.
"I just... I don't want to promise anything I can't give. I wasn't being completely honest before, because I do love you, Naruto. We never got a chance, and it makes me sad. I love Sasuke-kun, you already know that. But I love you too, you know. I really do." Naruto frowned, his palms pressing harder against her back, the pads of his fingers making circles and hoping to assuage her melancholy. "When Sasuke-kun left the first time, I felt ashamed, that I still held feelings for him. But now, after he came back and left, a part of me feels bad sometimes, that I am – that I have feelings for you too," she explained, her head falling to his chest.
A part of her wanted to wait for Sasuke, and then pick up where they left off, where she hoped she could just wait for him. But… she didn't want Naruto to leave her side. She wanted him to stay there, like he always did, her arms wrapped around his torso, her head against his chest.
"But… but what about Sasuke?" Naruto asked, his heart pounding once again. He hoped that she didn't feel bad or obligated at all to say those things, that she actually meant them. The reality of Sasuke, the other man she cared for - loved - sunk in deep. Right now, however, she had no reason to lie. He enjoyed the feel of her arms wrapped around him, the way her breath made the tiny hairs on the back of his neck stand up. His arms moved to surround her, wrapping around her finally to feel her against him as tightly as possible.
"Am I a horrible person?" she asked, her light chuckle sending tingles across his chest.
She asked him that question, but then, all he could think of was how much he loved her to the point of insanity, and how much he enjoyed feeling her heart hammer against her chest, too.
"No, you're not," he finally answered. The palm of her hands pushed against his shoulders, this time, giving her leverage, her feet just moving up to their tippy toes – still aware of his height – and pressed her lips against his.
He had gasped at the time, his mouth open, his tongue now moving against her lips and not sure what to do, until hers lips opened as well, catching his bottom lip between her teeth, giving a soft nibble before she moved her face away as reality came rushing back to her.
"Is this real?" he asked, their heads against each other. He wanted to kiss her again. He closed his eyes, taking it all in, wafting in her scent.
Sakura frowned, moving herself away from his grasp. His hand touched her cheek, hoping she would look at him again with the same look she had earlier.
She didn't.
"I shouldn't have done that," she whispered.
"Sakura-chan…" he pleaded. He felt as though he had a taste, only for her to be taken away from him, only for everything to fall apart. He desperately hoped that wasn't the case.
"I wanted us to have a chance," Sakura muttered.
"Why – why don't we?" he asked in between breaths - pleading, desperate. "Why can't we have a chance? Just one. We could just try it, and see, I won't rush you." It wasn't as though Sasuke and Sakura had gotten together. Sasuke had promised a chance as well, when he returned – after he saw the world, after he made the reconciliations he needed to do. She shouldn't have to wait for him, not all this time. She was still free to make her own choice. She wasn't a caged bird, desperately trying to break free, their hopes and aspirations never culminating into something more. More strands of hair fell over her face, her loose bun disheveled. He looked her in the eye, a determination in his own. "Only if you want to, Sakura-chan. We don't have to make it anything. We can just have a chance, a few dates to see where it goes," he said thoughtfully, his eyes warm and inviting.
"If you do say yes, I will make you the happiest you've ever been. I'll show you," he stated, interlocking his fingers with hers. He was so close to her. Their lips touched, but he knew her thoughts, her love, was so far away at the moment, hanging by a thread for two people. She was near that he could feel her supple skin on the ends of his fingertips or her hot breath brushing over his flesh. Now, he hoped to finally reach, his lips just getting a taste of what he wanted, of what he wanted to give her.
"Okay, Naruto," she agreed finally - reluctantly. The ends of her lips rose into a smile, her arms gentle and accepting. She felt like she was moving on her own, like this couldn't possibly end well, but her body seemed to move on its own. She moved to her tippy toes, and her lips meeting his cheek. Naruto blushed, his mouth agape as he wondered if all this really happened.
"Okay."
an – how'd I do? should I continue?
